My Tomorrow (7 page)

“How about I buy it now and you can pay me back?” he asked, smiling over to me, but I remained skeptical. “It’s only going to get colder and I hate to think of you walking around with no coat.”

“You make me sound like a hobo,” I said, almost insulted at his comment.

“Please don’t take it that way,” he said and I looked over to him.  I could see the sincerity in his eyes and deep down I knew he hadn’t meant to offend me.  I also knew he wouldn’t let up until I relented. “Let me take care of it and you pay me back when you can.”

Court looked over discreetly at me and he raised his eyebrows.

“Fine, but I’ll pay you back when I get paid.”

“Whatever,” Drew smiled and I could tell by his smug grin he was happy he’d gotten his way.

The driver stopped in front of a trendy looking boutique and I was intimidated just looking at it.  The feeling intensified when we got out of the cab and walked inside and saw the fancy clothes hanging off the chic mannequins and the perfect sales girls walking around.  They stopped the moment they heard the door open and stared over to Drew.  It was as if Court and I didn’t exist the way the salesgirl made a beeline straight for Drew.  I wasn’t surprised though.  Drew seemed to eclipse everything when he was around.

“Can I help you find something?” a leggy blonde asked.  She seemed uppity and full of herself.

“We need a jacket, for the lady,” Drew said, gently nudging me forward.  I noticed the girl’s eyes spanned up and down my body and I couldn’t help but feel as if she were critiquing every bit of me.

“Of course.  Coats are over here,” the girl said and we all walked to the back of the shop. “What kind of coat are you looking for?”

All eyes were on me and I hated being in the spotlight.

“Just something casual, something that will go with my work clothes,” I finally answered.

The girl processed the information momentarily, looked over at me again and then turned to the racks.

“How about one of these?” she asked, holding up a waist length white pea coat and a similar black one.

I turned to look at Drew and Court, hoping for an opinion.

“They’re both nice,” I said when neither of them said anything.

“You should try them on,” the girl said, handing me the black one.  I slid it on and looked in the mirror.  There was nothing to get excited about.  It was a coat.  Its job was to keep me warm. I had to admit it was comfortable though.  The girl handed me the white one and I tried that one too.  I felt the scratchy tag scraping against my wrist and I tried discreetly looking down at it, doing my best to stifle the jolt in my body when I saw the price. $250.  I swallowed hard, wondering how I could get out of this mess.  I’d figured $50, maybe $100, but $250 was definitely not in the cards.

“I like the white one,” Drew piped in. “What do you say, Court?”

“Definitely the white,” he agreed. 

“What do you think, Natalie?” Drew asked.

“Um, yeah, the white is nice,” I said quietly, quickly taking it off and handing it back to the sales girl. 

“I’ll go wrap this up for you,” she said.

“Not necessary.  She’ll be wearing it out,” Drew told her and she nodded politely and headed to the register.  We started following her and I knew I had to do something.  I could not afford that coat.  Not now.  Not when I got paid.  Not for a very long time.

“Drew,” I said softly so as not to draw attention to myself.  He stopped and looked at me curiously and I started stuttering. “I…I um…I can’t…the jacket…I mean…”

“What are you trying to say?”

“Um…to be perfectly honest…I can’t afford it.  I didn’t think it’d be so much,” I said quietly.

His grin turned to a frown and I could tell he was trying to decide how to handle my revelation.

“I’m sorry….I just didn’t think it’d be so expensive and I…I just can’t afford that right now.  I just got my job and we spent all of our money getting here,” I continued to blab.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I’m sorry I put you in this position.” 

“It’s okay, but I just can’t.”

“Let me get it for you.”

“No.  Absolutely not!” I said adamantly. “Please don’t insult me like that.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment, but I could tell by the way his eyebrows creased that he was concerned.

“I assure you, insulting you was never my intention.  I just want to help you out.  I understand what it took for you to move here. I never meant to make you uncomfortable,” he said, pausing for a moment. “Can I ask you what can you afford?”

“Maybe $100.”

