No Longer Mine (12 page)

Cupping her cheek in his hand, he asked softly, “Do you really expect me to believe you feel nothing for me?”

“It really doesn’t matter what you believe, Wade. It only matters what I believe,” Nikki stated simply.

She forced a sympathetic smile when sympathy for him was the last thing she felt.

“Poor Wade,” she clucked, shaking her head. “You lose a silly little girl who adored you and gained a wife who only wanted to own you. Once she had you, she probably didn’t even know what to do with you.” Ducking out of his arms, she moved a few feet away, sliding him a sly glance from under her lashes.

“How was your vapid little bride, Wade? Did she keep you happy?” 64

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No Longer Mine

The porch light illuminated his face enough for Nikki to watch his jaw clench and his eyes narrow.

But he continued to stand there like he had no intention of ever leaving. “Now the wife’s gone and you think you can get that silly girl back.” Nikki moved closer to him and gently patted his cheek like he was a five-year-old child.

“It’s a pity you just can’t accept the fact that silly girl doesn’t exist any more. Even more pitiful is the fact that I would have been anything you wanted me to be, given up anything, become anything,” she whispered passionately. “Life’s not very fair, is it?”

“Nice try, Nikki,” he said, his voice hollow. “I’m very impressed. You can be quite the bitch when you want.”

“I’ve developed a number of talents over the years,” she said calmly, even though her heart was pounding away.

“Obviously. You never used to lie so well.” He caught her chin in his hand and arched her face up to his, lowering his mouth until not even air separated her lips from his. And he hung there, waiting, for a long moment.

“Fortunately,” Wade whispered, his breath fanning across her face. “I don’t give up that easily. I’ll be around, Nikki.”

And then he was gone.

Long legs trailing out from under her SUV, Dylan cursed loud and long as he attempted to finish doing something or other with her oil. Nikki sprawled on the grass nearby, listening with amusement. For a guy who pretended not to understand simple English, he was very…fluent in certain aspects of the language.

After one particularly inventive phrase, Dylan muttered, “Eureka,” and emerged from beneath her car, liberally covered with grease and grime and God only knew what else. She would never understand the love-hate relationship both of her younger brothers—and so many other men—had with motor vehicles.

“I suppose you’re going to want to come in and clean up,” she said, arching a brow at him.

“Considering I saved you a trip into town and some money changing the oil and all the other crap you forget about, it’s the least you can do. And I wouldn’t mind supper.”

“Don’t you have a date or something going on? I thought you and um, Cyra, Catie… Which is it?

Didn’t you have plans?” she said, shoving herself to her feet and stretching.

“Cairey. And we broke up.”

Cairey…right. Cairey.
Studying him, she echoed, “Broke up?”

“Yeah.”

Waiting silently, Nikki stood there watching him.

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65

Shiloh Walker

With his back to her, Dylan finished gathering up his tools, his shoulders lifting and falling as he sighed. Finally, he looked over his shoulder at her and shrugged. “It wasn’t working out, Nik. That’s all.” Nikki continued to stare at him, her head cocked. A lazy summer breeze drifted by, tugging at her hair as she rocked back on her heels, tucking her hand into her pockets. “It took you eight months to figure that out? You used to be a lot quicker than that.”

He sighed, wiping his forehead with his arm before aiming an aggravated glance in her direction.

“She was messing around with some guy she met in Somerset. I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry.”

Turning his head, Dylan gave her a small smile. “Why? You never liked her. Too shallow, I think you said. Among other things.”

“You did like her, or you wouldn’t have spent all that time with her,” Nikki said, shrugging her shoulders.

“I don’t know if I liked her or not. She was really just a way to pass the time. Just interested in having some fun. That was all I wanted. But I’d just as soon not have fun with her on Friday,” he finished cynically, his eyes cold, “and on Saturday, she has fun with some college kid in Somerset. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be around much longer. She was pissed off I wasn’t changing my mind about the army.

This was probably her attempt at payback.”

Nikki followed him into the house, wondering if she sounded as bitter and world-weary as he did.

Probably worse.

