No Regrets (Live Today #2) (19 page)

“Jenna, you are the light of my life. I have done you wrong in so many ways. Words cannot describe how truly sorry I am. Even though I’ve not been an active part of yours and Brennan’s lives, I can admit, I’ve been involved in a portion of it. I followed you and your brother through all your endeavors. My heart almost came to a stop when I thought we were going to lose you. I always planned on going before my children did, but you pushed through, didn’t you?” She pauses while the music plays. “You always smile. Your smile can change a room. It can brighten anyone’s day. I know your heart is under lock and key, but I believe that you have found the man that holds the key. I’m not sure if you have let him in yet, from what I hear, it’s up to you to let him. I know it’s because of me that you hide the pain in your heart and shelter it with a smile all the time, but I want you to smile in a different way. Smile with joy and laughter. I love you Jenna Lynn, with all I have in me. Promise me you’ll smile every day.” Drew’s father stands behind the podium once more when the music finally comes to a stop.

“Ally Munson leaves behind her husband and three children. At her request, she wishes for everyone to look around the room and celebrate her life and not mourn her death…” He goes on with the traditional service proceedings, but I’ve blocked it all out by now. I didn’t even realize he finished until Gabe stands me up with him to leave and greet more people at the door. The rest of the next few hours are in a haze until the reception begins.

Gabe

“This is beautiful.” Ashley speaks softly leaning into my side while Brennan is in line getting their plates of food for the two of them. She’s looking around the room. “Never would I imagine something so grand.”

“Me neither. Guess this is how the big guys do it huh?” I pat her shoulder. “Remind me never to lose who we are. When I go, I want something simple like we do back at home.”

“Don’t talk like that Gabriel.” Her voice is harsh. “I hope I never have to deal with anyone leaving anytime soon.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t plan on saying goodbye to this planet for a long time.” I reassure her.

“There was a time not too long ago that I remember you begging for Him to take you instead of Jenna.”

“Ash, I wasn’t in my right mind at that time. I wanted her to pull through this. If you only saw…” My voice breaks off. “I don’t know what I would have done if something would have happened to her.”

“And I don’t know what I would have done if something would have happened to you.” She shudders.

“What are we talking about?” Brennan asks, sitting down with two plates of food. “You gonna get some food?” He asks me.

“Waiting on your sister. Where is she anyway?” I look around the room for her. Matt and Drew come to our table and sit by us with their plates of food.

“Last I saw, she was walking outside with Paisley.” Matt says, listening to our conversation as he sits with his and Willow’s plates.

Willow sits beside him uncomfortably. “I saw her in the restroom before we got in line. She said she wanted to talk to Paisley for a minute. She hasn’t come back in yet?” I shake my head looking for her again. “Maybe they are still out there. Paisley isn’t back yet either.”

“Yeah maybe.” I stand. “I guess I’ll grab us some food. I want to make sure she keeps on eating.”

“I’m sure she’ll be back by the time you’re done. The line is kind of long now. I told you to get some earlier.” Brennan dives into his plate. I turn and take one more look around the room before getting in line and wait my turn for some dinner.

After some very boring small talk with some of the people from the firm Ally’s family is involved in, I finally finish building our plates and make my way back to the table. “Still nothing?” I try to keep my calm. I must have been in line for at least a half hour. All eyes look around the table before they shake their head. “Paisley?”

“Not seen her either man.” Brennan says. “I’m sure they are still talking outside or something. Relax.”

I place her plate in front of the empty seat next to mine and decide to begin eating while I wait. Damn, these people really do know how to cook. “This is amazing.” I moan. “She’s gonna be pissed if she eats this cold.”

Minutes later Paisley comes and rests her hand on Brennan’s shoulders as she checks Drew out. I think she has a thing for him. “Everything alright here? Dad wants me to socialize, I really don’t want to, but I will be the good girl. Figured I would make a pit stop and come and say hey.” I raise my eyes from my phone to Paisleys immediately. I’ve been spinning it around on the table as I wait for Jenna. It’s a bad habit I have that she usually gets on me for.

“Jenna’s not with you?” She raises her eyebrows and shakes her head no. “But Willow said she was with you.”

“She was earlier. But that was until dinner was served.”

“You mean to tell me that you two were done talking before dinner?” I ask not caring about my tone and the fact that Ashley has her hand resting on my arm trying to encourage me to not cause a scene. I shake her hand off mine.

