Nobody's Baby (21 page)

“Weren’t you listening? She’s already rejected me.”

“Not exactly. I suspect she’s rejected the feeble reasons you gave her to talk her into changing her plans. No surprise there. The girl deserves to know what the real choice is, son. And just as important, you’ll never shake that nagging feeling until you tell her the truth. At least then she’ll have all the facts to make a decision and you’ll know you did everything you could to win her over.”

“You really believe that.”

“I do indeed, but give this careful consideration and do it right.”

“What does that mean?”

His mom just smiled and patted his shoulder. “You know her better than me. You figure it out.”

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K
ate secured a little bungalow close to campus after looking at only three places. It had a natural stone façade with a little arch spanning the pillars of her tiny porch and had at one time been a gardeners cottage. As such, it also boasted a little greenhouse attached to the living room. She was willing to admit that room might have sealed the deal for her because it reminded her of the sunroom at the Winter Park condo.

Zach and Dean helped her move in that Saturday evening so she would be out of her duplex by the end of the month. Between their two vehicles, one trip sufficed for transporting all her possessions. They did a repeat of their Thanksgiving evening, substituting unpacking for the games. The guys brought sleeping bags and crashed after she’d treated them to a Bucket-O-Chicken meal, beers and sodas.

She’d also managed to wrangle an impromptu tour of the university the following Monday.

D
uring the trek, she learned from a student, who introduced himself as “Dom,” that he hadn’t been able to go home for the holiday due to budgetary restraints. Details were provided between points of interest on campus. Apparently his mom lost her job and money for airfare went to the mortgage, and the whole thing was a big, freakin’ drag. Oh, yeah, and that occasional bad smell? The result of feedlots and cattle slaughter houses. Yuck.

Today was her second visit to the University of Northern Colorado campus, and she was beginning to feel like she’d landed on another planet, though a recent warming trend made for a beautiful day. She couldn’t help wondering if Rio and A.J. were in a park somewhere or out for a walk, looking at the same spectacular sky.

Smoothing her poncho underneath her bottom, she sat on the steps of the administrative building and looked out over the walkways crowded with students. Busy ants, going about their business, their conversations punctuated randomly with “like.”

She was accustomed to her brothers’ antics and unfamiliar lingo being injected into conversations so that she had to suss out the meaning. For the most part, she thought herself inured to the sheer grossness they could bring to a perfectly pedestrian occasion. Young people definitely made their own fun. They lived on hyperdrive until they crashed for a few hours then got up and did it again. Therein lay the problem. She hadn’t even started classes and already the younger crowd exhausted her with their boundless energy, just like her brothers did.

Feeling out of place among fellow students wasn’t totally unexpected, but Kate hadn’t thought she’d feel like there was a great gulf between her and them in terms of maturity.

Hey, she wasn’t old or anything. Mid twenties was nowhere near old, but to the freshman crowd she apparently stuck out like the moon on a clear, midnight sky. It was depressing.

“Excuse me, are you Dr. Taylor?”

Kate looked up, shielding her eyes against the bright winter sun. A girl blessed with flawless skin and strawberry blonde hair, looking to be all of fourteen, gazed down on her in an inquisitive fashion. Cheerleader, if the perky ponytail was a clue. Maybe pep squad. “Ah, no.”

“Oh. Well, have you seen her around?” The girl scanned the area, then shrugged. “She’s like a friend of my mother’s from way back.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know any Dr. Taylor.”

“For real? I guess it’s like a big place then, huh?  I’m supposed to meet her here.” She giggled. “At least I think it was here. Is this, like, the administration building?”

“It is.”

She nodded, looked about again as if expecting Dr. Taylor to appear out of thin air, then stuck out her hand and flashed an award-winning smile. “I’m Heather.”

“Kate.” She accepted the hand, withdrawn almost as quickly as it was offered.

“So, do you work on campus?”

“I’m a student, or will be next semester.”

Heather’s gaze flicked over her. “Oh. Like, for real?”

God help her. “For real.”             

“I graduated early, so, me too. Love the poncho. My aunt has one kinda like that.”

“Thanks.” And thank God, Kate thought, that she’d been blessed with brothers.

“Oh, wait. I get it. You’re a grad student, right? My mom said there’d be, like, older students here too.” She rolled her eyes and dipped her knees while exhaling with dramatic flair. “I’m not supposed to talk to any boys older than me, which would be, like, everybody.”

“You know, you might want to check and see if Dr. Taylor is waiting inside. Wouldn’t that be something? You waiting outside, her waiting inside?”

