Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2) (11 page)

Logan took a step back from both of us. “Listen, this is a little too much for me right now. I’m really not in the mood to be in the middle of a tug-of-war. I want help getting my memory back, but not if it’s going to result in a cat fight.”

His words hurt. I wasn’t special. I was just another girl fighting over him. I felt my emotions shutting down. I didn’t know how to deal with this, and I began to detach myself from the situation as a matter of self-preservation. I stared at him with an expressionless mask on my face.

“I’m sorry,” Kristina said, looking penitent. “It’s just hard for me not to get emotional, because you’re so important to me.”

Instead of replying to her, Logan looked at me. I didn’t know what to say. I could argue that Kristina was lying, that he hadn’t left her because he felt sorry for me. I could tell him that the love we shared was the type that happened once in a lifetime. That he had told me time, and time again, that life was meaningless without me. But they were just words, and I had no way to prove any of it. So I said nothing.

“Maddie, maybe I should talk to her for a few minutes. It’s probably better if you leave the room for a little bit, because I don’t want you guys to start arguing again.”

Betrayal ran hot and deep at his words. It was even more painful to hear him dismiss me when he was calling me Maddie. The Logan I knew and loved would never do that.

I turned and walked out of the room, afraid that if I said anything I would burst into tears. I walked blindly down the hall, not even sure where I was going, when I bumped into someone.

“Sorry,” I muttered, not even looking at the person I had run into. I stepped to the side and continued walking, my head down.

“Madison.”

I looked up at my name, surprised to see Mack standing there.

“What are you doing here?” I asked numbly.

He held up a bag of food. “Lunch. Today it’s Thai food. I hope you like spicy.”

Mack grinned at me, but I just frowned. “Shouldn’t you be at work? I didn’t realize being a lawyer gave you so much free time.”

His expression turned concerned. “What’s wrong? You look like someone just told you Santa Claus doesn’t exist.”

I sighed heavily. “Kristina’s here. She’s trying to convince Logan that he’s only with me out of guilt. He asked me to give them some time to talk alone.”

Mack’s expression turned sympathetic. “Logan is just confused. He’ll get his memory back sooner or later. Even with his memory loss, I saw the way he was looking at you yesterday. Kristina doesn’t stand a chance.”

I gave him a weak smile. “I appreciate the vote of confidence. I’m sorry I’ve forced you to become my personal pep talker. It must be tiring, always having to cheer me up.”

Mack laughed. “It’s okay. You’re just lucky I’m so charming. Imagine if you got stuck with a dud to cheer you up.”

I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help laughing. Mack was indeed charming, and I was grateful not to be alone.

“Why don’t we grab a cup of coffee at the cafeteria while we wait for Logan to crush Kristina’s hopes and dreams?” he asked with a jaunty grin.

“Sounds good to me,” I said, feeling some of the gloom lift. Mack was right. Sooner or later Logan would recover his memory, and he would realize Kristina was filling his head with nonsense.

We made our way to the cafeteria and sat down at an empty table after we got our coffee.

“Have you decided when you’re going back to California?” I asked, as I took a sip of the scalding hot coffee. I grimaced at the strong, burnt taste, but it was better than nothing.

“There’s more work than I anticipated, so I’ll be staying for at least another week,” Mack replied, making a face when he tasted the coffee. “Is this coffee or tar?”

“They’re making you work through Thanksgiving?” I asked, ignoring his comment about the coffee. “That’s awful!”

He shrugged. “I could fly back to L.A. for Thanksgiving and then come back, but there’s no point. I don’t really have many relatives except for my grandmother and my uncle and his family. We’ve never really made a big deal about Thanksgiving. Some years we get together and some years we don’t.”

“What about your parents?”

Despite disparaging it, Mack took another sip of his coffee. “They both passed away in a car accident when I was in middle school.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” I said, putting my hand on his arm resting on the table. I realized that I knew little about the person who I had been leaning on so heavily these past few days. I wanted to ask more questions about his parents, but I also didn’t want to pry into his private business. Having his friend be in a car accident not once, but twice, must have been traumatizing for him, considering his past.

“It was hard losing them both at once, but sometimes I think maybe it was for the best. I don’t think either one of them would have wanted to live without the other.” He smiled at me. “They loved one another like you and Logan love each other. Logan jokes around about me dating a different girl every week, but there’s no reason to settle until I find that same kind of love.”

