Nic's Devotion: An Endless Series: Book One (30 page)

     “My mom showed me to my new room which had the bare
essentials; bed, blankets, pillow, and a dresser.” I gave a hollow laugh. “It
was a lot different from my old room but not all that different from the room
at the hospital. As soon as my mom showed me my room she left without a word.
After I unpacked I went to find her and found her sitting on the couch in the
living room watching television.” Remembering that made my stomach twist all
over again. “I sat down in the chair next to her. We sat there for hours and
she never acknowledged me. The entire time I could feel that she didn’t want me
there. I could feel the hostility radiating off of her. I didn’t know what to do…”
I could hear the confusion and misery in my tone as I voiced what I had been
feeling that day; what I still was feeling. Nic stroked his thumb over my palm.

     “Eventually, I got hungry and got up enough courage to
ask about dinner. My mother turned to me and with the most…” I frowned in
unconscious distress still remembering the look of malevolence in her eyes.
“...she said that if I was hungry than go get something to eat, that she wasn’t
going to be waiting on me hand and foot.”

     A growl from Nic had my gaze swinging his way. His
expression was dark and furious. “Carrie, you don’t have to…”

     I stopped him with a squeeze from my hand this time. “I
want to share this with you, not so you can get angry about it or feel sorry
for me, but so that you can know me.”

     His furious expression softened but I could still see
his underlying anger. He brought my hand to his lips to kiss my fingers. “Thank
you.”

     Taking my own deep breath I continued. “Well, that
established our relationship for the next three years; she only spoke to me
when it was absolutely necessary. My mother wanted nothing to do with me. I’m
not even sure why she took me back, but when she kicked me out she said she’d
done her duty and that she wanted nothing else to do with me.”

     “Bitch!” Nic ground out under his breath.

     I started at his expletive, not sure how I felt about
him calling her that. She was still my mother.

     “I’m not sorry for calling her that, especially after
hitting you.” Nic said angrily having noticed my jolt.

     “I guess I’m not sure how I feel about her. I remember
how she was before and she was a good mother. I spent a lot of sessions with
Dr. Mathew’s talking about how everyone would be affected by what had happened,
and I can’t stop trying to see things through her perspective. It doesn’t stop
me from being hurt at how she’s treated me, but I tell myself that she’s gone
through a lot too. I don’t want to turn bitter, like she has.” I whispered
softly. There were no tears left for my mother because I’d had years to deal
with her feelings toward me.

     Nic stared at me with a look of amazement. “Shit, you
kill me with how good you are.” He said huskily.

     I gave a negative shake of my head at his words because
I really wasn’t. “Anyway, I went with the long version of the story. I never
made any friends at the new school I went to. I became a bit of a hermit
spending a lot of time at the aquarium, the library, or in my room. That’s how
I got my scholarship.”

     “Why didn’t you make any friends?” Nic asked softly.

     I looked out the window not wanting to see his
expression. “Because I’m not as strong as you seem to think. I was afraid. No
one in my family wanted anything to do with me. I didn’t want to risk anyone
else finding out and rejecting me as well.” I kept the times people had found
out and treated me like a leper to myself, as well as how people from my old
school made a wide berth around me when they saw me.   

     Nic was silent as I gazed tensely out at the landscape
not really seeing it. Eventually, a hefty sigh rumbled out of him. “Damn, I
really want to beat the shit out of someone. Carrie, I don’t know your family
and I’ve only talked to your mother once over the phone, but there is something
truly messed up with all of them. What happened to you was no fault of yours. They
were all adults and you the child; they should have been surrounding you with
love and support. Instead, they wallowed in their own misery and selfishness.
Anyone would be lucky to have you for a friend, and a real friend would stick
by you no matter what they heard. And you are as strong as I think you are.”

     He once again brought my hand up to his lips in a soft
caress. I swallowed at the gesture bringing my gaze back to him. Green eyes
left the road trapping me with their intensity and the absolute belief in them
lightened what had been a dark moment. 

