Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2) (6 page)

Chapter Five

Despite the pleasures of last night, all my problems were still there the next morning when I woke up. Somehow, it had been possible to blot out Logan’s betrayal last night, but as I gazed at him sleeping peacefully beside me, I wanted to grab him and shake him awake and demand to know how he could ruin everything between us.

I took a deep breath before I actually followed through on the impulse. I had been doing some thinking this morning while Logan had slept. Maybe what he had done wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. Yes, he had let Kristina visit him in the hospital, but he had been in an accident. An accident bad enough that he had lost consciousness. He probably wasn’t in the best state of mind. Plus, just because she had visited him in the hospital didn’t mean that there was anything going on between them.

The key was Mack. Marcus. I would somehow get him alone and ask him if Logan and Kristina were having an affair. If he was any kind of a decent person, even if he denied it, I was sure I would be able to tell if he was lying by the expression on his face. It would give him away. It may not be the best plan, but it was the only one I had.

I was lost in my thoughts, not realizing that Logan had awakened.

“Hey,” he said softly, his eyes soft and warm as he watched me.

“Hey, yourself. I guess you finally decided to wake up.”

He smiled, and I felt myself break a little inside at the sweetness of it. He couldn’t have betrayed me. He couldn’t have.

“I had an amazing dream that I was with this beautiful woman, and we made love to each other in ways I never imagined. I didn’t want to wake up.” He reached over and caressed my cheek. “Then I realized that it wasn’t a dream. It was real life, so then I couldn’t wait to wake up.”

I pushed his shoulder, trying to laugh but my voice broke with emotion. “If you think you’re getting laid again this morning with that line, you’re wrong. I’m too sore to do anything but lie here.”

Logan grinned, but then got a serious look on his face. “Are you okay? I hope I wasn’t too rough last night.” He reached down and stroked me gently between my legs. “Does it hurt at all?”

“Logan,” I protested, feeling a little awkward by his touch. It was one thing for him to do that in the heat of the moment, but he was doing it so matter-of-factly now in the light of day.

He quirked his mouth. “I think it’s a little too late to be shy. I just want to make sure my baby’s pussy is okay.”

“Logan!” I laughed, feeling embarrassed, yet pleased, by his words. It made me happy that our intimacy wasn’t just based on desire, but also care and concern for each other. I wished so much that I could have been there for Logan when he was in the hospital in L.A.

I stopped that train of thought before I could get any further, not wanting to think about who
had
been there for him. “I promise I’m okay. A little sore, but that’s all.”

“Good.” Logan looked at the clock on the bedside table and sighed. “As much as I would like to take advantage of you again this morning, I have an early meeting.” He dropped a quick kiss on my mouth before getting out of bed. I watched him, admiring his long, leanly muscled naked body. He grinned at me as I made a sound of approval. “We’re staying here again tonight, right?”

As much as I wanted to spend time with him, I didn’t know how long I could keep up the charade of things being okay. It was one thing when we were in the throes of passion—I could forget about it then. But I wasn’t sure how I was going to pretend like I wasn’t in inner turmoil for an extended period of time, never mind a whole weekend. I decided to lie.

“Actually, I think I should spend the weekend at my place. Alone.” I quickly continued to speak when I saw Logan’s face darken. “Emily is going through some stuff right now and I think she needs a girl’s weekend. She’s confused about her job and her love life and she needs to talk about it.”

Logan frowned. “You need a whole weekend for that?”

“I just think I should spend tonight and Saturday with her. I’ll come over Saturday night and spend the night here, though.” I wrinkled my nose. “Come to think of it, I told her I would have brunch with her on Sunday, too.” I frowned at Logan’s exasperated look, hoping he didn’t see through my excuses. “I’ve been spending so little time with her lately since we’re always together.”

His expression tightened. “I didn’t think that was a problem.”

“That’s not what I meant,” I said, trying to hide my frustration. “I just meant that Emily and I used to spend a lot of time together before our relationship. Now, I’m lucky if I get to see her once every other week since she’s so busy at work and traveling all the time.”

Logan had a stubborn look on his face. “Tonight is good enough. She doesn’t get you Saturday and Sunday too. If you want to spend time with her that badly, just tell her to come over here on Saturday or Sunday and I’ll make us brunch.”

Now it was more than a matter of wanting to have some time apart from Logan due to his possible betrayal. His heavy-handedness was irritating at times, and I didn’t want him to think that he could dictate what I did. It was one thing for him to order me around in the bedroom. It was entirely another thing for him to order me around outside of it.

“I’m sorry, but where did you get the idea that you can tell me what to do with my time?”

Logan sighed. “Why are we fighting about this? Is it so wrong that I want to spend time with you?”

“No,” I said, but I wasn’t ready to be appeased. His sentiment of wanting to spend time together was flattering, but I objected to his methods. “But you need to respect when I tell you I need to spend time with someone else. This is my best friend we’re talking about. Not only that, but she was the biggest cheerleader for us getting together.”

Logan rubbed his forehead tiredly. “I don’t want to fight about this. If you really feel like you have to spend all that time with her, I’ll accept it. I won’t be happy about it, but I’ll accept it.”

I could have made an argument that it wasn’t something he needed to accept because he had no choice in the matter, but I didn’t want to argue either. I kneeled on the bed and pulled him down for a kiss. “Like I said, I’ll spend Saturday night here.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You’d better, because I have a feeling you’re going to need a lot of punishing.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help laughing. I was able to keep it lighthearted while we got ready for the day, despite a heaviness that weighed me down. When we left his apartment together and parted ways, I knew it was the right decision to spend time apart, because my fears were already bubbling to the surface. It was all I could do to stop from blurting out accusations about him and Kristina.