Heather giggled again. “How lame would that be? Okay, well, nice to meet you, Kate.”

Before Kate could respond, something caught Heather’s gaze and she let out a squeal that made Kate wince. The girl turned and ran down the steps away from the building screeching, “Ohmigod, ohmigod,
ohmigod
!” She flew across the sidewalk to two girls getting out of a sporty little red car. More high-pitched squeals along with hugging and some kind of jumping up and down ritual ensued. Definitely cheerleaders. All three of them talked at once, but somehow they seemed to understand it all.

Kate didn’t see how that was possible and was sure she’d never been that breezily inane, not even at ... whatever ridiculously young age those girls were.

That evening, after thinking back over the events of her day from her bungalow, Kate called Zach.

“Hey, what’s up?” he greeted her, without a trace of the animosity that had existed between them for months.

“Zach, have you ever felt like the odd man out, even with people your age?” She hadn’t felt the least bit out of her element around Rio.

“Pretty random question, Kate.”

“I’m serious.”

“Hold on a sec.” There was some rustling and muffled talk, then a door closed. “’kay, I’m back.”

“Why didn’t you say you had someone over? Call me back tomorrow.”

“It’s all good. So, odd man out, right? I guess the answer is sometimes. I mean, you know how it was. We went through stuff most kids don’t experience until a lot later in life. Why do you ask? Did somebody say something to make you uncomfortable?”

Man, it felt so good to be able to talk to him again. Really talk like they used to late at night. “Not intentionally. I just feel so much older.”

“Well, duh, Kate. You essentially became a mother to two half-grown kids at seventeen, managed a house and school, then after graduation, a part-time job with babysitting on the side.”

Her throat thickened a little, just hearing him acknowledge her like that.

“Hello? You’re not getting all misty on me, are you?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Look, it’s final exam time. People hole up to study, they’re stressed and sleep-deprived and things on campus get a little weird. Maybe it’ll feel different to you when the new semester starts.”

“I don’t think that’s it. Maybe it’s me. I just feel like something’s off here. It’s not anything like I expected.”

“How’s the new place?”

“Fine.”

“Preregistered?”

“Check.”

“Give it a little time. It felt a little weird when I started college, too.”

“Yeah. Good advice. Thanks, Zach.” Kate ended the call and wondered if there were other things she’d been blind to while dreaming of a world that didn’t exist.

Chapter Fourteen

H
e has hungry eyes
. That was the thought that stuck in Kate’s mind when she opened her door a week later and saw Rio standing on the other side. “I ... I didn’t hear you knock,” she stammered in surprise and shock.

“Just arrived. I hadn’t yet. Knocked, I mean.”

“What’re you doing here?” Definitely hunger in them. She wasn’t mistaken about that. Kate was suddenly ravenous. Moments before she’d been focused on finding a crowd to disappear into, even if it meant she’d be exasperated at evening’s end. The sight of him was almost too sweet for her to bear. “I ... I wasn’t expecting you, ah, anyone. I was on my way out.”

Babbling again. She had to pull it together. If only she didn’t feel like dragging him inside and jumping his bones, that would be more feasible. He looked good. Fresh hair cut, shorter on the sides than on top, exactly as she remembered the day he’d practically mowed her down at the lawyer’s office. Even then, she’d found him attractive.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve called.” He raised one hand toward his hair as if to spear his fingers through it, then let it drop. “This was an impulse trip. I have something for you and something I wanted to say, then I’ll go. Or ...”

He trailed off, his gaze darting over her coat, scarf and dress boots. She could’ve sworn his skin paled beneath the tan. “You have a date? I can come back later.”

She was tempted to let his assumption stand. That would be so much easier, but her sense of fairness reared its head, though she stopped short of complete disclosure. “No date. I was just heading out to see some people. But the plans are loose. You know college kids. Everything done on the fly.”

He looked puzzled. “So ...?”

“Oh. Sorry. Come on in. I can go later. Like I said, it’s a loose kind of thing.”

“Just one second. I have something in the car.”

“A.J.? Is he with you?” Late at night, when thoughts of Rio were driving her insane, the only thing that let her sleep was remembering A.J.’s tiny fingers wrapped around her own. So soft and sweet.

“In Denver, with Mom. She’s crazy about the little guy and decided she’d stick around to see his first Christmas.” He held up an index finger then left to rummage in the back seat of the Land Rover. His head emerged, chin balanced on several boxes of varying sizes. They were professionally wrapped in cheery Christmas paper, bound together with large red ribbons and topped with a giant red and white bow.

