Nice Guys Don't Finish Last (23 page)

The
sun beamed through the window shades, forcibly kissing my eye lids, as I was swallowed by my large bed. My old Mariah Carey “Butterfly” poster gazed at my frail body trying to fall back asleep. But the events from yesterday would not escape my mind, and I don’t know how I’m going to cope with not being able to have sex with Abdul out of respect for my mother. This helps me appreciate the freedom of having my own place.

My body felt so lazy, I didn’t even want to lift up. I wasn’t sure if I felt that way due to stress or from Abdul tossing me around last night, either way… I wasn’t prepared to deal with anything.

It’s been so long since I’ve stayed in this room, and it feels like yesterday when I would sneak guys in & out of my window after meeting them on “Adam 4 Adam”. It was a hassle trying to be mischievous without my mother hearing a beat. But at the end of the day, my mission was accomplished and I would get away with everything I’ve done. It could be broad daylight and she wouldn’t know someone was in the house because I was able to cover my tracks, unlike other people who try to commit scandalous crimes. I could cheat on Abdul right now & he’d never know, but I left my whorish ways in my promiscuous days. I was still lost trying to find who I was as a person, and did any & everything.

I had a drug dealer named Casper, who’d regularly stop by to have random oral sessions with me. He was easily the best ‘head giver’ I’ve ever encountered. Most ‘dl’ guys sucked (no pun intended) at giving head or refused to do it. But Casper should’ve had a full-time career at oral sex because he literally blew my socks & caused me to knock my head on several pieces of furniture. Every guy I’ve been with has expressed how legit my ‘head game’ is, but I could not compete with Casper!

I would only call on him to receive head, which is rare because I hate for anyone to touch my penis. He was light skin with gold fronts that covered his entire four front teeth with scruffy facial hair, long corn rows & baggy Enyce attire. Not particularly my type, but his sex completely overshadowed his musty stench & bad clothing.

“Damn shawty, I swear you got the biggest dick,” he said while the veins in my manhood burst out the seams of his fingers. As I laid my head on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling!

“Can you stop touching it,” I asked politely. “Why? You know I love sucking it,” he said as he licked the top of the head. As much as I wanted to push him away, I was afraid he would pistol whip or shank me to death.
“I just don’t like for it to be touched.”
“You crazy, cuz! If I had a dick this big, I’d fuck every bitch, nigga, dog & cat in sight,” he laughed playing with my penis on top of his tongue. “Just lay back nigga, I don’t bite.”
I buried my face under my pillow to eye contact with him & screaming aloud. The slurping sounds increased channeling the beats per measurements I hear during my recording sessions. He deep throated my ten inch, like was a toothbrush flossing through his mouth. I’ve never thought God could create such a powerful tongue in my life.
His head moved in an off-beat motion stroking faster & faster, as I bit strongly into the pillow lying on my face. My veins pulsated in his mouth, and it got him overly aroused.
“Awww shit, I’m about to cum,” I whispered as he pulled my penis out of his mouth & began stroking it in his hand. Faster & faster, harder & harder as my knees shook in the air & my feet curled up in the sheets.
“Nicolas, why is this door locked,” my mother knocked on the door angrily.
“Oh shit,” I whispered to Casper as he pulled his pants up running quietly to my window.
“Hold on, mother. I just got out the shower, I don’t have on any clothes,” I lied shouting through the door trying to help him escape out the window.
“Boy, if you don’t open this damn door. I cleaned up your diapers when you were little, and helped you aim your peeder weeder in the toilet,” she yelled through the door.
“Yo, I ain’t feelin’ this shit man. I don’t climb windows,” he whispered.
“I know, but you have to,” I said as he climbed down the water-pipe leading to the ground and I closed the window behind him, and walked towards the door to open it for my mother.
“Hey ma.”
“Don’t hey ma, me! I was trying to show you this,” she said displaying a flyer about a singers-songwriter’s contest in Laurel, MD that I later won.
“Aah shit,” someone screamed outside.
“What was that,” she asked.
“I don’t know. Probably one of those junkies,” I responded.
“You know what? I’m going to call the police about that because I didn’t move out the hood, just for the hood to follow me.”
“Yeah, well ma I have to finish getting dressed. Thanks for the flyer,” I said.
“Your welcome. Those damn junkies,” she said walking out the room. As I ran to the window to see that Casper was lying on the ground with a sprained ankle. I just knew he was going to shoot me, but he understood why I took action considering he’s on the ‘low’ too. Those were the good days!
While I remained in deep thought, there was a knock on my door.
“Come in!”
“Good morning, baby,” Abdul said walking in the room on his cane in a tank top and basketball shorts.
“Hey, what’s up.”
“Nothing. You sleep good,” he asked as I shook my head no.