The day went by quicker than anticipated because I was behind on my article, so every minute was devoted to getting it finished and sent to my editor. Thoughts of Logan and Kristina constantly crept up, but I forced myself to push them out of my head so I could meet the Friday deadline.

It was with a sigh of relief when I finally pushed
send
on the email with my article attached to my boss. The weekend had officially started, but now with no article to concentrate on, my attention was wholly focused on the possibility of Logan’s betrayal. As it turned out, Emily had to work late tonight so she wasn’t able to come over.

I was restless in my apartment alone with my thoughts, and the TV did nothing to distract me so I finally turned it off. I grabbed a photo album from my bookshelf and settled into the couch to leaf through it. Until a few months ago, I had kept this photo album hidden since it was full of pictures of me and Cassie growing up, all the way to college. I hadn’t wanted to be reminded of the painful past, but lately, looking through them had given me a sense of peace. Our friendship had been one of the most important things in my life, and I was finally able to reminisce about the good times without guilt.

I had been lost in my thoughts for a while when my phone beeped, signaling a text message.

Miss you. See you tomorrow night.

Logan’s words should have made me happy, but instead I felt more confused. He was always so devoted, so wholly focused on me, that it made the idea of him cheating on me seem impossible. Either he was an amazing actor or he was faithful to me.

I glanced down at a picture of Cassie and me in our junior year dorm room, and felt a pang of regret that I hadn’t felt in a while. Neither Logan nor I had a good track record when it came to being faithful. When we had first gotten back together after the whole Kristina debacle, I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, convinced that the cosmic forces wouldn’t allow me to be so deliriously happy after all the pain I had caused. But after a while, that fear had receded into the background as life with Logan proved to be everything I’d hoped for, and more. But maybe karma was now finally paying me back.

I shook my head at the dismal thought. I needed to stop dwelling on the past and move on. I sighed and closed the photo album, deciding to make it an early night and go to bed. I would just make myself crazy with my thoughts.

I was still pretty wired, so I popped a couple of sleeping pills so that sleep would come easily. As my head hit the pillow and I drifted off, I promised myself that I would stop taking them so often so I wouldn’t become dependent on them.

The weekend went by quicker than I thought it would, considering Logan and I were spending most of it apart. I went over to Emily’s place on Saturday and we had a lazy day where the most active thing we did was take Lola for a walk. I told Emily about everything I had found out, and despite being as surprised as I was by the texts, she was convinced that Logan had been nothing but faithful to me. Her confidence in Logan helped to make me feel better, and I was almost able to convince myself that she was right.

As promised, I spent Saturday night at Logan’s, and he made me lose the ability to think, let alone worry about him and Kristina, with his hands and mouth and other parts of his body that demanded my sole attention. He was still a bit grumpy about not spending the day together on Sunday, but I knew I needed that time alone. Mack was coming into town on Monday, and we were all going out to dinner that night. I needed to prepare myself for whatever was to come, good or bad.

I was on pins and needles during the day on Monday, both dreading and anticipating meeting Mack. By the time Logan picked me up after work to head over to the restaurant, I had rehearsed a million times exactly what I would say to Mack. The only problem was, would I get a chance to talk to him alone? Logan had said he was in town until Friday, but I didn’t know if I would have a chance to see Mack again before he left.

“You look beautiful,” Logan said with an appreciative glance, before turning his attention back onto the road.

“Thanks,” I replied, trying to hide my nervousness. I relaxed the death grip I had on my purse, willing myself to relax. I didn’t know what else to say, so I said, “I’m looking forward to dinner.”

“I think you’ll really like Mack. He was always dragging me out during law school, making sure that I didn’t spend all my time in the library studying. If there’s a party, you’ll always find Mack right in the middle of it, making everyone laugh.”

I smiled, although it was forced. I didn’t care if Mack was as charming and suave as James Bond. I only needed him to tell me the truth about Logan and Kristina. I had wrestled with the idea of just asking Logan outright if he was cheating on me. I had never met Mack before, and as Logan’s friend, his loyalty was to him. Even if I did get a chance to talk to Mack alone, he was sure to tell Logan that I had been asking about Kristina. But I just couldn’t bring myself to question Logan. I didn’t know if it was because I was afraid of the answer or afraid that Logan would lie to me and I would make myself believe it, wanting so desperately for things to be okay between us. As implausible as it sounded, I made myself believe that I could somehow convince Mack not to tell Logan that I had questioned him about Kristina.

By the time the car was valeted and we stepped inside the plush restaurant, I was able to mask most of my nervousness and smiled easily when the maître d’ guided us to the table where Mack was already waiting. He stood up with a wide grin and gave Logan a hug. I was surprised when Logan hugged him back enthusiastically since he wasn’t much of a hugger, except when it came to me. It gave me a chance to study Mack, and I realized that the picture I had seen of him hadn’t done him justice. He was just as tall as Logan, but where Logan was light-haired and blue-eyed, Mack had dark brown hair that was almost black, and equally dark eyes. He could easily be described as tall, dark and handsome, but the easy humor that seemed to be his natural countenance made him seem friendly and approachable.

Logan introduced me to Mack and I was surprised when he hugged me as well. I awkwardly patted his arm, unsure of what else to do. I was normally an affectionate person, but not with complete strangers. Especially a complete stranger whom I was trying to figure out how to interrogate without Logan finding out.

“Sorry,” Mack said with a grin, evidently noticing my stiffness. “Logan talks about you so damned much that I feel like I already know you. I’m one of those annoying people who hugs everyone.”

I smiled a genuine smile. Logan was right. Mack was definitely charming. “I’m never one to turn down a hug, especially from one of Logan’s friends.”