Notice Me (18 page)

Someday soon I hope I have the courage to tell you I love you. Until then I will tell you by paper every week.

My heart is yours forever. I will never give you up, we belong together.

Notice Me

xxxx

 Letters of beautiful poetry, sonnets or his own beautiful words were delivered every week never at a particular time. I decided not to tell Megan about them. Will would find out. He hated any kind of competition. I liked it was just a secret between Mr Anonymous and me. I knew it was wrong, but it was just so romantic. I never got anything close to his words from Will.

Months flew by. I must have had over fifty letters from a man who loved from the depths of his soul. New York was just two weeks away. I feared I would lose him forever when I left. How would he be able to find me in New York?

“So you are going to start packing, when?” Asked Will as he sat outside on the veranda of Megan’s apartment.

“I am going to start tomorrow I promise.”

“Like you promised to tell me you loved me?”

“Will, please not today,” I still couldn’t say I loved Will. For six months we had been dating. I guess I knew deep down inside I would never love him. I had tried, but Will and I were fading, slipping away from each other. Will could sense my distance. I had really tried, but truthfully before I went to New York I had almost decided to end it with him.

“I think I am going to go.”

“Fine,” I wasn’t interested in arguing today. I didn’t even watch him go. I just watched London rushing around below me.

I reached for my last letter from Mr Anonymous, the words had stayed in my head all day. I couldn’t escape them, they were so beautiful. How did he know I loved Neruda, Sonnet XVII had always been one of my favourites.

I knew it was getting out of hand. He was in my head all the time. I had always thought I could never fall in love. The truth now was Mr Anonymous had already taken my heart so I had nothing to give to anyone else.

I felt guilty about Will, but I hadn’t been able to understand my feelings. I was damaged from my past that was real.

Now the only person who could get to me was someone I may never be able to have. I was in trouble of becoming more confused than ever. I really didn’t want to drag Will down with me. It wasn’t fair on him. I still cared about him. I had to set him free in the correct way.

“So you asked me to come here because?” Will asked as we stood looking at the River Thames. The river was rough today flowing fast. I spotted a few branches being carried by the current. I couldn’t look at Will, I knew what I was about to say was going to cut him deep.

“Will this isn’t working,” I whispered as I finally met his gaze.

Will’s face dropped, he put his hand through his light brown hair. “I knew this was coming.” His eyes were wet, but it did not appear he was going to cry.

“I am sorry. You know how much I have tried. I really care about you.”

“I will never stop loving you do you realise that?” Will looked at me intensely with his ocean eyes.

“You will meet someone else, give it time.”

“When you are my sister’s best friend? It will be torture for me,” Will was raising his voice a little.

“I will be in New York in less than two weeks. I thought it would be the easiest way for you.”

“Please Shannon,” Will went to reach for me, but I pulled away.

“Will it is over you have to let me go. I can’t love you.” I knew I had hurt him by my words. His face said it all.

“You can’t love anyone Shan so why not be with me? I thought I was the next best thing?”

“Will this is over please don’t make this more difficult for me.” I touched his face looking sincerely in his eyes. Will just nodded as a single tear fell down his face. I made my escape. I couldn’t watch his heart break in front of me.

The next few days I spent packing. With only ten days until New York I was a bit behind. I lived in my bedroom. Megan was angry with me for breaking her brother’s heart. I had grown tired of her lectures about what a huge mistake I had made.

I lay on my bed with my letters from Mr Anonymous spread across half of it. I heard a light tap on my door. I quickly collected them up, hiding them under my pillow thinking it would be Megan.

“Shan, can I come in are you decent?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah, come in,” I shouted.

Charlie appeared as gorgeous as ever in a designer black suit. Now he and Megan were back together, although taking it slowly, I had managed to control my desire for him. All women had to do that with him. Charlie couldn’t help it, at least I had got to kiss him.

“How are you doing?” He asked worried.

“Fine, I guess.”

“I can’t believe you finally dumped him. I am proud of you,” he teased, lying on my bed next to me.

“Don’t, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I didn’t love him,” I said simply.

“Are you that messed up that you can’t love him Shan?”

“I used to think so,” I whispered.

“What’s changed?” Charlie asked with confused eyes.

“I think it’s me. I realised he wasn’t the one,” I almost smiled.

“Are you saying you have found someone who is?” Charlie’s eyes widened.

“No, just that I’m looking,” I got up off the bed. “Where is Megan?”

“On the phone to Maisy,” Charlie stretched his hand and caught some of the letters under my pillow. “What are these?” He asked pulling them from under my pillow, beginning to read them.

“Nothing,” I replied quickly taking them off him.

“They don’t look like nothing to me. They looked like love letters.” Charlie smirked. He looked so gorgeous when he did that.

“No, really. I was just about to throw them away.”

“Shannon, they were under your pillow.”

“I… oh okay, they are from that guy that wrote me those letters months ago.”

“All of them?” Charlie looked shocked.

“Yes.”

“Well, he must really love you to send you that many letters. Who is he then?”

“I have no idea,” I sighed.

“You must have a clue. I mean look at how many letters you have.” Charlie pointed to my hands.

“I haven’t got a clue,” I looked down at the letters.

“You seem sad about that.” Charlie stood up in front of me lifting my chin up from the floor. “Why are you so sad?”

I couldn’t keep my feelings in, by this time I had to tell someone just so I knew it was real. “Because I think I have fallen in love with him.” My eyes began to water, tears trickled down my face. It hurt to know I was in love with someone who I would never know.

“Shannon,” Charlie wiped the tears away with his thumb. “Don’t cry.” It was all I could do. The tears wouldn’t stop. It was as if the loneliness had found me again after three years.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

A knock came from my door. “Shan have you seen Charlie? Oh, here you are,” Megan appeared at my door looking alarmed as she saw me crying. “Shannon, if it hurts that much ring Will. He will understand.” Megan looked at Charlie. “We will be late for your award Charlie. We better go.”

“What award?” I asked.

“Oh, I just got the Young Photographer award it’s nothing, we can stay if…”

“That is huge Charlie. You should go I am fine, really,” I replied wiping my face forcing a smile.

“Are you sure?” He asked looking deep into my eyes.

“Yes! Have a wonderful night.” I almost pushed them out the door. I really needed to be alone. Telling Charlie out loud that I was in love with someone I didn’t know had turned me into an emotional wreck. I needed to be alone with
his
words to me, my Mr Anonymous.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:

that word is love.

- Sophocles

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.

- William Shakespeare -

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil

but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

 – The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4 –

If you have it [love],

you don't need to have anything else.

If you don't have it,

it doesn't matter much what else you do have.

– Sir James M. Barrie –

I loved all the words he sent me, but one held a special place in my heart it skipped as I picked the piece of paper up. It was one of my favourite poems when I was a little girl. My Scottish teacher used to sing it in class. I would sing the Robert Burns song in my head some nights in the orphanage as I wept hoping I would find true love one day and be rescued!

Red Red Rose

O, my love is like a red, red rose,

That is newly sprung in June.

O, my love is like the melody,

That is sweetly played in tune.

As fair are you, my lovely lass,

So deep in love am I,

And I will love you still, my Dear,

Till all the seas go dry.

Till all the seas go dry, my Dear,

And the rocks melt with the sun!

O I will love you still, my Dear,

While the sands of life shall run.

And fare you well, my only Love,

And fare you well a while!

And I will come again, my Love,