No Regrets (Live Today #2) (14 page)

“No, no. It’s okay Jenna. I deserved that.” He pats my leg again. “You have grown to be such a beautiful, strong woman.” He turns to Brennan. “You did good son. I’m proud of both of you for not falling apart when most people would have. You raised a beautiful gem.”

“Thanks dad.” Brennan’s eyes meet mine and he smiles with pride. “But she also raised me too. We grew up together. We made split decisions for the most part, until she acted like a little bratty teenager.” I poke my tongue out at him and he chuckles. “Like she’s doing now.” I giggle.

“I couldn’t be more proud of either one of you. You made the best out of what you had, and you built your family out of love and trust. I’m sure trusting isn’t easy with anyone. I want you two to know, that I meant what I said earlier. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

“I know you will daddy.” I rest my hand on his. “I’m sure it won’t be easy, and there will be more hard times than there will be easy ones. It’s important for you to know how hard it was for Bren and I to live the way we did. I still have so many questions for both you and Paisley. I just want to understand why she did what she did. I want to know a little more about mom. She has something I never had.” I wipe the tear that falls from my eye. “She had a lifetime with mom and I only had five years. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t hurt, because frankly, it hurts like hell.”

“When did you get so strong?” He tries to hold back his emotions. Brennan is looking down at this time.

“I had a great guardian.” Brennan’s eyes rise to meet mine and I smile. “He didn’t do it alone. Will and Matty both were there to take care of me. Then Gabe came into the picture.” Gabe squeezes me tightly. “You’re right. We became our own family. And I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. Everything happens for a reason.” I look over to Drew who’s been watching me this whole time. I wink at him and he looks down and blushes. “It’s taken a long time to fully grasp that concept. Losing Will was one of the hardest things we ever had to do, but during that mourning process we met Drew.” Drew smiles, still looking down. “I still want answers and I’ll get them. However, right now, after a super long and shitty day, all I want is to be with my family.”

“I understand.” He stands. “I’ll let you be.”

“Daddy, I didn’t mean you had to leave.” He shakes his head.

“No worries princess.” He leans down and kisses my cheek before turning and patting Brennan on the shoulder. “I actually have a little session with Drew’s dad. We have a lot to discuss.” He makes his way to the door, but turns. “Oh, tomorrow, when it’s convenient for you, I would like it if we could watch your mother’s video together. It’s your choice whether you want Paisley with us or not. I won’t force her onto either one of you.”

“We will let you know in the morning.” Brennan says. “Good night dad.”

“Good night son. Good night princess.”

“Good night daddy.” He smiles, turns and leaves.

“Well?” Brennan asks.

“Well what?” I counter.

“What do you think?”

“I think right now, I don’t want to think at all. Not about him, not about her, not about anything. All I want to do is spend the night with my favorite boys. I want to enjoy my family.” I look around and meet each set of eyes staring at me. I love each and every one of them. Nothing will ever change that. “You guys are my heart.”

“Fair enough sis.” Brennan says, nodding at Drew who passes the bowl of popcorn over to me and Gabe, then he begins the movie.

I only make it halfway through the movie when I begin to slowly nod off. The weekend and its events have absolutely exhausted me. Of course, tonight's not how I had imagined it would go, but being in the comfort of my family means so much more. I know exactly where I want to be with Gabe, and I think deep down inside, I think we made the right decision to not go through with the wedding today. Not that I don't want to be Mrs. Gabriel Anthony Gonzales, because that's what I want more than anything in the world. However, I do want to do it the right way, and if that means waiting until we can do it in front of all of our family and friends, then so be it.

"Ready for bed Angel?" Gabe whispers in my ear. I snuggle up closer to him and shake my head. "Baby, you're exhausted."

"Just a few more minutes. Please?" I beg looking up into his deep honey brown eyes. "I haven't had many nights like this lately."

His soft lips meet mine in a gentle kiss. "Okay." He says quietly. "A few more minutes more, but when you fall asleep, I'm taking you to bed." I smile up at him and nod before returning to the movie.

I assume I must have fallen asleep shortly after that. I can hear Gabe say good night to the group just before he lifts me in his arms and kisses my head as he make his way to our room. He lays me down on the bed and gently takes off my pajama bottoms. God love him. He knows I hate sleeping in pants. I roll over waiting for him. He removes his pants before climbing in and pulling me into his arms.

