No Longer Mine (11 page)

Impotent fury swelled in him as he watched them leave the lobby, but it paled next to the rage he felt as they walked side by side into a theater that was showing a sexy new thriller. He had asked her to go see it with him just three days ago, and she had said she wasn’t interested.

“Movies don’t do much for me anymore, Wade,” she’d said, voice cool and disinterested.

Through ninety minutes of cartoon antics, Wade sat rigidly, his hands clenching and unclenching as he thought of the two in the theater next door. How long had she been seeing him? Why hadn’t she said anything? Why hadn’t he seen them together before now? Why was he sitting here when he could be one theater over, murdering the bastard with his bare hands?

Something on the screen had all the kids shrieking with glee while Wade sat thinking about making the man next door into a eunuch.

He managed to calm himself on the drive home. This was the first time he’d seen them together. In fact, Nikki was always alone. So maybe this was just a one-time thing. After all, she wasn’t completely indifferent to him, and as honest as she was, if she was serious about this guy she would have told him.

Hell, Nikki would rejoice in telling him she was unavailable. Not that it would have stopped him. She would have rubbed it in his face time and time again, just like a sadistic slave master would rub salt in the wounds of slaves he beat.

No… There was nothing going on. Right?

He’d calmly go talk to her the next day while Abby went to the big community picnic with the twins next door. And if he didn’t like the answers he heard, he would…he would… Hell, he’d figured that out then.

But Nikki wasn’t home the next day, and it wasn’t until he got back into town that he figured out why.

She was also at the community picnic.

With the same damn guy.

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59

Chapter Nine

A man could only be so patient.

Wade sat in the shadows of the porch, staring into the darkness. She wasn’t home and it was nearly midnight. She hadn’t been home all night. He knew because he had been sitting here waiting for her.

Nikki was out with him again. No big surprise. She had been out with Dale Stoner nearly every weekend for the past month.

He would give it an hour more, then he would go looking for her. And God help them both if they were at the mechanic’s house.

A tiny little voice in his head berated him while he sat brooding.

You’re being an idiot. She doesn’t want you. Haven’t you figured that by now? You need to get over
it, go home, because when she sees you playing stalker on her porch she’s going to kick your ass.

Shut up
, he thought, grinding the heels of his hands into his eye sockets.
Just shut up
.

“He can’t have her,” Wade said aloud.

But she wants him. Not you
.

“Too damn bad,” he snarled, rising to his feet and pacing. He’d wear a damn hole in this wood if she wasn’t home soon.

Wade was right here waiting for her to settle down and let the past go, and she was running around with Gomer Pyle.

And God help Gomer if he tried to go inside with her.

God help them both if—

Down the hill gravel crunched. And he could see headlights. He retreated back to his shadowed corner, waiting.

Nikki sat quietly in the seat. Dale was acting…odd. Even for him. In fact, he had been acting different the past few nights they’d been out. And she couldn’t figure out what could be wrong. He didn’t seem mad, but he wasn’t exactly happy either.

Out of the silence he said, “I want to come inside. I need to talk to you.” She turned her head but could hardly see anything in the darkness of the car. “Okay,” she said, her voice cautious. “Is something wrong, Dale? The book giving you trouble?”
No Longer Mine

Dale was a writer too. It was how they had met. He had actually just sold his first book—a fairytale, modern-day version of
The Princess and the Frog
. Not only had he written the story, but he had also illustrated it.

“No,” he said, his voice rough. “Not a damn thing wrong with the book. Unless you consider a hillbilly mechanic who fancied himself a storyteller a little strange.”

“You’re not a hillbilly, and there’s nothing wrong with being a mechanic. Hell, I was a high school kid who fancied herself a storyteller,” she said, her brows lowering over her eyes at the cynicism she heard in his voice.

“You’re different,” he murmured, a soft sigh escaping him.

“No, I’m not. I want to tell stories. You want to tell stories. We both do it… That’s what we are. No difference at all.”

