Nameless (42 page)

She went to
wash her face, feeling like she needed to wash away all traces of her date.

It hadn’t been
bad. It just hadn’t felt right.

When she
returned to the living room, she stopped short when she looked toward the
couch.

Seth was still
sprawled out, his expensive clothes wrinkled and eyelids heavy as he stared
down at Mackenzie. Who was sound asleep on his chest.

Erin felt
almost shy as she walked over to settle beside him on the couch, drawing up her
knees.

Seth glanced
over. “It’s seems impossible that this is the same little girl who was
screaming with such outrage earlier this evening.”

Erin smiled and
scooted a little closer to reach over to rub Mackenzie’s back. “It’s amazing
how many personalities she has.”

She suddenly wondered
if she wanted to be this close to Seth.

Then, before she
knew what was happening, he’d lifted his arm and draped it around her, pulling
her body snugly against his side.

She panicked
momentarily, at the weight of his arm on her shoulders and the heat that
radiated off him. Without thinking, she jerked away.

Regretted it
immediately.

Seth didn’t
react dramatically. Just arched an eyebrow at her. “Do you really think I’d
make a move on you with my daughter asleep on my chest?”

“Of course not.
Sorry. I just...sorry.”

Seth gave her a
half-smile. “You’re safe from my advances, at least for the moment. You just
look like you’ve had a very long day.”

She had, and he
was offering comfort she needed. So she let him pull her body against his
again, and she felt secure and very warm as she leaned against him, so close
now she could see Mackenzie’s tiny eyelashes.

“If your day
was anything like the few hours I just spent,” Seth continued, “then I’m
surprised you’re still on your feet.”

Erin snuggled
against him, trying to remember the last time she’d enjoyed this sort of
physical closeness with anyone except her daughter. Glancing up at his face,
she saw that he was gazing down at her—caught a glimpse of something in his
eyes that momentarily terrified her, that seemed to shake the foundations of
her strongholds.

But she pushed
past the uncertainty and focused on what was normal, what was safe. “Was she
really bad this evening?”

“We did pretty
well for the first hour or so. She wasn’t laughing or anything, but she seemed
relatively content. But then it just went downhill. I tried to feed her, give
her the pacifier, walk her up and down the hall, use her toys, talk to her,
play her the CD you said she likes...” His voice trailed off, sounding almost
defeated.

“Sometimes, she
just has to cry,” Erin murmured, breathing in the scent of Seth and of Mackenzie
at the same time. It was a bizarre sort of experience and very unsettling.

“I was hoping
she might somehow recognize that I’m her father and...” Seth paused, as if rethinking
his remark.

Erin looked up
at him again, her hand falling to rest unconsciously on his belly. “She’s going
to love you, Seth. She will. But, believe me, that won’t necessarily stop her
from throwing a fit if she feels like it.”

Settling
against him again, Erin relaxed and watched her sleeping daughter fondly. “Although,
I do believe she’s finally worn herself out at last. So have I.”

She wasn’t
looking at his face, but she was sure that Seth was smiling. “So have I.”

Erin smiled
too. Felt warm and safe and content. Was able to really relax for the first
time all day. Watched Mackenzie’s steady breathing, her little shoulders go up
and down. Up and down. Up and down.

Erin must have
relaxed too much. Because the next thing she was aware of was opening her eyes.

She had fallen
asleep. Practically on top of Seth. Her cheek was pressed up against the side
of his chest, and—to her mortification—she realized she was drooling just a
little. On his very expensive shirt.

Mackenzie was
still sleeping against Seth’s chest, his arm holding the infant securely.

“Oh, God,” Erin
moaned, feeling stiff and embarrassed and still kind of groggy. Wiping her
mouth discreetly, she forced her head up so she could see Seth’s face. “Oh,
God, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

 He shrugged
slightly. His motion was hampered by the baby he was holding with one arm and
by Erin’s body, which pressed into his side, trapping his other arm. “You were
tired.”

“But...” she
began, looking over at the clock on the cable box. She’d been asleep for more
than a half-hour. “God, you probably wanted to go home. I’m so sorry. I don’t
know what happened.”