"Gabe?" He gently runs a finger up and down my arm.

"Hmmm." He replies sleepily.

"Are you upset that we didn't go through with it today?" He stills for what seems like forever before he answers.

"No." He answers before continuing moving his hand. "I'm more upset at me for making you mad. I have no regrets. As much as I looked forward to consummating our marriage, I think this may have been best. I love you Jenna, true to God. And I think we should do this sooner rather than later."

"I love you too, true to God. And I agree. I think we need to call your mom tomorrow and see when a good time is for her." He chuckles. "What's so funny?"

"Angel, you do realize that if I actually ask her that, she's gonna say tomorrow is a great time." I smile and yawn. "You're beat babe. Get some sleep. Sounds like you have a big day tomorrow." He rolls me over so we're spooning, my back to his chest.

"Will you be in the room with me tomorrow, when we watch the video?"

"I'll be anywhere you need me to be Angel. Always."

"Thank you Gabe. I love you." I whisper.

"Always. I love you too." He kisses the back of my neck and I smile. "Now, get some sleep." He insists.

Jenna

“Couldn’t sleep?” Brennan comes and sits beside me. I glance at the time on my phone and realize it’s just after three in the morning. Taking the blanket that’s thrown over me, I lift it for him to slide underneath. He sighs heavily, “Yeah, me neither.”

“What’s keeping you up?” I ask, leaning against his side before looking back at the moonlight hitting the top of the ocean.

“Probably the same thing that’s keeping you up.” He sighs again. “Jenna, we have a fucking sister.”

“I know.”

“And?”

“And what?” I ask.

“What do you think about it?”

“Honestly? I’m more worried about why she did what she did to me at the bar.” I shiver just thinking about it. “I don’t even remember her or Justin being there, but I guess that’s why I thought he looked so familiar when I was driving up to Washington.”

“I know that bothers you, but what about the fact that we have a fucking sister that we never knew about.” I can tell he’s bothered by her.

“Mom and dad kept so much from us. It honestly doesn’t surprise me. What surprises me the most is how much she looks like you.”

“You noticed that huh?” He asks, I nod. “But she definitely has your nose.”

“Yeah, I can see that a little.” I take a deep breath before asking the big question. “So what now?”

“I don’t know sis.” He replies after taking a few seconds to think about it. “She has so much hatred toward us. Which is totally undeserved by the way.”

“Yeah, but then again, think about it Bren, what if she really was supposed to be unseen?”

“Being unseen by some is different than the feeling of being unwanted.” His voice is harsh. A knot forms in my throat as a tear falls from my eye.

“Brennan.”

“Don’t even ‘
Brennan’
me Jenna. I don’t want to hear it this time. She had mom her entire lifetime. Who gives a shit that she had to hear stories about us. That’s all they were, stories. She had the chance to kiss her goodnight. Jesus Jenna, look where she lived.” He waves his hands around. “She wanted for nothing and she has the nerve to say she had it bad?” I can tell he’s crying, but if I look up at him, I know I’ll end up crumbling.

“Jenna, don’t feel that sorry for her when we had it the way we did. Mom and dad both left us with nothing. Yeah, we got funding from Matt’s mom that was technically theirs, but we didn’t know that, did we? No. We thought they were being generous. I…” He chokes.

“Brennan, it’s okay.” I shift so he’s in my arms. This is how our relationship functions. If one of us is down, the other is there to offer comfort. “It doesn’t matter anyway. We made it, didn’t we?” I ask in a reassuring manner. He doesn’t answer, but I know he’s listening. “You did the best you did with me, and I think you did a pretty good job. Yeah, we had our ups and downs, and we lost Will in the process, but I still have you. You fought for
us
Brennan. Words can’t describe what that means to me.” I try to swallow back the tears, but watching him break down in front of me is too much. We sit in silence for a little while.

“Jenna.” He asks. “Do you think it would have been different with us if they would have stayed?” I think about it carefully before I answer. It could go either way.

“Yeah, of course I think it would have been different. They would have been there for so many things, but do I think things would be different between you and me? No. I can honestly say that with or without mom and dad, or even with or without Paisley, I think you and I would still be this close. Maybe we wouldn’t have lost Will. Maybe we would have. Who knows? Brennan, we can’t change the past. All we can do is learn from it and push forward.”

