No Child of Mine (40 page)

Far worse though would be if she turned out to be right.

As had become the custom when she arrived at the Wades she found the door on the latch, and as she pushed it open her heart swelled at the sound of running feet. As soon as Ottilie arrived at her side she came to a stop with her head down and Boots hugged to her chest.

‘And how are you today?’ Alex asked, stooping to her
height. The bruises on her forehead were turning an earthy yellow and green now, and the swelling had all but vanished.

How had it happened?

‘I’m fine,’ Ottilie whispered.

Having spent some time on Wednesday, while they were at the café, encouraging her to say the words, Alex’s eyes widened with approval as she said, ‘That’s very good to hear. And what about Boots?’

‘He’s fine too.’

Alex nodded. ‘I thought he would be, because he has you to take care of him.’

Ottilie reached for her hand, and started to pull Alex to the door.

Loving how eager she was, Alex gently released her hand as she said, ‘Well, I’ll just go and let Mummy know ...’

‘I’m here.’

Starting, Alex looked up to find Erica Wade staring down at them from the top of the stairs. Dressed in black with her hair loose and her feet as bare as her bloodless face, she looked unnervingly as though she’d arrived through a séance.

‘Are you all right?’ Alex asked, aware of how often she asked this woman that question.

‘Yes, I’m fine. Ottilie, have you got your bag?’

Ottilie held up the new pink backpack Alex had bought her in the 99p shop on Wednesday. ‘She has a drink and an apple,’ Erica informed Alex. ‘I don’t know what else she might have put in.’

Alex glanced down at Ottilie and smiled. Then to Erica she said, ‘Why have you cancelled your appointment with the psychiatrist? We went to a lot of trouble to get you in as early as next week ...’

‘It was on Tuesday,’ Erica interrupted. ‘Ottilie’s health visitor comes on Tuesdays so I have to be here.’

Annoyed with herself for not having foreseen this, Alex said, ‘You should have rung me first. I’d have come to take care of Ottilie.’

Erica had no answer for that.

‘Have you made another appointment?’ Alex demanded.

‘My husband’s doing it. It’s not easy for him to take time off.’

Alex couldn’t help wondering if they were working together to make sure the appointment never happened. ‘I can always take you myself and the health visitor can stay here with Ottilie ... Mrs Wade, don’t walk away.’

Erica didn’t stop.

‘You can’t keep doing this,’ Alex cried in frustration. ‘Don’t you realise what the consequences could be if you don’t cooperate?’

At the sound of a door closing Alex almost banged a fist on the banister, and might have if Ottilie hadn’t been watching her. She felt sorely tempted to go up there and shake the woman, but even if she did, what then? There was clearly no reasoning with her, or not in the normal sense, so once again resigning herself to trying to get hold of Brian Wade by phone, she took Ottilie out to the car and buckled her into the child’s seat which was constantly there now.

Dropping a kiss lightly on her head, she got into the front and decided the call to Brian Wade would have to wait until she was at the Pumpkin, since she didn’t want to get into any sort of scene with Ottilie in the car.

As usual Chloe was waiting when they arrived, ready to share the sweets she’d brought from home, and looked surprised, then delighted when Ottilie gave her an apple. While they toddled off across the room in search of Lego, or playdough, or whatever they’d decided on today, Alex looked down at Boots who Ottilie had left in her safe keeping, and felt ridiculously honoured to be invested with so much trust.

Tucking the bear under one arm, she took out her mobile and gave Janet a wave as she went to the back of the room to make the call to Brian Wade.

‘I’m afraid he’s not here this morning,’ she was told. ‘Can I take a message?’

‘Do you happen to know where he is? It’s about his daughter.’

‘I believe he has a doctor’s appointment. If it’s urgent I can try to find out which surgery ...’

‘It’s OK, I know which surgery he’s with, and it can wait until later.’

Wondering what Brian Wade might need to see a doctor for, she rang off and went to offer Janet some help, since for once she had no urgent calls to rush off to. Unsurprisingly her offer was leapt on, and the next two hours passed so swiftly and enjoyably that it made her wonder, as she and Ottilie were leaving, if this might be a job for her in the future, if, God forbid, she ended up losing the one she had.

‘OK, so what would you like to do now?’ she asked as she zipped up Ottilie’s pink anorak and dutifully returned Boots to her waiting arms. ‘Where’s your backpack?’

