No Regrets (Live Today #2) (6 page)

“What do you want me to say that hasn’t already been said? What do you want me to do Jenna? Start from the beginning?” I turn toward her and look into her eyes.

“I want… I want… I don’t know what I want!” She yells. Good she’s yelling at me. I deserve it! “I want you to tell me what the hell happened! I don’t want to hear it from anyone else.”

“I told you!” I try not to get angry, but the tension is taking over. “I never laid a finger on her. I never laid a finger on anyone Jenna. What do you want from me?”

“Don’t lie to me Gabe!” She hollers, waving her hands. “How in the hell can you tell me that you never laid a finger on anyone when I saw the texts? I saw the girls that would meet you after each gig. Are you telling me you never touched any of them?”

“I didn’t!” I take a step toward her. “So yes! I’m telling you that!”

“STOP. LYING. GABE!” I’ve never seen her this angry before, but I deserve it.

“I’m not!” I take her by the shoulders and continue to yell. “I have never lied to you! Yes I kept LG from you. But I only did it because the kid isn’t mine! I dated Carmen, yes. But I never touched her Jenna. When I left Kansas seven years ago, I was a virgin!”

“Like I said before Gabe, how can you guarantee that some groupie isn’t going to pop up in the future and try to pull the same shit on us?” Tears are streaming down her face now. I need to calm her down before she cracks right before my eyes.

“Because. I. Never. Touched. Any. Of. Them.” I try to contain my voice, wiping the tears off her face with the pads of my thumbs.

“How can you say that and look me in the eye when I know better?”

“Because Jenna! Ugh!” I turn away from her taking a few breaths. “Why is this so hard?”

“What’s so hard Gabe?” She yells. “I gave myself to you back there! I have nothing else to give to anyone anymore! I just knew you were the one! No matter what happened between us in the future, I knew it was you. I was even considering making a future with LG if he was truly yours. But I can’t take the lies Gabe!”

“Dammit Jenna!” I turn toward her. “I gave myself to you too! Only you! I Nev…”

“What?” Her voice is softer but confused. “What did you just say?”

“Yeah,” I snap. “Only you. I took those girls out only to get you jealous. The worse I ever did was kiss them. I never touched anyone but you Jenna.” I slouch with exhaustion and find myself sitting where she left the letter. “That’s what I was trying to explain to you in Kansas. But you never gave me the chance.”

“So you’re saying… You’re saying you were…”

“A virgin?” I finally find the courage to look up at her and meet her eyes. “Yeah. I was. When I left Kansas seven years ago, after Carmen did what she did to me, all I wanted to do was to get even with her and fuck anyone who walked past me. But when I made it to California, I was so wound up in playing the guitar, being with a girl was the last thing on my mind. I was focused on making it big.”

“But then I met you. And yeah, like some love sick fucking puppy, I made the decision to wait as long as it took until I could call you mine.” God, I sound like a pussy.

Silently she walks to me and sits by my side. “I… I just thought with all the women...”

“That I was a man whore?” I ask, finishing her sentence. “Yeah, I know.” She shrugs and I can’t help but laugh. “Did you ever wonder why the guys would just laugh at me?”

“Oh my God!” She covers her mouth. “All those ‘If you only knew’ comments?” I nod when she finally puts two and two together. “You know I’m going to kick their asses for this, right?”

“Only if I get to watch?” She laughs. I smile down at her. God I love to see her laugh. She can change any room with just her smile. Suddenly she moves her tiny body and throws a leg over me. I’m in complete shock, I thought it would take weeks for her to forgive me. My hands automatically rest on her hips. “For eight years, I’ve waited for you. I would wait a lifetime to be with you Jenna, my Angel.”

“So, is there anything else you need to tell me?” She raises an eyebrow, waiting for my response.

“Besides the fact that I’m going to marry you so I can guarantee you won’t leave me again?” Her eyes widen as I wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me. “This has been the longest few weeks of my life.”

