Never Let Go (Take My Hand) (24 page)

“On the next one we should have baby number one,”
Sarah said, encouraging Rachel. “You’re doing amazing, Rachel. Keep going.”

A knock at the door made me look behind me. It seemed
Dexter was the only other person who heard it because he was already heading to
open it. It was the ambulance crew – one female and one male paramedic.
Sarah glanced over to them and briefly filled them in. She told them there was
no time to get her to hospital right away but they should stay here on standby
just in case. In case what? I could only assume she meant if something went
wrong.

“This is it, honey.” Sarah put one hand under the
baby’s head and pressed down on Rachel’s belly with the other. It was amazing,
yet also quite weird, that I could actually
see
her belly contracting as it fought to push the baby out. Every time she
cried out, it swelled and looked rock hard, then it would soften again, giving
Rachel a few moments to breath. “She’s coming! Keep pushing, Rachel. Hard as
you can.”

“ARRRRRGH!”

Wow.

“Oh my God!” I whimpered, throwing both hands over my
mouth. Rachel’s baby girl, her
daughter
,
literally slipped from her body in one fluid movement. With a wide smile, Sarah
scooped her up and showed her to Rachel and Jared. Then, picking up a clean
towel, she gave Baby One a quick rub down, making the tiny girl let out a
gurgling cry, before gently placing her on Rachel’s breast.

“Oh, fuck,” Rachel breathed. Her bottom lip trembled,
making her voice crack. “It’s a baby! Jared we’ve got a
baby
!” She held her daughter close to her chest, never removing her
eyes from her. Jared wrapped one arm around Rachel’s back, and then draped the
other one across her chest, cuddling their newborn together.

“She’s so beautiful, Rach. She’s… she’s…” Jared
stumbled on his words as silent tears caressed his cheeks. “She’s perfect.”

“Do you want to cut the cord before I check the
position of baby number two, Daddy?” Sarah asked. Jared looked at her like
she’d suggested he
eat
it not
cut
it.

“Um… I’ll pass thanks.”

Laughing at his squeamishness, Sarah used a pair of
funny looking scissors to cut the cord near baby’s belly button, then she fixed
a little yellow clip to the stump.

“Rachel, you need to pass Baby to Jared now while we
get ready for round two, okay?” Rachel nodded and kissed the top of Baby One’s
head. Sarah took her and wrapped her up in a tight little bundle inside a towel
and then passed her carefully to Jared. His eyes widened and his back
stiffened. He looked to Sarah as if seeking reassurance that he could actually
do this.

“She’s so tiny. What if I drop her?”

“You’ll hurt her. So don’t,” Rachel interrupted, even
though his question was directed at Sarah.

Another round of examinations began. Sarah needed to
check the position of Baby Two and apparently she could do that by feeling
Rachel’s belly and doing her fingers up the hoohaa trick. It took another
fifteen minutes of screaming, panting and cursing Jared to the depths of hell
for Baby Two to be born, but when she was, I think the paramedics in the
background were the only ones with dry eyes.

“And they’re okay?” Jared asked, never taking his eyes
away from his daughters as he snuggled close to Rachel who held them both
against her chest.

“They look perfectly healthy.” Sarah smiled
reassuringly and then proceeded to do one of the most disgusting things I’ve
ever seen in my life. With one hand pressing on Rachel’s belly and the other
hovering over the loose umbilical cords stick sticking out from Rachel’s body,
she told Rachel to relax. “You’re contracting again so I’m going to attempt to
remove the placenta. It shouldn’t hurt, but might feel a little uncomfortable.”

“I don’t care,” Rachel whispered, mesmerised by her
babies. And then it happened. Sarah pulled free a mass of blood-covered,
vein-filled muscle, and if I said I wasn’t grossed out I would be totally
lying.

“Ugh,” Jared mumbled, wrinkling his nose in disgust as
he watched Sarah check it over.

“You know, they eat that in some countries,” Rachel
said seriously. Jared literally heaved and then fixed his eyes back on his
babies so he didn’t have to look at the lump of disgustingness anymore. “Em? Do
you want to hold one?”

“Yes!” I breathed, emotion swelling in my throat as I
tentatively held out my arms. Putting one hand under Baby Two’s (she was
closest) neck and one under her bottom, I eased her over and settled her into
the crook of my arm, just above the cast on my forearm.

“Hello, little baby,” I cooed, stroking my finger
along her tiny cheek. I’d never felt anything so soft in my life. “They’re
beautiful, you guys.”

“I know,” Jared agreed. “You were amazing, saffy. Our
daughters are perfect. I am the luckiest man in the whole world to have you
three beautiful girls. Thank you, Rachel. Thank you so much.”