She stepped back, holding the door so he could maneuver through, then closed it behind him. “What’s all this? When you said a package, I thought maybe something came through the mail.”

He looked around, presumably for a tree, then sat them on the couch. “From me to you. Merry Christmas.” Twice more he went to the vehicle and came back with more presents.

She shook her head, completely baffled over his unexpected appearance and now, a mountain of gifts. “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t expect —”

“No strings attached. I don’t expect you to open them now. And if you already have something similar, gift receipts are included. Take them back and buy something you need, something that will help you with your studies, or ... whatever.” He did the hand-to-hair thing again, this time ruffling through the top so strands fell over his forehead.

She linked her fingers together to keep from reaching to smooth those strands back in place. Or worse, mussing them even more. A flash of memories assailed her, of feeling those silken strands against her skin, his mouth on hers, their bodies joined.

Flustered, she took off her thick coat and scarf and hung them on a small coat tree near the door. Even with a few homey touches she’d tried to add to the furnished rooms such as the coat tree, family pictures and three plants, it didn’t yet feel like home. She smoothed her sweater over her leggings and adjusted the cowl neck, then clasped her hands in front of her. “Can I take your coat? Get you something to drink?”

He declined the drink but relinquished his outerwear. She managed to take the coat without touching him.

“Please.” She gestured toward the sofa behind him while sliding onto an armless chair. “Sit. You’re making me nervous.”

He sat, leaning over wide-spread knees, his gaze intent. “It’s good to see you, Kate. You look well. Great, actually.”

“I found that Pilates class I wanted. It helps when bad weather makes it difficult to run.” Hoping it didn’t look too obvious, she drank him in. To her way of thinking, there were few men who looked yummy in a sweater, but Rio was one of them. She loved the way the soft blue clung to his abs and shoulders. Not enough that he looked like an over-beefed weightlifter in a too-small tee, but just enough to show off his wanna-get-my-hands-on-that body.

He nodded in response to her comment and looked down at his loosely linked hands dangling between his knees. The seconds stretched.

“I’ll —”

“How’s A. —” Kate broke off as Rio did. “You first.”

“My throat’s a little dry. I think I’ll take that drink after all.”

She sprang to her feet. “Oh. Sure. I have water, tea or soda.”

“Water is fine.”

Kate hurried to the kitchen and prepared a tall glass of water from the fancy fridge that came with the bungalow. She turned to see Rio standing in the doorway and held out the glass.

He took two sips and set it aside. “This is awkward, isn’t it? Maybe I shouldn’t have come here, but ...”

“Why
are
you here, Rio?” She didn’t want to speculate as to the reason. She probably never should’ve invited him in, but she was tired of always doing the right thing, the sensible thing.

He stared at the glass of water for a few seconds, then moved to take her hands so suddenly Kate was caught off guard. “I miss you, Kate. More than I ever thought it was possible to miss someone.”

“Why are you doing this?” Her heart cracked wide open at the anguish in his smoky gray eyes. She wrenched her hands away and stumbled backward until she encountered cabinets.

“God, Kate. The look on your face. You feel it too.”

There was a stewpot full of emotions inside her, but she seized on anger as a defense. “Feel what, Rio? Confusion? Yes. Annoyance? Definitely. I’ve tried repeatedly to end our association, but you’re like a banged-up penny. This is getting tedious.”

He took a step toward her, but stopped. “Yeah? Well, you’re really cute and appealing when you get all defensive, but you forget how well I know you, Kate. I see through the posturing. You’ve got a big heart. Throw you in a group and you’ll surface as the mama bear, the caretaker every time. It’s what you are, babe.”

Aw, man, she loved it when he called her babe in that growly, “Damn, you’re hot” tone. He’d called her that several times while they were making love. Was he deliberately trying to manipulate her by using the endearment? If so, it was working. She took a fortifying breath and dug deep to find her stubborn streak. “No. I’m an independent woman starting college later than usual. I’m athletic and tough with a stubborn streak a mile wide. More importantly, I’m committed to the course I’ve chosen.”

“Yes. You’re all those things, plus beautiful and fit and sexy. I see all of it, babe. And you know what, my sweet, tough, dependable Kate?” He moved in closer, stroking the backs of her arms.

“Geez, Rio.” It took everything she had to roll her eyes and feign indifference, but she shouldn’t have bothered. She could tell from the warm light in his eyes, he wasn’t buying. “I can’t imagine what insights you’ve discovered this time.”