“I know. There were so many times I wanted to turn around and either beat the shit out of you or hold you in my arms.” She admits, running her fingers through my hair. “When you fell to your knees that day, I almost broke then and there. But, I needed this.” She confesses. “I needed time to get my head straight. To really think clearly without you or Brennan blurring my judgment. Drew helped me with that. He’s always been a neutral source when it comes to any of us. As much as I needed you to be with me, I needed him to help me with my problem. I just want you to understand that. I wasn’t lying when I said my love for you hadn’t changed.” She smiles down at me when her fingers play with the hair at the nape of my neck. My favorite place.

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I was never letting you go in that text.” I reach into my pocket and pull out the ring I’ve been holding onto for years. “This is yours.” She takes the ring and looks closely at it. “But only when the time’s right. Will already gave his blessing. Brennan said no, of course. But I’m working on him.” I chuckle. “Slowly.” Her eyes gloss over while she inspects the ring. Her breath hitches when she reads the inscription on the inside of the ring.

Only You, Angel

             
A tear escapes her eye again and with the brush of my thumb, I wipe it away. “Baby, don’t cry.”

“I can’t believe this.” She whispers. I reach to take the ring back and she pulls away. “Oh no. This is mine.” Her teary eyes narrow down at me. I bark out a laugh.

“You know, Brennan will definitely take a testicle when he sees it on you?” I mention as a fact.

“I don’t care Gabriel.”

“Well, I do.” I gently take it from her. “Tell you what?” I ask, taking her hand in mine. “Let’s make this a promise ring?” I take the ring and slide it onto her finger.

“Jenna Lynn Munson, I promise to do my best to make you the happiest woman in the world. I promise to stand by you and support you in all things. I promise that I will make mistakes.” She giggles, but I continue, “Because we both know I will. But I also promise to make it up to you when I do. I promise to love you in the morning when your hair is all ratty, and I promise to make love to you and only you for the rest of my life.” I push the ring onto her finger. “Will you accept my promise to you?” I won’t lie, tears have formed in my eyes as well.

“Gabriel Antonio Gonzales.” She kisses my forehead. God have I missed her lips. “I promise to remind you of the mistakes you make so you can make them up to me immediately.  I promise to stand by you and support you in everything you do.” She kisses my cheek. “I promise to beat the shit out of you when you wake me up in the morning and make fun of my hair.  But I also promise to make it up to you afterwards. ” Kissing my other cheek. “I promise to make love to you and only you for the rest of my life.” Her soft lips finally make their way to mine and I can’t help but let out a small groan. “Do you accept my promise to you?”

Pulling her into me as close as I can, I take her face in my hands. “I love you Jenna.” I kiss her with more passion than I thought I had in me. She groans and deepens the kiss just before pulling back and whispering her love for me in return.

              “Well, I see you two kissed and made up.” A very familiar voice comes from behind us.

“Your timing is impeccable Brennan.” Jenna says as she rests her forehead on mine smiling. I have missed this smile.

“What can I say?” He laughs. “I was born to interrupt you two… Ouch.” He cries. Causing us both to look up at him, realizing Ashley smacked him in the chest.

“Ashley?” Jenna say’s surprised.

“Be nice to them.” She says before turning to us and giving Jenna a wink. “Gabe and Brennan thought it would be fun to have another woman around.”

I help Jenna onto her feet and suddenly she’s in the arms of her brother, but not before giving my sister a welcoming hug.  He chuckles once she’s planted firmly in his arms. “I missed you too.”

“Thanks for not killing him.” She says. I laugh wrapping my arm around my sister. We all begin to make our way back to the house for lunch.

“Day’s not over… Ouch!” He cries again. “Stop that!” He grabs Jenna’s hand that was twisting his nipple. “What the fuck?” He says in surprise when he notices the ring and begins charging my way.

I take a step away before I raise my hands in defense. “Brennan. Bro, it’s not what you think!” I say.

“Better start fucking explaining right now Gabe. Because you are two steps away from dying.” Jenna pushes him back breaking his eye contact form me.

“Brennan. Stop.” She says forcefully. “I refused to give it back to him.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be shown to you until I gave permission.” He points toward me. “He…”

“I didn’t propose man!” I try to calm him down. “Well, I kind of did, but didn’t. I did show it to her yes.” He takes a step toward me, I push Ashley back a step with me. “And yes, I told her I was going to marry her.” Another set of steps are made. “But I swear man. It’s a promise ring.”