After giving Baby Two a little squeeze and a kiss on
the top of the head, I gently placed her back in Rachel’s free arm. She was
adorable but I was more than a little afraid of breaking her.

“Oh shit!” Rachel said, as if suddenly remembering
something. “We don’t have anything here! All their stuff is still at home!”

Of course, Rachel was expecting to be home in London
again before her due date in three weeks time.

“Don’t worry, saffy. As soon as you guys are settled
in the hospital I’ll go out and raid Mothercare.”

“You won’t know what to buy.”

“Then I’ll buy two of everything. Trust me, Rach. The
only thing you need to think about is those two precious girls in your arms.”

“I love you, Jared. I don’t say it often enough, but I
do. I love you, and I want to thank you for loving me too.”

“Wait,” he said, reaching into his pocket and pulling
out his phone. “Say that again once I’ve pressed record.”

“Fuck you,” Rachel spat, laughing at him. “If my arms
weren’t busy holding these little guys, you’d have a black eye by now.”

“Love you too, Rach,” he said with a smile, leaning
over to kiss her cheek. Then his expression and his tone turned serious, and he
added, “so,
so
much.”

Rachel had suffered a second degree tear (did you just
squeeze your thighs together too?) that would need stitching by a doctor, so
once I’d passed Baby Two back and had a hold of Baby One, Sarah did some
‘emergency patchwork’, before helping her clean up and get ready for the
hospital.

We waved them off in the ambulance and said we’d see
them again as soon as visiting times allowed, then I turned to find Dexter with
his arms open wide. I fell eagerly into them and smiled against his chest.

“That was… amazing,” he whispered into my hair.

“I know. And it couldn’t have happened at a better
time. Now we’ll always have a good reason to remember this day. Chris would
want that… for us to smile whenever we think of today.” It seemed so fitting…
saying goodbye to one life and then welcoming two more. I hope wherever Chris
is, he got to see what happened this afternoon, because it was the most magical
experience anyone could ever experience.

“I love you, doll. I can’t wait until I get to hold
you holding
our
baby.”

Whoa…..

Two
years later…

Emily

“Oh my God, Emily I’m so bloody nervous! How the hell
did you do this?”

Today is Rachel and Jared’s wedding day. She stayed at
our house last night with Ana and Ava. Ana and Ava, Rachel’s twins, are named
after two of Rachel’s favourite book characters, although I don’t think Jared
knows that! Caroline, Rachel’s mum, was due here soon to help get her ready and
then Dexter would leave to… well I don’t really know what guys do on the
morning of their wedding, but whatever it is, Dexter was going to help with
that.

Dexter and I got married just over a year ago and it
was without a doubt the happiest and proudest day of my life. I have never felt
so beautiful as I walked down the aisle towards him with all eyes on me.
Linking my dad’s arm, I never took my eyes off Dexter’s as he waited for me in
front of the priest with the most fulfilled and honoured smile on his face. And
I have to say, Dexter in a suit? Phwoar!

“This is the first day of our forever,” he whispered
into my ear when the ceremony was over. And boy has our forever been amazing so
far.

“No no no no no!” we heard Dexter call from the living
room. I rushed towards the noise and Rachel followed behind me. “Let Dexter do
it, sweetheart.” I burst out laughing when I got there and saw what was
happening. Ana and Ava are potty training and Ava, being the most independent
of the two, likes to carry her own potty to the toilet without telling you.
This usually results in a trail of wee and an empty potty by the time she gets
to the actual toilet. “It’s all over my shoes!” he grumbled, taking the potty
from Ava.

“It’s wee, American. Not acid,” Rachel said.

“But piss stinks. I’ll stink of piss all day now.”

“Piss,” Ana repeated with a smile so wide she showed
every one of her tiny white teeth.

“Shit, I meant pee. Dexter meant pee.”

“Shit,” Ava said.

“Piss,” Ana joined in.

“No! Those are bad words. Dexter was bad,” he told
them in a flustered voice.

“Well if you’re done corrupting my daughters, maybe
you should go and make sure Jared has got his arse out of bed?”

“Yeah I’m going,” he replied, handing me the potty
full of wee to take care of. “I’ve just got to stop by the garage first. Dave
needs me to look over something.”

Chris’ Clutches (cheesy? Maybe, but his name deserves
to be forever etched above that door) has gone from strength to strength in the
last couple of years. When Chris passed away we both threw all our efforts into
making the place somewhere he would be proud of. We hired a junior mechanic
first, then we both took a variety of business management courses. After just
six months we needed to hire another, experienced, mechanic, and then six
months after that we bought the building next door and expanded. We now employ
a team of five mechanics and two apprentices and we have firm contracts for a
number of fleet vehicles and taxi firms, as well as a reputable name for
ourselves with the general public.

