Nothing Left to Lose (71 page)

I swallowed the
lump that formed in my throat. It terrified me, being in love
again. I didn’t like it. Most people would say that being in love
was the best feeling in the world, and to some degree, I would
agree with them, but not when all you could think about was losing
it or watching something awful happen so that your heart shatters
into a thousand tiny, jagged little pieces. No, being in love was
more frightening than gratifying.

As I looked
away from him, my gaze settled on the wall of glass opposite the
bed. Looking out over the ocean that sparkled like a thousand
diamonds sat just below the surface, I realised that as magnificent
as the view was to wake up to, it actually had nothing on waking
and seeing Ashton.

His arms
tightened on me in his sleep as he fidgeted, let out a rather loud,
nasal snore, and then licked his lips a couple of times, blissfully
unaware that I was awake and panicking about being in love with
him.

As I lay in
Ashton’s arms, my thoughts turned to Jack. I had never thought I
would have someone in my life again after him, in fact, I thought
he was
it
. My one true love. But maybe, as a silly immature
sixteen year old girl, maybe I didn’t have any idea of what true
love really was back then. This felt different with Ashton,
I
felt different. Maybe this was a different kind of love
than what I had for Jack. Somehow, it felt deeper. I loved Jack so
incredibly much, but I was
in love
with Ashton. To me, there
was a gulf of a difference. Ashton was just special, he was the one
I needed and the one that understood me and accepted the messed up
girl that I was now. He was the one that I felt totally and utterly
at home with. He was everything that was good in my world. If I had
to choose a cliché term, I would say that Ashton Taylor was my soul
mate, and the one that was designed to be my other half.

After almost
half an hour of just lying there, worrying about things, going over
things and realising that I had no control over my emotions
anymore, I decided that the best thing I could do now was to try
and ignore it and to order him some breakfast – after all, the way
to his heart was
certainly
through his stomach.

Getting out of
bed without him noticing was always a tricky affair, and it took a
lot of wriggling and slow movements. As I finally managed to worm
my way out of his arms, I shoved my pillow back into my place,
watching as his arms immediately hugged the pillow to his chest,
completely unaware that it wasn’t me.

I slipped on
his shirt from the previous night and then padded into the lounge,
finding the menus for the little café that apparently delivered the
food straight to your villa. After scanning it for a few seconds, I
picked up the phone and ordered what I guessed he would want.

The food didn’t
take long to arrive, and the waiter guy carried in a large tray,
setting it on the table for me. Once he was gone, I made sure to
lock the door, just like Ashton would want me to, and then I
carried the heavy tray into the bedroom. He was still asleep,
hugging the pillow to his chest affectionately.

“Ashton?” I
whispered.

His arms
tightened on the pillow. “Mmm?” he mumbled with his eyes
closed.

“Pretty Boy,
wake up. I ordered breakfast,” I cooed, stopping at the foot of the
bed.

His eyes
snapped open at the mention of food, and he looked straight down at
the pillow in his arms, clearly confused because it wasn’t me. I
chuckled wickedly at his bemused expression and finally his sleepy
eyes settled on me. “Hey,” he rasped.

I grinned,
nodding at the pillow as he dropped it back onto the bed and sat
up. “Who’s your friend?” I joked.

He laughed and
swung his legs out of the bed, throwing off the white sheet that
covered his body. My eyes widened and I seemed to lose control of
them as they immediately flitted down his body, taking in every
glorious, naked inch of him.

“Pervert,” he
scolded playfully.

I shrugged
unashamedly. “So arrest me,” I replied breathlessly, sinking my
teeth into my bottom lip as I imagined running my tongue across the
V line at his hips and following it all the way down…

The tray was
taken out of my hands and set on the bed, and then strong, tanned
arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his hard body.
“Good morning,” he whispered, bending his head and capturing my
lips in the first kiss of the day.

I sighed
dreamily and nodded. “It is now.”

He grinned
boyishly and pulled back. “So where shall we eat?” he asked,
pulling on a pair of shorts from the drawer, thwarting my
inappropriate examination of his body.

