Occult Suspense for Mothers Boxset: The Nostalgia Effect by EJ Valson and Mother's by Michelle Read (2 ebooks for one price) (36 page)

CHAPTER 49

As we make our way home from the airport I am still in the afterglow of my time with Michael on our work trip. I’m happy that I get to see Olivia, but saddened that I won’t be able to spend as much time with him. I have the rest of the weekend off before I head back to work on Tuesday, so I am trying to focus on spending time with her and not missing him.

It’s late when Stacy drops me off at home. I graciously thank her and walk softly up the driveway in an attempt to not wake Joe and Olivia. As I approach the front door, I notice that lights are still on in the house. As I get closer I can hear people talking and music playing inside.

“Hello?” I call out as I enter. I hear male voices coming from the kitchen and they are laughing loudly. Joe comes around the corner. I can tell he has been drinking.

“Hey, Babe. You’re back!” he says, surprised to see me.

I’m
a little confused and slightly annoyed by the small party of his four friends standing in our kitchen drinking this late, especially after I have just gotten home from a long business trip.

“Yeah, I am. What’s going on here?” I say, trying to conceal my irritation.

“Oh, we’re just hanging out. I sent Olivia to my parents’ for the night, so the guys came over and we’ve had a few,” he says, grinning. “You want a beer?” he offers, but hands me his before I reply.

He heads back to the kitchen. I hear a bottle cap drop to the floor. His work friend Jason peeks around the corner at me.

“Hey, Jen!” he says, and gives a quick wave before returning to the conversation he was having.

I drop my bag and purse on the floor and survey the condition of my house. Pizza boxes, empty beer bottles and dirty work boots adorn my living room. Couch pillows are strewn about and Olivia’s toys are still out.

I can feel my irritation growing, and heat begins to rise in my head. I am exhausted, mentally and physically. My child, who I have missed, is not here for me to tuck in. I head back to our bedroom, only to encounter ruffled sheets and towels on the floor. The house is in shambles.

I want to yell, but I don’t -- in order to avoid an embarrassing scene. I feel a sense of disappointment towards Joe that I haven’t felt since we were married. I am both offended and saddened that he wouldn’t think about my needs after I have been gone all week -- that he would think I would want to come home to this. I don’t believe Michael would ever do that to me.

I angrily throw the towels in the hamper and make the bed, cursing the entire time. The bedroom door opens.

“Whatcha doin, Babe?” Joe asks, beer in hand. I turn to face him. I hold my tongue for a moment, wondering if he will even absorb this in his state.

“Well,
Babe
,” I begin in a caustic tone, “I just got home from a long work trip to find a group of guys drinking in my kitchen past midnight, stuff all over the house and my child gone.”

He looks at me like
I’m ridiculous. “So, we are just having a few drinks and then they are leaving. You don’t have to get up early tomorrow anyway. I do though,” he says, taking a swig of beer.

“That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t like to come home to a clean house and to my family or go to bed in peace!” I retort, my voice rising. “And what do you mean you are getting up early tomorrow?” I ask.

“I’m going hiking with Ray,” he responds.

Here we go. It’s happening again. It took almost a year, but
I’m seeing it come to fruition. This is the Joe I remember. This is why I couldn’t stay with him. He came first in his world. What he wanted to do, when he wanted to do it. In his mind, as long as he worked hard and brought home a paycheck he should be able to come and go as he pleases.

He didn’t cheat, he didn’t lie, but he didn’t consider Olivia or me in his plans either. I am almost certain that Michael and I always ran our plans by each other. We communicated.  We were thoughtful of each other.

I take a deep breath. “You know Joe, you are a good guy, but sometimes you are a real asshole,” I say with little emotion. He doesn’t respond. “Are any of the guys out there sober?” I ask.

“Why,” he asks, in a cocky tone. I keep calm.

“Because you might want to go home with one of them tonight, sober up, go hiking tomorrow and maybe we can talk when you get back,” I reply.

He continues to stare straight at me. He walks over to the dresser, puts his beer on top of it and stands for a minute with his hands on his hips, head down, thinking.

I wait. I’m not going to push him. I can be patient and calm. He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he opens a drawer, grabs some clothing and leaves the room. I feel a pang of disappointment, but my body relaxes a little. I know how this story goes. Even if I can’t remember my future with Michael in detail, I remember my past with Joe.

He always leaves. He would rather walk away then try to find the words to express himself and fix things. Though it is a way to avoid a big fight, it is also the best way to build up resentment. And that is what ultimately made me leave him before.

I hear the voices quiet down from the front of the house. A few minutes later the front door opens and closes and then a truck engine starts. I hear the truck shift gears and then get more distant. I wait a few minutes to hear any sign of life in the house. It is quiet.

