Nice Guys Don't Finish Last (18 page)

After
that confrontation with Jeremey, I was irritable for the remainder of the day. All I wanted was get back home from being in the heat. I didn’t want to call my father because he would question me about who dropped me off & left me to burn at McDonald’s. The setting would seem suspicious, and how can I explain to him about an argument between my boyfriend and I.

One thing’s for sure, I refuse to catch a bus. I wouldn’t even know how to insert the money in the machine, if I had to. My parents avoided me from dealing with inner-city kids, and made sure I was chauffeured around. Of course, I’m aware it’s a problem now I’m older. But it’s not my fault!

“Yo, what are you doing,” a text said. It was none other than Anton, a message delivered from my Heavenly Father.
“Nothing. Stranded on Liberty Road trying to get to Towson,” I texted in hopes of him offering to commute me to the mall. I hate the word ‘no’, so I tussled with myself about the question. I recall hurling a tantrum at my high school because the choir director chose Montaz Washington to sing the male solo for our “Christmas Chorale” performance.
Montaz was an opportunist, who stepped on everyone’s toes to receive the solos he sought. The Christmas Chorale was the most celebrated event of the year, and people all over the country derive to see us perform & it’s important to get at least one solo.
Rumors flew around about Montaz’s intimate relationship with the choir director, Mr. Winston. It was no way in hell he received three solos based on his voice alone. He was a below average tenor, who shouted outside of his limited range to reach notes he could only dream of. How does someone call themselves a singer and have no idea what a ‘crescendo’ is?
When news hit I had no solo, the music room looked like Woodstock ran twice by the time I was through with it. I wanted to challenge Montaz to sing “Silent Night” against me, but everyone knew that I was the Florence to his Diana. There was no way he sung that song better than me; my short-temper earned me a place in the principal’s office and a three day suspension from school. When people say ‘no’ to me, I don’t take it lightly. So I save myself the drama by not asking a potential ‘no’ question!
“Oh for real? I’m already on Liberty Road, I can take u to the mall if you want me to, shorty,”
the text replied.
Bingo, I didn’t even have to ask!

The
visit to the physical therapist replayed in my mind over & over again pausing at the moment I fell to the ground.
“Get up Abdul, you can do it,” Natalie’s voice transcended in my head. Why was I making something I had no control over a big deal? It’s a miracle I was even blessed to have feeling in my legs again & stand on my two feet. It was a ninety percent chance that I wouldn’t be able to do that.
I opened the bottle of Grey Goose, and watched the rain pour from the couch view. It felt good to relax by myself & get some time to think in peace. Independence is one of the qualities lost in translation, and being treated like a child isn’t bearable.
“Hey babe,” Nico said walking in the door with a smile on his face. What started as an hour of freedom… instantly became the elements of bondage once I’ve seen that grin!
“Hey,” I responded with vodka in hand, sighing at what could have been an empowering private party.
“I don’t think you should be drinking that,” he laughed.
“I knew you would say that. I just needed a buzz.”
“Yeah, well I think you need to empty it,” he smiled.
“What are you so happy about,” I asked.
“I’m just happy to see you & be home, that’s all,” he smiled lying on top of me and my mood suddenly changed.
“Awww baby, I’m happy to see you too. I didn’t expect for you to be home so early though.”
“Yeah, I had a conference call with some reps from Def Jam/ Island today and they are interested in me.”
“Are you serious… baby, that’s great,” I screamed in excitement.
“Yes, they want to meet with me next Wednesday to perform samples of my work.”
“That is amazing! All of your hard work is finally paying off.”
“Goodbye to that Ledisi show! The world better watch out for me because Nico Bilal is on his way,” he exclaimed holding the vodka bottle in his hand like it was a microphone.
“Well you have to get signed first, babe.”
“I know, but you have to claim it as yours. You always taught me that.”
“You are right,” I said facing him hoping he wouldn’t do anything stupid like call Ledisi’s manager to tell them to look for another back-up singer.
“I’m not going to do anything stupid, Abdul. I know that look,” he reassured me.
“I didn’t say anything. What are you going to perform?”
“I don’t know.”
“Sing the memories song, you let me hear.”
“Oh yeah, I should re-record since I scrapped Delmar off from it,” he said as I felt a bubble form in my throat.
“Yeah, you should sing it.”
“I’ll think about it. I also went to the Cheesecake Factory with my mother today, and we had an argument about you. And I stood up for you.”
“Wow… you did,” I asked.
“Yes, I just got tired of her down-talking you, and I basically told her that as long as we stay together, she has to respect you.”
“Wow, how did she take that?”
“She didn’t really want to hear it, but I had to finally put my foot down. I also told her I never felt she was an affectionate person. She hasn’t shown me affection & that cycle was passed down to me.”
“You told her that?”
“Yeah,” his smile disappeared.
“Babe, I don’t think you should’ve told her that,” I disagreed.
“Well, that’s how I always felt. There has been something missing in our relationship all of our lives,” he frowned.
“But you can’t blame her for you not being affectionate. Don’t forget how affectionate you were when we first started dating.”
“That’s true, but you have to understand that our relationship is not based on affectionate love. It has always been based on materialistic things.”
“I never knew you felt that way.”
“Yeah, neither did my mother! Enough about me… how was therapy,” he asked.
“I’d rather not talk about it,” I said calmly.
“Why what happened? Did she say you aren’t doing your leg warm ups, as you should?”
“Nic, I really don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I mean did you fall or something? Why can’t you just tell me…”
“Nico drop it,” my voice began to rise.
“Abdul, just tell me…”
“Nicolas, I said fucking drop it. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m like a fucking scarecrow, just leave me alone about it,” I yelled as Nico calmly got off of me & stormed into the master bedroom locking the door.

