No Child of Mine (39 page)

After Alex had left the house on North Hill, Erica Wade had closed the front door and gone upstairs to find Ottilie standing in the bathroom hunched over her bear. ‘Get those wet clothes off,’ she barked, turning on the taps and pulling a warm towel from the rail.

Obediently Ottilie put Boots down and started to undress.

‘Are you still crying?’ Erica asked sharply.

Ottilie shook her head, but she was.

‘You like her, don’t you?’

Ottilie didn’t answer.

‘I told you she was the good fairy. Don’t listen to what your father says. He doesn’t know.’

Ottilie sniffed and tried not to sob.

Erica gripped her shoulders and wrenched her upright. ‘She’s going to take care of you,’ she told her fiercely. ‘Do you understand that? She’ll make it stop.’

More tears fell on to Ottilie’s cheeks.

Erica pushed her away and dipped a hand in the water. After running in more cold she dumped Ottilie into it and left her to bath herself.

In her bedroom she opened up her laptop and typed in the date followed by:
Alex Lake has guessed I made the calls accusing him of killing our son. I know he didn’t, but I wanted to make him suffer. I was foolish to use my mother’s name – may she rot in hell
.

She reached for her pills, swallowed them and carried on typing.
I don’t know who made the most recent calls, maybe it was me. I have no memory of it. The voices are so loud these days I can’t hear anything else. I have to do as they say or they’ll never stop. I hate myself
...

Suddenly hitting the save button, she switched off and went to find Ottilie trying to climb out of the bath and in danger of slipping. Grabbing her arm, Erica hauled her up and dumped her on the floor.

‘Dry yourself and go to bed,’ she snapped, turning to hike out the plug. ‘You can put the TV on, but quietly, I don’t want it waking me up.’ As she started to straighten up a wave of dizziness caught her. She clutched the edge of the bath and tried to make herself breathe. In, out, in out. The floor began buckling under her, the walls undulating, towering, closing in like tidal waves. She sank to her knees, sweating and panting. The ceiling was falling; chunks were landing on her head. Someone was screaming. Ottilie was watching her ...

Suddenly she grabbed Ottilie’s hair with both hands and began shaking her. She forced her to the ground and banged her head up and down on the tiles. Up and down, up and down. She was gagging and gasping. The voices in her head were screaming.

Kill her, kill her
.

Ottilie was screaming.

Erica choked, and clutched her hands to her gut. ‘Get out,’ she spluttered. ‘
Get out of here
.’

Ottilie clambered to her feet, grabbed Boots and ran. Reaching her room she shut the door behind her, her damp, naked little body quivering with terror.

Chapter Sixteen

OVER THE FOLLOWING
week Alex’s feet barely touched the ground as she dashed from one visit to the next, and tried to squeeze in as many meetings as possible, while making sure she was always on time to take Ottilie to the Pumpkin. Though she loved all her charges, there was no doubt that the hours she spent with Ottilie were fast becoming the highlight of her day, providing so many moments to be treasured that when she finally got home at night exhausted, even drained, she didn’t even want to imagine how lonely she might have felt without them.

As it was, she was waking most mornings with such an awful sense of dread of her life falling apart that if it weren’t for the children she cared for, she knew that a fear of the future would be blighting her entire day. Luckily no one seemed to notice her flagging spirits, apart from Tommy who always saw too much, but in spite of knowing she could trust him she didn’t want to discuss her situation. It would only make her feel worse, she was sure of it, so better to press on and do her best not to think about missing Jason, or the offer Gabby was about to accept on the house, or the growing horror of becoming homeless, and possibly jobless, or the dread of Millie going. That horrible wrench was due to happen this weekend, and already simply to think of it was pushing her to the edge.

‘I’m sorry, I know I’m being foolish,’ she said to Maggie Fenn on Friday morning, dabbing her eyes and trying to laugh away the tears. ‘It’s just that I’ve known Millie for most of my life, so she feels a bit like a grandparent in a way. Anyway, I shouldn’t be burdening you with my troubles, especially when I’m supposed to be here checking on Sophie.’

‘Sophie’s absolutely fine,’ Maggie assured her, while placing some delicious-looking slabs of buttery shortbread on a plate to go with the hot chocolate she’d just made. ‘She goes to school as sweet as anything, and she and Britney have bonded like a dream. So let’s forget about them for now and talk about what’s happening to you.’

