Nothing Left to Lose (19 page)

He sighed and
raked a hand through his hair. “Anna, we’re gonna need to kiss in
public occasionally. Couples kiss…”

I nodded in
agreement. He was right there; if the boyfriend façade was going to
hold, I was going to have to kiss him a couple of times, at least
in the first few days. “Okay, yeah I guess.”

“What about
dating?” he asked.

Damn it, I
didn’t think about that either!
“Yeah, of course, that’s fine.
We’ll say we have an open relationship, and then that way you can
still see other girls,” I agreed, nodding. That way he could still
live his life whilst stuck guarding mine.

He burst out
laughing, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean me dating other girls!”
he choked out, chuckling wickedly.

For some reason
my stomach unclenched when he said that. Although it shouldn’t
have, a small amount of jealousy had settled over me at the thought
of him being with someone else. “What then?”

As my swing
propelled towards him, he reached out, gripping my ankles and
gently pulled me to a stop as he crouched down in front of me. I
sucked in a breath through my teeth, knowing that I might have to
rethink the rules we’d just made. Even that little action was sexy
as hell, yet it wasn’t sexual at all. I had a feeling it was just
his hands on my body that kept sending me over the edge.

“I meant
us
dating,” he clarified. “We’re supposed to be a couple;
couples go out together, don’t they? Movies, dinner, dancing. Do
you dance?”

“Yeah, I dance.
Well, not really anymore, I mean, I don’t go anywhere to dance so…”
I trailed off, looking at the floor. I used to like to dance, but
that was the old Anna that was confident in her body, the
happy-go-lucky girl that liked to giggle and smile up at the
sunshine and eat picnics with her friends.

“So maybe if we
ever go out somewhere I might get to dance with you,” he suggested,
raising one eyebrow in question. I bit my lip and nodded. I wasn’t
anticipating going to parties, but I didn’t want to explain that to
him right now. All I was interested in was trying to make it
through college without being kicked out again. A boyish grin crept
onto his face. “So, I can take you out on dates and dance with you
at parties, as long as I don’t touch you sexually. But I can hug
you, and kiss you occasionally?” he checked, grinning, seeming like
he was struggling not to laugh. “It sounds like we’re an old,
married couple.”

I chuckled and
nodded. “You’re old, I’m not,” I joked, raising my foot and putting
it on his chest, pushing gently. Where he was crouched on the balls
of his feet, I caught him off balance and he fell back onto his
ass, laughing. I giggled wickedly as he stood up and dusted the
grass and dirt from his behind, before taking the swing next to
mine.

I smiled over
at him, only just realising how much I’d missed just joking around
with someone and laughing. For the last three years I’d barely
interacted with anyone, choosing to make myself a recluse as I
rejected my friends and family. It was nice just having someone to
talk to for a change.

His smile
slowly faded as his shoulders tightened, so I knew we weren’t done
yet. “What now?” I prompted.

He sighed and
looked down at his hands. “I have one last thing I want to talk to
you about.” I waited for him to speak again, wondering what else I
could have possibly forgotten. I thought I’d reasoned it all out
before knocking on his door, apparently I was wrong. His eyes came
up to meet mine again. “I hate your nightmares.”

I snorted. He
knew nothing of my nightmares. “Join the club.”

He nodded, his
eyes not leaving mine. “I have two options for you, both of them
are okay with me so you can choose,” he continued. “One of them
I’ve suggested already. I change my sleeping pattern and sleep
while you’re awake. It’ll just be like me working nights,” he
suggested.

I frowned,
shaking my head adamantly. “No. What’s the other suggestion?”

He sighed. “I
sleep on the floor in your room. Or we could get one of those
pull-out sofas or something. For some reason, you seem to sleep
better if I’m in the room.”

The reason was
obvious to me. His snoring. And yes, I did sleep better with him
there. It was almost as if I could still sense his protective
presence while I was asleep, and that stopped me from going to that
dark and terrible place where my memories taunted me in the form of
nightmares.

“I guess a sofa
bed might work,” I agreed.

