My True Cowboy (15 page)

“Mom?” Hank whispered at the side of her bed a full week after everything had exploded with Cal. “Mom?”

A strong sense of panic compelled Susan to open her eyes. She knew that tone of voice. It was the one her son used when he wasn't feeling well. “What's wrong?”

“I'm dizzy. Real dizzy.”

Sitting up, she turned on the light to get a better look at him. His skin was pasty white and his pupils were dilated. “Sit down, honey. Let me get dressed.” Her heart raced. She knew they needed to get to the hospital.

This was yet another time when she wished she wasn't alone. If she wasn't alone, she could have someone to lean on. Could have someone to look to for help. Shoot, she could even have someone to simply look at her and nod. To say she was doing everything right.

But of course there wasn't anyone like that.

Rushing to the bathroom, she threw on some clothes, ran a brush through her hair and rinsed out her mouth. Next came the frantic gathering of his insulin shots, his glucose monitor, and a quick grab of one of his stuffed toys.

“Hank, do you want your stuffed bear or tiger?” she called out. When a full minute passed, she ran out to where she'd left him on the couch. “Hank? Hank!”

He'd passed out. Frantically, she dialed 911 and talked to the dispatcher as paramedics were summoned.

Even though her mouth was answering all the woman's questions as coherently as possible, her mind kept running away with itself.

Maybe all her worst fears were coming true. What if he was slipping into a coma? Or worse?

“Hang in there, ma'am,” the dispatcher said. “The team should be there five minutes, tops.”

Oh! This was all her fault! Maybe she should have given him an injection the very second he woke her up. Why did she waste time getting dressed?

“ETA is three minutes, Ms. Young.”

“Uh-huh,” Susan murmured, kneeling next to her boy. “Hank? Hank, come on now. Let's go.”

Thirty seconds passed. Oh, how could three minutes go by so slow?

Then, he opened one eye. “Mommy?”

Tears pricked her eyes just as the emergency medical technicians knocked on her door. “Mrs. Young?”

Flying from Hank's side, she threw open the door. “In here!” she said. “Hank's in here.”

As Hank groggily watched the technicians, they began doing all kinds of things with needles.

“Ma'am? You can hang up the phone now,” one of the men said. “We've got your son.”

Susan stepped to the side as they loaded Hank onto a stretcher and carefully buckled him in.

Though it killed her to do so, she told them she'd follow in her car. As much as she would rather stay with Hank, she would need her own vehicle later.

She put on a brave face and kissed Hank as they put him in the ambulance, then she locked the door and raced to her car.

She passed every speed limit and counted the minutes until she reached the hospital. After parking the car, she strode through the emergency-room doors and identified herself.

The pretty blonde admissions nurse directed her to a chair. “Ms. Young, they just took your son into an examining room. The doctor's with him now. Please take a moment and help me get him registered.”

Though it was the last thing she wanted to do, Susan bit her lip and concentrated on what the nurse was asking of her. Wearily, she gave her address and insurance information, and then obediently went to the chair the woman told her to sit in.

Ten minutes later, she was brought back to Hank.

Even at first glance, she knew her son was doing better. He was sitting on an examining table, his bare feet banging against the metal bars underneath. His eyes were alert and some of his color had returned. An IV was attached to his hand and a new Band-Aid covered the inside of his elbow. Standing next to him was the doctor on duty, a man about her age who was already losing his hair.

“Mom!” Hank called out when he noticed her in the doorway. “Hi.”

With a look in the doctor's direction, she slowly walked in and rumpled her son's hair. “You look so much better.”

“I feel better.”

Every muscle in her body seemed to sag with relief. Turning to the doctor, she held out a hand. “Hi. I'm Susan Young, Hank's mom.”

“Leo Kent,” he said crisply, betraying a Northern accent that seemed strangely out of place in the Texas hospital. “I was just telling your boy here that we're going to give him some fluids for a while.”

“How is he, really?”

“He's going to be okay,” he said. “As you can see, we've started to run an IV and we're monitoring his blood sugar levels.” He flashed a smile at Hank. “He's been a good patient, Ms. Young. There were quite a few of us fussing and poking him and he took it in stride. Not all kids are so tough in here.”

Susan's gaze flickered to Hank's. “I'm proud of you, son,” she said. “You're really growing up.”

Hank broke into a wide smile. “I told you I was.”