“I knew it,” I said, smiling back. “It’s all a guise, because you’re a romantic at heart. I bet
The Notebook
is your favorite movie.”

Mack laughed loudly. “I’ll have you know I’ve never even seen that movie. When it comes to romantic movies,
Say Anything
is more my speed.”

“I love that movie! Growing up, I always wished that someone would hold up a boombox outside my bedroom window to profess his undying love to me.”

Mack raised an eyebrow. “That’s all it takes to win you over? Logan should’ve tried that years ago.”

The mention of Logan sobered my thoughts. For a moment, Mack had taken my mind off my troubles, but now I was consumed with wondering what Kristina was saying to Logan.

Mack must have noticed my mood change because he steered the conversation to lighter topics, but I was distracted by my worried thoughts. I checked my watch. It had been almost an hour since I had left Logan’s room. That was plenty of time for them to talk.

“Maybe we should go back,” I said. I nodded toward the bag of food. “Plus our lunch is getting cold.”

“Sure,” Mack replied, grabbing the bag of food and pausing to throw out our coffee cups before following me out of the cafeteria. We were silent most of the way back to Logan’s room, but cardboard cutouts of turkeys decorating a bulletin board behind the nurse’s station reminded me about Thanksgiving.

“Since you’re not going home for Thanksgiving, why don’t you spend it with us?” I suggested. I hoped that plans with Logan to spend Thanksgiving together weren’t going to be changed because of Kristina. “I’m not the greatest cook, but I can make a crack at making the turkey.”

“I’d like that,” Mack said with a smile. “Thanks.”

I didn’t say anything else because we had reached Logan’s door. I took a deep breath before opening it. I steeled myself for another confrontation with Kristina, but Logan was alone in the room.

“Where’s Kristina?” I asked, hoping that she was gone for good.

“We talked and I told her it was for the best that she leave for the day.” Logan didn’t explain further, and I was itching to know exactly what had transpired between them. I couldn’t resist digging for details.

“What did you guys talk about?” I felt pathetic for asking, but I had to know.

“She just told me about our past relationship. She made it sound like we had a great romance akin to Cleopatra and Mark Antony.” Logan gave a mock frown. “Maybe that wasn’t the best reference since they both ended up dying.”

I didn’t know how to take Logan’s levity at the situation. On one hand, it was good that he didn’t seem to be taking Kristina seriously. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I liked him joking about such a serious matter. My emotions were being put through the wringer while Logan made light of the situation.

“Are you going to see her again?” I hated asking the question and I felt embarrassed that I looked so desperate in front of Mack, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

Logan’s expression turned serious. “I think it’s a good idea for me to talk to as many people as possible to help jar my memory.” He walked a few feet to close the gap between us and raised his hand, cupping my cheek and brushing his thumb against it. “But you have nothing to worry about. Even without my memories, I know that she’s no comparison to you. Even if my mind can’t remember, my body knows that you and I belong together.”

I swallowed hard at his words. I anticipated his kiss when he leaned down, but the sound of someone clearing his throat made me freeze. I had completely forgotten about Mack behind me.

Logan straightened, looking annoyed, but it was replaced with a smile when he saw Mack. “You, again. Didn’t you say you were in town for work? How much work can you get done when you’re always here?”

Mack held up the bag of food. “Hey, we all have to eat, even someone as impossibly awesome as me.”

Mack’s joke set the mood and we had an enjoyable lunch, although my mind kept straying to Kristina. I wondered where she was right now, and what she was planning to do. I wasn’t naïve enough to think I was rid of her. I wanted to give Logan the third degree about their conversation, but it would be too desperate. Besides, Logan had already reassured me that I had nothing to worry about. If only I could believe him.

Mack had to return to work after lunch, leaving me and Logan alone.

“Are you looking forward to going home tomorrow?” I asked.

“Absolutely. I’m tired of being confined to this room, and every time a nurse comes in, she tries to make me lie down.”

“Mack is extending his trip and will be in town next week. I invited him to spend Thanksgiving with us.” I paused before continuing, hoping our plans hadn’t changed with the appearance of Kristina. “Do you have a preference of doing it at your place or mine?”

“Why don’t we do it at my apartment,” Logan said, leaning back against the couch. “I want to be someplace familiar.”