‘Honestly, nothing’s wrong really,’ Alex insisted, trying not to get too settled in this wonderfully cosy kitchen or she might never want to leave.

‘But you’re going to miss the old lady? I can quite understand that if you’ve known her for so long.’

‘She has Alzheimer’s,’ Alex told her, ‘but she always seems to know me when I go in, and there are times when we still manage a few laughs, or a little stroll down memory lane. She’s not going to understand what’s happening to her, and I can hardly bear to think of her being all confused and upset.’ She bit her lips as her throat tightened again. Dear God, she really was in a hopeless state today.

‘Have you tried explaining it to her?’ Maggie asked gently.

‘I did last night, and the carers have been doing their best to prepare her too, but she just forgets, or seems not to hear us anyway. Maybe that’s a blessing, who knows? I’ll go to see her again tomorrow, before the ambulance comes to take her.’

‘She’s very lucky to have you,’ Maggie smiled. ‘So many in her position don’t seem to have anyone at all.’

‘I know, I see them in there every time I go. The daft thing is, I’ll miss them too. Maybe I’ll carry on going to see them. I just hope Millie’s niece and nephew will visit her, because it’s too far for me to go very often.’
Unless I lose my job and end up finding another close to York
. Not in a million years would she ever dream of saying that to Maggie, she’d already made a big enough fool of herself with the stupid surge of tears that had erupted just because Maggie had asked if she was all right. She was certainly not going to start abusing Maggie’s kindness by weighing in with everything else.

‘Oh dear, oh dear,’ Maggie clucked as Alex’s eyes
overflowed again. ‘This is a very difficult thing you’re facing. I wish there was something I could do to help.’

‘You’re already doing it,’ Alex assured her, taking another tissue from the box Maggie was passing, ‘but you have to stop being so nice to me or I’m going to end up feeling even sorrier for myself than I already do.’

Maggie chuckled, and pushed the biscuits Alex’s way.

‘I’d love one,’ Alex said, glancing at the time, ‘but I really ought to be going. I have to pick up a little girl over on North Hill at a quarter to eleven and I don’t want to be late.’

‘Of course not,’ Maggie agreed, ‘but I want you to know that if you do ever need to chat, I’m always here.’

‘There you go, being nice again,’ Alex warned through more tears.

Maggie rolled her eyes. ‘I really must stop that, it’s a terrible habit of mine.’

Alex turned at the sound of the front door opening and closing.

‘That’ll be Anthony,’ Maggie told her. ‘In here,’ she called out. ‘Now, I think I shall wrap up a few of these biscuits for you to take to the little girl you’re picking up. Do you think she likes biscuits? How old is she?’

‘Three.’

‘Then she’s sure to.’

‘Oh, she does. I took her to the Seafront Café the other day and she wolfed down an entire brownie all to herself. You should have seen her face after, crumbs all over it, and all over her, but she was so pleased with herself I think she’d have eaten another if I’d let her.’ She was spending too much time with Ottilie, becoming far, far too attached to her, but she simply didn’t have what it took to make herself stop.

‘Three years old and in need of protection?’ Maggie sighed sadly. ‘Poor little soul.’

Before Alex could respond Anthony Goodman was coming into the kitchen, and she was instantly reminded of how intimidating he’d appeared the first time she’d seen him. In this smaller, more homely environment his presence still felt unsettling, and his scowl seemed to be bordering
on scary. Then he broke into a smile as he saw her, and the transformation caused a small catch in her heart. ‘Hello,’ she said, hoping she didn’t look as much of a wreck as she felt. ‘You probably don’t remember me, but we met after the play ...’

‘Of course I remember you,’ he corrected, enclosing her hand in a grip that made her own feel rather small, ‘but I confess your name is escaping me.’

‘Alex,’ she reminded him, ‘and thank you so much for the lovely comment you put on Facebook. It gave the cast such a boost, coming from someone like you.’

He seemed amazed. ‘Someone like me?’ He looked at his sister. ‘Is that good?’

‘Don’t listen to him,’ Maggie chided, going to kiss him, ‘he’s fishing for compliments.’

‘Rather than trout?’ Alex quipped.

He appeared confused and she felt herself colouring.