While she was proud of her son's behavior, she wasn't near as proud of her own. “Dr. Kent, what happened? I promise, I didn't think he was doing anything out of the ordinary…. He was playing kickball outside with some kids this afternoon.”

“Maybe that was it. Sometimes strong physical activity can lower a child's blood glucose levels.”

Guilt slammed her hard. Once again, she hadn't been paying enough attention to everything. When was she ever going to be the parent Hank needed? Surely by now most parents would have gotten the hang of all the testing strips and diet and exercise guidelines? “I thought he was fine,” she said weakly. “Oh, Hank, I'm so sorry.”

The doctor shook his head. “Please don't feel guilty. The body isn't a machine. Sometimes things don't happen right away. And he's better now. We're going to keep him here another hour, and a nurse is going to come in and talk with you, but then I'm going to say you will be free to go home. Hank, I have a feeling you'll sleep better in your own room.”

“I will.”

“I will, too. Thank you, Doctor,” Susan murmured.

“I really do feel better,” Hank announced with a toothy grin.

She almost laughed, he looked to be taking the whole
episode in stride. “Hank, we're going to have to really watch how much you exercise. We're going to have to really watch everything you do.”

The nurse who came in heard her words and patted her on the shoulder. “Ms. Young,” she said. “Please don't be too hard on yourself. Plenty of people have episodes, even adults who've had diabetes for years. Monitoring carbs and glucose is a constant job.”

“I still feel like I should be doing better for him.”

“I promise, learning to live with diabetes is difficult. Pretty soon things will get easier for you both. Y'all are doing just fine.”

“I promise I'm better, Mom,” Hank said.

“I'm glad.” And she was glad. But she also felt more alone than ever before. She was alone, and she wasn't handling anything very well. Definitely not balancing Hank and work.

Not her love life. Something had to be done. Perhaps coming here, attempting to start over, had been a huge mistake. And though she'd been putting off the phone call she needed to make to Mr. Norton, Susan resolved to finally make that call on Monday morning.

She needed to quit hoping Cal would call and apologize, quit hoping everything was going to run like clockwork, and make plans to move back to Cincinnati.

Home,
she reminded herself stubbornly.

Funny how Cincinnati didn't feel like home any longer.

 

L
ATE THAT NIGHT, LONG AFTER
Hank had gone to bed and she'd taken a shower, Susan called Betsy. “Do you have time to talk?”

“Sure. Want me to come over?”

“No…I just need someone to talk things through with.”

“What's up?”

“Betsy, I think I need to go back home,” she murmured, feeling like a failure all the while.

“Home, like Ohio?”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“Hank had a bad night. I think he needs to be near a bigger medical center. And maybe I need to be near more family.”

“Susan, how come I didn't even know about this? Why didn't you call me?”

“I don't know. I didn't want to bother you.”

“Well, it's sure as heck going to bother me if you up and leave Electra. I like having you as my neighbor.”

“Betsy, really? Even after everything that happened with Gene?”

“Susan, just because we're different doesn't mean we can't be friends.”

The rightness of her words made Susan smile. “Maybe you're right.”

“I know I am. Now, listen, you can tell me all the gory details about Hank tomorrow, but listen to me here—it would be a huge mistake to run away.”

“Like I said, if I was in Ohio, I'd be near family.”

“You would, but we both know you're not all that close to them. No, it's much better for you to stay here.”

“I'm not sure…”

“What about Cal? I'm sure he'd miss you.”

“Betsy, things between us are kind of over, if you want to know the truth.” Actually, that was putting it mildly. Cal hadn't even stopped by to say hello when he and his brother had picked up Cal Sr. to take him home to their ranch.

“I saw the way he was looking at you at Bob's. He cares. He'll come around. Men are just slow that way.”

Betsy sounded so sure and matter-of-fact, Susan smiled. “I had no idea you were so smart about life.”

“That's why you need to stick around Electra, Susan. There's a whole host of things you're just finding out about folks here. Please say you'll think about it.”

“I will, but I can't promise anything. Something needs to change, and it might just have to be me.”

On her end of the phone, Betsy sighed. “If you want to talk more tomorrow, call me.”

“I will. And thanks for listening.”

“Don't say that. We're friends. And we'll get through this just fine. I know it as sure as I know a ring from Gene is going to come my way…sooner or later.”