I open the door and make my way back to the living room. The pizza boxes have been removed and there are no beer bottles in the kitchen, but Joe is gone. The cleanup is a small gesture on his part, but not enough to solve the problem.

I sit down on the couch. I hear only the ticking of the clock. It is 12:30 a.m. Joe is gone, Olivia is gone and for the first time I am all alone for a night in a house that I don’t remember moving into. I look around the room and wonder why I wanted to live here. I feel no draw to it, nothing that represents who I believe I later become.

This is not my home.

CHAPTER 50

The phone rings two hours after Michael leaves for what could be for good. I have sent Olivia to my dad’s for a bit so I can sit and cry without worrying her. I dread answering the phone because I am in no mood to talk to anyone.

“Hello,” I say trying to sound normal.

“Hey,” the caller responds. It’s Michael. I am surprised to hear from him so soon. I fight back the urge to cry again.

“Hi,” I say back.

“Are you OK?” he asks sadly.

“Yeah,” I lie fighting back more tears. He is silent on the other end, but I can hear the airport noises through the payphone.

“I want to try this,” he finally says, as he lets out a heavy sigh. My heart lifts. I am elated.

“You do?” I ask surprised.

“I think we can do this. I will if you will,” he commits.

I can’t help it. I begin to cry again.

“Don’t cry….please,” he says, his voice cracking.

I collect myself. “I’m just happy,” I respond.

In unison we sigh with relief.

I have no doubt in my mind over the way we feel about each other or whether we can make this work. We will figure it out as we go along. The details aren’t important, but the love that we feel is. Steady as we go.

CHAPTER 51

I wake up at 10:00 a.m. to the phone ringing.
I’m startled out of a dream-memory. Still in the grogginess of heavy sleep, I manage to answer the phone. It is Joe’s mom wanting to know when I plan to pick up Olivia. I arrange a time to get her and hang up.

I haven’t heard from Joe and to my knowledge, he hasn’t come home. The sun is shining bright outside. I feel like the world is going on without me and I missed most of the day by waking up so late.

I shuffle to the kitchen and brew a pot of coffee. I don’t feel like doing anything at all, but unfortunately I don’t have that luxury. I make my way to the bathroom for a quick shower and opt to be lazy about my appearance today.

I lightly dust on my makeup, put my hair up in a wet, messy bun and throw on jeans and a sweater. When I go back to the kitchen to get my coffee and breakfast, I notice how sparse the cupboards and fridge are, due to my absence. I get angry with Joe again.

I pour my coffee in a travel mug, grab my purse and head out to the store. I realize that I have a couple of hours until I need to pick up Olivia. I decide to postpone grocery shopping and head to the waterfront to go for a walk. This isn’t something I would normally do, but I feel like I need to breathe and think.

Downtown is quiet on this Sunday morning. It’s chilly, but the sun is out -- typical for March. I park and head to the newly-installed fountains. There are big rocks placed around the area for people to sit on and watch their kids play. Today there is no one here.

I make my way to a nearby bench with my coffee in hand. I hear the distant hum of semi-trucks crossing over the bridge and the sound of the river flowing through town. Occasionally a car will drive down the narrow street, but mostly I am alone.

I watch the fountains dance and perform for me. I sip my coffee and look around slowly, remembering how this is supposed to look in the future -- the restaurants, breweries and little shops that will be erected. Then I feel the memory coming on fast, and the rush in my head takes over.

It is a Friday night. We are with a group of work friends. It is our goodbye party for Michael and Bjorn. We make our way to an eclectic little bar that has recently opened. A friend of ours is deejaying there.

Tonight is different from any other night. Michael and I have a secret. Nobody knows and nobody needs to. The night before, we stepped over the line from being close friends to something more. What it is, we are still not sure, but we know that there is love between us.

It was not a one night stand. It was not a foolish mistake. It wasn’t expected or planned, but it was right. Tonight, in the midst of fun and laughter, there is a slight sadness that weaves its way through my veins.

When I head to the restroom, I sense Michael sneaking up behind me and feel him wrap his arms around me. He does it when we are out of sight of everyone else. He is confirming our secret, our moment, our mutual feelings. I don’t know if I will see him again, but tonight he is mine and I am his. And no one needs to know.

I snap back to the present and feel instantly drained. Some of these episodes are getting more intense and physical. It’s almost as if I leave my body and cannot control my surroundings. I’m transported to that moment in the future/past and it’s as if I am watching it unfold like a movie. I look around to see if anyone is watching me. I am still alone. It is quiet all around me, but I’m riotously shaken.

