Nothing Left to Lose (72 page)

He picked it up
and slid his finger under the tape. My nerves were frazzled; he was
being so slow, I was sure he was doing it on purpose. As he pulled
the paper off, his eyes widened and a beautiful smile stretched
across his face. “Oh God, Anna, I love this!” he enthused. I smiled
down at the photo of us that I’d put into a silver frame. It was
one of the ones from my father’s birthday party; I’d purchased it
from one of the photographers.

I grinned. “I
have a couple of others at home too, but I only brought one with me
because of the ridiculous baggage allowance restrictions,” I chimed
in.

“This is the
best thing that you could have gotten me,” he gushed, leaning in
and kissing me softly.

I chuckled
knowingly. “Yeah, until you see that one,” I teased, pointing to
the rectangular, gold, flat present. He picked it up quickly,
ripping it open. As he pulled out the sheet of paper inside and saw
that it was a trip itinerary, he looked up at me warningly. “I hope
that you’ve included yourself on whatever this is,” he said before
he even unfolded it.

I sighed,
knowing he would be difficult about it at first. “Ashton, don’t
start freaking out and panicking. No, I’m not going because it’s
really not something that I’d enjoy. Just get over it, alright?” I
stated, trying to look stern but probably failing miserably because
I actually loved the fact that he worried about me so much. “Smile,
please? I’m so excited about this, please don’t ruin it for me,” I
begged.

He sighed and
nodded, finally looking down at the printed sheet in his hand. As
he read it over, I saw the tension leave his face as he read the
details of it. “Holy shit! You’ve arranged for a driving weekend
for me and my friends? Shit, Anna, this is incredible!”

I grinned and
chewed on my lip as I nodded enthusiastically. I knew he would love
it. It was a weekend of driving in a Formula 1 car, with actual
tuition and lunch with one of the McLaren-Mercedes drivers. Once
I’d had the idea of it, my father had pulled in a lot of strings to
make it possible. Luckily, it was off season for the Grand Prix, so
that made it possible.

“Tell me that’s
not better than a photo,” I prompted, smirking at him.

He laughed,
shaking his head. “Okay, yeah, you got me. Thank you so much for
this, it’s amazing, seriously overboard, but amazing,” he sighed,
and his eyes tightened. “But you’ll come too, right?”

I groaned,
knowing that this was where it got difficult. I knew he wouldn’t
like being two and a half hours’ flight away from me. “I don’t want
to go. I booked this for you and your friends, and you can relax
without me being there. This really isn’t something that I’d
enjoy.”

He reached out
and touched my cheek softly, his eyes betraying his anxiousness. “I
don’t want to leave you.”

I sighed at the
puppy dog face that he pulled. “Please don’t do that face at me!
I’ve arranged for a guard to come and replace you for the weekend.
It’s just two nights. Please? Come on, you love this, right? Your
friends are gonna love this too,” I pleaded desperately.

He sighed and
looked down at the paper. “I really, really love this. Thank you,”
he said gratefully.

An excited
squeal left my lips as I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms
around his neck tightly. “Yes! I knew you’d love it!”

He laughed
quietly. “Why are you so excited? This is my gift, not yours.”

I sighed
happily and pulled back to look at him. “Yeah, but I love giving
you things.”

He nodded.
“Yeah, don’t I know it,” he muttered sarcastically. “But you know
what?” He bent forward and cupped my face in his hands. “This,” he
said, kissing me on the lips tenderly, “this kiss would have been
enough to make this the best Christmas I’ve ever had,” he stated,
his eyes sparkling and showing me the truth of his words.

My heart melted
to a puddle at his sweet words. “Well, in that case, now you’ve had
the kiss and get to go to drive a fast car!”

He shook his
head, laughing incredulously. “You are just too perfect, Baby
Girl,” he stated, looking at me softly.
Perfect? Yeah right, I’m
not; I’m moody, bitchy, needy, and aggressive!
“Your turn,” he
said, handing me a flat present the size of a birthday card.