“Then pay me $100 when you can.  I’ll get the rest,” he said and when I opened my mouth to complain, he held up a finger to stop me. “No arguments.”  And with that, he turned and headed to the register.

~~~

Despite the drama of obtaining it, I had to admit the jacket was comfortable and when the wind picked up, I was grateful I had it.  I just tried not to think about the price tag or the fact that Drew had paid for it.  We spent the afternoon at the site and I found the whole process fascinating.  I was amazed by Drew’s vision and the picture he painted with his words while Court vigorously took notes.  When he was done, I could almost see the arts center, even though it was currently just a bare field and I couldn’t wait to see the finished project.

We’d gone back to the office for a while once we were done at the site.  Court and I continued working on the proposal, adding the new details from the site visit and Drew holed himself up in his office to work on blueprints.  He was still in there when I left at six o’clock.

The apartment was empty and lonely when I got home.  Doris wasn’t even outside, which disappointed me more than I expected.  I hated coming home to nothing.  I was loving my job.  I found it stimulating and fulfilling, but I missed Ethan.  He was always sleeping when I left for work and he was never there when I got back.  I was usually asleep when he got home and no matter how hard he tried not to, he woke me up when he’d return from his shift.  He’d apologize quietly and climb into bed and I’d curl up next to him and go back to sleep, until I woke up and the whole process started over again.

Tonight was no different.  I went to my room and threw my clothes in the hamper.  The blouse landed on the floor, but I just shrugged instead of picking it up.  I’d be doing laundry soon, so what did it matter if I picked it up?  I’d get it in the morning.  I changed into a pair of comfy sweats and a t-shirt and went into the kitchen.  It was nearly seven o’clock after my commute home and I was starving.  My mouth watered as I thought of my mom’s rosemary pork chops and mashed potatoes.  Take out and sandwiches were getting old.  I looked through the pathetic cupboards and decided on Ramen.  We had a ton of it because it was cheap and not half bad, especially if you added some vegetables to it.  I looked in the fridge and realized we had no produce.  My heart sank a little, but resided myself to the fact that I’d be having plain Ramen alone tonight.

Eight

I slept in longer than usual Saturday morning.  Ethan had gotten home late like always and I loved snuggling next to him all night until we both dragged ourselves out of bed at ten-thirty.  We lounged around until he had to leave for work at two o’clock.  Once he left, I got myself ready and headed out to increase the balance on my credit card.  I avoided Bloomingdale’s knowing I’d be able to get maybe two outfits with their prices.  Instead, I decided on H&M.  Even though I opted for a cheaper store, I still spent nearly $400, but was able to get enough clothes that I could mix and match and make it look like I’d spent a lot more. 

When I got back to the apartment, all I could do was watch more
Mad Men
and wait for Ethan to get home.  I hadn’t stopped thinking about the day we had planned.  After my first week of work and having not gone anywhere together since that first night in Times Square, I was ready to go out and explore and finally be with Ethan. 

When I woke up the next morning, Ethan was still in a deep sleep.  I decided to take a shower and let him sleep a little longer before I woke him.  Once I was done, I sat, wrapped in a towel, next to him on the bed.  He was still sound asleep, but it was almost nine a.m. and I wanted to leave by ten o’clock.  I nudged him gently until he began stirring.

“Hey, wake up,” I said softly. “It’s time to get up.” His eyes opened slowly, but they still looked heavy. “You need to get in the shower so we can go.”

“What?” he asked, his voice heavy and groggy.

“It’s nine o’clock.  You need to get up so we can go.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, then ran a hand through his hair before sitting up.  His hair was a mess, but I thought he looked adorable in just his boxer shorts. 

“About today,” he said, his voice low and his mouth in a slight frown.

“What about today?” I interrupted, hoping this conversation wasn’t headed where I thought it was.  He took a deep breath before speaking and I felt my heart sink. 

“I have to work,” he said and I could feel the air leaving my lungs when I exhaled.

“What?”

“I have to work,” he repeated.

“I heard what you said, but what are you talking about?  Today’s your day off.  It’s your first day off in like two weeks.  We had plans,” I said, trying not to get mad yet, even though I could feel myself getting angrier by the second.

