Of Love & Regret (32 page)

Chapter
Twenty-Three

Suddenly, we plunged down and I followed
Cassie’s advice, screaming as loudly as I could. My screams released all the
tension in my body, and soon my screams were interspersed with laughter.
Expelling all that sound somehow made my stomach remain steady, and I felt
gravity leave me as I was pushed into weightlessness. Nothing existed except
the wind in my face and my screams, which sounded distant to my own ears. I
felt incredibly free with nothing weighing me down. No guilt. No shame. No
self-loathing. Just freedom.

The descents on the rest of the roller
coaster were minor, and soon we were back at the loading area as the cars
stopped with a jolt. Cassie turned to me, her face wind-kissed and framed by
wisps of hair that had escaped her ponytail. Her brown eyes sparkled, and she
looked happy and carefree.

“See? It wasn’t so bad.”

“Yeah, I’m still alive,” I joked.

Cassie’s expression turned serious. “What’s
the point of living if you never feel free?”

I didn’t answer her immediately, puzzled by
her question. I climbed out of the car and followed her to the exit of the ride
as I mulled over her words. I waited until we were back in the main area of the
amusement park to respond.

“What do you mean there’s no point in living
if you’re not free?” I wrinkled my nose at her. “Are you enslaved by someone
and I don’t know it?”

Instead of laughing at my joke, she gave me
a look of resignation. It was an expression I had never seen on her face. She
was always the fearless go-getter, never doubting that she would succeed or get
her way. The only time I had ever seen her look apprehensive was the summer
before we started college, when she had revealed that she had insecurities,
just like the rest of us. I had just chalked it up to her being nervous about
starting college since it was a huge change in our lives.

“Doesn’t life just sometimes weigh you
down?” she finally asked. “Don’t you ever feel like a prisoner in your own
life?”

All thoughts of joking fled my mind at the
serious tone of her voice. “Is everything okay, Cassie?” I asked, concerned. “Is
something bothering you?”

Her sober eyes looked straight into mine,
and my pulse began to race. Did she know? Did she know about me and Logan? Is
that why she was talking about life weighing her down? My heart thudded so
loudly against my ribcage that I was sure she could hear it. I wished that
nothing had ever happened between me and Logan, but I couldn’t take back my
feelings now. My love for him was intense, and it scared me that I was willing
to risk my friendship with Cassie for it, the person I loved most in my life.
At least, she had been before Logan came along.

“What do you think is going to happen to us
after college?” she asked, her expression still serious.

“We’ll get fabulous jobs and meet fabulous
men and live happily ever after,” I said, trying to inject some levity into the
conversation. I tried to smile, but my insides were caving in. The same thought
kept reverberating over and over again in my head. Please don’t let her know.
She can’t have found out about me and Logan. I need to be the one to tell her.

It was on the tip of my tongue to confess
everything to her, but I hesitated. I didn’t want her birthday to forever be
ruined by the memory of her best friend and boyfriend betraying her. I had made
Logan agree to wait a few days after her birthday to tell her the truth. What
could a few days hurt?

Cassie tried to smile at my answer, but it
faltered. “Do you really think so?” Her voice was both hesitant and hopeful. It
was uncharacteristic of her larger-than-life personality.

Normally, I would have dug deeper to find
out what was wrong, but I was afraid of the answer. So, I just pasted on a
smile and kept my tone light. “Of course. Have I ever steered you wrong in the
ten years we’ve been friends?”

Cassie’s face cleared, and she grinned at
me, looking like her normal self again. “Do I have to remind you of the time
you tried to convince me that if I ate Pop Rocks and drank a soda at the same
time, my stomach would explode?”

I laughed, relieved that she had snapped out
of whatever had been bothering her. She couldn’t know about me and Logan
because there was no way she’d be able to hide that from me. I knew her too
well. “I was eleven years old! And from what I remember, not believing me
didn’t stop you from trying it out.”

Cassie grinned at me. “You were so freaked
out. You kept begging me not to do it, and even threatened to call my mom.”

“I thought I was about to watch my best
friend kill herself!” I said indignantly. “You were the crazy one for actually
trying it to see if it was true.”

Cassie shrugged with an easy smile. “Life’s
no fun if you don’t take chances.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “There’s a
difference between taking chances and being reckless.”

Her smile faltered. “Is there? I guess I’d
rather be reckless and feel alive than be careful and live a boring life. I
might as well be dead.”

“Trust me,” I said as I looped my arm around
hers. “There’s no way you’ll ever be boring. It’s not in your DNA. Besides,
you’ll always have me around to save you from leading a boring life. I’ll try
to come up with more urban legends for you to try out.”

Cassie gave me a wistful smile. “That’s
true. We’ll always have each other no matter what.”

“Of course,” I said as my stomach dipped. I prayed
that we would be able to work through my betrayal and that she would someday,
somehow be able to forgive me. I swore to myself that I would never give up
until that day came, even if it took the rest of my life.

Logan and
Madison’s story continues as they struggle to not only overcome the sins of
their past, but to face the challenges of the present that threaten to destroy
their future.

Release date of
sequel early 2014.

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