Ottilie gasped and clapped a hand to her mouth, and Alex had a struggle not to laugh, since it was exactly what Chloe would have done if she’d forgotten her bag.

Racing back into the playroom Ottilie returned in seconds, the bag over one arm and Boots still safely snuggled under the other.

‘It’s pouring with rain out there,’ Alex told her, ‘so I don’t think the carousel will be working, but if you like, we could go to the pool and watch the swimmers. Or what about the aquarium? I think you’d like that, do you?’

Ottilie nodded, though she probably had no idea what an aquarium was. ‘And the café?’ she asked shyly.

Thrilled, Alex said, ‘Of course the café.’ Then, remembering, she rolled her eyes playfully. ‘You want to eat another brownie all to yourself, don’t you?’

Ottilie’s solemn face broke into a smile.

‘You little piggy, you,’ Alex teased, giving her a tickle.

Ottilie started to laugh and wriggle, and in a surge of exuberance Alex swept her up in her arms to blow a giant raspberry kiss on her cheek.

Ottilie’s smile fled.

‘Oh dear, what is it?’ Alex cried worriedly. ‘Did I scare you?’

Ottilie only looked at her.

‘I was just playing, but if you didn’t like it, I won’t do it again.’

Ottilie said nothing, and it was impossible to tell what she might be thinking. It wasn’t until their visit to the aquarium
was over and Alex was carrying a tray of drinks and brownies to the table in the café that she spotted Ottilie blowing on Boots’s cheek. Realising what she was doing, her heart folded with pity – if she was reading this correctly then Ottilie might never have had a raspberry kiss before, so Alex hadn’t scared her, she’d simply startled and confused her.

‘I almost forgot,’ she said, putting the brownie and a beaker of milk in front of Ottilie, ‘a very kind lady gave me some biscuits for you earlier, so I’ll pop them in your bag for you and Boots to share later, OK?’

Ottilie turned to look up at her, then taking a breath she burst into a sunny smile.

Laughing as she put an arm around her, Alex said, ‘You are utterly adorable, I hope you know that.’

Nodding, Ottilie reached for her milk with both hands and carefully brought it to her mouth. Then after touching the beaker to Boots’s face, she put it down and picked up the brownie.

After she’d taken a couple of bites Alex said, ‘Aren’t you going to share it with Boots?’

Ottilie’s cheek was bulging as she looked up at her and shook her head. ‘Biscuits,’ she said, blowing out a little storm of crumbs.

‘I see, he has the biscuits for later? That’s OK then, and we have to learn not to speak with our mouths full, don’t we?’

Ottilie’s eyes and mouth turned into three small circles.

‘Finish what you’re eating before you speak,’ Alex explained, ‘and then you can say anything you like.’

Apparently understanding, Ottilie waited until she’d swallowed her mouthful and said, ‘Boots can have the biscuits.’

‘That’s lovely,’ Alex praised, hugely impressed by the amount of words all in one go. ‘I suppose he’s not hungry now?’

Ottilie shook her head.

‘What time does he normally have his tea?’

‘Same as me.’

‘And do you know what time that is? Can you tell the time?’

She looked up at the clock on the wall. ‘Big hand and small hand,’ she announced earnestly.

Realising she was perhaps a bit young to do any better than that, Alex said, ‘That’s very good indeed. Do you help Mummy to make the tea?’

Ottilie picked up her brownie and took another bite.

Waiting until she’d finished, Alex said, ‘What sorts of things do you do in the evenings with Mummy and Daddy?’

At that Ottilie put her biscuit down and began shaking her head. She kept on shaking it until Alex tilted up her chin to make her stop. ‘It’s all right, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but if it’s anything that hurts you, or makes you upset ...’

‘Drink now.’ Ottilie reached for the milk.

Picking it up for her, Alex said, ‘You will tell me if anything bad happens to you, won’t you?’

‘Not bad,’ Ottilie said. ‘I’m a good girl.’

‘Yes you are, a very good girl and we don’t want anyone to hurt you, do we?’

Ottilie was staring at her milk.

‘Does anyone hurt you, Ottilie?’ Alex asked carefully.

Bringing the beaker to her mouth Ottilie drank, spilling some down her chin.

Wiping it away, Alex let her put the milk down herself, and repeated her question.

