Needing You #2 - Wanting Him (21 page)

I take one more look back to see them in the car before I pull out the letter I wrote to Mel.

Mel,

It’s me Parker.  Guess you know from Natalie’s letter that I messed up.  I broke her heart and I don’t even know when I did it.  I will forever kick myself in the ass for letting her go.  I love your daughter with all of my heart, but sometimes that’s just not enough.  She trusted me and I let her down, in turn, I let you and Nora down too.  I
will forever be sorry to you.  I know if you were here you would kick my ass and I’d let you, because I deserve it.

I’m
still on tour, though I’m ready to come home, but I’m thinking of staying out on the road.  As much as I want to be home, I can’t keep hurting Nat.  I know by me staying means there’s times where we’re bound to run into one another and I can see the pain in her eyes every time I see her.  I can’t tell you how sorry I am.  I never meant to hurt her.  I know she puts on a strong front when she’s around me, but I know it kills her a little more each time.

I also want to apologize for being a selfish asshole.  I knew they were coming to see you today and I made sure I stopped by to come along.   I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.  I know she deserves better than me but I couldn’t stop myself from trying to spend the day with her.  Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt on your day.

But I want you to know that you raised two amazing girls.  Nat’s doing an amazing job raising Nora and I know you’d be proud.  They stick together through thick and thin and you should be proud of both of them.

Alright well I took enough of your time up.  Just know that I will always love your daught
er and that I am truly sorry.

Parker

I wipe the few tears that slipped down my cheeks before heading to the car.  I’m a man and can admit when I fucked up.  I know I fucked up and now I have to live each day regretting it.

Once I get to the car I slide in the driver seat never looking at Nat or Nora.  I start the car, back out and put us on the highway to head to Mel’s favorite beach spot.

Natalie

Parker gets in the car and gets us on the highway never saying a word.  Hell
, he hasn’t even looked in my direction.  I can’t imagine what he was doing, but maybe he knows someone who’s in the same cemetery as mom is.  Who knows?

The drive takes about an hour from the cemetery.  Nora makes conversation
with me and Parker, but we don’t really talk.  I’m not sure what to say to him.  It used to be so easy to tell him everything, but that’s all changed.

Luckily
, Nora has no problem keeping a conversation going for the past hour.  Park pulls into a spot located by where we’re going.

“It’s beautiful here,” Nora says as she gets out of the car enjoying the scene.

“It sure is,” I say taking the view in.

Parker doesn’t say anything just heads to the trunk of his car.

“What do you have in there?” Nora asks, as she makes her way to the back of his car.

“I brought blankets and towels in case either of you are crazy enough to run into the water,” he says as he grabs the blanket and towels.

“Hmm…maybe,” my sister says eyeing me curiously.

“Let’s go,” I say as I thread my arm through Nora’s leading her to mom’s favorite spot.

After an hour or so of talking and laughing and exploring on the rocks, Parker lies the blanket down on the sand for us to sit.

“I’ll be back,” Nora says as she runs toward the water.

“She won’t really go in will she?” he asks nervously.

“No, probably just put her feet in.”

“Okay good.  Did you want to go anywhere after this?”

“Just home.”

“Alright,” he says, and then it’s awkward silence.

“Congratulations by the way,” I say breaking the odd silence.

“Nat…I,”

I cut him off, “You don’t have to say or explain anything to me.  I’m happy for you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t the one to tell you.  I didn’t want you to hear it from Declan in an argument,” he says apologetically.

“I already knew.  Harp told me earlier that night.”

“Oh shit, yeah she did say that. But either way, it should have come from me.  And I’m not engaged to her.  Hell, I don’t even know if this baby is truly mine.”

“What?” I ask stunned.

“It’s complicated.  I’m getting a paternity test done when the baby’s born and the proposal was only mentioned and everyone kind of ran with it.”

“Well
, I think that’s wise about getting the test done and you’ll do what’s best for you.”

“Yeah, just wish I knew what that was.”

“What do you mean?”

“Shit’s just messed up.  Even with the band; hell you saw Declan, he’s pissed.  He has a right to be though.”

“Do you want to go back out on tour when this leg’s done?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes please.”

“No.”

“Then why go back out for another year if none of you want to?” I ask confused.

“Nate’s not sure what he wants to do, Luke either.  It’s just Declan that knows he wants a break.”

“But so do you.  I don’t understand.”

“Nat, me being home would mean you would probably run into me often, and I don’t want to do that to you.  I’ve already hurt you enough,” he says with sympathetic eyes.

“Parker, don’t go on tour because of me.  I’m fine and I’ll continue to be fine.  I start clinicals soon anyway so my time will be dedicated to studying my ass off.  I may run into you a few times at PowerTrips when I’m working, but that will probably be it.”

“We’ll see.”

“You’re about to have a baby.  Don’t you want to have some home stability for your child, rather than a tour bus?” I ask curiously.

“Yeah I do, but she thinks it would be smart to tour this next tour
, and then take a break.”

“What do you want to do Parker?” I ask angrily.

“I just wanna be home.”

“Then I think you got your answer.  You can still have your music
, but have your home too,” I say being the mature adult my mom raised me to be.