Nearly an hour later, Dylan mentioned Wade’s name.

Nikki froze momentarily, then she went about adding milk to potatoes as she listened to him. She watched her hands, making sure they stayed steady. Dylan didn’t miss much these days.

“I saw him and his little girl in the store. Looks like he’s settled in, sis,” Dylan said, leaning back so that his chair was propped on the two rear legs.

“It would appear that way, especially since they’ve been here all summer,” Nikki said dryly. “Feeling guilty you didn’t throw him a housewarming?”

“Naw. But I thought you might be,” Dylan said, shrugging his shoulders. “Seeing as how you two were so close. Pretty little girl.”

“Yes. I know.” Without even closing her eyes Nikki could picture that little girl. So much like Jason.

Her eyes started to sting with tears she quickly blinked away.

“Are you going to tell him?” Dylan asked, his voice close.

Nikki went still as he rested a hand on her shoulder. Her head fell forward and she sighed. “No. It doesn’t concern him.”

“He was Jason’s father. How can it not concern him?”

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“Because he wasn’t there. He had his own little girl to raise. Jason was mine,” she whispered savagely. “
Mine.
He wasn’t there, Dylan. I had to do it alone. I am not going to share it with him now so he can try to put together the pieces when there’s really nothing left,” Nikki said, her voice harsh. She shrugged away his hand, moving aside.

“He ought to know.”

“No. I’m not going to dredge it back up merely to satisfy a father’s rights. It would hurt me too much and I’m just now healing,” Nikki snapped, her eyes flashing at her younger brother.

“You're not healing.” Point blank, simply stated. That was Dylan. That was so very Dylan.

She stared into his eyes, same shade, the same shape as her own. “I'm fine.”

“You're not fine.” He jerked a shoulder in a shrug. “And if it was me, I don't think I’d be fine either. I miss him, too, Nik. I don’t know how you handle it. But don’t look at me and tell me that you’re healing, that you’re just now starting to do it, and that’s the sole reason why you don’t tell that man he had a little boy. If you have other reasons, fine. But don’t lie to me.”

“Shit.” Averting her eyes, she wondered why she bothered. It wasn’t like it did any good. Lying to Dylan was like lying to herself. She could fool her father to some extent, and sometimes she could fool Shawn but she couldn’t fool this one. Taking a deep breath, she made herself meet Dylan’s gaze once more.

“If Jason had lived, maybe it would be different. I could handle it if Wade found out and wanted to be involved in his life. But Jason is gone. My memories—they are all I have of him. And I shouldn’t have to share those with somebody who didn’t even know he existed.” Then she squared her shoulders and added,

“And it doesn’t concern you, so I suggest you stay out of it.” Dylan held his hands up and backed away, silently saying it was her call but he didn’t agree with her
.

He didn’t have to agree. He just had to keep his mouth shut.

Sweat poured down the back of her neck, over her shoulders, to pool into her bra as she pedaled the bike up and over the crest of the hill. As the road leveled out, Nikki wiped a gloved hand over her forehead and tried to steady her breathing. Sports bra, tank top and bike shorts were all soaked with sweat. The muscles in her legs were quivering so badly she could barely keep her feet on the pedals.

Three hours on twisting hilly roads did more to improve her state of mind than anything else could. It had the added benefit of making her so damn tired she’d probably collapse on her bed and sleep like the dead. After two sleepless nights and restless days, she would give almost anything for one peaceful night of rest.

She rounded the final curve and stifled a groan as the trees gave way to reveal her home and the shiny black Ford Ranger. So much for falling into bed right after a quick shower and meal.

Nikki gritted her teeth as she swung off the bike by the porch. She paused only long enough to make sure her shaky legs would hold her before she pushed the bike onto the wooden deck.

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67

Shiloh Walker

Wade and little Abby were perched on the porch swing, moving idly back and forth. She was suddenly the focus of two pairs of dark eyes, one shy, hesitant smile from the little girl and a bright, easy smile from Wade.

