Of Love & Regret (31 page)

“Oh God, that
feels so good,” I moaned, gripping the back of his head as I arched off the bed
even more.

I was gasping when
Logan released my nipple. He took my wrists and pinned them over my head
against the bed, making me feel helpless. His eyes pierced into mine as he
bucked his hips, rubbing his shaft against my swollen wetness. I whimpered,
feeling helpless and utterly aroused by it.

“You belong to
me,” he said in a raspy voice.

“Yes,” I mewled,
moving against him, desperate for more.

“Say it,” he
ordered, his eyes burning into me.

“I belong to you,”
I said, loving the feeling of being dominated by him. “Everything I am belongs
to you. My body, my heart… everything.”

His eyes flared
with emotion as he reached down and slid his hand beneath my panties to stroke
my swollen folds. I made a choked sound when he flicked my clit with his thumb.
I couldn’t help gasping when he pushed the flimsy fabric aside and thrust two
fingers inside me almost violently.

“What about this?”
he asked, pulling out and then roughly pushing his fingers back into me. “Who
does this pussy belong to?”

“You,” I sobbed,
lifting my hips, lost in a vortex of pure sensation. The feeling of surrender
and complete vulnerability enflamed my desire. “My pussy belongs to you. It’s
only for you to fuck.”

“Will anyone else
ever touch your pussy?” he asked in a low, rough voice. His thrusts became
faster and combined with his thumb, which was stroking my swollen clit, I
didn’t know how much more I could take before I came undone.

“No,” I said,
breathless. “Only you. My pussy is only for you. It’s only for you to fuck.
Fuck me, Logan. Use me as your slut.”

Logan growled,
seeming to lose control at my words. He grabbed my panties, pulling them down
so roughly that I could hear them ripping. He threw them aside and gripped my
hips, positioning me so that I was completely open to him. He entered me in one
swift thrust, filling me completely to the point of pain.

“Is this what you
want?” he asked in a thick voice as he pounded into me over and over again. “Is
this how you want to be used?”

“Yes,” I sobbed,
my head shifting from side to side restlessly, my legs wrapped around his hips.
I felt wholly owned by him and my body was at its breaking point. Slivers of
pleasure sliced through me and I felt like I was going to shatter as I strained
for my release. He drove into me relentlessly, making me feel like I was going
to split in half, yet I didn’t want him to stop. I could never have enough of
him.

I cried out as the
tension snapped and I was wracked with wave after wave of exquisite pleasure as
I climaxed, my body taut. I was barely aware of Logan’s shout as he found his
own release. My orgasm seemed to go on forever until I collapsed against the
bed. Logan’s eyes were closed and his head was thrown back as he gritted his
teeth. I could feel him jerking spasmodically inside me. I tightened my legs
around him, wanting every part of him. When he finally collapsed beside me on
the bed, he wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me so I lay on top of
him, still intimately connected.

“Are you okay?” he
asked, looking exhausted but completely satisfied.

“I’m more than
okay,” I said with a smile, nuzzling into his neck contentedly. He reached up
and stroked my hair.

“I wasn’t too
rough? I have a feeling you’re going to have a few bruises tomorrow.” He
reached down with his other hand and swept it across my hips where he had
gripped me tightly.

“They’ll be worth
it,” I said, kissing the edge of his jaw lightly. “It’s never too rough with
you.”

Logan cocked an
eyebrow. “Never say never. I don’t want to push you too hard.”

“Don’t worry,” I
reassured him. “If it ever becomes too much, I’ll tell you.” I blushed a little
at my next admission. “Trust me, you can push harder.”

The corner of
Logan’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. “Be careful what you wish for.”

“I wished for you
and it came true,” I said, feeling a little weepy at my sentimental words but
it was what was in my heart.

The amusement on
Logan’s face vanished. He cupped my cheek in his hand, his expression fierce.
“I love you, Maddie. Nothing will ever get in the way of that again, I swear.”

I kissed him
gently, feeling my heart overflow with love and happiness. For the first time
in a long time, I felt a real sense of hope that we could have our happy
ending.

“I love you, too,
Logan. Forever.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

The next few days
brought about a lot of change. Kristina left Chicago to go back to L.A., and I
was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about being confronted by her
anymore. I had been afraid that she would fight for Logan like she had vowed to,
but apparently, she had changed her mind.