“Erin, it’s
fine. If I’d wanted to leave, I would have woken you up.”

With a soft
groan, Erin relaxed against him. She couldn’t find the energy to pull away
quite yet. “Poor Seth,” she mumbled, not having collected her wits. “Getting
slept on by two people at once. How does it feel to be a mattress?”

She released
the tension in her muscles again, deciding there was no reason to be
embarrassed, deciding she might as well enjoy this peaceful respite from the
stress of the day.

“Believe
me—I’ve suffered through far worse scenarios.” Seth’s voice was light, and dry,
and ironic. But the fingers of the arm that held Mackenzie were shifting
slightly, as if he were caressing the baby.

Then she
started feeling a little uncomfortable again, mostly because she thought Seth
was looking at her.

The truth
was—he wasn’t just a warm, cozy mattress. He was a man. A man who five months
ago had made it clear he was in love with her. A man with whom she’d had sex on
more than one occasion. A man they called the Bulldozer because he was so
relentless in getting what he wanted.

She would be
indulging in the depths of stupidity if she failed to acknowledge him as a
whole man. This soft, tender side of him was only part of the whole.

Self-consciously,
she straightened up, although she didn’t pull away—not wanting to insult or
hurt him.

Seth must have
recognized the shift of mood. He didn’t pull away either, but the weight of his
arm around her became lighter. “How was your date?”

Erin slanted
another look up at him, trying to assess his expression. He wasn’t looking
bristly or possessive, so she replied casually, “It was fine.”

“Why did you
come back early?”

“I was tired. And
the date wasn’t
that
great.”

A smile played
on the corners of Seth’s mouth. “I told you it would be a flop.”

“He was a nice guy.
He was cute and sweet and smart.”

At this, Seth
frowned. “Was he?” His tone had grown ice cold, and Mackenzie squirmed in her
sleep, as if she recognized the chill in his voice. Seth’s tone softened as he
continued, “Then I’m surprised you’re not still out with him.”

Erin made a
noncommittal mumble. It was just too hard to explain it to Seth. Whatever she
said, there was the risk of his taking it the wrong way.

“Erin?” Seth
persisted, shifting beside her. “If your date was acceptable, then why wasn’t
the evening a success?”

Erin’s defenses
were low—too low, more than likely. But she decided she might as well tell him
the truth.

She focused her
eyes on Mackenzie although she could feel Seth’s steady gaze on her face. “Well,
honestly, I guess I’d just rather be here.”

Sixteen

“Damn,” Erin muttered—under her
breath, so Mackenzie wouldn’t hear from across the room. “It’s too tight.” She
couldn’t get the zipper on the skirt all the way up. “Why the heck do I only
own pencil skirts? I was really hoping this one would fit.”

Liz scrutinized
her from where she was sprawled on the bed with Mackenzie in her lap. “It looks
all right to me.”

Erin turned
around, so Liz could see her from the back. An inch of the zipper was hanging
open and the fabric of the skirt was skintight over the curves of her ass.

“Well, maybe
it’s a
little
too tight for mixed company.”

Erin groaned,
undid the zipper, and shimmied out of the skirt. “Why are all of my nice
clothes too tight?” When she saw Liz open her mouth to respond, she hurried on,
“Don’t answer that.”

She turned back
to frown into her closet, wearing her prettiest black bra and panty set and
hoping the right outfit would miraculously appear. “I should have just bought
something new, but that would feel like a defeat. I don’t know why I can’t shed
these last pounds.”

“You look
great. No one cares about a few extra pounds. You had a baby less than six
months ago. It happens. Seth is going to be so ecstatic that you’re actually
going on a date with him that he won’t even notice.”

Erin yanked a
black skirt off a hanger in the back of her closet. “I’ve told you a dozen
times this isn’t a date.”

“Oh. I see. My
mistake.”

“He’s taking me
out to dinner to celebrate my birthday. That’s all.”

“Of course. Makes
perfect sense. Even if your birthday was two weeks ago.”

