Nic's Devotion: An Endless Series: Book One (26 page)

    With one last shiver of pleasure my body slumped in
sated relief. If actual sex with Carrie was better than my imagination it would
kill me.   

     Feeling less tense, but a little weak after that
release, I gathered my equilibrium and quickly washed up. Turning off the
shower I dried myself, brushed my teeth, clipped my beard down, deodorized, and
gelled. Wrapping the towel around my waist I stepped back into the bedroom.
Carrie was sitting on my freshly made bed in her clothes from last night, her
hair a black mess around her head. She’d looked like she’d tried to tame it,
but she had so much of it that I doubted her fingers could work through its
thickness.

     When I stepped out Carrie’s eyes widened. Her gaze
traveled over my near nakedness and the blush that had worked itself out of her
face while I was gone rushed back in.

     “If you want to hop in the shower there are extra
towels and washcloths available.” I offered stepping out of the door frame so
she could go in.

     She jumped up from the bed and scuttled into the
bathroom. Her eyes flickered down over my naked chest and back up to my face.
“That’s okay. I hate putting old clothes on, it just makes me feel all dirty
again. I’ll wait.” She closed the door with one last lingering look at my
chest.

     Unable to hold back a satisfied smirk at her interest I
walked over to my dresser and pulled on some boxer briefs, jeans and a t-shirt.
I sat down on the bed to slide my socks on finally taking note of the time; 9:17
a.m. There was no practice today since we had an away game tomorrow, so I had
the entire day free to spend with Carrie until she had to go to work at four.
I’d make her some breakfast and help her move into her dorm room and then
hopefully we’d be able to talk about her past.

     Carrie stepped out of the bathroom. She’d washed her
face and brushed her hair so it fell in a silken mass down her back. She was
wringing her hands in nervousness.

     Jumping up from the bed I strode over to her. “You
brushed your teeth? Feel all clean?” I asked smiling.

     “Yes.” She answered with a frown of confusion at my
questions.

     “Good” I wrapped my arms around her pulling her in for
a kiss. I was able to keep it sweet since I’d taken the edge off in the shower.
My lips rubbed softly over hers and I gave a light tug to her plump bottom lip.
She answered with a hesitant lick of her tongue to my top lip. My previously
satisfied dick swelled and twitched in response. I pulled away before it could
become too much of a problem for me.

     I breathed in a shuddery breath. “You hungry?”

     Carrie took an equally affected indrawn breath. “I
should probably get going. I have to move out of the shelter today and get
things situated in my new room.” She didn’t look at me as she offered me the
lame excuse.

     Putting my finger under her chin I lifted it so her
eyes met mine. “I’m going to help you with that today, remember? My whole day
is devoted to moving you in.”

     Her eyes twitched to the side nervously then came back.
“There’s really not a lot to do. I’m sure you have other things you could be
doing today.”

     I leaned down and kissed her. “I want to help, and you
are not getting rid of me that easily.”

     Her throat worked and tears glistened in her eyes. My
heart wrenched at the sight. “You still don’t know the whole story yet; you
won’t want to stay when you do.” Carrie whispered in a voice heavy with sorrow.

     Hugging her close I stated firmly in her ear. “I’m
telling you that nothing I hear will make me run away.”

     I took a deep breath at what I was going to confess. I
wasn’t sure how she felt about me, but I did know she cared for me. She’d let
me into her life when she’d kept so many others out. Backing up to the bed I
sat down and pulled her into my lap. She sat there docilely with her head
bowed. Not liking her dejected posture I lifted her chin again.

     “Carrie, I’m pretty damn sure I’m falling in love with
you.” I stated unfalteringly.

     Carrie gasped at my declaration and tears welled and
spilled down her cheeks. “Oh god, don’t say that.” She cried.

     My heart almost stopped at her words. I was wrong; she
didn’t care for me like I did for her.

    Carrie’s hands came up to cover her face as she sobbed.
“You can’t say that before you know the whole story. I won’t be able to bare it
when you leave after you find out.”

     My heart thumped painfully at her words and the
desolation in them. I clutched her tight to me. “Carrie, I won’t leave. I told
you; I care about you.”