I smiled
gratefully. “Thank you.” I silently prayed this would be something
we could do together. Tearing it open eagerly, I saw a Christmas
card inside. When I opened it, two tickets for Usher’s concert
tumbled out into my lap. Shock resonated through my body as my
mouth dropped open. They must have cost him a fortune. “Ashton…”
Tears welled in my eyes because of how thoughtful this was. Usher
was my favourite. “This is…” I was lost for words.

He smiled,
leaning forward and wiping the tear away as it fell down my face.
“You’re very welcome.”

I swallowed,
running my thumb over the little official silver hologram. “You are
so thoughtful; this is fantastic. Thank you.”

“So, who you
gonna take?” he asked, smiling at me.

I laughed and
pretended to think about it. “Hmm, I think maybe I’ll ask Rosie,” I
joked.

“Good choice. I
would have gone for Rosie too,” he winked at me playfully.

I literally
threw myself at him, knocking him flat onto his back as I kissed
him passionately. When I broke the kiss, I looked at him in awe
because he was just so special. “This is the best Christmas, ever,”
I whispered truthfully.

He stroked his
hand down my back softly. “I’m glad you’re having a good time.”

“I’m not having
a good time, I’m having the best time of my life here with you,” I
corrected, smiling ecstatically.

His hand
tangled into the back of my hair as he tilted my head back and
kissed the tip of my nose. “I got you something else too,” he
whispered.

My overeager,
hormone ridden body was already imagining things that he could do
for me as a present. I raised one eyebrow, pressing closer to him.
“Oh really? And would this thing involve your tongue doing sinful
things to my body?”

He laughed
wickedly and shook his head. “No, pervert!”

My mouth
dropped open in shock as heat spread across my face because
obviously I’d taken his comment the wrong way. “Oh.”

He was still
laughing as he rolled us to the side and reached into the drawer
beside his bed, producing a little, red velvet jewellery box. “That
wasn’t the gift that I had planned, but I can absolutely do that
after if you want.” He grinned at me and my blush deepened. “This
is what I actually meant.”

My breath
caught in my throat as he held out the box to me. “Why did you buy
me something else? The concert tickets were already too much,” I
whispered, watching his face, just marvelling over him like I had
done hundreds of times before.

“Just open it,”
he instructed.

I gulped and
took the box, sitting up on the bed as I ran my fingers over the
soft, velvety material. Lifting the lid slowly, I saw a beautiful
pair of emerald stud earrings. My hand unconsciously went to my
matching necklace and rubbed over the emerald stone that I hadn’t
taken off since the day that he’d put it around my neck. Air rushed
out of my lungs because of how precious the earrings were. The sun
shining through the window made them sparkle and cast green shadows
over my chest and wrist. I looked up at him and couldn’t speak. No
one could be this perfect, could they?

“You like
them?” he asked, looking a little unsure. “You can change them if
you want to. Don’t say you like them if you don’t, I mean, I’m not
good at picking out jewellery or anything. You probably hate
them.”

I put my hand
out, covering his mouth to stop any more ridiculous words tumbling
out. “Thank you. I love them,” I whispered. The word didn’t even
cover how much I was in love with the earrings.

He smiled
against my hand. “You’re welcome,” he mumbled through my hand, his
voice muffled.

I sighed
happily and swung my legs out of bed. “I’m going to put these in,”
I stated, unable to take my eyes from the little green stones
nestled in the cream folds of silk.

“Hey, I thought
I was doing sinful things to your body with my tongue!” he called
as I walked out of the room towards the bedroom.

I grinned over
my shoulder. “Hold that thought for two minutes while I put on my
gift, and then maybe I’ll let my tongue do sinful things to your
body too, to show you how grateful I am.”

That day was
the most magical, lazy Christmas I’d ever had. Ashton and I lay on
the beach in a hammock, listening to my iPod, sipping cocktails. It
was pure perfection.

