No Regrets (Live Today #2) (5 page)

“Jenna? What’s up sis?” He sounds happy to hear from me. I can hear Gabe in the background asking to speak to me. I can’t help but smile hearing his voice. This is the longest we’ve stayed apart from each other, except rehab of course. But even then, he insisted on visiting every day. I miss him so damn much.

“Bren, dad’s here.” I say quickly before I lose my nerve. The line goes silent for a while. “Brennan?”

“I’m here.” He finally says. “Has he said anything?”

“Not really. I didn’t really give him a chance. But he did try to scold me like I was five again.” I say before going over the short conversation dad and I had to Brennan. “I kind of went into panic mode before Drew dragged me outside.”

“Are you okay?” he asks concerned.

“I… actually Brennan, I think I am.” I answer honestly. “I mean, at this point, nothing can surprise me anymore.”

“Yeah, I guess not. How long is he visiting for?” He asks.

“Uh. Well, this is the thing. He said this was his house.”

“What?” He yells through the phone causing me to pull it away from my ear. “Where’s Drew? Get the hell out of there now Jenna. Now!” he insists. I hand the phone to Drew immediately who responds when Brennan finishes his rant.

“Bren, calm down man. I know it's upsetting, but really man, she’s okay.” His voice is stern. “No man, we aren’t going anywhere.” He pauses. “Because this place is huge, we each have our own wing. I’ll tell you what. I will keep her away from your dad until you get here.” He promises before hanging up. “Well, that was pleasant.”

“Talking to Brennan in a rage usually is.”

“Come on.” He scoops me up and carries me to the bench and helps me with my sandals. “We have to finish dinner, then I have to fulfill my promise to your brother.”

“Can’t we just skip dinner?” I ask sweetly.

“Nice try, Jems. Nice try.” He says before standing and leading me toward the house. My appetite hasn’t fully recovered yet, which seems to bother him more than anything.

Once we arrive back in the dining room, the room becomes silent and everyone freezes. Drew clears his voice before apologizing about our disappearing act and we return to our seats. I purposely keep my eyes away from my dad as the conversations begin again, knowing he hasn’t taken his eyes off of me. Danika smiles my way just before she throws a grape toward me. Her laugh is contagious and I can’t help but laugh at her.

As soon as dinner is over, Drew and I excuse ourselves to our rooms to freshen up and relax for a bit before bed. The house is so large that we have an entire wing to ourselves, which is nice. We can come and go as we please. His parents have the wing above us and Matt’s parents are also upstairs with their own. Each wing begins with a short hallway. The main entrance to each section begins at the end of a main meeting area. Once we enter, there is a huge, and I mean huge, living or entertainment room that acts as the center core of the wing. Straight toward the back stands its very own kitchen. Matt will love this. It’s filled with the best of the best appliances. It’s similar to the kitchens in hotel suites, but larger. This particular wing holds four master bedrooms and one entertainment room similar to our man cave back home. I plan on taking the master toward the back and Drew takes the room next to me. The others will have to fight over the other rooms once they arrive. I’m assuming Matt will take a room upstairs with his parents and daughter, since there are only two more rooms left.