     Her head shook back and forth. “No, it doesn’t matter.
Everyone leaves. All my friends and my family; my mother can’t even stand me.
She told me she was just waiting for me to turn eighteen so she could kick me
out. Everyone just stares at me in shock and repulsion when they find out I
killed…” Carrie’s breath shuddered out in a gasping sob.

     I rocked her in alarm. She couldn’t handle another
episode. “Breathe, Carrie. Do your exercises. It’s okay.” I rubbed her back
soothingly as she listened to me and did her exercises. I didn’t want her to
resist the comfort I so wanted to give her. 

     Carrie’s words broke my heart. What the hell happened
that would cause a mother to reject her own child; for other family members and
friends to turn away from her? There was no way anyone would convince me it was
because she was some killer. It had happened four years ago at the age of
fourteen, and she’d had to deal with this shit all on her own.

     My respect for her grew; she was way stronger than even
I thought. My admiration and love for her swelled till my own eyes watered.

     “Carrie, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before
and I promise whatever I hear is not going to change that. Please trust me,
baby.” I spoke softly into her hair hoping my continued affirmation would sink
in. “The first time I saw you I couldn’t stop staring at you, and it wasn’t
just because you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Something about
you called to me. I know you noticed, hell, all my buddies did. They taunted me
mercilessly. That entire week before I saw you again all I could think about
was you. Shit, I even went back to the restaurant in hopes of seeing you again.
When they told me you didn’t work there anymore I couldn’t believe how
disappointed I felt, and then when I saw you at the Sports store the elation
that came over me…well, I knew right away you were going to be trouble. Then I
got to know you and you’re amazing; you’re funny, smart, sweet, one of the
strongest women I know. There aren’t enough adjectives in the world to describe
you.” 

     Carrie had gone quiet in my arms as she listened to me
ramble on. I was ecstatic that she’d averted another episode, but I was anxious
about how she was receiving my emotional vomit.

     “You still there, or did you pass out on me? I don’t
know if I can repeat all that again.” I joked apprehensively. In trying to
sooth her I’d spilled a lot more than I was comfortable with. It was damn hard
baring your heart when you weren’t sure what to expect.

     Carrie’s fingers touched my abdomen. “Do you really
feel that way about me?” She asked softly.

     “I don’t think I could adequately describe how deeply I
care for you.” I answered openly.

     Carrie wiped her face before raising it. Her eyes were
blue ice surrounded by red and her nose was just as red from crying. “I want to
believe you so bad, but it’s difficult. I’ve walled myself off from others over
the years; not letting anyone get too close. You’re the first person in years
that I’ve allowed past the guards I put up to protect myself. You could hurt me
so bad, Nic. You just don’t know.” She swallowed down what looked like another
sob. “My feelings for you yawn before me like a gap in the earth. If I admit
them and you walk away I could fall in and never make my way out again. It
would destroy me.”

     I stared at her in shock as the poignancy of her words
hit me in the gut. That I had that much power over her was alarming. I thought
my love could only bring her happiness, but I realized it could actually send
her to a very dark place. The strength she displayed actually covered a fragile
spirit that with the right force could break irrevocably.

     The idea that I could do that to her was terrifying. I
hugged her to me.

    “Damn, Carrie, I won’t be walking away, but please don’t
let me have that much power over you. It would destroy
me
if I did that
to you.”

     We embraced each other tightly coming to grip with the
strength we’d need to withstand each other.

     After a while Carrie pushed back and took a deep
breath. “You need to know the whole story, but I won’t be able to tell you.”
Shame crossed her face. “I would end up having a panic attack in the middle of
it.”

     I wanted to kick someone’s ass for putting that shame and
sadness in her eyes. “That’s the last thing I want, but I don’t want to go
searching on the internet like some information junky either.”

     Carrie’s face paled. “No, I don’t want you to learn it
from there. They don’t have the whole story anyway. Some things weren’t
released to the press.” She grimaced in discomfort. “I could get the police
reports, or…there’s someone you could talk to that knows the whole story.”
Carrie shifted off my lap to stand and took a step back.

      I sat and waited patiently for her to reveal said
person. She seemed uneasy about telling who it was. I hoped like hell it wasn’t
her mom. 

     She looked me in the face, determination in her
expression. My heart swelled for her. “Remember I told you I was hospitalized
for a year.”

     I nodded.