“I don’t recall inviting you up here, Wade,” she said coolly as she opened the front door. Cool air rushed out to meet her and she sighed in relief as she moved inside.

She didn’t see the look they exchanged behind her back.

“I didn’t know you still rode,” he said after catching up with her in the kitchen.

She’d taken a few seconds to tuck away the bottle of Lanoxin. It wasn’t likely he’d look at the bottle, but if he did he would know what it was for and that wasn’t a talk she wanted to have with him.

Ever.

After draining a glass of water, she turned her head and leveled out the hostility in her eyes before saying, “I was riding before I ever met you. I like it. I didn’t do it simply because you did.” Then she forced a deep, calming breath into her lungs before giving Abby a tired smile. “How are you doing, Miss Abby?”

“Okay,” Abby whispered, looking all around. “You have a pretty house.”

“Thank you,” Nikki responded, her smile a bit more relaxed. It hurt so bad just to look at the child, but at the same time it somehow soothed her battered heart. “I like it myself. There’s a TV through there if you’d like to watch some cartoons. I know there’s SpongeBob somewhere. My brothers love SpongeBob.” She pointed in the direction of the living room, wishing she were callous enough to dislike the child simply because of who her mother was.

She knew it was terrible, but part of her wished she could dislike the girl. It would be one patently simple way of alienating Wade.

But Nikki couldn’t do that. Children were too precious—it was a lesson she knew all too well.

Moments later, the child safely stowed away in the living room, watching talking mice, Nikki returned to the kitchen.

She splashed cool water on her overheated face and dried it before turning her eyes to the man sitting negligently at her table. His legs sprawled out before him and he had a can of soda in one hand.

“Why don’t you make yourself at home?” she drawled, her voice sugar sweet. She soaked a rag with cool water and lifted it to her nape, swiping her neck and chest and arms with it, taking perverse pleasure as his eyes heated.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he returned, sipping at the drink and winking at her over the rim. His eyes, however, lacked the lighthearted tone that was in his words.

As she pressed the cloth to back of her neck, Nikki closed her eyes, trying hard to ignore him, but it was damn near impossible. She could feel his eyes on her as she swiped the cool rag over her hot flesh.

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The pounding of her heart had nothing to do with him, she insisted. It was from the exercise, only the exercise.

“Need some help?” Wade offered, his voice going low and rough as her eyes opened and she studied him, her face flushed and damp, body gleaming slightly from her exertions.

Recognizing the look in his eyes, Nikki stopped playing with fire and threw the cloth into the sink.

“What are you doing here, Wade?” she asked flatly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning against the counter.

“I came to see you, of course.”

“Why?” she asked, her eyes narrowed. Hostility all but radiated from her.

“Must be the charming company. You being such a gracious hostess and all.” Her anger rolled off his back. He had been in high spirits for several weeks now. Nikki hadn’t been seen around town with Gomer Pyle since that last weekend.

Little rumors were floating around that Stoner was packing up and leaving town. A For Sale sign posted at the garage confirmed said rumors and Wade had grinned for an hour after he had seen it.

“You really can’t take a hint, can you?”

“You shouldn’t be surprised to see me here, Nikki. I told you I wasn’t giving up,” he reminded her.

“I didn’t say I was surprised. Disappointed is more like it.” Running a fingertip over the rim of her discarded glass, she studied him quietly from under the shield of her lashes. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

His cheeks flushed a dull red and he looked away, sighing. “I guess I deserve that.”

“And worse,” Nikki added quietly.

“You’re making this as hard as you can, aren’t you?” Wade demanded, resisting the urge to slam his own glass down on the table. Carefully, he sat it down and stood, his hands going into his back pockets.

“Nik, I’m not going away. You might as well get used to that.”

“Oh, you’ll go away. Sooner or later you’ll figure out I’m not who I used to be and I’m not somebody you want to be around.” Somber hazel eyes drifted to the sound of childish laughter coming from the living room and she said, “Certainly not somebody you want your daughter around.”

“You’ve always loved kids. And I’ve never seen a kid you couldn’t enchant. Why wouldn’t I want you around her?” he asked, watching her.