Logan latched onto
the idea that I should move in with him, but it didn’t feel right. Even though
I believed he loved me, I couldn’t help feeling like I would be taking
Kristina’s place, and I didn’t want to be a stand-in for anyone. He tried every
way to convince me, even ordering me to, but I told him in a few colorful words
that the strong-arm tactic only worked in the bedroom.

The buzzer for my
entrance of my building sounded, and I pressed the button to unlock it. I
opened my apartment door and waited for Emily to reach my floor. I hadn’t seen
her since she had gotten back in town from her work trip, and I had only talked
to her briefly on the phone to give her the bare bones of what had happened
between me and Logan.

“It’s good to see
you!” I said as I let her in, giving her a hug. “I feel like it’s been
forever.”

“You’re telling
me,” Emily said with a grimace as she returned the hug. “New York was crazy
busy. I had no time to myself. It was just work, work, work.”

“That sucks,” I
said sympathetically as I led her into the living room. “Did you at least get
to go to a lot of fabulous restaurants?”

“Restaurants?”
Emily scoffed as she settled onto the couch. “I barely had time to eat with the
way Sylvia had me running around. I was lucky to grab a hot dog in between one
appointment and the next.”

Emily refused my
offer of a drink and looked at me expectantly. “Well?” she asked when I didn’t
say anything. “Aren’t you going to give me all the dirty details?”

I laughed at her
lascivious look. “Tell me more about your trip to New York. I feel like lately
I’m always monopolizing the conversation with my problems.”

“My life is
boring,” Emily said with a sigh. “All I do is work. At least let me live
vicariously through yours.”

“Well,” I
relented. “I already told you about Kristina coming over to tell me off. It was
pretty awful. She was obviously really upset, but the worst part was when she
begged me to leave Logan alone.”

Emily wrinkled her
nose. “Doesn’t she have any self-respect? If I found out my boyfriend was
cheating on me, I’d just kick him to the curb. Not beg the other woman to let
me have him.”

I knew Emily
didn’t mean to insult me with her statement, but it just reinforced my own
reservations about how my relationship with Logan had started. “I don’t know. I
can’t blame her. She loves him.” I shrugged helplessly. “I’m not sure what I
would do in her situation. She’s really the innocent party in this whole mess.
It’s hard for me to come to terms with my role in the demise of her
relationship with Logan.”

“It’s better for
her to find out now than to invest years in Logan and then find out that he’s
really in love with someone else,” Emily reasoned. “So is everything good
between you and Logan now?”

I hesitated as I
pondered how to answer her question. I was deliriously happy being with Logan,
but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the circumstances of our rekindling
were a bit of a black cloud over my head.

“Things between me
and Logan are really good,” I finally answered. “I just hate that our
relationship started off with him cheating on his girlfriend. I can’t help
feeling like karma is going to bite me in the ass one day and we’re going to
have to face the consequences of our actions.” I paused a beat before
continuing, my voice lowering. “It’s almost like I’m repeating the sins of my
past. I think my guilt over Kristina is multiplied because it’s like I’m
betraying Cassie all over again.”

“Don’t think like
that,” Emily said with a grimace. “Just focus on being happy with Logan. The
rest shouldn’t matter.”

I tried to take
Emily’s advice to heart, but it was difficult. Fortunately, I was able to veer
the conversation back to her, and I listened to her crazy stories about her
trip to New York, from scouring dozens of stores to find the perfect lamp for a
client to navigating the subway system while carrying an antique oriental rug.

After a while,
Emily checked her watch with a frown. “I hate to cut this short, but I have a
client dinner that Sylvia sprung on me.”

I was disappointed
that Emily couldn’t stay longer but I knew how demanding her job was. After she
left, I tried to concentrate on writing this week’s article but my mind kept
wandering to Logan. As if he had read my mind, my phone rang, and I saw that it
was him.

“I was just
thinking about you,” I said when I answered the phone.

“Hopefully all
good things,” Logan replied. I could tell he was smiling from his voice.

“Actually, I was
thinking about how loudly you snored last night,” I lied. “It was like there
was a jackhammer in the bedroom.”

“I guess that’s
something we have in common,” he said good-naturedly.

“I don’t snore!” I
exclaimed indignantly, and then laughed that I had been baited so easily. “When
are you leaving work?”

“In about an hour.
Should I pick up something for dinner on the way over?”