A satisfied
smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he nodded happily.
“Once we get to our apartment, we can order one. Until then, I’ll
just sleep on the floor,” he agreed. I opened my mouth, about to
suggest that he could just sleep on the bed with me until we
ordered a sofa bed, but then I remembered what had transpired
between us this morning and my lips pressed together tightly. “Are
you all packed and stuff for college?” he asked, changing the
subject.

Packed? I
hadn’t even started. “Not really. It won’t take long to throw a few
pairs of jeans and a few T-shirts into a bag though.” I shrugged,
using my feet to start my swing off again.

His gaze swept
over me as he nodded. “Have you always been a tom boy?” he
questioned. “Not that you don’t look good, of course, because I’m
pretty sure you could make a used garbage bag look hot. I was just
wondering.”

“Um… well,
first off, thanks for the weird compliment,” I joked, blushing
profusely. I tugged on the bottom of my shirt, fingering the
material that I purposefully bought three sizes too big. “It’s just
easier for me this way. If I wear something fitted then guys hit on
me, and I just can’t… I don’t deal well with it.” I shrugged.

He reached out,
taking hold of the chain of my swing and pulling me to a wobbly
stop. “You have me now. You don’t need to worry about guys hitting
on you. You could dress in whatever you wanted.” He pulled his cell
phone from his pocket, glancing at the screen. “It’s only just
lunchtime; want me to take you shopping?”

I raised one
eyebrow at the offer. He was right, with this new arrangement and
him attending school with me, I wouldn’t need to worry as much.
Maybe I could buy myself a few new things. When I was younger, I
was always a girlie girl. Like any carefree sixteen year old, I
liked summer dresses, skirts, shorts and heels. A small smile
tugged at the corners of my mouth when I thought about having a
tiny piece of me back again. Shopping sounded like a nice idea.

“Okay,” I
agreed, nodding gratefully. I looked out across the grass, seeing
the house in the distance. “Race you back?” I challenged.

He frowned,
looking over at the house too. “That’s not fair, I’ve seen you
run,” he protested.

I shrugged.
“It’s my favourite way to exercise,” I answered. I said the words
but my mind flicked to my morning workout with him in my bedroom. I
definitely had a new favourite now. I blushed at the thought. He
looked at me curiously, making me blush harder as I worried that he
knew what I was thinking. “Maybe you should try running with me
sometime, it’ll build up your stamina, you’re a bit lax.” The heat
in my cheeks flamed hotter as I realised I’d unintentionally just
flirted with him.

He raised a
teasing eyebrow. Clearly he’d noticed. “I have a problem with my
stamina?”

“Oh yeah,
definitely,” I joked, winking at him. I nodded back towards the
house again. “Race? Come on, Pretty Boy, where’s the inner tough
guy? Scared you’ll get beaten by a girl?” I teased, smirking at
him.

He shook his
head adamantly. “I’m not scared, I just don’t think it’s fair
that-” Midsentence, he suddenly sprang from his swing and burst
forward. “Go!” he shouted over his shoulder, chuckling
wickedly.

I gasped, and
my mouth popped open in shock as I jumped to my feet too. “You
freaking cheater!” I cried, giggling as I sprinted after him.

“Oh, for the
love of God, can we
please
be done? Seriously, when I
suggested shopping, what I actually should have suggested was
buying a tin of paint, slapping it on a wall and watching it dry!”
Ashton whined, cocking his head to the side and pouting at me.

I chuckled
wickedly. Things had started out fine at first, he’d followed me
around, smiling and nodding as I picked up things or tried them on.
Three hours later and he was checking his cell phone every ten
minutes, grunting in response to my ‘like this shirt’ questions,
and dragging his feet as he walked. I must admit, I did find it
entertaining and was stringing out the shopping trip, purposefully
picking up everything, silently considering it before setting it
back down again. His reactions amused me.

I looked down
at his hands that were laden with my shopping bags and smiled,
knowing I couldn’t push him any further. How he’d made it this
long, I had no idea. He must have the patience of a saint because
I’d been ready to go after an hour.

“So I’ve found
your weakness. You’re a shopping lightweight,” I teased.

He blew out a
big breath and shook his head. “A lightweight would have begged to
go home an hour ago when you made me walk past that pizza joint
without buying anything. Personally, I think I should get a medal
for sticking it this long,” he countered.

