Nameless (40 page)

There was no
way Erin was going to bother with a skirt this evening. Even if this
was
supposed to be a date.

Mackenzie was
still crying when Erin slipped her shoes on and ran into the bathroom to make
sure her hair and makeup weren’t going to embarrass her. She wiped off a stray
smear of mascara and patted down the worst of the fly-aways in her hair.

This was the
best she was going to manage today.

“I just can’t
imagine it’s
that
terrible,” Seth was telling Mackenzie when Erin
returned to the living room. "Certainly nothing to get so upset
about."

“Apparently it
is,” Erin put in, shaking her head at her daughter, who was waving her hands in
frustration as she screamed.

Seth gave an
almost imperceptible start, as if she’d surprised him. “Is she hungry?”

“I just fed her
twenty minutes ago. And changed her diaper. I think she’s just in a bad mood.” Erin
walked over and lifted Mackenzie out of the swing, which caused the infant’s
wails to diminish. Erin sighed and jiggled her a little, which Mackenzie
usually loved. The motion caused the baby to snuggle against her even closer.

Seth had
apparently shifted his focus from his daughter to Erin’s choice of outfit. His
eyebrows shot up. “You’re not wearing
that
, are you?”

Erin actually
gasped, feeling an immediate, defensive indignation—and a little pang of hurt. “Yes,”
she said, trying to keep her tone calm so as not to upset Mackenzie. “I am. What’s
wrong with this?” Leaning over, she put the baby back in the swing. Hooked the
strap securely and started it up.

Mackenzie
scowled and squirmed, but she didn’t start crying immediately, which Erin took
to be a very good sign. Using that opportunity, she strode back into her room
to put on her watch and a pair of earrings, which she’d forgotten before.

Seth followed
her. “Nothing is wrong with it, if your purpose is to flash every man you meet
tonight.”

Erin gasped
again. Glanced in the mirror. The neckline showed a little cleavage, but
certainly no more than what was commonly acceptable. “That’s ridiculous,” she
snapped. “I’m far more covered than most of the women you’ve ever dated, so you
can keep your snotty, offensive remarks to yourself. This is a
date
. What
do you expect me to wear? A snow suit?”

Her voice
became shriller as she spoke, mostly because she recognized what was prompting Seth’s
irrational response. He was practically bristling with coiled resentment and
possessiveness, and it made Erin feel inordinately self-conscious. Over the
last five weeks, she and Seth had been on friendly, pleasant terms, but mostly
because they never brought up what was always simmering just below the surface.

It was
inevitable, she supposed, that it should start to bubble over now that she was
thinking about dating again.

Seth looked
like he was about to bite out another acidic remark, but he swallowed it down. “Your
outfit is fine. Who is this guy, anyway?”

Erin put on her
earrings and tried to force back her annoyance. No use to get into a fight with
Seth over something so ridiculous. “He’s a friend of the guy Liz is dating. Liz
says he’s nice. I haven’t met him yet.”

“Ah,” Seth
breathed, as if he’d been enlightened.

“What is
that
supposed to mean?”

“‘Nice’ tends
to be a code-word for boring.”

“It is not. Liz
doesn’t like boring men, and she likes this guy.” She actually hadn’t been
holding out a lot of hope for her date this evening, but she wasn’t about to
let Seth get away with this insufferable arrogance. “And what the hell gives
you the right to make assumptions about the kind of guy I’m interested in. You
don’t know me as well as you think.”

Getting worried
for a minute, she darted out into the hallway to check on Mackenzie. The baby
was still rocking her swing. Not sleeping but at least momentarily quiet as she
stared up at the turning mobile above her.

Satisfied, Erin
returned to her bedroom, where Seth was still waiting.

His smirk had
faded, and he now stared at her with a narrow gaze. “Don’t deceive yourself
into believing that what you just said is actually true. I know you, Erin.”

 “That’s not
even the point. The point is that my date is none of your business. Besides,
it’s not like I’m looking for the love of my life this evening. I just want to
go on a date.”

