No Longer Mine (15 page)

Casting a wistful glance at Wade, Dylan said, “If she wanted it done, she’d do it herself. She doesn’t need us to do it.” His wishful eyes clearly made Wade aware that all Nikki needed to do was say the word.

Nikki stood silently, her eyes empty and flat. Her silence told Dylan all too much. It had been months since the grim-eyed man from Nikki’s past had shown up, and he was still hanging around Nikki.

That only told Dylan Nikki really didn’t want the bastard gone. But God help him if he hurt her again.

“Damn it, lemme go,” Shawn demanded.

“Sure,” Dylan drawled, letting go suddenly and with a shove that had Shawn sprawling in the grass in front of the porch.

Young pride bruised, he leaped to his feet, ready to battle with both of them, only to come up against the heel of Dylan’s hand, and go sliding on his butt again.

“Damn it, why in the hell are you knocking me around for?” Body smeared with mud, eyes flashing.

“I ain’t the bastard who went and knocked—”

“Shawn.” Nikki said, her voice low, hard and angry.

That one word stopped Shawn in his tracks and he dropped his head. “Aw, hell,” he muttered, climbing to his feet. “Can’t even beat the shit out of a guy anymore. Nobody used to look twice when I got into a fight.” Gingerly, he moved up the steps, tossing Wade a look that said “just wait”. And then he was gone.

Dylan lingered a moment longer, asking silently if he should stay or go. Wade began to wonder if he wasn’t going to have to do battle with one of them after all. But finally, after long moments of silent communication, Nikki just shook her head. “Make sure he cleans up the mud he tracks in. I’ll be in soon.” Dylan shrugged and turned on his bare foot to go inside, casting one long, unreadable glance in Wade’s direction before shutting the door quietly behind him.

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81

Chapter Eleven

As he watched her, Nikki wrapped her arms around her middle, a tiny shiver racking her body. She met his eyes and just gave him a flat, blank stare. “What are you doing here, Wade? It’s barely seven.”

“I’ve been up for hours… Can’t sleep.”

“So you decided to come up here at the crack of dawn? Strange solution to insomnia.” He shrugged and tucked his hands in his back pockets. “You know, if looks could kill, you two would have been dead the minute I rounded the bend. I didn’t recognize Shawn. He’s grown up.”

“He looks pretty much the same way he did five years ago.”

“Not really. He looks like a whole other person. I hear he’s training with a contractor, going into construction.”

“That’s right. Dylan leaves in a few months to join the army. Might even have a shot at military intelligence. Neither one of them have been in trouble with the law in years. Shawn just broke up with the girl he swore he was going to marry, but he’s not too upset about it. Dylan just broke up with a girl too, but he says now isn’t the time to be starting relationships. Did you come up here to discuss my brothers’ plans for the future?” she asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

He ran his eyes over her sweetly curved body, appreciating every exposed inch. The green silk she wore left a lot of inches exposed. A lot exposed and little to the imagination. His mouth went dry as he found himself staring at her breasts, at the way her nipples pressed against the fragile cloth.

Hell, discussing anything was the last thing on his mind.

“No.” He moved closer, backing her up against the wall.

“Back off, Wade,” Nikki snapped, her brows drawing together. Her soft, full mouth firmed into a flat line as she leaned back into the wood, trying to stay as far from him as she could. Her eyes were dark, turbulent with emotions Wade couldn’t even begin to understand.

“I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Deal with what?” he asked absently as he lowered his head, eyes focused on her mouth. Her answer went unheard as he groaned and locked his mouth on hers, intent on making every vivid dream, every little fantasy of the past night a reality here and now.

Wade closed his eyes, nearly dying from the pleasure of feeling her moving against him. She felt like an angel, tasted like heaven. Sanity fell to pieces around him as his hands traveled under the silky top to
No Longer Mine

find her bare beneath it. Nothing but soft, smooth skin that trembled under his hands. Wedging himself between her thighs, he ground his erection against her and shuddered.