When Susan hung up, she shook her head in wonder. That old adage really was true…the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

Kay Lawson's jaw went slack when Susan told her the news. “But, Susan, I thought you were fitting in so well.”

“I was. I mean, I do like being here. I just don't think staying is a possibility. I really don't think I can handle this job the way you need me to…and be there for Hank, too.”

“But it's only been a few months.” Kay worried her bottom lip. “It's been so nice, knowing that you're here. Have I been taking advantage of you?”

“No. I was doing my job. I was doing what you hired me to do. But doing that job well means I haven't been doing my other one so well. I've let Hank down.”

“Perhaps you could cut back your hours. We could do that for a bit.”

“That sounds like heaven, but it would bring up a whole batch of other problems. I need this job to support myself. I need to work full-time.” Though she hadn't wanted to bring up the opportunity, she added, “Plus, I was offered a promotion at my old job.”

“But I didn't think you were happy there?”

“I wasn't, but things have changed there. And maybe I have, too. If I go back to Ohio, I can ask my family to help some. Hank's needs have to come first.”

Standing up, Kay walked around the desk and wrapped an arm around Susan's shoulders. “Susan, do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then please give yourself more time to think about this. I'll do some thinking, too. Together, we're going to come up with some answers. You are too important to our community here to let you go without a fight.”

“But—”

“Please, Susan? We don't have employees who leave after just a few months. I want you to stay. Please give us all some time.”

“All right,” she said reluctantly. After all, she didn't really feel as though she had a choice. She owed Kay a lot.

“Okay, then. Go on home and take the rest of the day off.”

“That's not necessary.”

“I think it might be. Go home and relax, dear. Hank might have had a bad episode, but you took an emotional toll, too. Don't discount that.”

“All right. Thank you.”

Susan grabbed her purse and rushed out of the building. More than ever, she was so confused.

But even more than that, she knew beyond a doubt that she was so tired. So tired of trying to be everything all by herself.

For just a little while, she had thought life might be different in Electra. But really nothing had changed. Once again, a man didn't stay when things weren't great.

And she ended up having to pick up the pieces.

 

O
NLY A CHANCE CONVERSATION
with Gwen had clued Cal in that Hank had had an emergency. After trying Susan's cell phone and getting no answer, he ignored all the work on his desk and ran to his truck.

“Where you going?” Jarred called out.

“To find Susan. And don't even think about saying a word against her.”

Jarred rubbed his jaw. “Believe me, I won't. Besides, when I made the mistake of talking to Dad about her, he railed at me for a solid hour. Then Serena did, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. According to Dad, Susan Young is a mixture of Mother Teresa and Mary Poppins. And Serena, she said I can be the biggest idiot alive.”

Cal waited for Jarred to add something snarky. “And?”

Jarred held up his hands in surrender. “And nothing! You were right. So is Dad. I acted like a jerk. And acted like you needed protecting—which you do not. I'm sorry.”

Pulling open the driver's-side door, Cal nodded. “Glad we got that settled.” He drove off before Jarred could say another word. They'd have time enough later to talk more and to smooth things over between them.

At the moment, he didn't want to do a thing but see Susan. To make sure that she was okay.

It took him twenty minutes to get to the Lodge. Walking into the air-conditioned building, he pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket and rubbed it over his forehead.

Paula looked up in surprise when he approached. “Hey, Junior. Your dad went home last week, didn't he? Is everything okay?”

“He's good. I'm, uh, here to see Susan.”

“Oh, honey, I'm sorry. She's already gone on home.”

“Is she sick? Or is it Hank?”

“No, I think they're both doing all right now.” Her voice lowered. “But I'm afraid her days might be numbered here.”

“She said that?”

“No…but I heard it through the grapevine. It would be
a shame if she left, wouldn't it? She fits in great here. Just like a glove.”

He couldn't have said that better himself. “Thanks, Paula.”

“Good luck finding her,” she called out as he strode back out into the heat.

Getting into his truck, he decided to go to her apartment. If she wasn't there, well, then he would just wait for her. Sooner or later, she was going to show up. And then he'd see what was the matter. He was concerned about Hank, and about her, too. Concerned enough to realize that he wanted to help her if he could.

Even just for a little while.

Luckily, he saw her car parked right in front of her condo. Two raps on her door brought them face-to-face again.

“Cal? What are you doing here?”

She looked so shocked to see him, his heart practically stopped.

But, of course, it was no less than he deserved. He'd been so worried about getting hurt again that he'd distanced himself from her.