     “So the aquarium was your special spot, huh?” Nic
asked.

     Even though sharing had been important for us I was
glad for the topic change. “Yes, it was my favorite place. I actually got to
volunteer there during my junior and senior year in high school. That’s what
made me decide to go into marine biology. I haven’t been able to get there as
much lately though.”

     “I’ve only been there once for a field trip back in
middle school.” He tossed me a grin. “We’ll have to go together and maybe you
can get us a behind the scenes tour.”

     I tossed him a grin of my own. That was something I’d
been thinking about a lot lately. Because it was such a special place for me I
wanted to share it with him. “I might be able to swing that.”

     We were nearing the college and it was just in time
because my shift started in ten minutes. Nic pulled right up to the door for
me, but before I could hop out he tugged my hand drawing me half over the
console. He didn’t just pull me closer physically; his intense green eyes drew
me emotionally. 

     “I’m going to pick up that mattress for you and drop it
off at your dorm. Do you trust me with your key card to do that for you?”

     I nodded and slipped it out of my pocket to hand to
him.

     Instead of just taking it he clasped out hands together
with the card in between. “I’ll pick you up at eight, okay.”

     Our faces were about an inch apart and his warm fruit
smoothie breath washed over me. “Okay,” I agreed automatically, wanting those
fruity flavored lips on mine. Instead, he gave me a quick peck on the nose. I
couldn’t help my involuntary frown of dissatisfaction.   

     I hurried from the truck. Heading into the store a
constriction took hold of my chest making it hard to breath. Nic had been
kissing me on the lips every time he picked me up or dropped me off, but he
hadn’t done it this time and I couldn’t help feeling like he was viewing me
differently. And if he was viewing me differently than it might not be long
before he slowly started distancing himself.  

Chapter
Twenty-six

NIC

     I was sporting yet another hard-on as I watched Carrie
jog away. It was a chronic condition that I was actually becoming accustomed to
having around her. Unfortunately, it only aggravated my furious state of mind.
I’d been able to mask most of it for Carrie’s benefit, but I was in an
exceedingly murderous mood. Pulling away from the Sports store I grabbed my
phone and called Noah.

     “What’s up?” He answered.

     “Is Amanda with you?”

     “Uh, yeah.” He said sounding confused since I wasn’t in
the habit of asking after her.

     “Can I talk to her?”

     “You called me to talk to my girlfriend? Don’t you have
one of your own now?” He chuckled, but I heard the phone being transferred as
he informed Amanda that I wanted to talk to her.

     “Hey, what’s up, Nic?” She called over the phone.

     “I need you to do me a favor. I told Carrie that you
had an extra mattress in storage left over from an old roommate. She’s going to
end up thanking you for it and I need you to go along with the story. Can you
do that?”

     Amanda was silent for a minute. “Can I ask why you told
her this?”

     Any of the guys would have been ‘sure, whatever’, but
being a girl Amanda needed to know the details. “Carrie moved into her dorm
today and realized that the school doesn’t supply mattresses. She can’t afford
a new one and I can’t even think of her sleeping on a used one, so I made this
story up so she wouldn’t feel bad when I buy her a new one.”

     A laugh burst from the phone. “I should bust your balls
for lying to her, but the whole things just too sweet. It will be hard holding
in the truth, but, yeah, I’ll cover for you.” She snickered again.

     “Tell Noah to keep his trap shut or there could be a
surprise in his jockstrap when he least expects it.” I warned.

     “Don’t worry, I’ll also warn him of all the future
headaches I could incur if he doesn’t.” I heard Noah’s exclamation of confusion
and dismay in the background at hearing Amanda’s words.

     “You still fine with taking Carrie with you tomorrow?”
I confirmed.

     “Totally, she’s a gem.”

     “Thanks Amanda.” I hung up and dialed Seth’s number.

     “What’s up?” He answered. It was the standard guy
reply.

     “You got plans today?”

     “Eat, study, TV.” He replied shortly. 

     Lofty plans. “I need help with something.”