“If you just
want to go out, then why can’t—”

“Seth,” she
interrupted, feeling a sudden flare of fear as what had been left unsaid for
more than a month was about to come out in the open again. “You know I don’t
feel that way ab—”

“It doesn’t
have to be romantic,” he insisted in clipped tones. He was still cool and
composed, but with a tenseness underlying it. “We had a perfectly acceptable
arrangement in place while you were pregnant, and I’m more than happy to
continue it indefinitely.”

Erin’s eyes
widened, feeling a sudden heat in her cheeks. “You mean...” All of a sudden,
she was bombarded with images of them in bed—the visuals hot, erotic, and
horribly unsettling. “You want to...Even though you...” She was starting to
babble like an idiot, so she decided it would be best to stop before she
humiliated herself.

Seth raised his
eyebrows slightly. “Just because I don’t feel casually about you doesn’t mean
that I wouldn’t enjoy the arrangement we had before.”

Erin was almost
tempted for a moment—feeling physical desire for the first time in months, as
she was hit with the succession of dizzying images of the two of them, tangled
together and naked.

She didn’t even
really consider it, though. She could never enjoy the sex the way she had before,
not knowing that Seth was taking it more seriously than she was.

“My wanting to
date isn’t about sex,” Erin explained, rubbing the back of her head with an
overload of nervous energy. “I’m not just looking for a good time or some kind
of release. I want to...I don’t know. I just want to start up that part of my
life again.” Releasing a breath, she tried to make him understand. “So much of
my life is about Mackenzie now, and—even though I hadn’t planned this—I
wouldn’t change it for anything. But that doesn’t mean that...that’s
all
there has to be in my life.  I want to...” With a defeated sigh, she mumbled,
“I don’t know. Just forget it.”

But Seth nodded
like he understood, and for a moment Erin thought maybe he did.

 “So your grand
gesture toward whole personhood is to go on a blind date?” His voice was dry
and skeptical.

Erin snorted,
torn between annoyance and amusement. “Well, at least it’s a start.”

Seth didn’t
look besotted or heart-broken or emotional or affectionate. In fact, if Erin
hadn’t known better, she’d have had a lot of trouble believing he had real
feelings for her.

But a glimpse
of something nameless in his eyes made her throat ache. She looked down at the
floor. “But maybe I shouldn’t have asked you to stay with Mackenzie tonight. It
seems a little...insensitive.”

“If it were a
problem for me, I wouldn’t do it. I'm glad you thought of me rather than simply
using the nanny. I’m not about to miss the opportunity to spend some time with
my daughter alone.”

This made Erin
jerk up her head, another ache in her throat—this one of guilt. “I’m sorry you
don’t get a lot of time with her. You know when she gets older she can come
stay with you on some weekends and things. But it’s so hard when she’s nursing.
 In another month, I’ll start her on some solid food, so pretty soon—”

“Erin,” Seth
interrupted. “I wasn’t reproaching you. Just explaining why I agreed to watch Mackenzie
tonight. I assumed that’s why you asked me, because you knew I’d like the
opportunity.”

Erin nodded her
assent.

Then Seth quirked
his mouth again. “But, since you’ve clearly had a very bad day, it’s probably
best you not bother going out this evening after all. I’ll be more than willing
to let you spend the evening with me and Mackenzie.”

She couldn’t
help it. Laughter bubbled up helplessly from her throat.

When she and Seth
shared a smile, Erin felt something strange and warm welling up in her chest.

Which
disappeared the instant she heard Mackenzie start to cry again.

With a
frustrated groan, Erin hurried back into the living room. “I hope she doesn’t
do this for you all evening.”

Seth joined her,
and they both stared down at their screaming daughter.

After a minute,
Erin couldn’t stand it anymore. She reached down to pick Mackenzie up. Hugging
her against her chest, Erin jostled the infant gently. The crying softened a
little, but didn’t stop. “Pumpkin,” she murmured, an edge of despair in her
voice. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m sorry I can’t make it better.”

When she
glanced over at Seth, she discovered he was watching her strangely.

Feeling like
she’d been caught exposing herself in some way, Erin shook her head. “I can’t
leave her with you if she’s like this.”

“We’ll be
fine,” Seth assured her, although he looked a little stiff.

Blowing out a
breath, Erin said over Mackenzie’s cries, “Let’s try the pacifier. She didn’t
want it earlier today, but it usually helps. There’s a clean one in the
dishwasher. Would you mind?”