“Let’s just order
something when you get here.”

“That impatient
for my company, huh?” Logan teased.

“Whatever,” I said,
but I couldn’t help laughing. It felt so amazing to be free with Logan and know
that we could be together without any obstacles.

After we ended the
call, I forced myself to sit in front of my laptop and concentrate on working
on my article. Now that I had talked to Logan, I was able to be more productive
and time flew by. I was surprised when I heard the buzzer to my apartment
building and saw that almost two hours had passed.

It was still a
novelty to be able to be with Logan with no reservations, and I felt a surge of
happiness when I opened the door to find him standing there, looking tired but
upbeat. Before I could say anything, he leaned down to give me a long kiss.

“I missed you,” he
murmured as he gently brushed the hair back from my face.

“You mean from
when you last saw me this morning?” I joked, but I was touched by his
sentiment. He had been on my mind all day, and I almost told him that, but I
held back. I was going to have to get used to making myself vulnerable to Logan,
and not be afraid of getting hurt.

“That was ten
hours ago,” he replied with a grin. “That’s practically a lifetime.”

We decided to
order a pizza, and while we waited for it to arrive, we snuggled on the couch,
catching up on each other’s day. When the buzzer announced the arrival of our
dinner, Logan got up to pay the delivery guy. When he came back, he laid the
pizza box on top of the coffee table and dropped his wallet next to it.

“That’s the wallet
I got you for your birthday,” I blurted out, surprised that he still had it. “I
thought you had thrown that out with the rest of my stuff.” It was the one he
had put in the box of my belongings that he had so callously left for me with
his doorman before he left for L.A. It was hard to forget how humiliated I had
been when he had shown up with Ella and I had run out of there after their
little display of affection, leaving my things behind. I had always assumed he
had just gotten rid of my stuff, but here he was still using my wallet. It made
my heart ache a little as I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had
suffered while we had been apart.

“I never stopped
using it,” he admitted. He gave me a look of self-deprecation. “In fact, I
still have all your things from a year ago, if you want them, including a half-empty
bottle of shampoo and a few pairs of socks.”

I laughed even
though my chest constricted at his words. All that wasted time. I promised
myself that I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of our relationship again.

We spent a
comfortable night in eating pizza and watching TV. I was leaning over to rest
my head on Logan’s chest when the necklace I was wearing fell out from under my
shirt. I grabbed it, but before I could slide it back under my shirt, he
reached down to touch it.

“This is pretty.
Is it new?”

His question was
casual, but it made my heart beat erratically. I had fished it out of my
jewelry box after my last dream of Cassie. It was a simple charm—a
delicate gold heart on a thin chain. It was the necklace I had given Cassie for
her twentieth birthday, not knowing that it would be the last one I would
celebrate with her. She had squealed over it, exclaiming that she loved it even
though it was nothing ornate. I couldn’t afford much as a college student, but
I knew the instant I saw it in the jewelry store that she would love it. Her
mother had given it to me shortly after her death so I would have something of
Cassie’s to hold onto. That was before she had lost herself in her delusions
about Cassie still being alive. I had shoved it into my jewelry box and hadn’t
looked at it in years, but my dream about her birthday at the amusement park
had sparked the desire to wear it. It made me feel closer to her.

“No, I’ve had it
for a while.” I had gotten better at being able to talk to him about Cassie
without feeling guilt-ridden, but for some reason, I hesitated to tell him the
truth about the necklace. I was about to confess, but the moment passed as
Logan pulled me towards him. I let myself get lost in his kiss, telling myself
that it didn’t matter whether or not I told him the necklace used to belong to
Cassie.

I pushed all
thoughts out of my head and allowed myself to get swept up in the tidal wave of
our desire. My sexual boundaries kept getting pushed further and further every
time Logan and I were together. I found myself saying and doing things in the
heat of the moment that I would have previously been shocked to even consider.
Logan didn’t hesitate to help push those boundaries, and I had a feeling he was
wading into territory that was new for him as well, but he took to it with
enthusiasm.

Even though we
pushed boundaries in the heat of the moment, after our desires had been
satiated, Logan was sweet and gentle, and I loved cuddling with him afterwards almost
as much as the act itself.
Almost.

It was in his warm
embrace after a sweaty and intense bout of passion that I drifted off to sleep.
I was content and happy and hopeful for our future.