Without a word of explanation. “As soon as I heard about Hank, I came looking for you.”

“Ah. Well, don't worry. He's better now.”

When she looked ready to slam the door in his face, he held on to the wood. “Susan, listen. I'm sorry,” he blurted. “I'm so sorry I acted like such an ass when Jarred was giving you grief. I'm sorry I called you on my cell phone and told you I wanted a break. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”

She shrugged. “Your words hurt, Cal, but a lot of this was my fault. I should have told you about that job offer first. Not Jarred.”

Unable to be so close to her and not touch her, Cal reached out for her hands. After a moment of resistance, she relaxed and folded her hands around his. “I wish you would have called me last night about Hank, Sue.”

“You didn't want to get close.”

“I was hurt that you were thinking about leaving—and there was nothing I could do about it.” He shook his head. “I'm an idiot, but that's nothing new. I should have talked to you more about Christy. About how she made me not trust women.”

She bit her lip. “I…I've had trust issues, too. Greg left when things were too hard.”

He suddenly realized they were standing in her doorway with the door wide open. “Can I come in and stay awhile? Just as friends?”

After a pause, she nodded. “Sure. If…if that's what you want.”

“I want.”

After she closed the door behind her, Susan led the way to her little living room. When she sat on the couch, he joined her there and clasped her hands again, needing to touch her.

“So…what happened?”

“Hank had an episode. He passed out. I thought he was going into a coma or something.” She shrugged. “I'm trying to do the best I can, but I guess he had too much exercise and I didn't check his insulin levels.” Raising her eyes to his, he saw they were filled with tears. “It was awful.”

There was only one thing to do. He wrapped his arms around her. “Shh. It's gonna be okay, honey.”

“Cal—”

“Please, just let me hold you. We'll figure out everything else soon enough.”

Little by little, the muscles in her body relaxed against him. After a moment, she pressed her face against his chest. “For a moment there, I thought I had lost my boy,” she said. Sobs racked her. He gently rubbed her back, and realized how their communication had gotten so messed up.

Like a fool, he'd let old problems, gossip, his brother mess everything up.

He could have saved them so much pain if he'd only been more patient and let things happen instead of trying to control everything.

As her tears dampened his shirt, he closed his eyes and wished he could turn back time, or at least suddenly know the right thing to say to her.

As it was, he felt her slipping away from him.

“We'll make things better, Sue. I promise. I won't let you down.”

With a hiccup, she pulled away. “There's nothing you can do. See, the thing is, I'm out of options, Cal. I thought I could do everything myself, but I can't. In fact, I'm doing a pretty horrible job of it.”

“I don't think so.”

“That's where you're wrong. I need to stay at work in order to do a good job, but I can't put in any more hours without sacrificing Hank. I just can't do it all. I've been trying, but I can't.”

“Don't try anymore,” he blurted. “Lean on me.”

“What?”

“Lean on me, even if you only want me to be your friend. Lean on me. I'll support you. I'm strong enough.”

Cradled in his arms, Susan felt herself tense. Oh, his words were the stuff of dreams.

They were everything she'd hoped to hear one day. The very words she knew that could make her fall in love.

But what if Cal changed his mind again? She had Hank. And she couldn't play games with his emotions. Hank already had plenty to deal with, given his adjustment to Texas and having diabetes.

What would happen if Cal suddenly decided she was too much for him? That he wanted, needed an easier woman? That he wasn't ready for a commitment…again?

She would be devastated. But Hank, well, Hank would be crushed.

She moved to the end of the couch. “Cal…I think we need to wait.”

“For what?”

“We need to make sure that we're not just imagining that we have something. We need to be sure.”

“Susan, I told you. I was wrong. That night at the drive-in…what we had was really special.”

“That was nice…but it wasn't love, was it?”

“It could have been.” Something shadowed his eyes. Then he said, “And maybe it is love now.”

She wanted to believe him. But she just wasn't sure. “I've already lived through more than my share of could-have-beens. I don't need that again. I really think I should leave here and go back home to Cincinnati.”

“Is that what you want to do? Run away?”

“It wouldn't be running.” But even as she said that, she knew it was.

But sometimes, running was the only option. “Thank you for stopping by. But it's time for you to go.”

“You sure?”

All she had to do was think of Hank. Of how hurt he would be to have Cal, and then lose him. “I'm positive.”