Seth agreeably
walked into the kitchen and returned with a pacifier. Erin offered it to Mackenzie,
and—after a moment—she consented to settle down and suck on it.

Erin almost
groaned in relief as she felt her daughter relaxing in her arms. “Hopefully,
she’ll be so exhausted from her long day that she’ll sleep a lot of the time
I’m gone. You know where her diapers and everything are, right? And she’ll be
hungry in a couple of hours. There’s breast-milk in the refrigerator. You know
how to—”

Giving her an
impatient look from under his brows, Seth interrupted, “I know how to feed her.
I know where everything is. I’ve been over here a lot in the last month,
remember?”

“Right. Thanks
for doing this.” She handed Mackenzie over to Seth, who adjusted the infant
against his chest.

This time, Mackenzie
didn’t start screaming. She just lounged against Seth, sucking contentedly on
the white pacifier, even though her expression was still rather crabby.

Erin smiled
fondly and shook her head. “I’ve been trying not to give her the pacifier all
the time, so she doesn’t get too dependent. I know it’s trendy to not use
pacifiers at all, but sometimes it’s the only thing that—”

“Erin,” Seth
cut in crisply. He actually sounded annoyed. “Why are you explaining yourself
to me? Do you think I’m going to question you? The American Academy of
Pediatrics has claimed that there’s nothing psychologically or medically
harmful about infants using pacifiers. Do you actually believe I’m so arrogant
that I’d think to know better than them?"

Erin was
momentarily so overwhelmed by embarrassment and a strange sort of comfort that
she felt like shuffling her feet. “Oh. Sorry. I guess I’m always kind of
worried that I’m going to screw up.”

Then she
registered everything Seth had just said.

Incongruously,
she began to giggle.

He narrowed his
eyes. “Now what have I done to make you laugh at me?”

“Nothing. You’ve
been great. It’s just kind of funny that you know so many facts about
pacifiers.”

“As I’ve told
you before, I always do my research.”

He looked so
incongruous that Erin couldn't quite process it. Articulate, handsome, and
professional, with his chiseled features and smug sneer, dressed in expensive
trousers and a dress shirt, despite the casual setting. And yet he was holding
a blue-eyed baby, who wore a sloppy purple sleeper and sucked on a pacifier,
and every once in a while he jostled her lightly, just like Erin did herself.

It was Seth. The
same Seth he’d been last year.

His brows
lowered. “What is it?”

“Nothing. Thanks
for doing this.”

“You’ve said
that now three times.”

Erin was saved
from having to think of a response by a knock at the door. She hurried over to
let her sister in.

Liz was dressed
up and looked both cheerful and provocative. On seeing Erin, however, she
frowned, “I thought you were going to wear a skirt.”

“If you had the
day I’ve had, you wouldn’t be wearing a skirt either. This was the best I could
do.”

“Well, you look
pretty good anyway. I can’t wait for you to meet Danny.”

When they
stepped into the living room, Seth was still standing in the middle of the
floor, holding Mackenzie and frowning slightly.

At Liz’s words,
however, he arched an eyebrow at Erin. “Danny,” he said glibly under his
breath. “Sounds promising.”

Erin scowled at
him agreeably and moved closer to give Mackenzie a kiss.

“Be good for
your daddy, pumpkin,” she whispered. Then she glanced up to Seth. “I’ll have my
phone on, so just call me if you need to.”

“We’ll be
fine,” Seth said with exaggerated patience.

Erin was
standing very close to him, and—when she leaned over to kiss Mackenzie goodbye—Erin
unconsciously slid her hand up to Seth’s shoulder for support. “Bye, sweetie,”
she said softly, pressing a kiss onto the top of Mackenzie’s head. “I won’t be
gone long.”

“Are we done
with the farewells yet?” Liz complained from behind her. “At this rate, the
restaurant will be closed before we get there. Dinner, and our gentlemen, awaits.”

Erin felt
strange having a gentleman waiting for her. Especially when another gentleman
was holding her daughter and gazing at her silently, deeply, intently. But she
managed to start toward the door after kissing her daughter only one more time.

“Thanks again, Seth.
I won’t be late,” Erin called over her shoulder, as she was leaving.