“Well don’t be late,” I said to him. “And don’t get
dirty!”

“Don’t worry. I’ll take your car and keep my suit in
there then I’ll wash up at Jared’s place.”

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you… Rachel and Jared moved
up to Manchester eight months ago. I don’t think Jared’s father was all that
pleased with their decision at first after the expense he’d laid down on their
first house down south, but he came around eventually and helped them get set
up, up here. Rachel wanted to be closer to her family, which included me and
Dex. Jared doesn’t have that close family bond so he wasn’t too fussed about
where they lived. He makes regular trips back down to London to see them
anyway, especially his uncle Mick and sister Jess.

Obviously the move meant Jared had to give up his job
at the pub, so Dex and I hired him as our Sales Manager. It’s not as fancy as
it sounds. Dexter has been building up old cars and selling them on, in the
hope one day we can branch out into a dealership. Jared’s job is to woo
potential customers, seek out possible buyers and close any sales. That side of
things is going from strength to strength thanks to Jared’s gift of the gab, so
I imagine he’ll soon be a lot busier than he is now.

It’s amazing having them so close by. We see each
other every single day and are chief babysitters for Ana and Ava. I adore those
two little girls as if they were my own. I know Dexter does too. It warms my
heart watching him play with them. He is a natural and will make a great
father.

“Which princess is gonna kiss me goodbye first, huh?”
Dexter said, bending down to Ana and Ava.

“Me, me!” they both said, holding their little arms
up.

“How about you do it at the same time?” He scooped
them up, one in each arm, and puckered his lips, making a kissing sound as they
both kissed a cheek each. “You guys be good for your mommy and Emily, ‘kay?”
Ana and Ava ignored him, giving him a mischievous smile instead. When he
lowered them down, Ava walked over to me and started tugging on my dress.

“Duice, Emmie.”

Emmie. I love how they call me that. It happened by
accident because they couldn’t pronounce my name properly and it makes me smile
every single time as they unintentionally remind me of Chris. Sometimes I
still, even after two years, have moments where I think of him and my chest
feels like it’s been jammed in a vice. I will never stop missing him and I
wouldn’t want to. True to my word, I visit his and our mum’s grave every Sunday
to make sure it’s cared for and surrounded by fresh flowers. Sometimes I go
with Dex, and other times I go alone so I can just sit and talk to him. I like
to think he can hear me, and I’m sure wherever he is he’s looking out for us.
He has to be. Life has been so perfect since he left us and it feels like he’s
somehow steering us in the right direction.

“Juice what, Ava?” Rachel interrupted.

“Peeeese.”

“Good girl. I’ll get you both a juice now,” I said,
smiling down at them. I
still
had the
potty full of wee in my hand so first I took that to our downstairs toilet,
cleaned it out and then went to the kitchen to make juice in their sippy-cups.

“Seriously, Em… I feel sick,” Rachel said as we made
our way back into the dining room where all my makeup and hair styling
equipment was laid on the table.

“You’ll be fine! You’re going to marry the man of your
dreams.”

“Wait, Matt Bomer is coming to the wedding?”

“Mummy, mummy. Mine!” Ana cried, interrupting us. Ava
had stolen her baby and ran off into the corner with it.

“Ava, give your sister her baby back please.”

“No. Mine.”

“Do I need to call Daddy?”

“Yay! Daddy Daddy!”

“Isn’t threatening kids with their dad supposed to
work?” Rachel asked me.

“Maybe if they had a dad who doesn’t give them all
their own way. But Jared would probably just go straight out and buy them like
fifty new babies each so they didn’t have to fight.”

By this time Ana was screaming, but she soon changed
her tune when the front door bell sounded.

“That’ll be my mum,” Rachel said.

“Come on girls, let’s go and let Nanna in.”

“Nanna Nanna!” Ava shouted, dropping the baby on the
floor. Suddenly neither of them were interested in it anymore. Caroline came
in, fully dressed for the wedding, and after saying hello to the girls and plying
them with sweets, she headed into the dining room to Rachel.

“Are you ready for your big day, sweetheart?”

“No,” Rachel spat. “I’m nervous as hell.”

“All brides are nervous on their wedding day. You’ll
be fine.”

“Yeah, that’s what Emily said.”

“Let’s start your hair,” I suggested. “You’ll feel
better when you see how amazing you’re going to look.”

“Fine. But I need coffee while you’re doing it. A
strong one with no milk and six teaspoons of sugar.”

Smiling at her daughter, Caroline disappeared to the
kitchen to brew up.