“Me either. I got a call from Detective Roland.” “What did he say,” I asked.
“He said the condo was insured, but they won’t cover

the charges.”
“What? Why?”
“Apparently, they are suggesting that one of us left a

dish towel on the stove top!”
“Okay, so…”
“So, obviously they are saying the oven was on.” “The oven,” I asked.
“Yes, the oven you baked your pizza in,” he responded. “Oh my God.”
“Yeah.”
“I was in such a rush, that I forgot to turn it off.” “I see!”

The
awkwardness was in the air, as the madness translated from the palms of my mom’s hands through the accelerator. The sun would not neglect my face, in fact, insisted on beaming in my eyes ignoring the sun blocker.

My mother’s silence drove me insane as if nothing ever happened, but the aggression in her driving contradicted her calmness. How could she stay with a guy who don’t appreciate the great woman she is? Father or not, he totally fucked up and what he did is wrong. However, they have to continue to make it work the best way they can. As I expressed to them before, God wants them to compromise & sought out their problems. This is no exception, at least do it for me & the church.

“Are you ready for today’s sermon,” she smiled. “Not really.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t pretend like everything’s okay when

they aren’t,” I pouted.
“Yes, you can. Just leave it in God’s hands and
everything will be alright,” she sworn.
“Mommy, don’t take offense to what I’m about to say…
but…” I paused, as her eyes remained on the road. “How do you
brush things off so easily?”
She sat in silence holding back her tears, pulling the top
of her sun hat down in her face.
“Can we please not talk about this now,” she asked. “Mommy, I just want to know how you find the strength
to pretend like everything is okay. Even though, I do want you
two to stay together!”
“Well for years I’ve tried to maintain what we had for
the sake of my children, but you & your brother are grown now.
So I have to do what’s best for me.”
“But I’m sure you two can make it work. I’ve always
thought the relationship was perfect--- too perfect.”
“That is where the problem lays, son. I built a façade to
overshadow the pain & destruction your father caused. It worked
for so long that I became numb to it,” she bit down her lip. All I
could feel was the reaper ripping my soul out & erasing any
great moment I had with my father. It’s almost like the 60s when
the community found out MLK got shot.
“What are we gonna do,” I asked.
“Well, you’re going to continue to be his son. Don’t
worry about me, God will guide & tell me what I need to do,”
she said while a tear dropped.
“Mom, you can’t cry. It took you two hours to beat your
face.”
“Excuse me. What do you know about a woman beating
her face,” she laughed.
“Well, I do have female friends.”
“Mmmhmm… I want you to know if you ever have to
talk about anything, I’m here to listen & not judge,” she said
looking in my eyes. Is she telling me she wants me to come out
to her?
“I will keep that in mind.”
We arrived in the church’s sanctuary, and it was
showtime. Lights, cameras, action & we both played our roles as
if we were royalty like the Obamas. It didn’t bother me staging
an ‘act’ because it made me feel higher than anyone else. “Go to the music room, and tell the choir they go in five
minutes,” she said.
“Okay,” I said as I walked down the basement floor and
saw many bystanders on the wall whispering. In the midst of
opening the door, I heard chatter outside the room & when I
walked in the door, it was an utter silence.
“Hello everyone,” I said.
“Hey Delmar,” one of the girl’s said holding her hand in
the air as if she was handicapped followed by other people
laughed.
“What was that for,” I irritably asked.
“Oh nothing! My hand just hurt,” she said.
“Oh well, you need to get that checked out.” “Hey Delmar, have fun at Mount Vernon,” she said. “Excuse me.”
“What is it they say? Oh yeah, we know your tea,” the
girl Vanessa laughed.