I grinned. “I
made you walk past the pizza place because you’d already eaten your
way through a whole supersized McDonalds, followed by an apple
pie!” I’d never seen anyone eat as much as Ashton did. It was
unnatural.

“I needed the
calories so I could carry your bags!” He held up my numerous
shopping bags in evidence and raised one eyebrow.

Finally
conceding, I nodded. “Okay, let’s just go home now then, your
whining is giving me a headache,” I joked. I’d bought enough new
things to keep me going for a couple of weeks anyway.

He pumped the
air with one fist, and a smile graced his face for the first time
in two hours. “Yes, thank you!” he chirped. His eyes flitted over
my shoulder and his smile widened. “Let’s get some cookies to take
back with us.” I burst out laughing, shaking my head in
disbelief.

Once we’d
gotten back to the house and I’d hung all of my clothes up, I
didn’t want to do much other than just sit and chill, so I
suggested watching a movie – and he suggested popcorn.

After finally
seeking out popcorn from the cupboards and microwaving it, I
slumped onto the sofa in the lounge, while he looked over the wall
of DVDs that we had accumulated over the years. After making his
choice, he put it on, turned off the lights and then dropped onto
the sofa next to me, smiling wickedly.

“What’d you
choose?” I asked, watching as the trailers started up.

“Mama.”

I frowned and
nodded, not having heard of it. “Is that a scary one?”

He chuckled and
shoved his hand into the popcorn bowl. “I wouldn’t hazard a
guess.”

Shifting to get
comfortable, I twisted to the side and put my legs in his lap
because there wasn’t much room. He didn’t seem to mind. In the
flickering glow of the TV, I saw him smile as he laid his arm
across my legs, scooting down in his seat to get more
comfortable.

As the movie
played, he started absentmindedly rubbing my feet and ankles, and
eventually was massaging the back of my calves with his hands up
the leg of my jeans. Out of nowhere the lights flicked on and I let
out a little squeal because the movie was at a particularly scary
part and my heart was already racing in my chest.

My mother
stopped short, her hand still on the light switch as her eyes
widened in surprise. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realise anyone was in
here,” she apologised quickly. Her eyes flitted to my legs where
Ashton’s hand disappeared up the bottom of my jeans. Catching on to
how it probably looked to an outsider, I moved my legs quickly and
sat up, clearing my throat awkwardly.

“It’s okay;
we’re just watching a movie. Want to watch?” I offered, feeling the
heat creep up my neck and spread across my face.

A small smile
tugged at the corners of her mouth as she flicked the lights back
off again. “No thanks, I’ll watch something in the other room. See
you two tomorrow,” she turned and left, closing the door tightly
behind her.

I sank my teeth
into my lip and turned to look at Ashton to see if he found that as
awkward as I did, but apparently he didn’t seem to care about the
interruption and was just watching the movie again. Settling back
down into the warm spot I’d created. I tried to watch the movie,
but I couldn’t get into it again. All I could think about was
Ashton rubbing my legs, how nice it had felt at the time, and what
on earth my mother had made of it.

When it was
finally over, he turned the lights back on while I took the disk
from the DVD player. “You like that?” I inquired, clipping it back
into the case.

He shrugged,
crinkling his nose. “Not really. It was alright,” he answered,
shrugging. “To be honest, I was expecting it to scare you; I was
hoping you’d be begging me to cuddle you or something. Plan didn’t
work.” He smiled in my direction, so I slapped him in the stomach
with the DVD case.

I laughed
incredulously and rolled my eyes as I picked up the empty popcorn
bowl. “It didn’t work because you distracted me with all your foot
rubbing,” I joked.

He clicked his
tongue in disapproval and shook his head. “I didn’t even realise I
was doing that until your mom came in.”

I smiled
weakly, heading out of the room and into the kitchen. “Don’t whine,
it doesn’t become you. Besides, I’m sure I’ll get plenty scared
over the next eight months,” I replied sarcastically, as I put our
empty glasses and bowl into the sink.

He stepped up
close behind me, his chest practically touching my back. His breath
blew down my neck as he spoke, “You’re finally convinced I’m not
gonna quit then?” he asked.