I prop my door open before taking a shower. We agreed on keeping our master doors unlocked until the rest of the group makes it here. Gathering my toiletries, I make my way to the bathroom. As I enter, I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that while Brennan and I have been struggling to keep our small family on the ground and together, that my parents both have been living the grand life with bathrooms as big as my master bedroom back at home. Deciding on ditching the shower, I drop my things by the tub, which is just a bit larger than the Jacuzzi at home. I fill it with just enough bubbles to engulf myself for the rest of the night.

~~~

I’ve successfully avoided my father for the past three days, even though I have felt his presence nearby hovering over me hoping I would cave and address the issue. After having a very long conversation with Drew’s father, I made the choice to hold off on any major decisions having to deal with my mother until Brennan arrives. Of course now, decisions will need to be decided between the three of us. Patty explained to me that she had no idea my father was here until after they arrived. Drew and I were making our way to the main dining hall for breakfast this morning when I overheard my father say he had no choice but to go into the office today. Curious as to what he’s doing for work these days, I decided to do some investigating when he left. I was told I had the entire house to myself, so I took advantage of it. When Drew, his parents and Matt’s parents decided to do some sightseeing and grocery shopping, they left Danika with me for the day. While she slept, I took the baby monitor, hooked it to my belt and did some wandering.

The center section of the house belonged to my mother and apparently my father. This bothers me more than anything else at the moment. I will be demanding answers, and very soon. The first door down their extraordinary hallway is an office. I’m assuming it’s his since Todd mentioned that my mother didn’t work. Her only responsibility was to take care of my grandparents. Grandparents that I had no clue existed until just a few days ago.

As I make my way through their living room, I notice pictures of Brennan and I displayed throughout the room. Some old and some recent. They have one wall dedicated to the band, which I find both odd and amusing. My curiosity takes over and I find myself at the door of my parent’s bedroom. With a turn of the knob, I slowly push the door open.

The first thing I notice is the family portrait on the wall. It’s the same one that Brennan has in his room, but much larger. It’s surrounded by four sconces. Three are lit, one isn’t. I’m assuming that the last one has been snuffed out since mom passed. I make my way to the closet and notice a small photo album sitting on a table. I take a seat and turn open the front cover. Pictures of Brennan and I are on each page. Some of us together, some of us in single shots. There are a few that I remember dad taking when we were growing up. There are a handful of pictures of Gabe and I. I can’t help but smile as my finger glides over those, I remember trying to hide most of them from my dad. Now I wonder if we were hiding the duplicates for no reason.

“I was hoping to catch you alone for a minute.” His voice causes me to jump.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize since I’ve just been caught by my father. “I didn’t think you’d be coming back so soon.” Closing the book, I stand to leave. “I’ll leave you be.”

“Jenna, please.” He pleads. “I… I just want to explain what happened.” This triggers something inside me I wasn’t ready to come out.

“What happened? You’ve got to be kidding me dad!” I turn back toward him just as I was beginning to leave the room. “This is what happened. Mom left when I was barely old enough to remember her, and when the going gets tough, you up and leave.” My body begins to shake.

“I have every right to avoid you. My only question for you is why? Why dad?” I turn to leave again. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. Brennan and I realized long ago that we don’t need you, we never have.”

“Do you honestly think it was easy leaving you and your brother?” His stern voice hasn’t changed. “Do you think that your mother wanted any of this? We had no choice Jenna.”

“You always have a choice!” I yell. “You chose to leave your children for what? For God’s sake dad! That’s not what a parent is supposed to do to their kids.”

“Your mother loved you more than her life itself! That’s why she left.”

“Bullshit!”

“Watch your language young lady.” He yells at me taking a step in my direction. I stand my ground.

“You lost your right to talk to me like that eight years ago when you tucked your tail between your legs and left us.” I spit out at him. He drops his head in defeat. Still furious, I take a few deep breaths trying to calm my tone.

“You left a kid who was just becoming a man to raise a teenage girl that thought the world of her father. Did you even think about what that did to me? To Brennan?”

“I… I…” He sits on the edge of the bed resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t be without her anymore. I couldn’t take it. I thought...” He says softly. Danika’s monitor begins to go off with the sound of her whining. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I guess it doesn’t, does it?” I quickly wipe a tear I was trying to hold back. “Danika’s awake. I have to go.” I turn and walk toward the door.

“Jenna, wait.” He says, but I don’t bother looking back.

“Whatever you have to say will have to wait until Brennan gets here. We are done.” I walk out of the bedroom and toward Danika.

“Hey sweetie.” I say as I lift her up giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Did you have a good nap?” I ask. She smiles and pats my cheek.

“Nenna.” She says. Kissing me on the cheek this time. She recognizes me from the face timing we always do with each other. That was something Willow and I agreed would be best for Danika and Matt.

“Aunt Jenna is here.” I walk over to change her diaper and get her ready for the beach. “Want to go play in the water?” I ask tickling her as we get her changed. She laughs and tries to say water. Once we’re done, we walk hand in hand toward the water stopping quickly to pick up the sand toys.

~~~

“Nenna wook!” Danika says running toward me with a seashell she found. It took me a while to get her to focus on collecting seashells, but now that she has understood what to look for, she just adores finding them and showing me each one.

“Ahh. Look at this one. Is this your favorite?” She smiles and nods. “But what about this one here?” I point to the last one she brought me.