I wanted to tell him he was plenty familiar with my apartment, considering he spent half his time there, but I didn’t push it. It was frustrating for him not to remember, but getting upset wouldn’t help.

I stayed a few more hours before leaving. I had offered to come back the next day to help Logan home after he was discharged, but he insisted it wasn’t necessary. Truthfully, I was afraid that Kristina would show up again, but Logan said he would prefer it if I just came over to his apartment later in the day. I wanted to argue, but I had to remind myself that despite Logan losing parts of his memory, he wasn’t a child, and he was more than capable of getting himself home.

Emily called later that night and we spent over an hour on the phone as I told her about everything that had happened today. She then dropped the bomb that there was a chance she was moving to New York. Her boss wanted to open another office there, and she was considering sending Emily to help set it up. I was enthusiastic and encouraging about the prospect because I knew Emily was excited about it, but I was scared to lose her. There was already the possibility of losing Logan, and now my biggest support system was possibly moving. I swallowed my fears and told her I hoped the move happened for her sake, although I would miss her.

Between my anxiety about my relationship with Logan, and Emily potentially moving, the only way I was able to fall asleep that night was with the aid of a few sleeping pills. I promised myself I would give up the crutch of pill popping to fall asleep, but for now it was the only way to get some peace.

Chapter Nine

I anxiously waited for Logan’s call the next day. He had said he would contact me once he was back at his apartment so I could come over. As it got later in the day, I began to worry that he was with Kristina and that was the reason he wasn’t calling me. I couldn’t help but feel angry. Just when things were going well for me and Logan, the unthinkable happened to put us back to square one. Despite his earlier pledge that he knew we belonged together, the reality was he had no loyalty to me. How could he when he didn’t even remember who I was? Sure, we still had a physical connection, but was that enough to sustain a relationship, especially with Kristina breathing down our necks?

I felt like I was going to burst from nervous energy when my phone finally rang. I snatched it up, relieved to see that it was Logan.

“Hi. Are you back home?”

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t call earlier but the doctors insisted on running some tests before discharging me. They finally let me leave when everything came back normal.”

It was a relief to hear Logan’s voice, and I was even more relieved that his delay in contacting me wasn’t due to Kristina.

“Do you want me to come over?” I asked hesitantly. It was the strangest sensation to feel so close to someone, yet also feel like they were a stranger. Prior to his accident, I wouldn’t have thought twice about coming over. Now I had to worry that I wasn’t imposing myself on him.

“Of course. I’m looking forward to seeing you. I assume you know where I live.”

I laughed. Now that I knew he wanted to see me, some of the tension left my body. “Considering I probably spend more time at your apartment than mine, I’m pretty sure I can find it.”

I was eager to see him and rushed to grab my things and shove them into an overnight bag after we hung up. I hadn’t asked whether he wanted me to stay over, but I made the assumption that I would be spending the night. Now that he was out of the hospital, I needed to push him to remember, and there was no better way than being intimate.

I caught a cab to his place, not wanting to wait for the L train. I waved to his doorman, who smiled and let me up without question. I forced myself to calm down before I rang the doorbell. I had a key I could use, but even though I wanted to push his boundaries, I thought it best not to just barge into his place.

I drank in the sight of him when he opened the door. Seeing Logan against the backdrop of his apartment was so achingly familiar that it sent a rush of emotion through me. I would do anything to get Logan’s memory back.

“Thanks for coming over,” he said with a smile as he stepped back to let me in. Our interactions had a weird mix of formality and intimacy. We had shared an amazing kiss, yet Logan still treated me like a polite acquaintance at times. I was going to make sure that changed tonight.

“Of course,” I said as I dropped my bag next to the sofa. Logan followed me into the living room, stopping a few feet in front of me.

“Would you like something to drink?”

I hadn’t expected this awkwardness coming over to his apartment tonight. I thought once he was out of the hospital, the familiar surroundings would make things easier. Instead, it just made me uncomfortable. I was used to treating Logan’s apartment as my home, and here he was asking if I wanted a drink like I was a guest. It had been easier at the hospital where it was neutral territory.

“Sure,” I said, masking my awkwardness with a smile. I reminded myself that this was a work in progress. It would take some time for us to be completely comfortable around each other again. “I’ll take some of the cabernet sauvignon.”