The
seasonings from the sunflower seeds marinated in my mouth, and shells rubbed against my gums as I spit them on a used paper towel. These seeds represent the way I feel right now. I’ve been letting my guards down, just for Abdul to chew me up & spit me back out. I’ve called myself giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I see this as a red flag of him going back to his old ways. When one seems to make it work, the other is resistant. For once, can we be on the same page?

I was afraid that if I allowed myself to be sensitive to his feelings, then he’d start being an asshole again. I know this has occurred once recently, but it only takes one time to open the door for plenty. All I wanted to know was how the therapy session was, it didn’t have to blow up in my face the way it did. I spent a whole hour defending him over lunch today, and this is what I get in return. That’s why my mother always told me to keep my guards up with people.

There was a knock on the door, but I did not plan on responding to it.
“Babe, let me in the room. I apologize for lashing out on you,” Abdul said from the other side of the door, as I continued ‘to eat, spit & be happy’ with my sunflower seeds.
Two months ago, I would have easily fought off the apology, and cursed him out until he cried. But I’m tired of living in drama & self-destruction. So I quietly unlocked the door & opened it. I avoided any eye contact with him, while sitting back on the bed.
“Do you hear me,” he asked.
“Yes I hear you,” I said calmly, cracking the sunflower seeds in my mouth.
“So you’re not mad at me,” he asked.
“No, why should I be mad? It’s you who doesn’t want to talk to me about your day. Not me, I respect you enough to give the space you need when you’re ready to tell me.”
“Ummm, is this a dream or something,” he astonishly asked.
“No, why,” I laughed.
“Oh, I get it… you must be plotting my death or something. Did you catch a fever because I’ve never seen this ‘Nico’ before,” he asked covering my forehead with his hand.
“Boy, get the hell off of my head,” I snatched away.
“Oh okay, there’s the Nico I know.”
“I’m not up to anything, there’s just no reason to always argue back & forth. I’m working on a new me,” I smiled cracking a seed with my teeth.
“A new you, huh?”
“Yes, a new me! But don’t test me, super bitch is still in here.”
“Oh, I’m sure. I apologize for yelling at you,” he said.
“It’s okay. Are you fine with talking about it now?”
“Yeah, basically I fell trying to walk to the wall. I was that close—,” he gestured his index finger & thumb.
“Well babe, you can’t rush the process. Just continue to be motivated & I’m sure you will learn how to walk again, eventually.”
“You are right. P.s. I’m really feeling this new attitude.”
“Yeah, yeah. Just don’t try to get over on me.”

Anton
had dropped me off at the church, and I was thrilled that he bought three outfits for me at Nordstrom’s. I could barely get Jeremey to buy me anything from H&M, let alone three outfits from Nordstrom’s.