“Tis one! Tis one!” she insists. I place the new seashell on the top of the small pile she has accumulated when we hear a voice speak from behind us.

“Where’s my baby girl?” Danika’s eyes shines my way when her smile widens. She knows that voice anywhere.

“Dada?” She whispers. Her smile is contagious as I smile in return and nod. “That sounds a lot like Daddy.”

“Oh Danika… Where’s my Danika?” Matt asks again. She giggles, stands and turns toward Matt. Once she sees him hiding behind the enormous sand castle we made earlier she begins running toward him. He scoops her up into his arms, “Hey baby girl. Daddy missed you so much.” He says sprinkling kisses all over her face sending her into a fit of giggles. I stand and walk toward the two. “Hey you.” He pulls me into a hug.

“Hey you.” I repeat. “Did you just get here?” I ask as Danika pats the top of my head. Matt laughs at her. “Yeah, she has a thing with patting me on the head.”

“We’ve been here for about an hour or so.”

“What? Why didn’t you guys come and get us?”

“Brennan and I wanted to talk to mom and dad for a bit. And Drew wanted to talk to your man.” My heart drops.

“Where is he?” I ask. He smiles at me before his eyes gaze past me and nods. I turn in the direction and when I see Gabe standing with his hands buried deep in his pockets. It’s a habit he has when something’s bothering him. He looks as nervous as I feel. I release Danika’s hand that I’ve been holding to keep her from patting my head and slowly make my way over to Gabe.

Gabriel

Ashley takes my hand as we walk through the front door of the Munson estate. “Are you okay?” She asks softly so only I can hear. “You haven’t said a word for the past two hours.”

“I’m scared shitless Ash.” I decide to answer honestly. “What if she doesn’t forgive me? What if she says it was all a mistake even after I show her the paternity papers?”

“Come on Gabe, you know her better than anyone, including Brennan. Do you honestly think that with the history you two have, she will just throw it away without even an explanation?”

“No.”

“Then stop your frowning and start thinking of how you are going to win her back.” She says as she pats my shoulder.

“Oh Matty!” Patty says from down the hall running toward her only son.

“Hey mom.” Matt says cheerfully as he lifts her up in a hug and holds her tightly. “God I missed you. Where’s Dani? Didn’t you bring her?” He questions looking around for his daughter.

“We left her with Jenna. I assume they are down at the beach. That’s where we usually can find Jenna since she and Drew arrived. Danika hasn’t left her side.” She says pulling him toward a room. “Come on, visit with me first. Everyone’s in here. We’ve all been anxious to see you.” She says. We follow her into a great room where all the parents and Drew sit around talking. Once we share hugs and I introduce Ashley to the family, Drew excuses himself from the room and asks me to take a walk with him. With a deep breath, I excuse myself from the room and follow him out the back door. We walk in silence for about ten minutes along the wooden pathway that separates the beach and the property lines, but also keeps the estates linked together so you don’t have to walk in the sand if you don’t want to.

“How is she?” I finally ask, not able to take the silence any longer.

“Fine.” Is all he says causing me stop.

“Fine?” I ask. “Drew, don’t fuck with me. How is she?” I ask more forcefully. “Did you say anything to her?”

“Nope. Sure didn’t.” He sighs. “I should have, but it’s not my place. And as I promised, I wouldn’t say anything. But it’s not going to stop me from sharing my thoughts with you about this whole thing.” He walks toward a short dock. “You really did a number back there didn’t you?” He asks. I have no choice but to follow, knowing that I have to hear him out.

“I know man. I made a mistake. I should have said something back when I first met them, but…” He cuts me off.

“But what? There’s no buts Gabe. You fucked up. Simple. You had a chance. No, you had several chances to tell the truth, but you didn’t did you?” He yells. “None of this would have happened if you would have just come clean long ago.” He points across the water toward the beach that sits behind the house. “Look at her man.” He yells. “She shines brighter than anyone I’ve ever seen. And even with all the shit she’s dealing with, she still finds a way to pull through.”

I look across the water toward the beach and see her pulling Danika up in her arms and kissing her tenderly. She looks as if she is completely at ease. I’ve imagined her like this with our children. Playing in the sand making sand castles with our kids and burying me under the ground to my neck with sand.  “I know Drew, I’m sorry. I just figured since the kid wasn’t mine, it wouldn’t make a difference. What would you do?”