He clamped his hands over her silk-covered hips, hiking her up, pressing heat against heat. Tearing his mouth from hers, he dragged air into his starving lungs. Her head fell limply back, coming in contact with the exterior of the house, but she didn’t even flinch. Throat exposed, eyes closed, she was the very picture of surrender. Wade lowered his head and feasted on the smooth expanse of bare skin between neck and shoulder.

A soft whimper escaped her lips as his mouth brushed against the sensitive flesh of her neck.

As he began the slow journey up to her mouth, Nikki felt her already weak resolve begin to crumple.

This had always felt so right, she thought in despair. How could she fight off something that felt as natural as life itself? It might be easier to will her own heart to stop beating. She shuddered when he plunged his tongue into her mouth, his strong hands molding her against him, cupping the curve of her rump, lifting her up.

Nikki gasped. The heat shimmered through her from head to toe, then centered at her neck and groin.

The blood in her head pounded in time to the thick, heavy waves of pleasure that washed over her.

Have I lost my mind?
she wondered frantically as those waves washed down to pool between her thighs. Her brothers were waiting inside, probably watching their every move. And here they were, ready to go at it like a couple of teenagers. Audience or no audience. And she really didn’t care.

Fisting her hands in his hair, Nikki dragged his head back to hers, met his mouth again. Sharp teeth nipped gently at her lower lip before his tongue sought out the tiny hurt and soothed it. One hand left her hip to race up and close over her bare breast, dragging the pajama top up in the process. His thumb scraped over her nipple, drawing it tighter as he kneaded, massaged, stroked her breast.

Wade tore his mouth from hers and lowered his head to nip at her neck, forcing his hands back. The silk top of her pajamas fell back down, covering her.

Sanity made a brief return as he remembered where they were, and the fact that they didn’t exactly have privacy.
Not here. Damn it. What timing.

“Come home with me,” he whispered, frustrated need and lust making his voice harsh.

Her voice practically gone, Nikki shook her head. “No.”

“Yes,” he demanded, biting her earlobe with none-too-gentle teeth. “You want this as much as I do.” Pulling away, he stared down at her face that was flushed with hunger. Desire had darkened her eyes until they were nearly black. That wide mobile mouth was red, lips swollen. “Damn it, I could unbutton my jeans and spread your legs right here and you’d love every second of it. I don’t think you could stop me right now. I don’t think you’d want to.”

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83

Shiloh Walker

She closed her eyes and refused to reply. She wouldn’t lie about it, but damn it, she didn’t have to admit it either.

“If you won’t come home with me, then get dressed and come walking with me,” he coaxed, his thumbs caressing her ribcage and the sensitive underside of each breast. “I’ll take you into the woods and lay you down on the leaves and make love to you there.” His voice was low, smoky, full of promises and need. “And I’ll make you forget every second you ever spent without me.” The hot words and hot promises in his eyes wound themselves around her like a silken rope, pulling her flesh tight, making breathing nearly impossible. She was tempted. Sweet heaven, she was tempted.

“Wade, I can’t,” she whispered, the words coming hoarsely. The lump in her throat was making breathing difficult.

“Sure you can. Just go throw on some jeans and come with me,” he said, nudging the wet cleft between her legs with his erection. His blue-jeaned legs rubbed against her inner thighs, the sensation almost painful to her sensitized nerves.

“That’s not what I meant, Wade,” she whispered brokenly. “This isn’t going to solve anything.”
Understand. Please. I can’t keep fighting you, not now. I’m too weak already.

She saw it in his eyes, the heated fog of lust clearing as he started to actually hear her. She continued to stare at him, knowing he could see that hunger there, as well as her fear and something that bordered on desperation.

Anger started to flash in his eyes, and she braced herself.

“What’s there to solve?” he demanded. “You still love me. I love you. We need each other.”

“I can’t do this,” she said, closing her eyes against the pain.

“You don’t have to do anything at all. Just spread your legs for me and I’ll do the rest,” he snapped.

“If you can’t give me anything else, I’ll settle for your body for now.”

“I can’t do it like that,” she said sadly. “It’s all or nothing.”

“And if I need an answer now?”

Wade could see it in her eyes, on her face. Her throat worked as she swallowed and her eyes glistened with the wet sheen of tears. But her voice was firm when she answered, “It would have to be nothing.”

