No Attachments (26 page)

"
How's my favorite patient?" Dr. Davis said, entering my room the day after I'd been moved from the ICU.

"
You only say that because I'm the most stubborn," I joked weakly.

"
You are one tough nut," he said, sitting in the chair next to my bed. "So, how are you feeling?"

"
Fair," I lied, smiling slightly.

He chuckled.
"Does 'fair' now stand for being hit by a cement truck?"

I tried to shrug
, but even that was too painful.

"
I'll have them increase your pain meds. There's no reason you need to suffer unnecessarily," he said, patting my shoulder before standing up. "You have Nurse Ratchet call me if you need anything," he added, referring to the head nurse no one liked much.

"
That would require me actually talking to her," I quipped, making him laugh as he left my room.

"
How you doing, pumpkin?" my dad asked, entering my room with his hands full a few minutes after Dr. Davis had left.

"
Fair," I said, giving him my standard answer. "What's all that?"

"
I figured a few creature comforts from home would make your stay here easier," he said, setting my iPad on the rolling bed tray. "I brought some of those pajama pants you like to sleep in and a few t-shirts I found in your dresser," he added, placing the stack of clothes on the nightstand.

My eyes zero
ed in on the stack of clothes as I spotted a familiar navy blue t-shirt that had been buried at the bottom of my dresser. The fact that he had to dig for it wasn't lost on me, although if he knew the significance of the shirt, he didn't show it. It didn't belong to me, but that didn't stop me from taking it when I had found it in my laundry basket when I packed up my stuff at the cabin. At the time, I had pressed it to my face, smelling the cologne Nathan wore with a touch of his masculinity. When we had arrived home, I had stowed it away and only allowed myself to remove it when the pain of missing him began to engulf me. Everything in me yearned to press it to my face now, but I knew it would raise questions if I asked my father to hand it to me. Not to mention, he would probably think I was a freak if I sniffed my shirt.

"
How's Wilma?" I asked.

"
She misses you. I debated sneaking her in, but figured Nurse Dictator would have my head if I tried."

"
Are you feeding her twice a day?"

"
Yes, and giving her those treats you buy that she likes so much. She's been sleeping with me while you've been away," he said sheepishly.

"
I'm glad. She likes to snuggle," I said. "Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked as it dawned on me that he was in my room during the middle of the day. "Dad?" I said as he ignored my question.

"
I took a leave of absence," he finally admitted.

"
Dad you didn't have to do that," I protested.

"
Ashton we almost lost you this week. How do you think I would have felt if I was at work and something happened to you? Truthfully, I'm debating early retirement. That way I can help take care of you."

"And what will you do when I no
longer need to be taken care of?" I asked as some of my optimism returned.

"
I'll fish."

"
Fish?' I quizzed. "When have you ever wanted to fish?"

"
I've recently discovered deep-sea fishing is quite the pastime."

"
When have you ever gone deep-sea fishing?" I asked, skeptically.

"
I've gone out a couple times with a buddy of mine."

"
I didn't know you even liked to fish," I said.

"
That's because I really never gave it a chance. I've discovered it can be very relaxing, almost like meditation without all the mumbo jumbo."

"
Retirement though? Won't you get bored? You've always been such a computer nerd."

"
I'm ready for a change, and the upside is I'll be there for you," he said.

"
Dad, I don't want you to shackle yourself to me," I mumbled.

"
Honey, when you were sick before, it somehow became all about me. I allowed my grief and fear of losing your mom to cloud my senses. I burdened you by wearing my grief on my sleeve. Even though you were sick as a dog, you continued to console me. This time it's my turn. I'm going to be the strong one," he said, unfolding my favorite blanket from home and spreading it out over me.

I was touched at his thoughtfulness. He
'd always been a good father, making sure all my basic needs were taken care of, but after my mom died, he'd closed himself off emotionally, always keeping me at arm's length. It was a nice feeling for him to be so attentive.

"
Thanks, Dad," I said as he tucked the blanket around me. My limited energy melted away and I fell asleep to him smoothing a hand across my hairless head.

Nathan

I impatiently tapped my fingers against the tabletop waiting for my lunch date to show up. Waiting had made me short
-tempered and I had already alienated the waitress who was probably spitting in my drink. She should have been used to my mood swings since the restaurant had practically become my home away from home over the last few days. It was far enough away that I wasn't technically breaking the rules, but close enough that I could act at a moment's notice. The harried waitress started to approach my table again, but I waved her off like she was an annoying gnat. I could hear her openly bitching to her fellow waitresses who all clucked their tongues sympathetically. They'd been on the receiving end of my temper at one time or another during my stakeout. I would have apologized, but at the moment, I only cared about one thing, and if my lunch appointment didn't show up in the next few minutes, I would be taking matters in my own hands.

Two minutes later
, I was rising from the table with the intention of leaving when the person I had been waiting for hurried through the restaurant's door.

"
You're late," I snapped, sinking back into my seat.

"
Sorry, I wanted to wait until she fell asleep," Charles, Ashton's father, apologized, sliding into the seat across from me.

