O' for the love of Shakespeare (16 page)

“Yes white please?”

“If you’re going out can I have another glass
of red please?”  Chris holds out an empty glass.

“Of course hold on to the glass I’ll bring the
bottle in, Helen do you want anything?”

“No I’m good thanks Angela.”  Helen smiles
warmly.

We all sit in silence.  Helen and Chris both
occasionally glance over in my direction as if checking I am not about to sink
in to some kind of emotional breakdown.  Everyone seems relieved when Angela
returns to the room holding two bottles of wine and an empty glass for me.  

“I know it is a big job but it does seem sad to
have to leave such a beautiful building.”  Helen says looking around the living
room.  Although not much of the original interior remains in the living room,
there are still some signs of it, such as the beams running across the
ceiling.  “If it could be restored it would be wonderful.”  I don’t know why
but I am surprised that Angela has spoken to Helen about this too.

“The problem is we just don’t have the money
needed to do everything this place needs.”  Angela says quickly before Ben can
speak.  I notice she looks at him worried.

“It would cost an obscene amount of money I’m
sure.”  Ben concedes.  I don’t know if it is the wine but he seems to have
mellowed a little on losing this place.

“So what’s the plan next Mrs M?  Holiday?  Toy
boy play thing for you?”  Chris says jokingly.

“Gross Chris.”   Ben says in mock disgust.  We
all laugh.

“Oh I don’t know Ben a twenty something tanned
young man might make me feel a whole lot younger.  Jane showed me a peek of
that the other day.”  Angela says laughing.  Oh goodness she’s referring to
Malcolm practically naked in my bed in front of everyone.  I squirm in my chair
feeling the blush rising through my body. 

“What?”  Helen splutters.  I shoot Angela a
look to hopefully stop her revealing anymore. 

“Jane had a hot young man in her room.  And I
must say if that is what young men look like these days I’d definitely be
interested.”

“It was a mistake.  I mean not a mistake how
could it be a mistake?  It was a misunderstanding.  I mean nothing happened, so
it was nothing.”  I try to sound cool and aloof but fail miserably.  I feel Ben
tense.  I bite my lip feeling I have actually made it worse by my weird
outburst.  Helen and Chris howl with laughter and Angela watches Ben. 

“Maybe you’re right Chris, maybe I should just
stick with a holiday.”  Angela smiles but she continues to watch Ben’s
reactions.  “I’ve never been but I would love to go to Verona and I think that
would be quite fitting after leaving The Verona Bed, Breakfast and Balcony to
actually go and visit the real Verona.  Just for a couple of days, maybe.”

“That sounds lovely, Italy is supposed to be
beautiful.  I’ve always wanted to go but have never been.”  I say trying to
move the conversation along.

“You should ask Ben about Italy he has
travelled all over, I’m sure he can make some recommendations.”  Angela looks
down at Ben smiling.

“Everywhere in Italy is stunning but if I could
pick anywhere in Italy to visit over and over again I would choose Venice.”

“Why?”  I ask.

“It is unique, like nowhere else.  Everywhere
you go in Venice, the buildings, the canals the artwork, it’s magical.”       

“Well perhaps from the sale of this place I
could stretch to a little mini tour of Italy eh Ben?”  Angela says dreamily.

“Hmm so long as there are no Italian stallions
involved Mum.  Don’t get too carried away, you do still need money to buy a home
too remember.”  Gruffly Ben replies.  He is still not won over by the idea of
losing the Bed and Breakfast or maybe it is just the idea of his mum shacking
up with a young buck.  The thought of Angela being swept off her feet by some
hot, dark Italian man makes me smile.  I think an Italian stallion is just what
she needs, not that I would say that out loud in front of Ben.