“Live for today?”

“Live for today.” I answer. “Live with no regrets. Because,”

“We can die tomorrow.” He finishes. “Is that why we went to Vegas?” Again, I take my time before answering him.

“Yes and no.” I answer as honestly as I can. “I love Gabe with all that I have. You know that. And because we both love you so much, we put our true feelings aside.”

“That and I threatened to take off his nut.” He chuckles on my lap. I smack his arm, but laugh along with him.

“Well, that too… Seriously though Bren, I think I always knew it was him. I know everything about him. He’s my heart. My other half. He finishes my sentences most of the time. He makes me laugh when I’m sad and when he can’t, he doesn’t ask any questions, he just holds me until I feel better. He picks off the carrots on my salads. He knows exactly how I like the towels folded.” I begin smiling like a love struck school girl.

“You’ve got it bad don’t you?” He asks. “Don’t answer that, I’ve known that answer for years. I guess I was scared that I would lose you.” He responds honestly.

“You really thought that?” He nods. “Brennan, how could you even think that? My entire being revolves around you.”

“Not only me sis.” He turns his head toward the ocean. “You are like a, like a, I don’t know how to explain it.” He hesitates. “It’s like you’re a siren. You’re a magnet for happiness. But it’s only the ones you truly let inside your heart that can see the sadness in you. Maybe that’s why Paisley thinks the worst of you. She only sees how much you glow when you’re in a room.”

“I don’t get why you all say that.” He sits up and stares directly into my eyes.

“Because you do Jenna. Now, after all this time I finally realize what Will was talking about. You shine like gem.” He huffs. “How could I have been so stupid? He said something about buffing you out.” I’m trying to hold back my tears, but all this talk about Will is too hard and a tear trickles down my cheek. He wipes it away quickly with his thumb. “Don’t cry sis.” He pulls me into his arms. His voice shakes. “Please don’t cry. I know how hard it is. I wish he was here too. I miss him so fucking much it hurts.”

“When does it get easier?” I cry. “When will this guilt ever go away? It should have been me. It always should have been me. I don’t deserve to be here Brennan.”

“I don’t ever want to hear you say that again Jenna Lynn Munson. Do you hear me?” He scolds me.

“I second that.” We both jump when we hear a voice. “May I?” Dad asks leaning against the sliding glass door. Brennan nods.

“How long have you been standing there?” Brennan asks.

“Long enough son.” He answers. “Scoot.” He tells me. I shift so he can sit behind me. Immediately he pulls me on his lap and surprisingly, he pulls Brennan to his side so he can hold us both. “I know I don’t even deserve to sit here like this with you two right now, but for some reason, I had a feeling you two needed some time with your old man.” I rest my head on his shoulder and Brennan takes my hand. We make eye contact, I try to decipher his face, but it seems calm.

“I know I’ve said it a million times, and you can count on me saying it a million times more. I’m so sorry. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about you two.” He admits.

“Dad.” I try, but he interrupts.

“Hush. I agree with your brother. I don’t ever want to hear you say anything like that again. Do you understand?” Leaving me speechless, all I can do is nod. “Good. Believe me princess, I know how it is to feel guilty every day of your life. I’ve felt it since the day I left. But I do think everything happens for a reason. I’m not saying that Will deserved to die. Nobody deserves to die and I will certainly make sure that justice is served. Your mother thought that karma had gotten her big time for leaving us. She believed that she deserved what she was given, so she decided not to fight it.”

“What?” Brennan asks. “Dad, why didn’t you say anything to us?”

“She made me promise son. She explains it in her video. I,” he pauses for a few seconds. “This is one promise I decided to break. I think you two deserve to hear it from me, and not from some television screen. So many times, so many damn times I wanted to pick up the phone and call you. I wanted you here with me to try and talk her into getting some help.”

“Why didn’t you?” I ask.

“Your mother is one of the most hard headed women I know.” Brennan chuckles.

“Now I know where she gets it from.” Brennan says pointing to me. I reach over and smack him on his chest. But we all end up with smiles on our faces.

“If that’s the only trait she got from your mom, she’s lucky.”

“You guys think you can talk about me when I’m not sitting right here listening?” I respond sarcastically. They both begin to chuckle. I never realized until now that Brennan and dad share the same chuckle.