My expression i
mmediately softened. "How is she?" I asked earnestly, waving the waitress away as she approached our table. I took no notice of her glares and grumbling as I focused on the man in front of me.

"
She's better," he said in a voice thick with relief.

"
Really?" I asked, releasing a pent-up breath I wasn't even aware I was holding.

"
Yes. Her doctor said she's on the road to recovery. She has one more round of chemo and then we will see."

"
She's really okay?" I asked again, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat. The last few days had been absolute hell. Unbeknownst to Ashton, I had been at the hospital waiting for updates from her father. At one point, when they thought she might not make it, I had stood over her bed, clutching her unconscious hand in my own. I had silently willed her not to give up.

"She really is. S
ome of her spunk is already returning," he said, chuckling softly.

"
What does that mean?" I asked.

"
I stuck that shirt of yours in the middle of a stack of clothes I brought to her room. She couldn't take her eyes from it."

"
You're a meddling old fool, but I love you for it," I said, grinning at him. I was grateful to Charles for trusting me, for believing that my feelings and intentions for Ashton were real. I had suggested fishing together as a way for us to get to know each other, and maybe relieve some of the stress. On one of our fishing trips, he had mentioned the shirt of mine that Ashton had kept. At the time, I'd been struggling with doubts that Ashton still had feelings for me and was beginning to feel like a fool for selling my condo and moving across the state so I could be closer to her. As October melted into November, her silence had begun to wear on me.

"So she stared at the shirt. That may not mean anything," I said.

"You telling me I don't know my own daughter? Don't be an idiot, boy. She's head over heels in love with you."

"
Did you bring her the flowers I bought?" I asked, sitting back in my seat.

"
Yes, though she thinks they're from me," he grumbled.

"
That doesn't matter as long as she got them," I said as our waitress approached our table cautiously.

"
I'll have the club sandwich with the fries," I said, placing my order before she could ask. I smiled broadly at her as I handed over my menu.

"
And you?" she asked Charles after shooting me a look that pretty much indicated she thought I was crazy.

"
When do they think she'll be released?" I asked, pumping him for information.

"
Her doctor is going to wait until after her last chemo treatment. He wants to make sure her immune system doesn't decide to act up again. Once she's out of the woods, she'll start recovery."

"
How does she look?" I asked, unable to shake the image of how she had looked hooked up to all the machines when I had last seen her.

"
Rough. It's obvious she's in pain," he said, holding up his palm when I went to interrupt. "I talked to Dr. Davis before I left, and he said he had already put in the order to up her pain medicine," he finished before I could say anything.

"
She shouldn't have to be in that much pain," I said through gritted teeth.

He sighed
, used to my outbursts by now. "Agreed, and we're taking care of it. We care about her well-being too," he reminded me. "You have to remember, Ashton is very stubborn, and we're trying our best to read between the lines."

I slumped down in my seat as my sudden burst of anger dissipated. I knew he was right. I had seen firsthand just how stubborn Ashton could be. It
just frustrated me beyond words that I couldn't be by her side when she needed me the most.

"
How's the writing going?" he asked, changing the subject.

"
Not bad. Turns out I kind of have a knack for writing stories. The
News Journal
just bought another one of my stories and optioned for the one I'm currently working on. I've also landed a couple online writing jobs. Who knew a lie about a fictional job would turn into something? Of course, I know you had a part in it. Thanks again, Charles."

"
All I did was place a call to a friend of mine. The rest was all you."

"
We sure have come a long way from you wanting to shove my nuts down my throat," I joked.

"You hurt my girl and you just better hope you can choke them down
," he threatened.

I nodded,
falling back on the crux of the whole thing. She had asked me to wait and I was trying my damnedest to be patient, but having her so close and not being able to be with her was killing me.

Charles and I finished our lunch in silence.
"You'll call me if anything happens," I stated, dropping money on the table to cover the check.

"
You know I will. Are we fishing Sunday?" he asked, pulling on his light jacket.

"
Do you think it's wise to leave her for a day so you can go off fishing?"

"
Boy, this fishing trip isn't for me. I guess you haven't looked in a mirror lately, but trust me when I say you look like hell."

"
How's Wilma?" I asked, ignoring his observation as we exited the restaurant together.

"
She misses Ashton, but otherwise she still acts like she owns the place."

"
Sounds like a typical cat," I said. "I'll see you Sunday as long as you think it's okay to leave her for a day."

"
By Sunday she'll be ready to cut off my head if I don't give her a break," he said before crossing the street.

I watched his retreating back for a few seconds as he disappeared through the hospital doors.
My steps were noticeably lighter as I rounded the corner to the hospital's parking garage. The last few days had been the worst of my life and had given me a better insight to why Ashton had tried to keep me away. I now knew she was trying to spare me the heartache, but she underestimated my feelings for her. Even after a two-month absence, she still dominated my thoughts. She was my first thought in the morning and the last at night. The note she had left me was nothing but a tattered mess from the countless times I had read it and still, I waited.

I fed Fred
when I arrived home before stumbling to my bed and crashing. Four days of sleepless nights had finally caught up to me. I slept through the rest of the day and all that night.