The rest of the evening drifts along in easy
conversation, we speak about the house that Chris and Helen are in the process
of buying.  Helen gives Angela some suggestions on little things she can do
around the Bed and Breakfast to make it more saleable.  Ben and Chris have a
heated debate about Rugby Union, Ben being a supporter of the London Welsh and
Chris the Leicester Tigers.   From what I could gather from the banter Chris’
team had been doing a lot better than Ben’s.   I find that I am a shadow in the
conversations.  I sit back and listen to everyone but only speak when someone
asks me a question.   Their lives are moving on; they all have a plan.  I do
not.

Act IV Scene III

‘When I said I would
die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.’  Much Ado
About Nothing

“I’m ready for bed I think.”  Helen stretches
her arms and legs.  “Chris?”

“Yes of course wifey.”  Chris stands, if a
little wobbly from the bottle of wine that he has drunk.  He holds his hand out
to Helen which she takes with a smile.

“Goodnight all.”

“Night.”  Perhaps I should start making my
excuses.  I’m not great company tonight anyway.

“I think I need to head off too otherwise I’m
in for a real sore head tomorrow.”  Angela rubs her forehead.  “Night you two
see you in the morning.  I take it you are going to sleep in the spare guest
room Ben?”

“Yes if that’s alright, thanks, night Mum.”  Ben
remains seated at my legs, he takes a slow sip of wine from his glass.  The
light outside is slowly fading, another half an hour or so and the room will be
in darkness.

“I should probably head up too.”  I say leaning
forward in the chair.  Everything in the building is suddenly so quiet.

“No please Jane, stay a little while longer.” 
Ben stands and strolls over to a lamp that is on a small table next to the
sofa.  The light instantly awakens as he presses the switch.  In one graceful
movement Ben sits on the sofa and turns his body slightly towards me crossing
one leg over the other.

“So home tomorrow?  Have you enjoyed it here?”

“Yes I have loved every moment; I will be very
sad to go.”

“Could you not take a few more days’ holiday? 
I’m sure mum would love you to stay longer.  She’s become very fond of you; you
know?”  Ben says thoughtfully.

“No I have to be back in work Tuesday morning. 
I don’t think they would appreciate me taking any more time off.”  I think of
the bulging Inbox I will no doubt be going back to.

“Could we persuade you to come back soon - very
soon - for a visit?”   He says looking at the floor rather than at me.

“Easily and if I can help your mum at all with
getting ready she need only ask.”

“I’m sure she would appreciate that, thank
you.  Perhaps you and I could go see a play together when you come back?  I can
look at performances coming up in the next few weeks, if I can tempt you back
that soon.”  He sounds so hopeful.  Chris and Helen must have been right,
perhaps he does like me.

“Yes alright, I think I would like that Ben,
thank you.  So how did you get to know so much about Shakespeare?”

“I’m a History Professor at the local University
so I am interested in everything from our past.  From a small boy I have loved
stories of the Tudors.  My dad was a great reader; I can’t remember one day
when he didn’t have a book open.  His tastes were eclectic, he loved to learn,
about anything.”  Ben chuckles to himself, it is touching watching him remember
his father so tenderly.  “He made it all so exciting and interesting.  It was
because of him that I found a love of learning, in particular history and
literature.  Growing up my dad would read me stories about the wives of Henry
VIII, the battles, the Spanish Armada, they were my favourites.  As I became
older I became interested in the art and the culture of that time too.  I mean
how would a person living in James I’s time feel on seeing the witches for
example in Macbeth.  In a time when witches and curses to them were very real. 
I think you can then see the plays in a very different light.”

“A History Professor, wow what an amazing job,
I’m very jealous.”

“Did you not consider going in to teaching?”

“No when I finished University I couldn’t
afford to go on to do my Masters, so that would have just left teaching young
children and I don’t think I am quite cut out for that.”  I hated school the
thought of walking back in to those corridors filled me with dread and cold
sweats.

“Let me guess, English graduate?”

“You got it.  I absolutely loved University, it
must be lovely to work in one.”

“So why don’t you now, I mean go back and to do
your Masters?”

“Perhaps, I hadn’t thought about it to be
honest.  Until this weekend I hadn’t thought much at all about my life.  Do you
think I would be too old to go back to do it now?”