“Yeah. We spoke for about thirty minutes or so. I cried and she comforted me. Once I gathered myself back up, she looked at her phone and said she had a meeting to attend.” She looks around the table. “I thought you knew. I figured it was for one of the lawyers or something?”

Standing immediately, Brennan and Drew follow behind me when I make my way to Robert. “Sir, did Jenna say anything about a meeting with a lawyer tonight?” He excuses himself from the conversation he was in before turning to me.

“Um, no. Why?” He asks before continuing. “We don’t meet with another lawyer until we reach California.” He looks over to Brennan. “Son, what’s going on?”

“Jenna’s missing.” He says. Paisley comes up.

“I just checked the restrooms, she’s not there.” She rests her hand on my arm.

“Thank you for checking Paisley.” I turn to Brennen.

“Bren?” Is all I have to say, he knows exactly what I’m thinking.

“She wouldn’t.” He’s shaking his head. “No, not after everything.”

“She wouldn’t what?” Robert asks. “Does someone want to tell me what the
hell
is going on?” Drew steps around us.

“Sir, Jenna has a drug issue. It should be no surprise to you that it’s how we met. She had a lapse a few weeks ago when something happened in Kansas. That’s why we left to come here alone. As her sponsor, I wanted to get her away from the temptation.” My knees feel week. I swear all the blood feels like its left me. This is all my fault. If I would have only told her the truth years ago, we wouldn’t be here right now.

“I wondered why you two showed up separately.” Their dad says looking at Brennan, but I can’t bring words to my mouth to reply. I look blankly at Brennan.

“Gabe. Hey, don’t.” He assures me. “She’s fine.” He takes me by the arm and guides me outside to get some fresh air. Once we sit down on some surrounding chairs, he continues, “Take a deep breath. Let’s call the house and see if she just went home. Maybe this was too much for her.” Matt comes running out.

“She’s not there. I just called mom. She went home to put Dani down. She hasn’t seen Jenna since the service.”

“Fuck.” I snap. “Where the hell would she go? She doesn’t know anyone out here to get anything. Unless…” I look up at Drew and Brennan. “You don’t think she had a hidden stash?”

Drew shakes his head before answering. “No, man. She didn’t, I know she didn’t. I searched her bags the night we left Kansas.” He sits. I pull out my phone and send her a text.

Where are you?

Of course, I am positive she won’t reply. I watch the screen when it changes from delivered to read. So I know she saw it.

“Paisley.” Drew says calmly. “What exactly did she say?” Paisley sits across us and thinks carefully.

“We were talking about mom. She was asking questions just before I broke down.” She wrings her hands together. “She pulled out her phone, I thought she was texting you guys. When she was done, she stood and told me she had a meeting to attend. Then she left. I’m sorry, I guess I should have said something.” She begins to cry. “I didn’t know.”

I stand and place my hands on her shoulders. “It’s okay Paisley, you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re right, you didn’t know.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to reassure her or myself at this moment.

“Wait.” Drew stands beside me. “You said she mentioned having a meeting to attend?” She nods. “And she was looking at her phone?” She nods again.

“Drew. What’s up?” I ask.

“You don’t think she found an addiction recovery group meeting to go to do you?”

“I don’t know. I guess she could have. She hasn’t been to a meeting since you two were released from rehab.”

He pulls his phone out and searches meeting centers. “That’s because she has me to talk to every day.” He watches the screen then continues. “There’s four meetings that begin within the hour around this area.” His eyes meet mine. His parents and Ashley are now outside, curious.

Brennan takes her hand. “Ashley and I can go to one and see if we can find her there.”

“Good idea son. Let’s split up. I’ll take one location. Brennan and Ashley will take another.”

“Willow and I will take one. You and Drew can take the last one.” Matt says taking Willow’s hand.

“Drew, send them the addresses.” We all begin to move toward the parking lot. “Send me a text immediately once you get there. Make it one of those group text things. We’ll try the locations first, then we’ll try for plan B. Paisley, can you do me a favor?” I ask.

“Anything.”

“Could you go home please and look around the beach? All the way up and down the shores. That’s her favorite place to be. It calms her. Even the pier, please?” She nods in agreement.

“Yes. Of course.” I lean in and kiss her cheek.