‘Sorry, it was a joke,’ she explained. ‘You were out fishing the last time I was here.’

‘Which is indeed where I’m off to this weekend, and sorry I was a bit slow on the uptake. Got a lot on my mind, or that’s my excuse anyway. So, any coffee going, Mags?’

‘Help yourself, I’ll just see Alex out.’

‘I hope you’re not leaving on my account?’

‘No, I have another appointment to get to. It was lovely seeing you.’

‘Likewise. Don’t forget to let us know if you have any more village romps in the offing. I meant what I said about the last one, it’s been a long time since anything made me laugh out loud like that.’

‘Two promises: I’ll definitely let you know, and I won’t write the jokes.’

Laughing, he said, ‘I won’t hold you to that,’ and taking out his mobile as it rang he turned to pour himself a coffee.

‘It’s good to see him in spirits after everything he’s been through,’ Maggie said quietly as she walked Alex to the front door. ‘His fiancée was killed in a light-aircraft accident just over a year ago, and he hasn’t found it easy. Not that he’d ever tell you that, or let it show, but I know him too well for him to hide it from me.’

Moved by his tragedy, Alex echoed the words Maggie had spoken to her a few minutes ago. ‘He’s lucky to have you.’

Maggie smiled. ‘We’ve always been close in spite of the gap in our ages. He doesn’t look forty, does he, and I’m sure I don’t look fifty.’

Wishing she could hug her, Alex said, ‘More like thirty,’ and she was still smiling warmly to herself as she got into her car.

If only Ottilie could have someone like that in her life, she was thinking as she drove away, in fact she wouldn’t mind someone like it too. And what a shock it would be for Jason if she were to become involved with a top lawyer like Anthony Goodman. Come to think of it, it would be a pretty big shock for her too.

Time to rein in the wild fantasies and focus on the day ahead, she reminded herself. Already her spirits were lifting to think of Ottilie and the impressive progress she was making at the Pumpkin. This wasn’t to say she’d come out of her shell completely, she still only played with Chloe, and if any of the other children joined in she’d immediately withdraw. However, Alex was able to leave her for an hour or so without any problems now, and the greatest joy of all had happened on Wednesday when she’d made a choice of where to go for a little treat after nursery. OK, she’d only uttered three words, ‘On the car’sel,’ but the fact that she’d said them, rather than waiting for Alex to run through suggestions with her nodding or shaking her head, had felt like a major breakthrough.

‘It certainly is,’ Vicky the health worker had agreed when Alex had rung her later – not for that specifically, but she’d been so thrilled she’d had to tell someone. ‘And you’ll be happy to hear we’ve got her an appointment with the paediatrician. It can’t be for another two weeks, I’m afraid, the poor woman’s always run off her feet as you know, but at least we’re in. I’ll email you the exact date when I’m back at my desk.’

Already feeling anxious about what the doctors might find, Alex said, ‘And what did you make of the bruises on her head when you saw her?’

‘Well, they’re obviously quite tender, poor little mite, but she could easily have got them falling off the bed.’

Which was what both parents had claimed when Alex had challenged them on Monday morning – Erica face to face at the house; Brian over the phone, Alex having forced him out of class.

‘Yes, it is an emergency,’ she’d informed the secretary furiously. OK, children were always falling over and injuring themselves, but her suspicions of the Wades weren’t going to allow her to accept the explanation of tumbling off the bed without calling them on it first.

In the end she’d had no choice but to accept it, especially when Ottilie herself hadn’t denied her parents’ story. In fact, she’d pointed at her bed and touched the bruises when Alex had asked her how she’d got them. ‘I fell,’ she’d whispered. Of course, that didn’t mean much, because the Wades could easily have told her it was the answer she had to give; they might even have brainwashed her into thinking it was how it had happened.

Or they were telling the truth.

Though Alex was still finding that option difficult to swallow, the alternative, that one of them had deliberately hurt her, was even harder to take. So, for the time being there wasn’t much she could do, apart from continue to monitor things as closely as the restrictions of her job would allow, which she was doing during every available minute. At least when Ottilie was with her she knew she was safe and in an environment that was far healthier than the one she seemed to be in at home. She had to tread so carefully with this, not only for Ottilie’s sake, but for the whole community, because she didn’t even want to think about the ructions it would cause if she got it wrong about Brian Wade.