“Not at all, I’m guessing you are about thirty,
I have mature students in their sixties and above in my classes.”  I flush
slightly at his compliment no one has thought I am thirty for about ten years
which is saying something as I am only thirty-five.  “Is that something you
would think about doing?  I can send you some information from work if you want
if you leave me your number and email address?”   

“Yes I would definitely be interested, thank
you.  I need to start thinking about what I love to do and focus on that. Make
some positive changes in my life, changes just for me no one else.  In twenty
years’ time I don’t want to still be sat alone in the same sad little flat
going to work every day hating my job and having no one to talk to.”  My eyes
well a little but I blink quickly to halt the tears in their tracks.

“Is that your life now?”  He moves to the edge
of his seat and runs a hand through his hair.  I think about tomorrow when I get
home.  Silence in every room.  The two photo frames over the fire place; one of
my parents from when they were in their twenties and one of Vic and I from two
years ago in Corfu.  Tuesday when I will be sat back at my desk no doubt being
publically humiliated by my boss for something I didn’t do before I left last Wednesday. 
Not alone but lonely, only the characters of my fantasies to keep me company.

“Yes.”  And with that the dam breaks and tears
snake down across my cheeks.  “The characters in my books are the only ones who
understand but I know I need to set them aside if I am to move on in my life.” 
I choke out.  I’m aware I am making unattractive heaving noises where I am crying
so hard.  Ben must think I’m insane knowing that the only people really in my
life are those that walk out from the pages that I read.  Before I know it Ben
is in front of me on his knees squeezing my hands that were resting on the tops
of my legs. 

“Please don’t cry.  Jane I really do think you
are incredible.  I think I’ve been hard on you just because I’ve never met
someone as passionate as you are about other people, about life.  I wish I
could see just a glimpse of what you see.  You intimidate me Jane.  Why do you
think you need to change?” 

“Seriously?  The only deep fulfilling
relationships I have had in my life are with people that only exist in print. 
You don’t think there is something fundamentally wrong with that?”

“Jane people have the capacity to love as much
as they want.  The heart isn’t a container that can only let so much in.  It
will grow with the people, characters, places that you let in.  Just maybe let
some real people in too.”  He smiles.  My body is racked with emotion that I
have held in for far too long.  “Life is complex Jane, love and joy come in
many different forms.  Who is to say what you have found with fictional
characters is not as meaningful as any other relationship?”

“Because there is no one to hold me.  I mean
physically hold me.”  My body shudders.

He leans back slightly and sighs.   “I’m so sorry
I don’t seem to have a very good effect on you emotionally do I?” I giggle
thinking back to our numerous arguments.  It has certainly been an emotional
rollercoaster getting to know Ben.  I can’t believe I have told him all of this
and he hasn’t looked at me like some kind of psychopath. 

“No you’re right, you don’t.”  I try to smile
up at him through my tears, allowing my body to quieten once more.

“Mum mentioned there might be someone else? 
Someone who was there to hold you?”  He stares down at our hands.  Does he mean
Malcolm?  I wonder how much Angela has told him about me.

“I did meet someone, on my first day here, but
it’s not like that.  He’s a friend, a good friend I think, but I can’t see a
romantic relationship in the future.”  He sighs, apparently relieved by my
response.  “To be honest I’m contemplating getting some pets when I get home, I
don’t think I am cut out for the real thing.” I laugh.  “My friend Vic is
arranging a blind date when I get home but the thought of it makes me feel nauseous.”