Unfortunately,
our time in paradise seemed to whizz past all too quickly. On our
last day, my heart sank with every item of clothing I packed into
the suitcases. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to go back to
reality or back to our friends. The most special thing about being
here with him wasn’t the view or the sea, or even the whirlpool
bath with the one way glass wall that looked out over the
never-ending ocean. No, it was the fact that I had Ashton Taylor
all to myself, and his undivided attention. Here, I could love him
without the pressure or the barriers, but once we went home again,
that would have to change. I couldn’t let this carry on. I couldn’t
build my life around him any more than I already did. I couldn’t
allow him any closer.

Of course, I
was hoping that once his assignment was finished, he’d want to
remain friends, talk on the phone, maybe visit occasionally. I
already had a secret fantasy where I finished my college course and
moved to LA to get a job, and then I could hang out with him and
Nate all the time. The only trouble with that idea was that maybe
he’d already be taken by then. Maybe I’d have to watch him play
house with some other girl and spoil her rotten with his little
romantic gestures that make my heart ache. The thought of him with
another girl brought tears to my eyes.

The vacation
was the best thing that ever happened to me, but in a way it was
also the worst too. If we’d never come here then maybe I never
would have realised my love for him. Maybe I would be staggering
along in blissful denial, and then I wouldn’t be feeling like this
inside. Life was so much easier when I had nothing to lose. No
matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to force him out of my
heart, and that terrified me because he could be taken from me at
any minute and I would be powerless to shield myself from the pain
and devastation. The pain doubled in my chest and I sniffed and
wiped my teary face, taking a few calming breaths, knowing I was
now going to have to have that painful and awkward conversation
with him.

Anna had been
quiet all morning. Distant. It scared me. I wanted to ask her what
she was thinking about, but something told me it was best to let
her work it out. She liked to be in control and do things for
herself. If she needed to talk to me or ask for help, she
would.

“I’m gonna go
shower, Baby Girl, then I’ll help you pack, okay?” I suggested,
wanting to give her a little space.

“Sure, I’ll
make a start,” she replied, turning her back on me. The
disappointment that settled in the pit of my stomach made me feel
nauseous. I made my way to the bathroom, shrugging out of my
clothes and tossing them carelessly onto the side as I switched on
the water. The spray pounded down onto my shoulders as I looked out
over the ocean. I would definitely bring her back here one day as
I’d promised. My mind was preoccupied with thoughts of going home,
back to normality, school and far guards, so I didn’t even hear her
come into the room.

“Hi, got room
for one more?”

My heart leapt
in my chest. I turned to see her standing in the doorway, naked.
Her glorious body made my mouth water, but her face made my heart
stop. She’d been crying. Her eyes were red, but she was faking a
smile to cover whatever she was feeling.

I held out a
hand to her and nodded. “Definitely.”

As her hand
closed over mine, allowing me to help her into the shower, I looked
over her face worriedly. The hurt and sadness was easy to see. When
her big, brown eyes met mine, the tenderness I could see there made
my heart race. I could see in her eyes that she loved me, she was
scared, but she loved me. I knew it now, even if she didn’t.

Her eyes filled
with tears as she reached out a hand and traced her fingertips
across my chest. She pulled my face down to hers. I kissed her
desperately, showing her how much I loved her, wanted her and
needed her. She kissed me back with the same intensity; the kiss
was so sweet it was almost too much to bear.

Every time I
had been with her was incredible, but this was simply mind-blowing,
it was more than sex, it was everything to me, so tender and
perfect. It was as if she touched every part of my body, mind and
soul, and I knew that I would want her and only her, forever. There
was no doubt in my mind that we were made for each other.

I didn’t ask
her what happened now, or why it happened. I didn’t need a label or
anything this time. I knew she loved me, so I could give her all
the time in the world to realise it.

It didn’t
matter that she was about to tell me this was a mistake, that it
couldn’t happen again and that things would go back to normal once
we were home. I knew she was trying to let me in, she was trying to
let herself love me and that was a gargantuan step for her. Even if
I had to wait forever for her to realise that she loved me, I would
always be grateful for this vacation. I’d got to make her
blissfully happy for two weeks and that would see me through a
lifetime full of hurt.

After we’d made
love in the shower, I held her in my arms, not wanting to let
go.