     “No problem. Now?”

     “Yep.”

     “Kay.”

    “Be there shortly.” I hung up. Short and to the point,
had to love it.

     Pulling up to the house five minutes later I honked the
horn and Seth strolled out a minute later. After he climbed in I headed for the
nearest department store; there were a few other items I wanted to get besides
the mattress.

     “You look like you want to take that steering wheel and
take someone’s head off with it you’re gripping it so hard.” Seth remarked
conversationally after several silent minutes.

     “You have no idea.” I growled.

     “Well, try to hold it in till tomorrow and then you can
do all the head busting you want.” He gave me a considering look. “You know you
can get whatever you need off your chest right now. It won’t go any further
than me, and nothing you say will make me think any different of Carrie.”

     Seth was never one to pry. He always gave the
impression that he could care less, but I could sense his desire to know what
had happened this afternoon. Moreover, I needed someone to vent myself on since
no one was around to beat the shit out of. At least, no one that needed the
shit beat out of them.   

     “Oh, it will make you think different about her; it
will tear your heart out.” I said, and then gave vent to everything I’d learned
this afternoon.

     Seth remained quiet the entire time, but I could tell
by the dark expression on his face that he was affected by what I was telling
him. When I finally ended my tirade we’d arrived at the department store. 

     “That is some messed up shit. Fuck!...her own father.”
Seth’s head was turned away looking out the passenger window.

      I snorted. “As I got to know Carrie it wasn’t
difficult to see that something bad had happened to her, even you saw it. She was
reserved and skittish, and she’s always trying to hide herself. The first thing
that crossed my mind was that she’d been assaulted, but her episodes were
random, not really having anything to do with sexual situations.”

     Seth’s head twisted my way swiftly and there was fierce
frown on his face. “What do you mean ‘sexual situations’.”

     I understood where his protective attitude came from,
but having it directed at me only ramped up my anger. He was acting like he
needed to protect her from me and I didn’t appreciate it. Taking a deep breath
I told myself that he was just reacting to everything he’d heard.

     “The very first episode she had was when I mentioned
her dad, the second occurred when I punched out Curt, and the third was at the
house last night when I pressed her up against the counter. She said it made
her claustrophobic. When Nikki spilled that story I came to the conclusion that
she’d only experienced a traumatic accident that involved her father and that
she blamed herself for.” I jabbed my hands in my hair and scrubbed at my head.
“Hell, when I found out what really happened I wanted to puke, and then I
wanted to kick my ass for what I’d done this morning.”

     “What’d you do?”

     Again, Seth’s deep tone held a hint of antagonism that
completely rubbed me the wrong way. I gave him a lethal look. I probably
shouldn’t have said anything about this morning, but the guilt was hanging over
me. “Damn, Seth, you’re acting like I set out to hurt her. It may be hard for
all you guys to believe but it would kill me if I hurt Carrie. I love her.” I
surprised myself and Seth saying that out loud. He looked at me flabbergasted.

     “Nic, you’ve only known the girl for a few weeks. Can
you really say that you love her?”

     My head feel back against the head rest. “I’ve never
felt like this before. You name an emotion and I have it in regards to her;
obsessive, possessive, admiration, desire, extreme anger at anyone’s whose hurt
her. When I’m not with her I want to be, and shit, I worry about her constantly
when she’s out of my sight. I’ve never been in love, but this sure as shit
feels like it because it’s all-consuming.”

     Silence reigned in the cab for a moment, and we both
stared out the window lost in our own introspections.

     “So what happened this morning?” Seth asked abruptly
breaking the quiet.  

     I blew out a sigh. “I’ve been taking it slow with her
but this morning we went a little further in our…petting than we’d gone before,
and then when I heard what really happened to her I felt like shit.”   

     The frown Seth sported remained but it was less
antagonistic, he looked out the window in contemplation. “She handled
the…petting this morning okay; no episodes?”

     “Yeah.” I said. No need to go into her embarrassment,
which was just a girl thing.