“I feel that way too sometimes.  I got to the
point of living with someone, Hannah.  She still works here, in the Science
Department.  She was, in all sense of purposes, perfect for me.  I just never
felt that shiver, the deep in your gut, excitement that I have read about so
much, but never felt.  I hoped over time that I would, but it never
materialised.  I know now though that feeling is a real thing, I felt it in
that first argument we had.”  He looks at me, not breaking eye contact.  He slowly
sweeps a finger across my forehead and down behind my ear tucking my hair back
from my face.  The seductive tone of his voice makes by breathing quicken.  I
think he notices the effect it has had on me and so he repeats the action with
his other hand so that my hair is pulled back as he cradles each side of my
head.  His lips ever so gently brush mine.  He leans back fractionally to gauge
my reaction.  I lean forward kissing him back harder.  We fall backwards
against the chair so that he is leaning over me.  One of his hands travels down
from my hair, gently grazing down my body until he grips my hip.  My hands tug
in his hair.  Pulling him closer.  We are both breathing hard, small soft
groans falling from our kissing.  Both his hands move to the hem of my top, he
leans back on his heels to tug it up over my head pulling me forward in my seat.

“You are beautiful.”  He whispers in to my
mouth as he continues to kiss me.  He pulls my hips forward in the chair so my
body is flush with his sitting up.  My legs pushed open for his body to fit
neatly against.  Taking my hair in one hand he pulls it back gently and begins
once again to kiss me.  His mouth moves along my jaw, down my neck to my
shoulder.  The whole time making small soft kisses across my skin.  My skin
feels like it is on fire for him.  My head drops back as I make a deep throaty
groan as he nips my collar bone.  “Jane I want you.  Please.”

“Yes.”  I moan.

“Let’s go to your room.”  His voice is breathy
and so sexy.

“What?”  I say panicked, no please don’t stop.

“Believe me it is near enough impossible to
stop.”  He smiles cheekily at me.  “But I can’t have sex with you on my mother’s
sitting room armchair.”  I look around remembering where I am and we both
laugh.  As he stands his eyes travel down across my body.  I can feel him
watching me sitting just wearing my jeans and black bra.  He holds out his hand
to me.  I grab my top and take his hand.  Ben pulls me up sharply so that I am
in his arms.  I grab on to his shoulders as he kisses me passionately one more
time.  His hand skims down my back and gently squeezes my bum.  “Come.”  And
with that he pulls me from the living room out to the stairs.

The house is in darkness now and the cold
starts to wrap itself around my half naked body.  Maybe this isn’t a good
idea.  I’ve only known Ben a few days and for ninety-nine percent of that we
have been at each other throats.  In the argumentative sense rather than the
quite mind blowing sense that just happened on Angela’s floral armchair.  By
the time we reach my bedroom door I know I have to stop this.  As Ben reaches
for the door handle I pull at his hand so he turns to look at me.

“I can’t do this.”  I whisper.

“What?  I thought you wanted to?”

“I did, I mean I do, but I’m not thinking
straight enough at the moment to make this decision.  I just don’t think this
is a good idea.”  He tucks his hand around my face and strokes my cheek with
his thumb.  I close my eyes savouring the comforting feel of his touch.

“Jane don’t over think this, we both want each
other, even when we were fighting I could feel the attraction spark between
us.”

“But I didn’t.”

“What?”

“I thought you completely hated me until
today.  This is all new to me.  I mean it was only when I overheard Chris and
Helen saying how much you liked me before lunch that I had any idea how you
felt, how I felt.  Yes, I had been aware of the sparks between us before, but I
couldn’t rationalise that to anything other than thinking you were just rude.” 
Although I have never had this reaction to anyone before, even when we were squabbling
I can’t remember anyone being so under my skin as Ben has been.

“What?  But my mum told me after
A Midsummer
Night’s Dream
that you were infatuated with me?”  Oh goodness, it wasn’t me
being set up, it was both of us.  Ben’s hand drops from my face as he too comes
to the same realisation.  “Oh Jane I am so sorry my mum obviously fancied us as
being a good match for each other.”

“Well I don’t think she did too badly.”  I
smile taking a step closer to him.

“No I guess not.”  He takes my hand again and
touches his lips to my knuckles.  “I’ll be leaving early in the morning for
work so I probably won’t get to see you but we’ll talk?”

“Yes.”  I pull myself up and kiss him on the
cheek.  “Goodnight Ben.”