I
sat in the waiting room area for my four fifteen appointment with Natalie, as Judge Judy yelled at a black girl for being ‘too sassy’. As hilarious as Judy is, I would rather take a break from hearing any estrogen carrier yelling for no apparent reason. I’ve heard enough of that by Patricia for the past three weeks.

Since Nico & I been living with her, everything has gotten worst. Things didn’t work out with Nico & Def Jam, the changes has affected him in a negative way during his performance & meeting with them! I’m still on work leave until next month and we can’t afford to get another place right now. I won’t be able to get Nahla because I don’t have my own place, and I refuse to keep my daughter in that a cruel environment.

After the house burned down, I subconsciously distanced myself from him and don’t know how to deal with it. Things are rougher than a road under construction!

His mother drives me nuts to the point I want to be out the house, unless she’s asleep. Despite the ongoing drama, I planned a birthday cookout for Nico a few weeks ago gathering his closest friends and family. Ms. Patricia had the nerve to curse me out in front of his guests about hot dogs that weren’t on the grill by three O’ clock, when only two minutes had pass by. On top of that, she removed the air mattress from the computer room because it’s suddenly taking too much space. I now have to sleep on her hard ass floor with a disabled back. She even gave us a curfew: we can’t be in each other’s room after ten p.m., nor walk in the house after midnight. I am glad she thinks we’re twelve year olds! I appreciate her for allowing us to stay with her, but I would have been at peace living in a homeless shelter.

My homeboy Alex, who drilled with me in 2007 in Iraq, stays on base in Atlanta & offered me a place to stay. Even has connects with government jobs, but I don’t want to leave Nico by himself. I want us to share a future back in my hometown, but he doesn’t care for the city. He’d get too homesick being a week without his mother. However, that’ll be my way to stay with my daughter & she’s more important than anything else.

“Yes, chile. Well you know I was in a car accident that’s why I’m here,” a feminine light skin boy with a feathered wrap said on his phone as I focused on the television trying to tune him out.

“So he cheated on him with ten guys,” he gossiped, shaking his permed hair with his high-pitched voice.
“What? And he didn’t get signed to Def Jam. That’s what the hell he deserves! First his house got burned down. Everything is catching up with him,” he shook his head, as my ears immediately tuned in.
“Bitch, you are lying! So he slept with stank breath Marc, Jeremey, Deandre, Kenny, Diante & Tony.”
My lungs locked uncomfortably, as I eavesdropped during a stranger’s conversation. Arguably, it could be coincidence that the same occurrences happened to another person. I will not assume his references are about Nico, until further notice.
“His poor boyfriend doesn’t even have a clue. I heard he is fine too. I’ve never seen him before though,” he said. “What? I didn’t know they were together going on four years. He doesn’t like playing step-mom to his boyfriend either. Isn’t he in the Navy or something,” he asked the person on the other line, as it was confirmed he was indeed gossiping about us. “What’s his name again?”
“Abdul,” I said, as he turned around & looked at me like I was wrong for jumping in his conversation. Ironically, he discussed my personal business.
“Excuse me,” he frowned his face.
“His name is Abdul.”
“Who’s name?”
“Nico’s boyfriend,” I said confidently.
“Oh. You know him?”
“Yeah, I’m Abdul,” I said as his eyes widened and his mouth quivered embarrassingly.
“Oh my God, I am so sorry,” he genuinely apologized.
“Naw, it’s all good. You have to be careful telling other people’s business though. It’s not right,” I said nonchalantly leaving out of the waiting room door, losing gravity in a state of shock. My legs weakened & I suddenly broke down, the aggravation over time has escalated. How do you let this marinate?
At Nico’s cookout, I observed the way Nico & Tony interacted with each other. I could vomit just imagining them two kissing & fucking each other. This is far too much to marinate, at this moment I can just rip his head off his frail shoulders. No telling what I will do to him when I get home.
I walked back in the waiting room, and saw the guy staring into space seemingly embarrassed.
“Tell me all you know,” I said to him, as he looked at me expressionless.

I’ve
spent two hours preparing dinner for Abdul & I, as my mother ran a few errands. I know we’ve been climbing Rocky Mountains, so this is the least I can do for him. My mother has not been the easiest person to live with, in fact, I have learned so much more about her in the past few weeks that I never thought prior to living back here.