“I know.  I know we had plans, but a shift opened up and I offered to take it.”

“What?” I exclaimed, knowing the tone and pitch of my voice made me sound like a total shrew. “You volunteered for this?  How could you?  You knew we had plans.  You knew how much I was looking forward to this.  I thought you were too.”

“I was.  And I’m sorry, Nat,” he said until I interrupted again.

“You’re not serious, Ethan,” I said softly, trying to control the tone of my voice from the shrill shrieking a moment before.  He didn’t say anything.  He just sat there, looking pathetically at me. “All I’ve been able to think about since we planned this was finally getting to spend some time with you.  How could you, Ethan?” My voice was soft because I didn’t have the energy to yell at him.

“I thought you’d understand.  I’m sorry.”

He sounded annoyed.  He sounded like he thought I was making too big a deal out of this and his reaction started to piss me off. 

“You’re not sorry.  If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it,” I said more forcefully as I stood up, clutching the towel tightly to my body and I felt myself glaring at him. “This is bullshit!”

“I said I was sorry.  What the fuck else do you want me to say?”

“Don’t talk to me like that!  You’re the one who did this!  Why’d you do it?”

“We need the money or do you not realize that?  I thought an extra shift could help.  We’ve gotta pay for those new clothes I saw you bought yesterday!  Cut me a fuckin’ break, Natalie!”

“One shift is not going to make or break us!”

“I’m just trying to make this work!”

“Like hell you are!  Making this work is actually being together, which is something that never happens!  It’s one night.  One shift, Ethan.  It’s not going to matter.  It’s not all about the money.  We need this time together.  We’ve gone out one time since we moved here.  I feel like I never see you anymore.  We sleep next to each other, but that’s it.  That’s all we do.  We hardly even have sex anymore because our schedules don’t match up and you’re always so tired.”

“I’m tired because I’m always fucking working!” I knew his dig was intentional and it hurt.

“I understand you’ve been working.  I appreciate how hard you’ve been working, but seriously, Ethan!  We finally have some time together and you’d rather work!” I spat at him, as tears filled my eyes.

“Calm down,” he said, reaching for me, but I was so frustrated, I pushed his hands away.

“I’m perfectly calm, I’m just really pissed off and I’m really hurt,” I said, staring at him, still dumbfounded he could do this.  He stared back, but I couldn’t tell if he was regretful or just annoyed. 

“Natalie,” he said softly. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“I don’t want you to make it up to me.  I want today.  I want today with you.”  I stared hard at him, hoping he could see the hurt in my eyes, but he didn’t say anything.  I just grabbed my clothes and turned out of the room.  I walked quickly to the bathroom and changed before taking out my anger on my hair, tugging and pulling until all the tangles were out.  I blow dried it and then pulled it back into a ponytail.  Even though Ethan had canceled on me, I wasn’t going to sit at home, seething at him until he left for work.  I was going out because I couldn’t be around him right now. 

He was sitting on the couch, doing nothing when I came out of the bathroom.  His elbows were resting on his knees and his hands were clasped as I walked past him into the bedroom. I pulled a black Hawkeyes hoodie over my head before grabbing my purse and heading toward the door.

“Where are you going?” Ethan asked as I turned the doorknob.

“I’m going out to Central Park and the museum and then to lunch just as we’d planned.”

“I don’t have to go to work for a little while though.  We could stay here.”

I turned to him, my hand still resting on the knob.

“You don’t get it, Ethan,” I sighed and he stood up and walked over to me.  His face was serious and worried.

“I’m sorry, Nat.  I really am.  I didn’t think you’d get this upset.  I thought you’d understand.”

“I’m sorry my reaction isn’t what you expected,” I said, the sarcasm extra thick in my voice. “And I’m sorry I didn’t understand.  I guess I just don’t understand how working one stupid shift is more important than spending the day with me.”

“Work is not more important, and you know it.”

“No, I don’t know it.  Have a great shift.”  My voice was calm again as my eyes began to fill with tears, but I held them back, not wanting him to see me cry.  I swung open the door and slammed it shut, grateful for once, that Doris wasn’t outside.  I walked quickly down the steps and out into the cool air.  Once I was alone, the tears came as I walked and I wiped them away with my sleeve as I sniffled, trying to gain control of myself.  I was so mad at him and when I was mad, I cried.  I didn’t need him.  I could spend the day by myself, just like I always did.