I decide to go to the only place where I have come to feel safe in moments like these.

CHAPTER 52

Astrid opens the door before I even knock. “Jennifer, it’s so good to see you. I sensed you were coming so I put on some tea,” she says, letting me in. I remain quiet.

She steps back and assesses me. She shakes her head slightly. “You saw more, didn’t you,” she states. I nod and make my way to her couch to rest.

She goes to the kitchen and quickly returns with two cups of tea, then sits down next to me. She doesn’t press me for details. I suppose she doesn’t have to. She is probably already getting a sensation of what I experienced or what happened with Joe.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. Since I’ve arrived, the weather has drastically changed and rain is starting to fall. Instinctively I curl my legs up on the couch as I would at my own home. I silently sip my tea and listen to the ticking of her wall clock.

Astrid gently clears her throat and takes a drink of tea before setting it on the coffee table. “You still haven’t heard from Joe?” she asks. Although her question reminds me that she has an odd ability that I will never have, I appreciate that I don’t have to explain the details of last night.

I shake my head.

“Don’t worry about it. He will be there when you get home. And save yourself the trip getting Olivia. He will already have picked her up,” she says matter-of-factly. How she can see some recent events clearly and not others still confounds me.

I look at her and laugh. “Astrid, you are my saving grace in all of this,” I say gratefully.

She shrugs. “Oh, I know,” she jokingly retorts.

“So what do you want to do now?” she asks, after a moment of mutual quiet. Her question strikes me as odd.
I’m not sure that I even have the luxury of doing what I want to at this point in time.

I look at her in confusion. “I don’t really know what you mean. I don’t think I have much choice but to just let things happen until we hear from John,” I reply.

“Now, Jennifer, yes and no. You have to remember that you are still going to be given opportunities, just as you were given in your life before…or later, I guess I should say,” she jokes. “If Michael didn’t exist, if you didn’t have any knowledge of him, would you stay in this marriage with Joe?” she challenges.

I’m
caught off guard by this question. I hadn’t given it much thought. I have stayed with him because it felt like the safest place to be. I have been terrified of doing anything drastic that could affect Olivia, or cause unnecessary chaos. But when I really think about it, deep down, and still being who I am, Joe is not the one for me. Joe belongs to someone else. And in the midst of worrying about my own life and what I have lost, I have forgotten that he too deserves better.

“Aha,” she says looking at me with a smirk on her face.

Da
mn it, Astrid, stop reading me!

She places her hands on my knees. “You see, my love, there are more lives and futures at stake than just yours,” she calmly states.

This comment puts me on the defensive. “What are you saying? That I should just leave him and tear our family apart?” I question her, with tension in my tone.

“Jennifer, I’m saying that by staying with Joe you may be preventing him from fulfilling
his
destiny,” she calmly yet firmly responds.

I can feel my fear of being alone, of being ostracized, of being out of control, wash over me at once. If I leave Joe, then I have to start back down a road that I have already walked. If Michael never comes around, I may be alone, divorced and a single mother…again….and for what?
I can’t see anyone winning by me just up and leaving. Astrid interrupts my train of thought.

“Sometimes, the right thing to do is the hardest. And though I still can’t see what
your
future holds, I am starting to see Joe’s. And Honey, you aren’t in it as his wife,” she says, as she rises from the couch and walks into the kitchen.

Her words punch me in my gut and take the breath right out of me. I’m not unhappy with Joe, but I know this is not a real marriage…at least not what I would want. Through this process and over the last several months I have become complacent when I stopped remembering my past with Michael. Now that I know and I’m completely aware of his existence and the life that I remember us having, I can’t imagine staying with Joe for the rest of my life. But I have to admit I haven’t considered him in all of this.

I put my mug down on the table and walk into the kitchen. Astrid is stirring a pot of something on the stove. “Is that a potion?” I ask her naively.

“I’m a psychic, Jennifer, not a witch,” she chuckles. “But this is a beverage that helps calm the nerves,” she explains, smiling. “You want some?” she jokes.

I shake my head. “You’re right,” I concede.

“Honey, it’s not me telling you this. It’s fate. I can’t say that I blame you for staying with Joe. I know all the reasons that you are and I can’t say that I wouldn’t do the same. But you aren’t doing him or yourself any favors by staying. In fact, you may be damning up the river -- if you know what I mean,” she says with a wink.

And I do. I’m stopping the natural flow of things. I have always been one to advise against fighting the current.

I lean in to hug Astrid and she embraces me tightly in return. “I’ll see you later,” I say as I walk out of the room.

“Sooner than you think!” she calls from the kitchen.