I gulped,
snapping out of my little fantasy and forced my eyes back to his
again. “Terrace?” Any place with him would be fine with me.

He nodded,
picking up the tray and we both made our way out to the terrace,
sitting on the little table. I clipped up the umbrella to provide
some shade while we ate so that we didn’t burn. As Ashton lifted
the two silver lids from the plates, he moaned in appreciation at
the pile of French toast that sat there for him. It was his
favourite by far, and something I usually only made for him at the
weekends.

As he poured
two cups of coffee, his hand suddenly stilled and he frowned over
at me. “Wait, where the hell did you get this food from?”

“Room service?”
I answered, unsure what I’d done to spark his angry expression.

His mouth
popped open as he shook his head in disbelief. “You ordered room
service and answered the door while I was still asleep?” he asked
incredulously.

I smiled
sarcastically. “Well, duh, that’s how room service usually
works.”

He snorted and
put the coffee pot down forcefully, still frowning at me. “Anna,
you don’t do that! Something could have happened, you can’t answer
the door like that,” he scolded.

I sighed
because he hadn’t relaxed at all. “Ashton, seriously, chill out.
You really think someone’s gonna jump me posing as a waiter?” I
giggled and shook my head at his overprotectiveness.

He didn’t look
amused at all. “Miss Spencer, you can’t-”

I held up my
hand and interrupted him.

“Er,
Mrs
Taylor,
if you please,” I corrected, knowing it would ease some
of his tension.

His face
softened for a fraction of a second before he put his stern face
back on. “Fine, Mrs Taylor, you don’t do that again. I’ll answer
the door,” he barked, using his SWAT Agent voice on me.

I rolled my
eyes.
Maybe in a couple of days he’ll relax.
“Okay, Mr
Overprotective,” I stuck out my tongue.

He sighed and
took my hand. “Look, I’m sorry. I hate telling you that you can’t
do things, but it’s my job, okay? If we were home, you wouldn’t
answer the door to someone who you didn’t know,” he explained,
looking at me apologetically.

I shrugged. “I
guess, but no one knows I’m here.”

He frowned down
at his plate. “I still need to do my job. I need you safe.”

I nodded,
seeing that this conversation was making him uncomfortable. He was
right, he genuinely didn’t like to tell me no, I already knew that.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” I agreed. “Do you want some of my
pancakes?” I offered, changing the subject.

Our day was
spent on the beach, snorkelling, sunbathing, and generally fooling
around and laughing. The cocktails that the beach bar served were
delicious, though we both opted for virgin ones this time. Ashton
was snacking on the free cupcakes and doughnuts the whole day,
claiming that he needed a sugar boost because I was wearing him
out.

That night we
dined in the more upmarket restaurant that was located just off the
reception. The food was so incredible that I actually ended up
eating three desserts. Afterwards, we went to the little lounge
clearing in the woods where we went last night. Instead of steel
drums, there was a pianist this time. The whole night, Ashton and I
chatted and laughed while holding hands, or danced. It was
perfection.

At closing
time, Ashton suggested that we walk a little way up the beach
before returning to our villa. As I slipped off my shoes, he took
them out of my hand. The sand was nice and cool now. The moonlight
reflected off the sea, sparkling and shimmering. I internally
swooned at how romantic it all was. The beauty and tranquillity of
it was astounding.

“It’s nice
here, huh?” Ashton stated when we stopped and threw a couple of
seashells into the water.

I laughed at
his choice of word. “Just nice? Are we at the same place?”

“Okay yeah,
it’s incredible,” he amended, laughing.

“This is the
nicest place I’ve ever been. It’s amazing here. I want to come back
some day.” I stooped and picked up another couple of shells and a
pebble, throwing them into the water too, watching the ripples.

“I’ll bring you
back one day,” he promised, wrapping his arms around me and
pressing his chest to my back. My breath caught in my throat. I
would love that! Maybe, if we managed to stay friends after his
assignment finished, we could vacation again together one year.