The silence stretched out until Nikki just couldn’t take it any more. “Dale, something’s up,” she said flatly as he pulled into her drive. “Stop brooding and just spill it.” Dale laughed, the sound totally without humor. “Yeah, there’s something up. But I really doubt you want me to spill it.”

As she waited for him to come around the car, she ran her tongue over her lips. Her gut was feeling tight and raw and it didn’t help any as she saw the look in his eyes as he helped from the car. Ever the gentleman, Dale was. But this time, after helping her alight from the car, he didn’t release her hand. In fact, he tugged her closer, grasped her chin and lifted her face. “Yeah, there’s something wrong,” he repeated.

“This.”

And then he fit his mouth over hers while Nikki stood there motionless. Shocked. Stunned.

Oh, hell.

Gentle, strong hands cupped her chin and Dale rained loving kisses over her face while she stood passively, unsure of what to do. “I can’t keep doing this, Nicole.” He groaned, burying his face in her neck, his strong arms locked around her back. “I can’t. You’re all I’ve thought about for years and it’s killing me to be this close to you, knowing you don’t want me for anything more than a friend.” Hard, hot hands trailed over her shoulders and arms, caressed her back as he whispered, “From the moment I saw you, I wanted you. Every moment since.”

Nikki had to strain to hear him as he whispered into her hair. As he sought her mouth again, hot little darts of pleasure raced through her. He was so warm, felt so good against her. And he was safe. Dale wouldn’t ever hurt her. She had felt enough love in her life to know what it was like to receive it and there was love and heat twined together in his embrace.

“Just give me half a chance, Nikki. I swear I’ll make you happy,” he promised.

It was tempting.

So tempting.

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61

Shiloh Walker

She was so lonely…

She couldn’t. Tempting or not, lonely or not, she couldn’t do it.

It wouldn’t be fair to him.

He deserved so much better than a woman with only half a heart.

“Dale, I can’t,” she whispered. “I just can’t. I’m sorry, but—”

“Nikki, please—”

Reaching between them, she rested her fingers against his mouth, shaking her head. “Dale, I can’t.

I’m sorry. This wasn’t fair to you,” she said quietly, putting distance between them as they spoke. “And as much as I would like to, as flattering as it is, it’s no good. I’m not whole—I don't think I ever will be.”
If I had a choice in this, I would pick you.
Staring at his almost poetically beautiful face, she shook her head and repeated once more, “I can’t. I can’t give you what you want, and if I can’t do that it’s not right to pretend otherwise. It’s not fair to you.”

“Maybe you should let me decide that. I want you,” Dale said, his voice whisper rough, his hands gentle and caring as he eased her back against him. “I’ll take whatever you can give me. I just want you.” With a sad, faraway look in her eyes, Nikki smiled at him. “If I’ve learned one thing in my life, it’s that we can’t always have what we want. I’m sorry, Dale.” She reached up, cupped his cheek in her hand.

“If I could have chosen, Dale, I would have chosen you. You mean so much to me. You got me through some very rough times, and I’ll never forget that. But I can’t be what you want. Or what you think you want.”

“I know how I feel. I know what I want and don’t want.”

“Yes, I guess you do.” Rising on her toes, she pressed her lips to his jaw. Man, she felt like an utter bitch doing this to him. Why hadn’t she known? How could she have not seen this?

Because you never looked. You never thought to look. He’s always just been Dale.

“I’m sorry.”

Dale stroked her cheek, his own eyes sad and wistful. “So am I. Does he have any idea how big a fool he was to let you go?” he murmured, shaking his head.

Wade stood in the shadows, unable to breathe, unable to see, his anger was so great, so deep. He was touching her, kissing her, and she was letting him. His gut roiled and churned and blood pounded thickly in his head. Hands clenched and unclenched spasmodically.

Yeah, maybe he didn’t have any right, but logic didn’t exactly exist for him when Nikki was in the picture.

He had one hand on the railing, ready to leap, when Nikki pulled back, shaking her head.

62

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No Longer Mine

What were they saying? They spoke too quietly for him to hear. Heads bent close together, the mechanic’s large hands holding her as if she were made of the finest porcelain. They spoke in low whispers, their voices too quiet to carry.