Logan quirked his mouth. “It sounds like you have a better idea of what I have to drink than I do. I wasn’t even sure I had wine.”

I smiled at him. “We pretty much spent every waking minute together. Actually, the non-waking ones, too. We spend a lot of time at each other’s apartments.”

“I assume all this stuff belongs to you,” Logan said, indicating my belongings that were scattered about the apartment. He raised his eyebrows as he nodded towards a pair of earrings and a couple of bracelets that were sitting on the coffee table. “Unless I forgot that I like to wear women’s jewelry.”

I picked up the earrings. “You actually gave these to me. I saw them at a store and admired them, but I wouldn’t let you buy them for me because you were always buying me stuff.” I smiled at the memory. “You went and bought them later, anyway, and put them on me the next morning while I was sleeping. When I woke up, I didn’t even notice I was wearing them. You spent the entire day trying to surreptitiously get me to notice them. You must have held a mirror up to my face a million times, but I was totally oblivious. I finally noticed them when we were getting ready for bed.”

“Then what happened?” Logan asked, his gaze on my lips instead of the earrings.

“We made love while I wore nothing but the earrings.” My voice was soft as I watched his gaze lift until our eyes met. I recognized the desire I saw in them, and it made me feel hopeful. Whether or not Logan remembered me, he wanted me.

He reached up and softly caressed my ear, that innocent touch sending shivers down my spine. “Put them on,” he said softly.

I followed his request while I kept my eyes on his. His hand slipped lower to the neckline of my sweater, his finger hooking underneath it, grazing back and forth, sending goose bumps throughout my body.

“Why don’t we recreate that night? Take off your clothes.”

I breathed in deeply, surprised by his request. I hadn’t expected him to move this fast. But I wasn’t complaining.

“Anything in the name of helping you regain your memory,” I said with an impish smile. I was acutely aware of his intent gaze as I grabbed the bottom of my sweater and pulled it over my head. I tossed it to the floor and undid my jeans, pulling them down and stepping out of them. Logan’s gaze roamed by body, and everywhere it touched grew hot. My breathing started to grow heavy as I reached behind me to unclasp my bra. I let it fall to the floor so I was bared to him. My breath caught when he raised a hand to flick one of my nipples that was already hard and aroused.

“I remember how good you tasted,” he said as he rolled my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. His heated gaze lowered. “Take your panties off. I want to taste the rest of you.”

My core clenched with arousal at his words, and I felt how wet I was getting. I had never mentioned our lovemaking to him; that Logan usually took control and had me do things I had never imagined doing before him. But dominating me when it came to the sexual side of our relationship seemed to come naturally to him. And I loved it.

I followed his command and shimmied out of my panties until I was completely naked except for the earrings.

“Tell me what we did that night,” he said huskily.

All my inhibitions fell away and the awkwardness I had felt earlier disappeared. “You had me lie on the bed with my legs parted so you could use your mouth on me,” I said, barely noticing how breathy my voice was. “Then you had me get on my hands and knees so you could fuck me from behind.”

Logan’s face was harsh with desire. I made a sound of surprise when he abruptly picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. He set me down on the bed, but instead of joining me, he stood at the foot of it, his eyes roving around my body.

“Spread your legs like you did that night,” he ordered.

I knew I was already glistening with wetness as I did as he commanded. My breaths were shallow with desire as I watched him watch me.

“Tell me exactly what I did with your pussy.”

I took a deep shuddering breath before answering. “You sucked on my clit while you fucked me with your fingers. You told me to play with my nipples while you kept sucking and fucking me.”

Logan leaned over me, pressing my thighs against the bed so I was splayed completely open to him. I whimpered in anticipation as he lowered his head, my eyes closing as I felt that first incredible flick of his tongue on my sensitive nub. His tongue was gentle at first, teasing me until I pressed my hips up, craving more. The pressure of his tongue increased, making me moan. When he took my clit in his mouth and sucked hard, I hardly recognized the animalistic sound that escaped me.

He pushed one finger inside me, slipping in easily since I was soaking wet. “How many fingers did I fuck you with?” he asked gutturally as he continued laving his tongue against my engorged clit.

“Three,” I choked out, clutching the comforter of the bed with my fists. “You fucked me with three fingers.”