I started combing through Rachel’s purple hair which
was still damp from her shower this morning. When she first found out she was
pregnant, Rachel tried the ‘mumsy’ look for a while, reverting back to her
natural brown hair, wearing long sleeves to cover her tattoos and taking out
her piercings. That only lasted a couple of months after the twins were born
before she realised she missed being herself.

So now, her piercings are back in place with an added
nose stud and a bar through her tongue (which apparently Jared
loves
), her hair has been all the
colours of the rainbow over the past eighteen months, and today it is purple to
match her sleeveless, plum satin wedding dress.

“I might be nervous, but I’m so fucking happy right
now, ho.”

“We all are. Life’s pretty good isn’t it?”

“Better than I ever could’ve imagined it would be when
we first climbed into your car to head down to London.”

“Yeah. And to think I was the first one who went on a
date with Jared,” I teased.

“Ha! Yes, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for
giving me your sloppy seconds.”

“You’re very welcome,” I joked. “How different things
could’ve turned out.”

And boy am I glad they didn’t.

Life doesn’t get any better than this. I am the
luckiest girl in the entire world.

Dexter

“Jesus, mate I’m so fucking nervous,” Jared said the
second he opened the door to me.

“Language, Jared!” I heard his mom call from the
living room. He rolled his eyes at her and stepped aside to let me through.
Everyone greeted me when I walked into the living room. His house was packed
with relatives and Snickers’ friend Holly from college.

“I’ve come straight from the garage. Mind if I take a
shower and change upstairs?”

“Sure. Knock yourself out.”

I headed upstairs and showered quickly before changing
into my gray suit. I figured as Best Man I had to make the effort so I bought a
new suit especially for the occasion. After combing through my hair and running
some product through it that I found amongst a million bottles of Jared’s shit
(I swear he has more pamper shit than a girl), I headed back downstairs, noting
on my watch that it was almost time to leave.

Jared and I were riding to the church with Aunt Sarah
and Derek and they were due any minute to pick us up. Turns out, Emily’s dad is
actually a pretty decent guy. Hell, I know what guilt can do to a man, and once
it seemed he let go of that, he’s done nothing but treat Em and my Aunt Sarah
like they’re the most important people in the world – which they are of
course. When Chris died he was amazing with Emily. He supported her –
talked when she needed him to, stayed quiet when she didn’t. But most of all he
was just
there
. He was around. He was
a father.

And hey, with all this wedding bell talk I should
probably tell you they are engaged to be married too. My Aunt Sarah has always
been a happy soul. She’s always seen the best in people and dealt with any shit
life threw at her with a smile on her face. But since meeting Derek, she’s
different. She laughs so much more. She dances around the house like she
doesn’t have a care in the world and she sings while she’s cooking. She’s
content. Lighter. Younger almost.

So yes, despite my reservations when I first found out
they were together, I can now safely say that Derek is the best thing that’s
ever happened to her.

“You all set, dude?” I asked Jared, cornering him
alone in the kitchen.

“I think so. But fuck me, I feel like I’m about to
have my balls cut off and served on a platter.”

“That’s because marriage is the equivalent of that.
From today, you’ll never be able to make your own decisions again.”

“Mate, I haven’t made my own decisions since the first
time I stuck it in her.”

“Classy, man.”

“I try.”

**********

In line with tradition, and Snickers being Snickers,
the bride was late to the church. The panic set in on Jared’s face about two
seconds after she was due to get here and I didn’t even try to reassure him.
Watching him squirm was too much fun. Everyone was already seated as we waited
for her, and Jared spent the entire time tapping his foot against the floor and
fiddling with his tie.

The only indication we got that she’d arrived was that
the church organ started playing, and everyone stood up, turning their heads
towards the arched doors at the back of the room.

Wow. She looked stunning. Not one for tradition, her
body was wrapped in a deep purple dress with a white satin shawl draped over
her shoulders. Every one of her tattoos were visible and that made her look
even more beautiful… because those pieces of multicolored art adorning her skin
are part of who she is. She said a while ago how she wished she didn’t have to
be pushed down the aisle but it was never mentioned again. So, as she came
towards us cradled in her dad’s arms with her hands locked behind his neck, I
smiled warmly. He carried his daughter forwards with the proudest grin on his
face, and Emily trailed behind, pushing Ana and Ava along in Snickers’ chair.
They are adorable little things and I love them to pieces. I never could’ve
imagined I’d be any good with kids but man I would give my life to protect
those beautiful little girls. They were dressed in pink satin dresses that
exploded at the waist and their bouncy blond curls (the same shade as Jared’s)
spilled out from under their little tiaras. I would’ve bet our mortgage that
those tiaras would either be lost or broken before we’d even heard the exchange
of vows.