Nikki touched her hand to Stoner’s face and shook her head. She was telling him no, Wade realized as the other man pulled away, his hand lingering on her cheek for a moment before he got in his car and drove away.

Wade moved quietly until he was standing at the head of the steps, and waited for her to turn around.

He didn’t know what he was going to say now, but only one thing mattered.

She had sent him away.

Moments passed, and still she stood there hugging herself tightly, shoulders slumped, head hanging low. A picture of total desolation.

“Have a good time?” he finally asked, keeping his voice flat, when Nikki continued to stare in the darkness. Only he could tell he was quivering inside with both rage and relief.

Nikki jumped, startled. Her hair swung around her face as she spun to face him, her eyes wide. Hands went up, clenched and ready, until she recognized the voice, the vague shadow standing there.

“Wade,” she gasped, her voice unsteady.

He continued to stare at her, at her slightly swollen soft mouth, at her sleepy eyes. Another man had touched her, had made her look lazy and satisfied. How many times had Gomer put that look on her face?

How many nights had she spent in his arms while Wade suffered and sweated them out alone, aching and miserable?

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her arms falling to her sides, hands curled into loose fists. She might not look so ready to defend herself against an intruder, but she definitely looked ready for a fight.

Then again, he might have been deluding himself. When it came to him, she was more in the mood to either ignore him or just walk away.

Her eyes narrowed. “Are you going to answer me?”

He shrugged and said, “Waiting for you to come home.” He moved down the stairs and closer until he stood only two feet away. “Out awful late, aren’t you, Nik?”

“You know, I must have lost the memo about when my life suddenly became your business,” she said, her voice cool. “Now why don’t you get the hell off my property?”

“Why? Is lover boy heading back up here?”

“If he is, it’s no business of yours.” She shrugged.

“I see him here again, I’m gonna tear him apart,” Wade drawled, his voice friendly, his smile bright and vicious. “And then I’ll lock you up and throw away the key.” Locating the keys, she snorted and moved around him. “Get over it, buddy. I’m not yours. That’s over with. In the past.”

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63

Shiloh Walker

“It’s our past, present and future, doll,” Wade promised, following her up the stairs. He trapped her by the door as she fumbled with the lock. “And I’ve learned from past mistakes so the future is bound to be better.”

“Wade, I don’t see how my future could possibly be worse than my past,” she said calmly, finally unlocking the double locks on her door. “However, I also don’t see how my future has anything to do with you.”

Temper suddenly gone, Wade lowered his head to nuzzle at her neck as she spoke. Gently, he nipped at her earlobe and smiled to himself when she shuddered.

“Everything you ever do in life is going to have something to do with me,” he said quietly, catching hold of the doorknob and holding it firmly shut. He lowered his head enough to speak quietly against her ear, not touching her, but standing close enough that the scent of her swam in his head.

“Just as everything I do will somehow include you. We’re part of each other, Nik. The same way my heart is a part of me, the way your brain is part of you. It’s been that way for years, even when we were miles apart and I was married to someone else.”

Nikki said nothing. She just stood there, her back to him, her head lowered. Gently, Wade made her turn, lifted her chin in his hand and stared into carefully blank eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I never expected to see you again. But I’ve always known I’d go to my grave loving you. Can you tell me you don’t feel the same?”
To the grave…
His words echoed over in her head. Hell yes, she’d die loving him. She had already been to the edge once though, because of his love. She wouldn’t ever let herself get that way again.

Nikki’s eyes slid shut and she turned her head, the smooth sweep of hair hiding her face from him.

“What I feel for you is not what I felt eight years ago. Or even five years ago,” she murmured, her throat burning. Gathering her courage, she met his eyes and said, “Things change, Wade. Feelings can change.

Especially when somebody rips your heart out of your chest and smashes it. It makes it much easier for feelings to change. Or disappear altogether.”

Damn you, Wade
, she thought half-hysterically.
Just leave. Now. Before I fall apart.
Nikki knew damn well there was no way she was going to be able to keep her distance if he kept this up.