“He’s not lying Brennan.” Jenna says pushing him away. Brennan takes a few huffs before he begins to calm down.

“Better not fucking be!” he says before looking down at her. I take a deep breath, glad I dodged that bullet. “Are you sure this is what you want, Jenna?”

She turns to my direction and wraps her arms around my waist. “Positive. I love him.”

Jenna

We’ve spent most of the day reuniting with the parents. Gabriel and I haven’t had much alone time, but that’s okay. As far as I’m concerned, we will have the rest of our lives together. So spending a few days with the parents is worth it. Even though Gabe hasn’t left my side much, I have to admit having his sister Ashley around is refreshing. Matt’s been in the kitchen making dinner with his mother for the most part while Danika runs around from room to room not sure who her next head patting victim will be. Brennan and Drew are sitting on the pack patio with Pastor Johnson. He still insists on us calling him Andrew, but it feels a bit uncomfortable calling him by his first name. Drew’s mom, Beth, decided that since everyone is occupied, it would be a great time to escape for a bit to take a nap.

“Nenna” Dani yells running toward me with her arms wide open.

“Come here Love Bug.” I scoop her up into my arms once she makes her way to me.

“Nenna, Nenna, Nenna.” She says patting my head multiple times before Gabe takes her hand and pull it away from another attack to my face. She rests her head on my shoulder while he distracts her hand by playing peek-a-boo over my shoulder. “Abe” she says pointing toward him with her other hand.

“Is Gabe being silly?” I ask, she simply smiles, showing her little dimple. Her eyes begin getting heavy and a yawn or two may have escaped her little mouth. But Gabe continues to play with her until her eyes completely shuts.

“She is too cute.” He says gently, kissing her little hand and releasing it on her belly.

“I can’t believe how big she’s getting already.” I whisper, not wanting to wake her.

“I know, it seems like it was yesterday when we were all sitting in the waiting room waiting for her to get here.” He kisses my shoulder. We both stare at her innocent little face for a few more minutes before I rise to put her in her bed.

“Don’t forget her monitor.” Matt directs when we walk past the kitchen.

“Yes, daddy.” I say sarcastically. He laughs and gives me a wink. Her makeshift room is still up in Patty’s room, so I make sure to take extra care making my way up the stairs. All I need is to trip and fall with her in my arms.

As I make my way back down the stairs, I meet Gabe coming up. He looks so tired.

“Hey. Why don’t you get some rest?” I ask resting my hands on his shoulders once I meet him half way. Immediately, he pulls me into a kiss. But I back away before it deepens. “I’m serious Gabe. You look beat.”

“I feel it. I haven’t slept much since I was resting on moms lap.” He answers honestly, resting his head on my shoulder.

“I told you to get some sleep.” I scold him by pulling his hair.

“I know, but it was too hard. I couldn’t keep my mind off you.” He holds me tighter. “Do you realize, in the almost eight years since we met, we haven’t spent more than a few days apart?” He scoops me in his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck immediately. “Except when you were in rehab. But even then, I tried to see you every day.” Carrying us back down stairs toward our wing.

“This was just as hard for me.” I admit. “I was so angry at you at first. But after the drugs were gone.” I drop my head in the crook of his neck in shame. “I’m sorry about that, too.”

“No Jenna.” He kisses the top of my head. “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry for pushing you over the edge. I wanted to follow you when you left, but Matt and Drew stopped me.”

“But I should have known better. I wasn’t even craving it.” He walks into the great room and looks around in confusion. I point to my room and he proceeds to carry me there. “If I would have just listened to you, none of this wouldn’t have happened.” Once we enter the bedroom, he pushes the door shut with his foot, makes his way to the bed and lays me on the center of it.

“I’m sorry I put you through all that. I can’t help but blame myself for this whole mess.” He removes my shoes before taking his off and climbing on the bed himself. “I know I have a lot of making up to do.” He says with a yawn and lays down on the pillow facing me. I roll over to do the same. “But for now.” Pulling me in closer and kissing the tip of my nose. “I suggest we follow Danika and try to get a little sleep before dinner.”