“I would have said something to her.” My shoulders drop in defeat.

“Now what?” I ask, not able to take my eyes off of her.

“You need to talk to her. Tell her the truth. She deserves it.” He says more calmly. “She has gone through hell this past week. Worse than I’ve ever seen her. And then finding out her dad has been here this whole time.” He shakes his head. “I could have sworn she would have been pushed over the edge again, but she didn’t. She kept her focus on you this whole time.”

“Seriously?” I ask. He chuckles and nods.

“Not gonna lie Gabe. If I were her, I would have given you at least a good month to grovel. But I get it man.”

“Get what?” Not sure what he’s talking about.

“I don’t want to sound like a sap or anything, but dude.” He laughs to himself. “You two have something I’ve never seen. You guys have done a complete turnaround from what I hear. I know I haven’t been around very long, but from what I’ve seen, you two are meant to be together. Just give her time. And don’t argue when she goes bat shit crazy on you. Because you deserve to take whatever she dishes.”

“I know that. And I’m ready to take whatever she gives me. I just need her to forgive me.” I watch her as she sits under an umbrella watching Danika. “I love her Drew. With everything I have in me. I promise you I won’t mess this up again.”

He laughs as he pushes me. “Don’t lie Gabe. We both know that you’ll do something stupid to mess shit up again.”

I can’t help but laugh in return. “Yeah, I probably will. But it won’t be intentional.”

“Well, I’m going to go and help put some of the shit we bought today away. Matt’s mom wants to make a huge dinner tonight. I promised to help get stuff prepared.” He pats my back. “It will be okay man. She loves you. Trust me.” He says before he turns and walks back toward the house. I take a seat on one of the wooden chairs and think about what the hell I’m going to do with her. As much as I want to run to her and sweep her off her feet, I know Jenna too well to know she doesn’t work that way. I’ve played this moment out hundreds of times in my head since she left, but now? Now I’m drawing a blank.

Finally deciding that sitting here isn’t doing me or her any good, I get up and make my way back off the dock. When I make it closer to the house, I find Matt walking down the sidewalk toward the beach. “Hey bro.” He says. I just nod. “Still scared shitless?” Nodding and chuckling, I answer with a silent shrug. “Dude. Don’t stress it. She loves you. She also needs you to be with her more than anything right now. Even if she doesn’t forgive you, which you know she will. Just be there for her. Alright?”

“Alright.” I say with a heavy sigh. I lean against the bench and watch him reunite with his daughter and “sister”. After a few minutes, I push myself away from the bench and tuck my hands in my pockets. She always gets on me for doing this when I’ve got something bothering me. The woman knows me way too well. She looks in my direction and when our eyes meet, she leaves Matt and Danika and makes her way to me. My heart is pounding a mile a minute. I’m not sure if she is going to yell and scream at me or give me the silent treatment.

“Hey.” I say meeting her half way.

“Hey.” She responds. We stand in an awkward silence for what seems like forever until Matt breaks the silence.

“I’ll tell you what guys. I’m going to take my daughter in the house so I can spend some time with her. That way you two can have some privacy.” He says kissing Jenna on the cheek. I give Danika a quick kiss as she smacks my face making me scrunch my nose at her causing her to giggle. He nods in my direction and takes her back to the house.

“Um… Can we talk?” My voice is shaky with every word I say. Of course we need to talk. I’m so fucking stupid sometimes.

“I think we need to, so yeah.” She states the obvious and turns toward the shoreline. I take off my shoes and leave them by the umbrella before catching up to her. We walk side by side for about five minutes before I take her hand in mine, surprised she didn’t pull away. I need this connection more than anything right now.

“Listen Jenna. You know as well as I do that I’m shit at this so I’m just going to get it out okay?”

She stops, but keeps her hand in mine. The water brushes up against our ankles, slowly burying our feet in the sand. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you about Carmen. I realize now that I should have said something to you before, but because he isn’t mine… oh.” I pull out the test results and hand it to her. She takes it with shaky fingers. “I made sure this was done before we left.”