    “There was a doctor there who helped me deal with what
happened; a Dr. Mona Mathews. She can tell you the whole story and if you have
any questions she could probably answer them for you.”

     “I’ll only talk to her if you’re comfortable with me
speaking to her. The last thing I want to do is push you and cause you more
anxiety.” I stood up and went to wrap her in my arms. When she was near my need
to touch her was compulsive. She wound her arms around my waist snuggling into
me like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Hell, Carrie, I don’t even
have to know the story. It’s in your past and all I care about is here and now,
and the future. Shit, if we’re going to dwell on the past than I have my own
load of crap to wade through.”

     She started shaking in my arms and I looked down to see
her laughing into my chest, and that dispelled some of the tension between and
around us. I smiled. “You know I’m right; that’s why you’re laughing.”

      “A bunch of brazen, self-centered, vengeful coed’s
is
pretty daunting.” Carrie tried to sound somber but just ended up giggling. 

     I groaned at the description. It described perfectly
all my previous hook-ups. “I’m done with brazen, self-centered, vengeful coeds.
I’m more interested in one naïve, selfless, bighearted coed.”

     Carrie scowled. “Naïve, I don’t think I like that
description. I’m not a child or stupidly trusting.”

     “But you are refreshingly innocent.” I tickled her
waist and she jerked backwards with a surprised burst of laughter. It made me
feel ten feet tall when I got her to laugh like that.

Chapter Twenty-three

Carrie

     “No, stop, stop!” Squealing with laughter I tried
wriggling away from Nic but he followed me with those torturous fingers. I fell
over onto the bed and he continued tickling me up and down my sides. No matter
how sad I got he seemed to always be able to make me laugh. 

     Suddenly, there was a pounding on the wall. “Hey, if
she’s laughing like that then you’re not doing it right; unless she’s laughing
at the size of you junk.”

     Nic paused in his torment at the pounding on the wall
and I gasped in some much needed air, but at that comment my hand flew over my
mouth to cover the additional laughter those words brought on.

     Nic looked affronted. “That’s not funny.” He growled
diving in again. 

     I shrieked behind my hand and arched in reaction to a
very sensitive spot. Abruptly, Nic stopped. Smiling and breathing hard I looked
up as he knelt over me on the bed. Eyes that had been smiling brightly in
amusement had transformed to an intense emerald green.

     “It’s crazy what you do to me.” He said huskily.

     My heart almost burst at the emotion in those words and
in his eyes. Bending down slowly he kissed me softly with little sips and tugs,
but the kiss quickly changed to fierce and hungry. I loved it when he kissed me
this way, with everything he had. I returned it just as eagerly tangling my
tongue with his.

     Reaching up I ran my fingers in his hair like I’d
wanted to last night. His soft curls wrapped around my fingers as I gripped
them trying to tug him a little closer. Instead of coming down on top of me he
laid down next to me. Rolling toward him I pressed myself against his body
needing his heat and hardness against mine. Everything in me yearned for it.

      Nic’s hand gripped my waist and the heat of his touch
moved up toward my chest until it settled over my breast. I gasped at the
contact and Nic’s hand stilled. He pulled back from the kiss to look into my
face and his eyes burned into mine. I was panting after those kisses but also
because his hand remained on my breast.

     “Is this okay?” He asked hoarsely. 

     Too embarrassed to answer, but utterly enthralled by
everything he was making me feel, I tugged his head down for another kiss. Nic
answered my kiss with a groan and by squeezing the sensitive flesh of my
breast, causing them to swell and tingle. I could feel my nipple stabbing into
his palm through my bra and sweater.

     I moaned at the incredible feelings. Wanting more I
arched into his touch. His thumb rubbed over my nipple making it even harder
and electricity shot from that spot down to my sex pulling a whimper from me. I
had to pull my mouth from his to draw in some breaths. When I did his mouth
trailed down to my neck sucking, and nibbling, and licking. My head fell back
offering him more.

     He took it, traveling up to my ear. His fingers pinched
my nipple and I cried out at the burning sensation.
So good!
Mindlessly,
I pushed against him trying to quench the ache that was building. The hardness
and heat of his arousal pressing into my mound excited me beyond measure. He
pushed back and his penis rubbed that special spot from last night and a sharp
punch of pleasure hit me.