“It’s always been all or nothing with you!” he raged. Damn her, he couldn’t wait forever. “If you would just learn to bend a little, maybe we never would have had these problems.” She threw his hands off, her eyes going wide. “Me?” she asked, her voice low and shaking.

“Me?” she repeated, her voice rising with shock and anger. “Learn to bend? This is
my
fault? You son of a bitch. You knocked up some bimbo and I’m supposed to
bend
?”

“You’re supposed to let it
go
—hell, even if you can’t forgive
me
, at least get over it. It’s
over
.” Frustrated beyond belief, he shook her slightly. “Damn it, what in the hell happened to you? You’ve turned 84

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No Longer Mine

into a damned hermit. You’re barely a shadow of what you were. You think I can’t see the pain in you? It’s tearing you apart and I can’t help but think it’s more than just me. You never would have let me ruin your life, not after what I did. I wasn’t worth it!

“Let it go,” he finished, his voice ragged, his brow pressed to hers. “It can’t affect us any more.”

“The past made us what we are, Wade. It’s not that easy.” Watching her from hooded eyes, Wade came to slow realization. She wasn’t going to give in. Not now or ever. “If that’s the way it is, then I don’t think I like what it’s made you into. I don’t think you like yourself much either.”

His words cut at her as her own frustrated desire turned into misplaced anger and hurt pride as quickly as his had. Her eyes narrowed and she knew the hurt she was feeling showed in her face. “If you don’t like what I am, you only have yourself to thank. It was you who did this to me. You and that damned slut—” Before another word had left her mouth, Wade had her pinned against the wall, his hand clamped over her mouth. “Don’t ever speak of my child’s mother that way, Nik. Don’t ever do it,” he repeated, his voice low and hard, his eyes glinting like shards of broken black glass.

With a furious toss of her head, Nikki dislodged his hand, glaring. “Ah, yes. I mustn’t say anything against the sainted Jamie. Never mind that she took you from me,” she snarled, throwing his hands from her.

“That poor little rich girl, she grew up with anything and everything she ever wanted. She had everything. I had
nothing
. Until you. You were mine. You were the only thing in my life that really mattered and she took you away.”

How can you defend her?
Her heart breaking inside her, Nikki clenched her fists. She had bitten her tongue, had held back for years. And what had it gotten her? Nothing. Damn it, if she had done something
then
, maybe this mess wouldn’t have happened.

But she had ignored Jamie, like she knew Wade wanted, and not done or said a damn thing to the woman who spent months chasing after an engaged man.

“Well, I’ll say whatever I want against the bitch,” she coldly said, whipping past him to stand her ground in the middle of the porch. She didn’t back away as he advanced, just took out the one weapon she had left. “Like a dog in heat, she went chasing after you, no matter how many times you told her you weren’t interested. She did everything to catch your eye except strip naked and plant herself in front of you.”

Her lip curled up, her voice full of hate and derision, she said, “And to think that your hands touched her. How can you possibly think I would want you after knowing you were with her? That your hands touched her? I don’t want them on me. They’re dirty.”

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85

Shiloh Walker

Wade stopped in his tracks, anger suddenly replaced by pain, deep biting pain. He had never, in all the time he had known her, heard her speak to anyone in that tone. And the look on her face, as though she had found something distasteful on the soles of her shoes.

Dumbfounded, he stared at her. She couldn’t mean that.

But one look at her furious face told him otherwise. She didn’t want him here. She had told him time after time, but like a fool he had kept coming back.

He needed her so badly, like a dying man needed water, but she didn’t even want him touching her.

Had he imagined the way she lit up when he touched her? Had he imagined the need in her eyes simply because he so badly needed to see it there?

“You can’t expect me to believe you don’t want me,” Wade said, his voice sounding tight and rusty.

“You can’t expect me to believe you feel nothing when I touch you.” He only wished he was as certain as he sounded.

He watched as she flipped her hair back and shrugged her shoulders, carelessly, casually. “It’s been a while for me, Wade.” She smoothed her hands down her sides, ran her fingers through her tousled hair.