“I don’t need this Gabriel.” She says softly. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I want you to read it. I want to read it together.” I insist. With a deep sigh, she lets my hand go and begins to open the envelope. I move to stand behind her and instinctively, she leans her body against mine. As we both read the paper that says that the results show that LG isn’t my child, we both release a huge breath we’ve been holding in. Well, that’s one down, I think to myself.

“Why didn’t you say something before?” She asks. I’m waiting for her to yell at me and tell me she hates my guts.

“Because I was already fighting my family about the issue. I didn’t want to lose you too.” I finally answer as honestly as I can.

“Do you think we would have thought any less of you if you would have told us?” She turns to face me. “Because Gabe, it’s not the fact that he is or isn’t yours. What bothers me the most, is you kept something so important from me… Us. Our lives are based on honesty and you took that away from us.”

“Jenna, I didn’t lie. I never did. I may not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied to you.”

“You know. You had me thinking.” She lets out a small laugh. “I was wondering how many other women out there will be throwing this in my face everywhere we go.” Her face looks so sad right now, all I want to do is make this better.

“There won’t be any women doing that Jenna.” I grasp her arms forcing her to look at me. “I can promise you that.”

“But Carmen was just one of many.” She continues, as if I said nothing. Immediately, I remember the letter that Carmen wrote for Jenna. I reach into my back pocket and hand it to her. Without thinking she takes it. “What’s this?”

“I don’t know. It’s been burning a hole in my pocket since we left moms house. She insisted on explaining things to me the day we left. I wanted nothing to do with her, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Maybe it will help ease some tension. I don’t know.” She steps away from the water and sits on the sand. I stay where I am. Not sure what she will do once she reads the letter.

My eyes remain on hers as she opens the envelope and reads what Carmen wrote to her. “Did you know about this?” she asks when she finishes the letter. I don’t answer her at first. I shake my head. She hands it to me to read. I stand in front of her, still afraid to sit and take it from her and read it.

Jenna,

              I know that I am the last person you want to hear from right now, but I think it’s important that you know the truth.

              Gabriel and I dated for two years. I used his popularity to gain respect for myself. He acted as if I was more a sister than a girlfriend at times. We went to places together. He would always treat me like a lady, but when I wanted more from him, he always found a reason to back away.

              Gabriel, as you know has one of the biggest hearts around. There isn’t a day that goes by that he always tries to do the right thing, not just for himself, but for others as well. I think our “relationship” only lasted as long as it did because he couldn’t find the courage to break it off.

              So, about a year before he moved away, we were at a party that he didn’t want to be at. He left after he found a friend who offered to take me home. That’s when I first got together with LG’s real father, Danny. One of Gabriel’s best friends. It started off as great companionship, but when Gabriel wouldn’t give me what I wanted, I turned to Danny. I’m not sure when or if Gabriel will give you this letter, so I will keep what I know to a minimum, but please know this…

              Gabriel loves you with all he has. I only wish he looked at me with a quarter of the affection and love he does just thinking about you. You bring out the best in him. Yes I thought I could try to get that back when you all were here, but I was very much mistaken. So I wanted to apologize to you as well for trying to cause anything between you two. You mean the world to him, you always will. A love like that just doesn’t disappear over time.

              So if you don’t forgive him, just remember that whatever he says is the truth. I don’t think there is anyone else meant for him other than you. I’m hoping he gave you the paternity papers by now proving that LG is not his son. I told him it wasn’t needed, but he insisted to prove legally that he never touched me. I know you probably don’t want to listen to me, but if you do please listen to this. Forgive him. He did what he did to protect you, him and his family. He was only doing what he thought was the right thing.

                                                                                    I’m sorry,

                                                                                                  Carmen

Once finished, I drop my hands and look down at Jenna. She sits in silence and stares out into the ocean. She’s thinking about something. The “
something
” is what I would give anything to find out.  If I wasn’t so fucking scared of her reaction, I would ask her. So, like the coward I am, I just stand there and wait for her to make her move. Deciding I can’t look at her without the urge to take her into my arms, I drop the letter at her feet, tuck my hands back into my pockets and turn toward the water, once again letting the water and sand take over my feet.

“So what now?” she asks. I can’t help but chuckle and shrug for an answer. She knows I can’t answer that question. The ball is in her court now. “Gabe?” Her voice is now directly behind me. “Please help me out here.”