     “Oh god.” I gasped, both fearful and incredibly aroused
by what was happening.

     Nic panted into my neck. “That feels good, right?” He
pressed into me again delivering another punch of pleasure.

     I held tight to his hair my body shuddering in ecstasy.
“Yes, yes, too good.” I whispered thickly.

     “It can never be too good.” He lay back on the bed
pulling me over him with my legs falling to each side of his thighs, my hips
flush with his pressing down on his hardness. His lips latched onto mine wildly
and both his hands went to my butt grabbing onto each cheek.

     The touch startled me and I almost pulled away, but
then Nic began rubbing my groin into his and instead I cried out.
Yes!

     Nic pulled his mouth from mine. “Still too good?” He
asked gutturally.

    I stuffed my head into his hot chest. “Yes…no….” I
couldn’t think past the delight of each push and rub. He didn’t even have to
press me down any more, I was doing it myself. One of his hands came up to my
nape to lift my head so he could take my mouth again while the other continued
guiding my hips. His lips devoured mine as he seemed to lose control.

     A throbbing ache was building inside of me making me
tremble and tense atop him. My breasts rubbed against his chest with each
movement that we made down below causing prickly energy to spread out everywhere.
The throbbing became a pulse that centered in my sex and I gasped and pressed,
whimpered and pushed, cried out and rubbed until it tightened painfully.

     I pulled my mouth from his. “Nic…oh god?” I sobbed at
the incredible pleasure.

     His hips arched up into mine as he gasped below me.
“Just let it come, baby.” He panted. “It’s going to feel so good.”

     Both his hands were on my butt again pressing me into
him hard as he circled and rubbed. The tightening continued to become
excruciatingly painful until suddenly I exploded. Pressing my face into his
chest I sobbed as indescribable rapture flooded me. My insides kept clenching
and releasing as the ecstasy surged over me in waves. I unconsciously bit into
his chest never wanting it to end.

     “Oh shit.” Nic gasped. “Fuck!” Nic bellowed below me
jerking hard upwards with his hips again and again. The action only made the
zings of pleasure stronger as they shook me over and over until I finally
slumped in depletion.

     I came back to awareness slowly. Breathing heavily I
lay sprawled out on top of Nic as aftershocks of delight trembled through me.
His body was relaxed and his hands were caressing my back leisurely but his
breaths were just as rough as mine.

     “What was that?” I whispered shakily even though I knew
what
it was. It had just been so amazingly intense.

     “That was a prelude to heaven.” Nic grunted gruffly
kissing the top of my head. “I got carried away again; it seems to keep
happening around you. You okay?”

     Suddenly, mortification swept through me at what we’d
just done. We’d just had what accounted to clothed sex in the morning with
other people in house who could have heard us. Not too long ago someone had
banged on the wall because they’d heard me laughing. How loud had I been
during…that? And I was going to have to face Nic here any second, too. I don’t
think I could look him in the eye after that or anyone else in this house. 

     “Oh my, god!” I whispered in an agony of embarrassment.

     Hands that had been stroking me tenderly firmed on my
back. “I know what’s going on in your mind and there’s nothing to be
embarrassed about. What we did was natural. We care about each other so it’s
doubly natural. If anyone is going to be mortified it will be me because I came
in my jeans and made a real mess. I’m going to have to wash up again.”

     I wasn’t sure if that made me feel any better, but it
did cause me to smile self-consciously. “Do you think anyone heard us?” I
whispered nervously.

     “I don’t think so, the walls are pretty thick. Landon’s
next to us and he probably went back to sleep after he banged on the wall. If
anyone heard anything it was me swearing and that could have been from stubbing
my toe or something random like that.”

     I wasn’t sure if I should believe him, but there wasn’t
anything I could do about it now anyway. Nic rolled me over to my back and
looked down at me. His gaze was heavy-lidded, warm, and sated. I tried my best
to not look discomfited, but I don’t think I was succeeding.

     A tender smile curved his lips. Bending down he kissed
me softly, moving lovingly and gently over my lips. My eyes stung faintly with
emotional tears and I couldn’t help but respond; the sensations he roused in me
both physically and emotionally were too strong for me to hold back anything.
My hand stroked and caressed his chest as those potent feelings rose up once
more. My mouth opened to take and receive more. It wasn’t long before our
breathing turned heavy all over again.