I gasped when he pushed another finger into me, and then a third. It was a tight fit and he was stretching me to the point of being almost uncomfortable, but that only heightened the sensation. My hips bucked rhythmically as he thrust his fingers in and out of me, all the while sucking and licking my clit.

“Play with your nipples,” he muttered against me. “Pinch and pull on them. Hard.”

My hands went to my breasts without question. I was making choked sounds of arousal, overcome with sensation as I pulled on my sensitive nipples, pinching them and rolling them in my fingers, reveling in the pain coupled with pleasure. It was becoming too much for me. Logan’s head buried between my legs coupled with my own hands pleasuring my nipples took me over the edge. I arched off the bed, keening loudly as my body bowed, waves of pleasure rippling through me. Logan continued to use his mouth on me, his fingers continuing to thrust inside me, as I convulsed with a powerful orgasm.

When the last shudder left my body, I felt boneless as I fell back against the bed. Logan lifted his head up, his eyes glittering with both desire and pure male satisfaction. I found it wildly erotic to see my wetness on his mouth. He made his way up my body until he was directly above me. I grabbed his neck, pulling him down until our mouths met. I loved tasting myself on him as our tongues tangled together, our kiss hard and wild.

“Get on your hands and knees,” Logan muttered against my mouth, his voice thick. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

I had been exhausted by my powerful orgasm moments before, but his words brought my body back to life, excitement strumming through me. I got on my hands and knees, arching my back so that my glistening pussy was exposed to him.

“How did I fuck you?” he asked in a low voice. “Hard or soft?”

“Hard,” I said, almost panting. “You fucked me so hard I thought you were going to split me in half.” I paused before continuing. As much as I was in a haze of arousal, I was a little hesitant to share exactly what we had done, in case it turned him off. I reminded myself that this was Logan, no matter what he could or couldn’t remember. I had given my body to him time and time again in any way he demanded. There was no way there was an inch of prudeness in him.

“You spanked me while you fucked me. You told me I was your slut, to fuck however you pleased. You also slapped my breasts while you fucked me, telling me I was a whore who needed to be shown who was in charge.”

Instead of being turned off, Logan practically growled at my confession. He must have taken off his clothes in record time, because, before I could take my next breath, he pounded into me, his cock pushing into my pussy with a force that almost had me slamming into the headboard. The only reason I wasn’t in pain from his forceful entry was because I was so wet from before.

Logan pumped into me again and again, his hands on my hips as he slammed my body back with each thrust. I was panting like a wild animal, loving each forceful thrust that made the tension in my lower body increase unbearably.

“Ask for it,” he rasped as he pushed into me. “Ask me to hurt you like the slut you are.”

“Hurt me,” I moaned, feeling myself lose control. “Spank me. Slap my tits. Please. Use me.”

I cried out in pleasure when I felt two hard smacks come down on my buttocks. They were quickly followed my two hard slaps on my breasts. My bottom and breasts felt like they were on fire as Logan continued to slap them while he fucked me. I could tell he was out of control by the guttural sounds he was making, and it thrilled me.

I finally couldn’t take it anymore and screamed as my body writhed in an intense orgasm, my nerve-endings set on fire. I was vaguely aware of Logan shouting as he pounded into me, filling me with his come.

I collapsed against the bed and felt the weight of Logan’s body pressing down on me as he fell on top of me. We were both panting heavily and it was a while before I could hear anything beyond the sounds of our harsh breathing.

Logan lifted his head, his arm propped up against the bed beside me, holding up his weight. His eyes searched mine before he spoke.

“Is that normal for us? To make love like this?”

I nodded my head, feeling a little embarrassed, now that we were out of the throes of passion. I wondered what he thought about it all.

“But only when it comes to sex,” I said with a small smile. “You’re not allowed to order me around outside of the bedroom.” I wrinkled my nose. “Or smack me around.”

Logan grinned and any lingering anxiety melted away. It was clear that he had enjoyed this as much as I had.

“I’ll take note of that.” His eyes lowered and I glanced down to see what he was looking at. He was gazing at my breasts, reddened from his slaps. He frowned a little as he traced his fingers across them. I couldn’t help the small gasp when his finger grazed over one of my nipples. “Does this hurt? It looks like I got a little too enthusiastic.” He lifted his head back up to meet my gaze, his expression concerned.