“I think maybe you can imagine. I think you’re running scared, not because you don’t want to hear it, but because you do.” He was all up in her personal space now, crowding her, taunting her, his hands hemming her in.

A pulse jumped in her neck so forcefully she could hear it. She leaned back, but he just angled forward. “I don’t know what we’re even talking about, and I don’t like this side of you, Rio. For the record, this masterful act isn’t attractive.”

“It’s no act. I’m actually feeling very in control and, yeah, masterful. That’s a good word for it, and it’s all your fault.”

This was
so
frustrating. What was he talking about? “I fail to see —”

“You came to my room. You came to me. It took me awhile to see the significance in that. I’d backed off, just like you wanted. Wasn’t happy about it, but it was your choice. Then, for whatever reason, there you were loving me and demanding love from me.”

Eyes welling with emotion, Kate turned her head away. He was wrong. Just plain wrong. She didn’t want to hear this at all.

Rio took her jaw in hand and forced her face back around. “Look at me, Kate. Pay attention, because you got what you wanted.”

“Just stop it.” Twin tears trailed down her cheeks and she whisked them away. “I was there. I know what happened.”

“Maybe, but not everything was revealed. I thought you should have all the facts before you shut the door on us. So, what I came here to tell you is this. I love you, Kate.”

Her brain stalled. Her lungs continued to fill and empty, her heart continued to beat — although somewhat erratically — and Kate could still see, smell, hear and taste. But her world was off-kilter once again, her equilibrium skewed.

She barely registered his face coming closer, his fingers tilting her chin up for a kiss that fried what gray cells were still feebly functioning inside her head.

He ended the kiss and stepped away from her, taking his warmth with him. “So now you know. I love you, more than I thought possible, but A.J. and I are a prepackaged deal. If you want us, you know where to find us. If not ...” He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m out of your life. If you don’t contact me, I’ll know you don’t feel the same and accept your decision. But if you want me — us — come prepared to be mine for keeps. Ball’s in your court, babe.”

And on that note he turned and walked out of her kitchen, crossed the living room and left her standing there, stunned and so filled with loss she couldn’t move.

Long after the sound of his engine had faded in the distance, life came back into her limbs and she stumbled to the sofa. Rio’s confession of love kept replaying in her head. Only now he was gone, and the only thing she had left were his gifts. No way was she waiting until Christmas day to see what he’d thought important enough to bring to her door. Her fingers shook as she untied the ribbons and tore through the merry paper.

One by one, the gifts were revealed. A laptop. A fancy multiuse printer. Several packages of software that included security and everything she could possibly need to complete any homework assignment. There was even a wireless device that allowed her to connect to the internet from anywhere, along with other bells and whistles she’d have to read about and examine later.

It seemed Rio hadn’t forgotten anything. Even ink cartridges and paper were among the extras loaded into one box. On top of the miscellaneous items lay two business sized envelopes with her name on it. The first carried the logo of a big name in office supplies. Kate opened it first and discovered the gift receipts and a generously loaded store card for future supplies.

She’d ripped through the wrapping paper, tossing it this way and that, leaving her living room looking like Christmas had just barfed in it, but she didn’t care. Kate stilled over the one thing left unopened, the plain envelope bearing her name in Rio’s sprawling penmanship. Something told her that of all the items here, this unpretentious, less-than-impressive offering was the most important.

She turned it over. Sealed. Not tucked in like she would expect for something not mailed, but sealed and thin. Not a card, then, but something personal he’d written especially for her.

I love you, Kate.

The words leapt into her heart along with a whole hallelujah chorus. She pressed the envelope to her chest and took a deep, shuddering breath as if she’d been in some kind of static cocoon, released by Rio’s confession. Oh, my. It was too much. Inside she was young and carefree, yelling “ohmigod” in rapid succession. She was ... happy.

A moment like this deserved a little setup, so Kate took the envelope into the kitchen and prepared a steaming cup of cocoa, complete with mini-mallows, just like she’d shared with Rio time and again. With memories of him playing in her head and heart, she broke the seal and opened the single sheet of paper.

You are invited to join a celebration

of family,

with all associated trials, joys and responsibilities.

December 25th, Hawthorne House

Should you accept,

come prepared to love and be loved

forever.

Responsibilities. A clever reminder of the gravity of her decision. Rio could have used the space to plead his case or to remind her that she could have him and an education too. But he hadn’t. He’d chosen to open himself up to hurt, reminded her that choosing him would mean accepting the very thing she’d been trying to escape, then he’d given her time and space to make a decision.

In her heart, she knew how she would respond to the invitation, but she had a few tasks to accomplish first.

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