“Oh, you love it.” Brennan says.

“Actually, you and your mother share a lot of the same qualities. I’ve already noticed it in this past week.” Dad’s voice is soft.

“I wish I knew her.” I whisper, resting my head on his shoulder. Brennan squeezes my hand.

“I know you do. She wished the same thing. She always wondered about how beautiful you would turn out. Of course, Patty would send pictures often.” He pauses. “You have to understand Jenna, she thought she was doing what was best for you and your brother. She thought by saving us financially, it would have helped things in the long run.”

“But it didn’t. All it did was ruin us. By leaving us, all she did was make us think we weren’t loved by her. Then when you left…” my voice trails off.

“You thought you were unwanted?” He asks. I nod. “I wish I could convince you that that wasn’t the case. I missed your mom so much. I simply wanted one more chance to be with her again. She’s the other half of my soul.”

“Like Gabe is to me.” I admit.

“Like Gabriel is to you. I can see that now. The way you look at him is the same way your mother looked at me. I’m sure that’s another trait.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “I can also bet that your brother looks at Gabe’s sister the same way I looked at your mother.”

“She makes me feel complete. I don’t know what it is about her.” Brennan confesses. “I’ve only known her for such a short time, but there’s something about her that draws me in.”

“You love her.” I say.

“I… I actually think I do.” He answers honestly.

“Brennan,” he looks over to me. “The love you feel for her, even though it’s just a little, it’s a portion of the love I feel for Gabe. That day you brought him home,” I smile at the memory. “That day changed me. I had to know absolutely everything about him. But in the same breath, I wanted nothing to do with him.”

“Because of me?” I bite my lip, and smile. “Yeah, I knew it too.” He smiles back. “God I wanted to kick his ass so much that day.”

“You know I would have ended up kicking yours in the end right?”

“Oh it would have been so worth it.” Dad begins to laugh.

“Are you two always like this?” Brennan and I look at each other and laugh.

“Worse.” We both say in unison.

~~~

Gabe

I reach out to put my arm around Jenna, and come up empty handed. Reaching a little further, I notice the sheets are cold. I open one eye to look around, maybe she’s gone to the restroom. No, the light is off. My chest tightens when panic takes over. What if she had second thoughts? Maybe this is too much for her. So many thoughts run through my head. Deep down, I’m positive she loves me just as much as I love her.

Once I get up and use the bathroom, I make my way to the living room. Ashley is sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee. I fix myself a cup and walk over to her.

“Morning.” Leaning down, kissing her on the cheek. I realize I haven’t spent that much time with her. I’ve missed her and Emily so much.

“Good morning. Sleep well?” She smiles. I sit beside her and take a sip of my coffee.

“Better than expected. I’m not too happy waking up to an empty bed though.”

“I know what you mean.” She replies.

“What? Where did Brennan sleep?” She doesn’t answer, but points a finger out the back patio of out wing. “Huh.” I huff. Laying out on the small couch out back is Jenna, Brennan and Robert. “Guess they all didn’t sleep well huh?” Ashley shrugs.

“Guess so. Brennan did toss and turn for a few hours last night. He finally got up around three I think. I don’t know, I fell asleep. It was a long weekend.” She takes a drink.

“Very long.”

We watch the three of them sleeping for about thirty minutes before I notice Jenna stir. She sits up and looks around. When she slides off the couch, she notices me and Ashley watching her.

“Uh. Morning.” She says stretching.

“Good morning Angel.” I pat the cushion next to me. She comes and sits before snuggling to my side. “Sleep well?” I ask kissing the top of her head.

“Not as well as I would have liked.” She rubs her neck. “My neck hurts.”

“I bet it does.” I try not to be sarcastic, but sometimes it’s just too hard.

“Gabe, stop.” Ashley snaps smacking me on the leg. “Jenna, I’ll get you a cup of coffee. Cream?” she asks.

“Mmm. Please.” Ashley leaves us alone for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to wake you.” She wraps her arm around me.

“Jenna, you know you can always wake me if you need to.”

“I know. I just needed some time to think.” She admits. “Then Brennan came out a little later. We had a chance to talk, then dad came out shortly after that. He couldn’t sleep either. Said he saw us sitting together, so he came to chat.”