“Yeah? Cool,” I
replied, trying not to show that I was affected by what he’d
said.

He kissed the
back of my neck, just once, before moving away. I turned back,
seeing that he’d sat on the sand a couple of feet behind me. His
legs were stretched out in front of him as he just watched me with
a smile on his face.

“Why so happy?”
I inquired.

He shrugged
easily. “I love to make you happy, it makes me happy.”

My heart melted
as I dropped the last couple of shells and pebbles I had and walked
over to him, settling myself on his lap, straddling him. My stomach
fluttered because that was just how I felt about him. Seeing him
happy made me happy too.

I pressed my
lips to his, seeming to light a fire inside myself that only he
could extinguish. His arms looped around me, pulling me closer to
him as the kiss deepened, and then I was lost.

Over the next
few days, I had the time of my life. Each day was different to the
one before, we snorkelled, sunbathed, hiked, hired a pedal boat,
and even took a ride over to the next island on a speedboat and did
a little shopping. We spent a lot of the day just holding hands and
talking. Ashton had finally relaxed, and even let me go to the bar
on my own a couple of times. The evenings were spent either in the
lounge bar watching the entertainment that the hotel laid on, or
just lying on our terrace, eating dinner under the stars. The whole
vacation had been spectacular. And the sex; my whole body ached in
a satisfied way that it had never done before. The thought of going
back to school was almost painful because I knew our ‘relationship’
would have to come to an end.

On Christmas
morning, the sun shone through the window, heating my back. My head
was on Ashton’s chest, and his arms were securely around me. A
happy sigh left my lips.
This is already the best Christmas
ever, and I’ve only been awake for ten seconds!

I snuggled
closer to him and looked up at his face. He was still asleep and
looked like a dream because he was so beautiful. Pressing my face
into the side of his neck, I breathed him in. It was like sensory
overload as his unique scent filled my lungs and made me moan
breathlessly.

He shifted
slightly, and a lazy kiss was planted on the side of my head.

Excitement
bubbled up inside me because he was awake and I could give him his
presents. I’d already forwarded the other gifts that I’d bought –
the main one being to all of his friends back in LA. The gift that
I’d bought for Ashton would be better with a group of friends going
too. I had no doubt in my mind that he was going to love it.

I pulled back
to look at him again, and he grinned at me. “Good morning, Baby
Girl. Merry Christmas,” he whispered as he bent his head to kiss
me. I smiled against his lips and rolled on top of him, before
sitting up and smiling excitedly.

“Merry
Christmas to you too. Can I give you your present now?” I asked
excitedly.

A wicked smile
crept onto his lips as his hands slid up my thighs, over my hips,
and settled on my waist with his thumbs on the skin just under my
breasts. “Oh yeah, I would love my present,” he purred
suggestively. Desire built inside me quickly, and the gift giving
was long forgotten as I dipped my head and captured his lips in a
soft kiss. Before things could progress, he rolled so that he was
hovering above me. “I was joking, you know. I’d like to give you
your gift too,” he said, laughing.

I nodded, too
lost in the moment to stop. “Maybe later,” I muttered, guiding his
mouth down to mine again as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

One intense
lovemaking session later, I watched as he climbed out of the bed
and fumbled through one of our suitcases before plucking something
out of the side pocket and strutting back to the bed. I’d been more
organised and already had mine placed under the bed where I could
reach them. I leant down, picking them up, unable to keep the smile
off my face.

As he settled
back into the bed, we exchanged gifts. I nodded to the two things
in his lap. “Do yours first, I want to watch you open them.” I
didn’t actually care what he’d bought for me, he didn’t need to
have gotten me anything at all, I already owed him more than I
could ever give him for what he’d done for my life in the last four
months.

He smiled
worriedly. “You promise that you didn’t go crazy? You agreed not to
go overboard.”

“I didn’t go
overboard,” I confirmed. Well, I didn’t think I did anyway, but he
may have a different idea about boundaries and limits. I pointed to
the cheaper one. “Do that one first,” I chirped.