As I get myself situated alongside him, I reach up and trace my fingers along the side of his face. “I think that’s an excellent suggestion.” I whisper, kissing his lips softly before continuing with my fingers until he is sound asleep.

~~~

Brennan

“Where’s Jenna” Matt asks walking into the living room drying his hands with a dish towel. “She was supposed to bring back Dani’s monitor so we can hear her when she wakes up.”

“I’ll go see. She probably got distracted with Gabe.” Quickly I give Ashley a kiss on the cheek and stand. “Gives me a chance to break the two up again.” Chuckling as I walk toward the room.

“That’s wrong bro.” Matt says laughing. As I make it to our section of the house, I notice her bedroom door closed. Expecting to hear noises from behind the door as I get closer to it, I’m surprised to not hear a thing. Cringing with the thought of seeing my baby sister in a position that I never want her to see, I slowly turn the knob and gently push it open. What I saw next is not what I imagined I would see. Both Jenna and Gabe, facing each other, sound asleep.

Quietly walking over to the edge of the bed, I take the baby monitor off the night stand and silence it by turning down the volume so it doesn’t wake them, incase Danika happens to wake now. I pick up the throw blanket that lays on the bench at the end of the bed, and cover them both with it. Bending down, I give my sister a light kiss on the top of her head. Suddenly Gabe stirs, but doesn’t wake. He unconsciously brings himself closer to Jenna. I can’t help but let out a silent chuckle. Even in their sleep, they can’t seem to stay apart from each other.

As I make my way out of the room, I hear Jenna whimper. I turn around immediately but she stops. I can’t help but wonder what’s going on in that beautiful head of hers. As I lean against the doorframe to her room, she whimpers again and ever so softly she cries for mom. Drew mentioned she had a dream or more like a nightmare about mom, but I didn’t know it was a reoccurring dream. I run my hand through my hair as I watch them sleep, not knowing what to do about this situation with dad around.

“You do know you’re spying on them?” A soft hand rests on my shoulder. I reach across my chest to rest my hand on hers.

“Not if they don’t know I’m doing it.” I whisper back. “I’m a pro at this. Trust me.”

“What are you talking about?” Ashley asks curiously.

Reaching for the door, I close it as quietly as I can to let them sleep. I know Gabe hasn’t had but may be a few hours of broken sleep this past week or so, so I can imagine Jenna hasn’t had much either. Taking Ashley’s hand in mine, I walk us to the couch. “For years, those two have played this game. Sometimes they would get too close to each other, and when they did, I was right there to stop them.” As I pull her closer to me, we settle comfortably.

“Gabriel told me he had fallen hard for her a few months after he moved in with you two. He also said he was scared that you would kill him.” She runs her hand over my chest.

“That’s because I threatened him the moment they made eye contact with each other. That first day they met, I knew my life was going to be a living hell. That’s when he fell for her. He only hid it for a few months, probably to save his testicles.” She slaps my chest.

“Oh, come on. He’s not that bad.” She leans into me.

“No. He’s not.” I kiss the top of her head. “He was the only one I trusted to take her to Prom. Of course, it did help that I paid a few neighbor kids to keep tabs on them.” She looks up at me in shock. “What? I would have done it with anyone who would have taken her.” I give her my most innocent face. Once she rests her head on my shoulder again, I continue.

“At first, I thought it was just an attraction that they had with each other. Until a few years ago when we were doing a show in New York that I realized it was getting serious. Jenna had gotten dressed up and we all decided to match her. Well, anyways. I left the greenroom to check out our equipment and when I went to go back into the room, both Will and Matt did their best to keep me occupied and away from the room.” I chuckle at the memory. “I knew what was going on in there. They left Jenna and Gabe alone. But what I knew nothing serious had happened. No. Will wouldn’t allow it.”

“So what happened?” Ashley asks as she runs her fingers over my arm.

“After our set was done, He sat her down on a stool, right on stage and sat beside her. They sang a song they had written together, but not before giving her a kiss in front of everyone in the audience.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” She says