“You sure you’ll be alright seeing me from time to time?” he says
, piercing me with those damn gorgeous green eyes.  I swear they’re hypnotizing.

“I’m sure I can manage.  You aren’t the only sexy hot-blooded male running around this town,” I say with a laugh.

“Ouch,” he says acting like I hurt his heart.

“Aww
, did I hurt your ego?” I say before I start laughing.

“Damn I missed you,” he says surprising me.

“I missed you too,” I say with a smile, because truth be told I do miss him.

I eventually turn away from our stare down to see my sister walking down the beach picking up shells.

When I turn back I see Parker lying down on the blanket starting up into the sky.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just relaxing.”

“Mind if I use you as a pillow so I can watch Nor?”

“Sure,” he says quickly.

I lie down with my head on the side of his chest so I can see what Nora’s up to.  Parker
uses one of the towels so he has his head propped up, but he’s still looking at the sky.

“Thanks for coming along today.  You didn’t have to though.”

“I wanted to. Thanks for letting me tag along.”

“It turned out to be a good day.”

“Mel would be real proud of you Nat,” he says as he starts to play with my hair.  I’m not even sure if he realizes he’s doing it.

“I hope so.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“If I hadn’t messed up, where do you think we’d be right now?” he asks apprehensively.

“Well actually, we’d probably be where we are right now considering today, but honestly, I’m not sure.”

“Do you think we would have made it through the tours?”

“I would like to think so, but we didn’t.”

“I’m sorry I messed everything up.  I never meant to hurt you,” he says softly.

“You don’t have to apologize.  I know you’re sorry.  It was a while ago, we
’re both moving on,” I lie.

“Yeah, sure, both
moving on,” he says quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.

We spend the next fifteen-twenty minutes in one others’ company in silence.  He continues to play with my hair and I continue to watch Nora run up and down the beach.

A few minutes later Nora comes back with her hands full of shells.

“Do you guys want to stay to watch the sunset?” Parker asks.

“YES!” Nora shrieks causing me to laugh.

“You sure you don’t need to be somewhere else?” I ask
, turning my head to look up at his face.

“Nope, I’m good,” he says with his sexy dimpled smile.

Damn him and his green eyes and dimples.

“How long do we need to wait for the sun to set?” Nora asks
, looking out at the bright sky.

“Probably about twenty minutes or so,” he answers.

“Okay, well then I’m gonna go look for more shells.  I’ll be back,” she says with an excited smile before she starts to run down the beach.

“How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing better.  Not having as many nightmares.  Though I think it’s because he’s still in ICU.”

“Good, I’m glad the nightmares are
lessening.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you have something to do with
asshat ending up in ICU?”

He starts to laugh, “
Asshat?” He looks down at me as I look up at him amused by the name I call him.

“That’s what I call him.  Now answer my question,” I demand.

“He got what he deserved,” is all he says.

“That’s not what I asked Parker.”

“I took care of it, okay?”

“Why?  How?” I ask confused.

“You don’t need to worry about it.  It will never ever come back to me, so don’t worry,” he says as he starts to play with my hair again.

“You could have let me at least have one punch,” I argue.

He starts to laugh, “Babe, if you would have punched him and hurt yourself then I’d have to really beat him and we’d both be in trouble.”

“Are you saying I can’t punch?”

“I’ve felt your punches.  You punch like a girl,” he says as he laughs again.

“I am a girl,” I snap as I throw my arm back punching him in the stomach causing him to gasp.

“How was that for a girl?”

“Not nice,” he says as he rubs the spot I hit him in.

“Should I try again?”

“No, no punching Nat.  Be nice,” he says as he starts to play with my hair yet again.

“What is it with you and my hair?” I ask confused.

“I don’t know.  It’s always so soft and it smells good,” he says as he runs his fingers through it.

“Oh okay.”

“It was good seeing you and hanging out
with you today,” he says softly.

“It was nice
.”

“How’s school going?”

“Pretty good, I know it’s about to get hard as shit, but I’m looking forward to it.”

“You’ll do great.”

“Thanks.  Are you excited, you’re about to be a dad?”

“
Kinda, I think I’m more nervous than anything.”

“Why?  You’ll be a great dad Park.  That child is lucky to have you.”

“Thanks,” he says quietly.

“Are you afraid you’ll mess something up?”

“I don’t know.  I guess I just didn’t figure I’d have a kid yet.  I was trying to get our music off the ground and with a kid, it changes everything.”

“Are you going to give up music?”

“I’m not planning on it, but I can’t leave for months at a time.  What kind of role model would that be?”

“Why don’t you know what you’re having?” I ask being nosey.

“She doesn’t want to know until it’s here,” he says in an irritated tone.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, hard to plan for something when you don’t know what color to go with.”

“You can always use
green and yellow.”

He starts to laugh, “I did,
and I didn’t have a choice.”

“Well the baby green and yellow colors are both very pretty so it will all work out.”

“If it’s a boy, that’s just what I want…for his room to be very pretty,” he says in a mocking tone.

I start to laugh, “Stop, I was being nice.  The colors are cute and their little they won’t know.  So if it’s a boy you have plenty of time to paint the room blue.”

“True.”

“Do you have names picked out?”