“Thanks sweets.”  Taking her phone, I enter my number in her phone and send myself a text. “This is my number. Send me a text immediately, okay?” I ask before turning to run to the car.

~~~

“Can you drive any slower Drew?”

“Fuck man, I want to get there alive.” He snaps. “Calm down man. We’ll get there. I have no doubt she’s safe and clean.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, I just hate this shit.” I admit shaking in my seat. “She never does anything alone. Why didn’t she come and get you?”

“We don’t even know if she’s there. Maybe she’s at home at the beach like you thought.”  I look down at my phone waiting for a response.

“Maybe.” Just when a chime comes in. Looking at it again. “Brennan doesn’t see her.” My chest feels like it weights a thousand pounds.

“We will find her.” He puts his hand on my shoulder. “Just keep it together man. We’ve got about three minutes before we get there.” I nod and look down at my phone when two chirps go off.

“She’s not with Robert or Matt. That leaves Paisley or us and since Patty said she hasn’t seen her, I hope to hell she’s here.” Drew turns the corner and stops at the first parking spot he sees while I send the group the address where we are. We hop out and run toward the building. The door that has a cardboard sign saying “Welcome members” is enough of a sign for us to know we’re running in the right direction. We run through the door and slow our speed when we begin to receive the glares by onlookers. Down the hall to the left, a set of double doors are open. There’s a podium in the middle and semicircular rows of chairs surrounding it. As I scan the room looking for Jenna, Drew taps me on the arm and points to the opposite corner.

Sitting in the third row is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. She sits with a shaky leg as someone steps up to the podium and speaks. Drew drags me to take a seat. “Sit down man. We know she’s safe and clean. It’s good for you to listen to the meeting.” He whispers. We sit and he sends the group a text letting everyone know we have her. Keeping my eyes on her, I take a deep cleansing breath knowing she’s safe and sound.

“Hello and welcome back. As I look around the room today, I notice a few new faces. I welcome you as well. I would like for everyone to introduce yourselves and let us know how long you’ve been clean.” He offers the first row of people who stand and announce their times. Once the room gets to Jenna, she stands.

“Hello, my name is Jenna and I’m a drug addict. I would love to say I have been clean for nearly ten months, but it’s been I think twenty three days since I last used.” She hangs her head and sits.

The room continues until it meets us. Shit. She will find out we’re here. But I’ve noticed Jenna hasn’t even acknowledged anyone. Maybe she won’t bother listening to us. Drew stands.

“My name’s Drew and it’s been almost eleven months since I last used.” Jenna’s head snaps immediately and her beautiful blue eyes meet mine. I stand.

“Uh, hi my name’s Gabriel and it’s been two years since I last used.” My eyes remain on hers with my admittance. I’m not sure if Drew knew I used to use, but Jenna knew when my last day was. It was the day she told me she was in love with me. From that point on, I decided not to use ever again. I wanted the love I felt for her to be pure and not inhibited. I begged her to stop using as well. But I never reminded her about her declaration for me. She was under the influence and wouldn’t believe me at that time.

Immediately, whispering began. Some of the people in the group are fans. And if Jenna wasn’t proof that it was truly her, Drew and I just confirmed it. The guy at the podium coughs to gather the attention back to him. He goes through this spiel about how he’s proud of everyone for attending the meetings and he opens the floor for anyone who wants to share their stories. A few people step up and share their stories. Just when we think everyone is done, to my surprise, Jenna stands and slowly walks to the front of the group. The ones that were whispering continue to whisper and look back from her to us. Yeah, they definitely know who we are.

“Hello.” She says. Everyone says hello in return and thanks her for sharing. It’s the going thing around here. Her eyes drift over to the chatterers. “I guess some of you know who I am.” A small smile forms on the corner of her mouth. “I can’t say my story hasn’t been exploited all across the country now can I? I guess that’s what happens when you are in the public eye.” She takes a deep breath.

“But I’m not here to talk about who I am. I am here to tell someone that I have a craving. My sponsor is here with me.” She points to Drew. “But this is something I was trying to do by myself. Sometimes, we don’t know how long our loved ones will stick around. You know?” She wipes a tear from her eye.

“Um… Today I said goodbye to my mother. I haven’t seen my mother since I was five years old. She died a little bit ago, but today my family finally said goodbye to her and laid her to rest. I didn’t think it would bother me, but it does. My father left us when I was fifteen. That’s when I began smoking pot. I didn’t think anything of it, until pot wasn’t filling the need. Things got carried away a few years after that. Then I found myself mixing all kind of drugs when I went out. A few years ago, we were out at a party and we had used, the whole group of us did. It was what we did after a set. We would drink and use.”