Ottilie clearly didn’t want to answer as she picked up Boots and cuddled him to her face.

Knowing she couldn’t let this go, Alex said, ‘Do Mummy or Daddy ever hurt you, Ottilie?’

Ottilie shook her head and rested it against Alex’s arm.

‘Do you play games with them?’

Ottilie nodded.

‘What sorts of games?’

No answer.

‘Ottilie?’

‘Sleepy,’ she mumbled. ‘We play sleepy and watch lots of children.’

Confused, Alex asked, ‘Do you mean on the TV?’

Ottilie nodded.

Alex was about to ask which programmes when she happened to look out of the window, and the words dried on her lips. Gina, Jason’s wife, was across the road, standing next to a car with a man. They were so engrossed in whatever they were saying that neither of them seemed to notice the rain, though it was much lighter now, might even have stopped.

Alex tried to tear her eyes away, but couldn’t. Was Gina seeing someone else already?

She was getting ahead of herself here; she had no idea who the man was, and creating an affair where there probably wasn’t one was really grasping at straws.

Feeling Ottilie slump against her, fast asleep, she lifted her on to her lap and after cuddling her in cosily she looked up again and was in time to see Gina and the man parting from an embrace. Of course it might simply have been a friendly one, but there again it might not. Then they were laughing and greeting someone else whose flaming red hair Alex recognised immediately. It was Heather Hancock – and as the three of them crossed the road, coming towards the café, Alex was suddenly desperate to find a way to disappear.

To her relief, they walked past the window without even glancing in and then they were gone.

For several minutes she sat holding Ottilie, grateful for the bulk of her in her arms, or the emptiness she was feeling might have been swallowing her into a pit of despair. It was pointless, she knew, being jealous of Gina, it was hardly going to make Jason come back, or suddenly conjure her a best friend – or indeed a lover – but it was how she was feeling and she was finding it hard to suppress it. How had she managed to come to this point in her life and be so alone? Besides Jason and the children, Gina had a mother and a father, a brother and a sister, cousins, aunts, uncles – her life was full of people who loved her. It wasn’t that she, Alex, had no one, she must keep reminding herself of that, because she knew that Gabby and Aunt Sheila cared for her in their ways, and so did many of her friends in the village. She just didn’t have anyone to call her own.

Realising her old stalker, self-pity, was back, she
tightened her hold on Ottilie and buried her face in her hair. If she wanted to feel sorry for herself there would be plenty of time for it later; now she had to get Ottilie home, and remember to call Brian Wade again – and Tommy to find out if he was staying late at the office.

By the time they returned to the house Ottilie had woken up, but when Alex went to lift her out of her seat she drew back.

‘Stay with you?’ she said, looking pleadingly into Alex’s eyes.

Feeling her heart fill up, Alex wanted, more than anything, to tell her she could, but putting a hand to her flushed cheek she said, ‘It’s not possible, sweetheart. You have to go inside with Mummy. She’ll be waiting for you.’

Ottilie shook her head.

‘Yes, she will, and you’ll be able to tell her all about the games you played with Chloe, and the fishes we saw at the aquarium. Can you remember what they were?’

Again Ottilie shook her head, and Alex realised how difficult she was finding it to imagine Erica Wade showing an interest in Ottilie’s day. She had to do something about it, she really did, but the question was what, when she still had no evidence to satisfy a court that Ottilie should be removed from the home. And until Erica Wade had undergone a psychiatric assessment Alex wasn’t even in a position to claim that the woman was mentally unfit to have a child in her care, even though, in her opinion, it seemed blindingly obvious.

‘You’ve been such a good girl today,’ she said to Ottilie, gently smoothing her hair, ‘so I’ll tell you what. On Monday, as a very special treat after nursery, if it’s not raining like it’s been today, I’ll take you to the zoo. How does that sound? It’ll be lovely, won’t it, to see all the animals? We’ll probably even be able to feed the monkeys. Would you like that?’

Ottilie nodded warily.

Smiling, Alex unfastened the seat belt. Since most of her other charges were of school age she couldn’t see them until much later in the day anyway, and her paperwork could always be done at home. ‘Come along then,’ she
said, lifting her out. ‘Let’s get you inside now, and over the weekend perhaps you can draw me pictures of as many animals as you can think of. Will you do that for me?’

Ottilie nodded. ‘Lions and bears,’ she replied.