     Nic pulled away suddenly, his eyes no longer sated but
smoldering. He jumped up from the bed. “Sorry, I can’t let you take advantage
of me again. I want you to respect me.” He teased huskily.

     I gapped at him. He gave me wicked smile and turned to
his dresser taking out another pair of boxers and jeans. “Let me go get cleaned
up and then we can finally get some breakfast. I’m hungry woman.” He walked
into the bathroom and shut the door.

     I flopped back on the bed.
Did he just blame that on
me
? I covered my face and couldn’t help but smile at his silliness. God, I
lov…

      I sat up in alarm hugging myself. No! I couldn’t go
there yet. If I admitted
that
, even subconsciously, it would completely
wreck me later when he walked away. I knew I was living in self-denial because
no matter what it was going to destroy me, but I had to try and make myself
believe it. I shivered in foreboding.

     When Nic exited the bathroom I made use of it as well;
feeling a puddle down south. Afterwards, he took my hand and led me downstairs.
We walked into the kitchen to the sight of Seth in jeans and a t-shirt making
breakfast. It looked like
a lot
of scrambled eggs mixed with sausage and
a half a loaf of toasted bread.

     Unsure of his view of me after last night, or if he’d
heard me upstairs, I found it difficult to meet his gaze, but the crooked smile
he gave me seemed to hold no veiled judgment and I relaxed to some extent. 

     “You guys hungry, I’ve made enough.” He offered.

     Nic pulled me to the table and made me sit. “I’m
starving.” He went to the cupboards and began pulling out plates, glasses and
silverware. I watched as the two of them worked like a well-oiled machine
getting breakfast ready. It was quite fascinating.

     “Do you guys do covert restaurant work on the side?
I’ve worked in restaurants that don’t run as smoothly as you two do in a
kitchen.”

     Nic had already set the table and was retrieving milk
and orange juice from the refrigerator. He grinned. “We’ve been living together
for two and a half years. We’ve established a certain routine.” He placed the
beverages on the table.

     Evan walked into the kitchen and my anxiety ratcheted
up once again. Another person who knew about me. Either of them could have gone
online last night to find out about my past.

     He offered me a smile but it held a certain
circumspection to it. My return smile wobbled. Looking down I fiddled with my
silverware.

     “Uhgg.”

     I looked up at the sound of pain. Evan was standing
near Seth rubbing his left shoulder and they were both scowling at each other.
Nic was also glowering, at Evan. I saw Seth’s gaze flicker my way briefly.

     “Keep your fingers out of the pan.” He growled, staring
daggers at Evan.

     Evan’s expression displayed utter confusion. “What, I…”

     “Yeah, you’ll
ruin
the whole breakfast.” Nic
barked angrily. He had a roll of paper towel in his hands which he used to hit
Evan over the head with as he walked past on his way over to the table. He set
it down in the middle before sitting down next to me.

     “You want orange juice or milk?” Nic held up both
beverages toward me.

     “Uh, I guess orange juice, please.” I answered
uncertainly. The anger I’d just witnessed over fingers in food seemed a bit
overly excessive and I had to wonder if that was what it was really about. That
it might have been about me made me hot with humiliation.

     “Yeah…sorry.” Evan apologized. “Should have known
better.” He went about getting his own placement settings for the table.

     Seth was finished cooking and Evan helped him bring
everything to the table. Nic grabbed my plate and dished a scoopful of eggs and
sausage mix onto it along with some toast. I looked down at it and swallowed
down the nausea that rose up. I might have been hungry, but I wasn’t any
longer.

     “Hey, you okay?” Nic asked, rubbing my back and looking
at me with concern.

    
No, not really
. Would I be okay…I wouldn’t know
until Nic knew everything and decided.

     “I’m not really all that hungry. Can I use your phone
and call that person we were talking about?” I asked quietly.

     “You should eat something.” Nic urged.

     I gave him a weak smile. “I must still be full from
last night. You made me eat too much.” I complained teasingly.

     Nic frowned at me in concern, but pulled the phone from
his pocket. “Remember what I told you; no matter what.” He gave me kiss on the
cheek and handed me the phone.

     I nodded and walked from the room feeling anything but
reassured. It cost too much to hope.