Anton seemed like a pretty cool guy, but he was the true definition of what Ty would call “a bottom trying to be a top”. In his Facebook pictures, he looked real hood with fronts in his mouth, tatted to the Gods. But in “real life”, he acts like one of my good girlfriends whose going to the nail salon with me to get a pedicure. There’s not much we can do with each other, sexually. I want a masculine guy, hell even if I dealt with a DL guy I’d hardly care. But two bottoms rubbing their “bussys” together ain’t cutting it over here.

At least I can say that Jeremey was my type, he just whines too damn much for me. I’m not saying I will never get back with him, but right now isn’t the time for that weak, sensitive shit. It’s getting hotter, and no one wants to be tied down. So even, if Anton isn’t my type, he’s going to stay around because he’s good for spending money. Ty would be so proud of me.

“Hey everyone,” I smiled carrying my bags wearing only a tank top & skinny jeans.
“Delmar, you look so cute boy,” Vanessa, one of the choir girls said. I don’t know why these hot hussies in the church always flirt with me; they know I’m not into the fish.
“Thanks precious. What song have you guys been working on, since I’ve been gone,” I asked.
“We’ve been working on the bridge to Hezekiah Walker’s ‘God Favored Me’ the altos need more work though. I’m sure you’ll be able to assist us though, Mr. Perfect Ear,” Vanessa laughed.
“Well, you know me, I am the best at what I do,” I laughed along with her.
“Okay, everyone I’m in the building so you know everything I say goes. I want everyone to spit their gum out, take a swig of water… do what you do, but we need to warm our vocals up a bit. There’s something I saw a choir on Youtube do and I wanted to bring in here to flex those vocal cords,” I said leading the choir together with my hands and listen to my directions.
“Timmy, give me a chord on the piano,” I whispered to the piano man.
“Cool boss,” Timmy said.
“Give me a under middle C for the Altos, give me something funky for the bass & tenors, and the sopranos will hit over middle C.”
“I’m on it,” he said.
“Okay, Tenors I want you to sing the phrase ‘
If you liked it’
.
“If you liked it,” the tenors sung together.
“Good good, but I want you to shout it a bit. Give some oomph,” I said as they stared at me like I was crazy. “Go ahead, and sing it again.”
“IF YOU LIKED IT,” they harmonized.
“Yes yes yes, I love it. Okay, altos… I want you to do the same line, but a little higher.”
“IF YOU LIKED IT,” the altos sung.
“YESSSS, you guys are giving me exactly what I need right now. Sopranos, the same line but higher!”
“IF YOU LIKED IT,” the sopranos sung. But someone’s voice cracked in the middle of hitting the note.
“Ewww, someone sound horrible. I need the sopranos to do that again.”
“IF YOU LIKED IT.”
“Okay that’s better, now I want you guys to go in sequential order. Tenors then altos then sopranos! One, two, three…”
“If you liked it, If you liked it, IF YOU LIKED IT!”
“Naw, I didn’t like that. Let’s reverse it a bit, Sopranos first… Altos second & Tenors last.”
The choir sung the phrase in sequential order three times in a row, sounding like a match made in heaven. How could a group of singers kill something so simple in the matter of a minute?
“Okay, now I want you guys to add the phrase
‘Then you should’ve put a ring on it’
.
The choir burst into laughter and expressed how idiotic I was for singing an R&B song in gospel form. They had an idea that it was the song I had them do, but they didn’t think it was “Single Ladies” because they believe I don’t listen to music outside of gospel which is far from the truth, since it’s the genre I want to sing.
The choir unexpectedly did their own thing adding the ‘uh ohs’ from the song, and Timmy played those keys harder than ever before. The room was filled with church claps, foot taps, snapping fingers, and roaring voices… and we all had a great time in musical heaven. Until, my dad walked in--

“
Baby
baby baby… what’s it going to be,” Prince’s voice crooned throughout the bedroom as Nico sat on the bed humming along to it. It seemed like he wanted an intimate setting for the both of us, but I found nothing sensual about a guy screaming at a girl for her affection, and to see if she’d choose him over her lover. The song sound too close for comfort and the least thing I wanted to hear was Nico bringing up past experiences about cheating & where my heart is in the relationship.