Erin pulled on
the next skirt—one in the series of seven or eight she’d tried on so far. “He
was out of town on my birthday, which you know perfectly well. Today happened
to be the evening that worked out best for us. We’re friends. Why shouldn’t we
go out to dinner?”

“That’s right. And
why shouldn’t you spend more than a half-hour picking out something to wear for
dinner with a friend?”

Erin had to
admit that Liz had a point. She
was
stressing over her outfit more than
usual. She wasn’t used to going out with Seth, though—even as just a friend.
Until recently, he’d gone out with the most beautiful women in the city. Plus,
a movie actress.

How was she supposed
to compete with that?

“How is this
skirt?” Erin asked in resignation, looking down at herself. The skirt was made
of a soft fabric that draped over her shape without clinging unattractively,
and it flattered her hips before it flared out in a subtly ruffled hem just
above her knees.

“That’s the one.
It’s gorgeous. Very sexy.” When Erin moaned into her hands, Liz’s brows drew
together. “What’s the matter? You look fabulous in it.”

Erin answered
in an anguished wail. “It’s a
maternity
skirt.” She pulled at the
elastic waistband to show how much it would stretch. “Is it obvious?”

Liz was
laughing so hard she was having trouble holding Mackenzie steady. The baby
found the whole situation hysterical herself and giggled in response.

Erin just
watched them with a long-suffering frown until Liz finally restrained her hilarity.

“It looks like
a normal skirt,” Liz assured her. “Just don’t pull at it like that. And make
sure your top is long enough to cover the waistband.”

Feeling a
little better, Erin peered at herself in the mirror. She was pretty sure Liz
was right. The skirt was well made, and she didn’t think anyone would be able
to tell it was maternity unless she actually stretched out the fabric to show
them.

Erin already
knew what top she was going to wear. She’d bought it a couple of weeks ago—a
splurge she’d only allowed herself because it was her birthday. So Erin found
the blue cashmere sweater with a scooped neck and fitted shape. It had been
ridiculously expensive, but she hadn’t been able to resist after she’d tried it
on.

When she pulled
the sweater over her head, she stared at herself in the mirror. Thought she
looked damned good, even wearing a maternity skirt.

“Gorgeous,” Liz
told her. “Seth is going to—”

“Liz.”

“Well, he is.”

“We’re going to
dinner as friends.” Erin checked her hair and makeup. “Why won’t anyone believe
that?”

 “Because it’s
ridiculous. I understand that you’re not in love with him, but—I’m sorry—y’all
are way more than just friends.”

“We’ve gotten
closer, yes. But that’s mostly because of the pumpkin. It’s not like we’re soul
mates or spill our guts or anything. We get along well. We have a child
together. And maybe we have a little chemistry.”

“And he’s in
love with you.”

Making a face, Erin
hunted through her closet for a pair of shoes. “Well, he
was
. He hasn’t
said a word about that recently, so for all I know he’s changed his mind.”

When Erin
turned back toward the bed, she saw Liz shooting her an exasperated look.

“I’m serious,” Erin
continued. “He and I don’t have sweet, intimate chats. We talk about Mackenzie.
We talk about things that happen. We talk about work. The only time he’s ever
really opened up to me was at the hospital.”

“Well, do you
blame him for not trying again?”

“Of course not.
I’m not complaining. I’m just telling you how it is. If he still has feelings
for me, he’s keeping them pretty well hidden. Which I, for one, really
appreciate. We have enough to deal with trying to be parents, without worrying
about
romance
on top of everything else.”

“You say romance
like it’s a bad word.”

“That’s because
most of the time it is.” Erin slipped on a pair of black heels and tried to
decide whether the added height to her legs was worth the discomfort. “Think
about who you’re talking to. I’m the poster-child for being stupid about
romance with Marcus. Having a baby hasn’t changed everything. I’m a realist now,
remember?”

Liz was giving
her a very strange look, but all she said was, “Yeah. I remember.”

Erin kicked off
the pumps and found another pair of black shoes with chunkier heels. “Now,” she
explained seriously. “When Seth comes, you have to go open the door. And, if
he’s wearing anything too dressy or too casual for this outfit, then you have
to run in here and tell me, so I can change clothes real quick.”