“Well, it was after we were on our way back to the hotel that had me wanting to strangle him. She went back to the hotel immediately after with a few of the guys from some of the other bands we played with that night to kick off the after party. Gabe kept talking and wouldn’t shut up while we were packing up our equipment up. It continued when we were on our way back. It wasn’t until I told him to just spit whatever he wanted to get out, out. That’s when I realized how serious he really was about her. Of course that’s the night I had to lie to her when we made an excuse why I gave him a black eye.”

“I remember that.” She sits up and turns toward me. “What happened?” I take a deep breath and take her hand and begin playing with her ring finger. “Brennan?”

“He showed me the ring.” I finally look up at her. Her face softens with understanding. “He asked permission. To one day take her hand.” Ashley smiles so sweetly, I almost forgot what I was talking about.

“Go on.” She insists.

“Um, well. Before I knew it, I was being pulled off him by Will and Matt. I literally saw red Ashley.” I admit. “I wanted to kill him. But after I calmed down and he explained himself to me. I finally understood how he truly felt toward her. I still said there was no way in hell that he would ever get my permission. Until…” I drop my head and focus on our hands as we interlink them together.

“Brennan?” She asks. “Babe?”

“It wasn’t until the accident when I thought I was going to lose her. That’s when I realized, I have been holding her back. We are supposed to live for today. Live with no regrets, but here I was doing the exact opposite, Ashley. I was trying to keep her from what she really, truly wanted.”

Ashley shifts to sit on me, wrapping me in her arms. She doesn’t speak, giving me the chance to continue. For some reason, I feel I can say anything to her, just like I used to do with Will.

“She was in and out of consciousness for so long. I swore I wouldn’t hold her back any longer. Until I overheard Will talking to Gabe. I didn’t want to hear them Ashley. But I couldn’t help it. I was sitting in the hall between the two of them. Gabe didn’t leave her side until Will insisted on talking to him, alone of course. Will told Gabe what I should have told him all along.” A tear runs down my face and onto her shoulder.

“Will said that he wanted Gabe to keep trying. He said that even though he knew I wouldn’t give permission anytime soon, that eventually I would, but he had to promise that he wouldn’t ever stop loving her. Gabe insisted on giving the ring to her when she woke because he didn’t want to go another day without her. That’s when I couldn’t help but tell him that regardless of Will’s blessing, he wouldn’t have mine. He insisted that he wouldn’t stop loving her, no matter what I said.”

“And now?” She asks curious.

“How can I not tell him yes? After all they’ve gone through? Every day, every day he went to the rehab center to see her, and every God damned day he would come home with that damn ring in his hand and zombie out until the next day, to do the same thing over and over again. And now…” I shrug in defeat.

“Now, knowing that you’ve finally let go and allowed them to be together?”

“More than that Ashley. Who the hell saves themselves for one person anymore?” I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. “All these years, I thought he was just as much as a player as I was. Never in my wildest dreams, would I have imagined this.”

“So, what’s holding you back?” Her question affects me harder than it should.

“Me.” I answer honestly. “I’m holding myself back. Jenna is my life. It’s been me and her for as long as I can remember. How do I let go?” I rest my head on her shoulder in defeat. “How? And now that we’re here, don’t even get me started on dad.”

She lifts my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. “Do you want to know what I see?” I shrug, then nod, looking into her golden brown eyes. For some reason, I want to know everything about her. What she sees, what she feels, her favorite things, everything.

“I see someone who adores his little sister. Someone who loves her til the end of the world and back. And as much as you deny it, I think you’re jealous of Gabriel.” My brows scrunch up and before I begin to argue, she puts her finger on my lips. “Just listen.” She places her lips on the other side of her finger.

“Her world revolved around you, even before your father left. And then when Gabriel came into the picture, you didn’t realize you would have to fight for her attention.” I close my eyes as reality hits me hard. “He has shown you in more ways than one that he can be the one she wants and needs. And now you don’t know how to let her go. But what you don’t realize Brennan, is that you don’t have to fight for her. You’ve always been, and you’ll always be just as important to her as you were from the day she was born. I have no doubt that she loves you unconditionally. Like a sister is supposed to love her brother. She loves Gabriel too, but in an entirely different way. She loves him in the same way he loves her. Only they can understand it. I for one would give anything to have that kind of love.”