Uncle John’s
BATHROOM
READER
®
BATHROOM READERS’ PRESS
ASHLAND, OREGON
“No amount of skillful invention can replace the essential element of imagination.”
—Edward Hopper
“ShamWow holds 20 times its weight in liquid!”
—Vince, the ShamWow guy
UNCLE JOHN’S BATHROOM READER®
WEIRD INVENTIONS
Copyright © 2013 by the Bathroom Readers’ Press (a division of Portable Press).
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
“Bathroom Reader,” “Portable Press,” and “Bathroom Readers’ Institute” are registered trademarks of Baker & Taylor. All rights reserved.
For information, write: The Bathroom Readers’ Institute,
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
Cover and interior design by Andy Taray /
Ohioboy.com
eISBN: 978-1-60710-794-1
E-Book edition April 2013
THANK YOU!
The Bathroom Readers’ Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and assistance made this book possible.
Gordon Javna
Brian Boone
Andy Taray
Christy Taray
Trina Janssen
Claudia Bauer
Dan Mansfield
Jill Bellrose
Megan Todd
Brandon Hartley
Will Harris
Jack Feerick
Chris Holmes
Erica Richman
Jeff Giles
Jon Cummings
Dave Lifton
Donny Rodriguez
Anna Zajac
Adam Bolivar
Eleanor Pierce
Eric Dodson
David Hoye
Blake Mitchum
Jennifer Frederick
Sydney Stanley
Lilian Nordland
Aaron Guzman
CONTENTS
BREATH-TO-ENERGY CONVERSION MASK
INSTANT DRUNKENNESS-REVERSING PILLS
INSOMNIA HELMET
ARTIFICIAL CHEWING HEAD
ARTIFICIAL LEAVES
FLOATING SHADE
THE ELECTRIC HICCUP CURE
3-D PRINTABLE HAMBURGERS
TOILET SNORKEL
BREATH DETECTOR
ANTI-STICK SPRAY
CAR KITCHENETTE
AUTOMATIC HAT TIPPER
THE BOYFRIEND BODY PILLOW
ARAB AUTOMATA
THE HOLODECK
ANTI-CARJACKING FLAMETHROWER
PROGRAMMABLE TATTOOS
GERBIL SHIRT
THE FLEXI-PHONE
THE FAKE TV BURGLAR DETERRENT
DIMPLE DRILL
BRAINPUT
AUTOMOBILE URINAL
A BETTER SKIPPING STONE
4 WAYS TO STOP OVEREATING
SILENT-MOVIE SPEECH BALLOONS
THOUGHT SCREEN HELMET
ELECTRONIC CIGARETTES
HYPER-REALISTIC FACE MASKS
CASKET-VISION
BUTTER STICK TYPE
FART-ABSORBING UNDERWEAR
BANANA SUITCASE
BEER CAN ROBOT
BIONIC EXERSUIT
PHONE GAS
THE LAVAKAN
THE FAKE FARMER
BODY HAIR THINNER
BEACH BOOTS
INHALED CAFFEINE
EDIBLE FECES MEAT
SCARY CHILDBIRTH APPARATUS
ROCKING-KNIT CHAIRS
INFLATABLE BREAST IMPLANTS
WEIRD VIDEO GAME ACCESSORIES
THE BOXING BUBBLE HEAD
IMPLANTABLE CELL PHONE
ICE-CUBE PIGEON REPELLER
STUFF THAT CLEANS ITSELF
DIGITAL EAR CLEANER
THE ELECTRIC DOORMAT
PERSONALIZED ACTION FIGURE MACHINE
SOLAR-POWERED BIKINI
THE DISAPPEARING DRESS
HANDS-FREE SANDWICH HOLDER
EXTREMELY USEFUL KITCHEN GADGETS
DOG DNA TEST KIT
EARTHQUAKE HOUSE
CHEESE-FILTERED CIGARETTE
THE BABY MOP
HELMET BAR
THE LEVITATING TABLE
THE PERIODIC TABLE TABLE
WHERE’S MY HOVERBOARD?
DOG TRANSLATOR
EARLY GPS
AN EARLY ELECTRIC RAZOR
THE THUMB-SUCKING STOPPER
PORTABLE LADY URINAL
THE WRIST GUN
HYPOALLERGENIC CATS
THE ELECTRIC PICNIC
GOLF GADGETS
PILLS THAT MAKE YOUR POOP GOLD
MICK FLEETWOOD’S DRUM SUIT
DAN HARTMAN’S GUITAR SUIT
THE IGROW HAIR HELMET
SAFER RUSSIAN ROULETTE
INVISIBILITY CLOAK
KEG HEAD
CAT EARS FOR HUMANS
TEETH EXERCISER
SPRAY ON WI-FI
SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE GLASSES
THE WORLD’S WEIRDEST VENDING MACHINES
SPRAY-ON CONDOMS
THE KISSING SHIELD
TOAST WITH THE MOST
THONG DIAPER
FACE-TO-FAKE TANDEM BIKE
SQUATTY POTTY
THE WORLD’S LIGHTEST SYNTHETIC MATERIAL
GENETICALLY-MODIFIED SILK
THE LEVITATIONARIUM!
SILENT PARTIES
SELF-DRIVING CARS
THE MEDITATION BAG
HIGH-FIVE SIMULATOR
SHIRTS THAT ROCK
NO MORE MISSING SOCKS!
SQUARE WATERMELONS
SMOKER’S HAT
THE MAN BRA
OLESTRA
POTTY TRAINING FOR CATS
CAT WIGS
X-RAY SHOE FITTER
SPIRAL SHOES
HEAD-SHAPED PUMPKIN MOLD
WATERLESS DISHWASHER
THE SELF-CLEANING HOUSE
VIDEO GAMES, WITH SMELLS
CRIMINAL TRUTH EXTRACTOR
FLESH BRUSHING APPARATUS
STAMP MOISTENER
THE VAPORTINI
TV HAT
SMITTENS
POLAR BEAR HATES SNORING
WILD WEST MOUSE TRAP
FUTURISTIC JAPANESE TOILETS
PERSONAL FIRE ESCAPE
LICENSE PLATE FLIPPER
SAUNA PANTS
THE ICE CREAM CONE ZONE
FINGER MUSTACHE TATTOOS
SWISS ARMY RING
THE CIGARETTE RING
MANNEQUIN GUITAR
A WORKING MODEL OF THE EARTH
WAR KITE
NEW WOOD
THE PSYCHIC PLANT
THE EYEBORG
INVISIBLE BIKE HELMETS
GREENHOUSE HELMET
REMOTE-CONTROLLED HORSE
INFINITE SOAP
HUMAN SAIL
SADISTIC BABY GADGETS
LINCOLN TUNNEL CATWALK CARS
ONE INTENSIVE COMB-OVER
NEW FRONTIERS IN CAFFEINE DISPERSAL
DUMB USB GADGETS
CORDLESS JUMP ROPE
WINE-BOT
COLLAPSIBLE RIDING COMPANION
BUBBLE HAT
SPINNING WALL
CHOW, BELLA
CONTROL-ALT-DELETE HANDLE
EXHAUST-POWERED CAR JACK
INDOOR PET POTTY
THE I-ON-A-CO CURE-ALL BELT
A SAFER COCKFIGHT
THE PLASTIC WISHBONE
ACT NOW! SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED!
ANTI-GRAVITY FLYING SAUCER
FANCY MAN MUSTACHE ACCESSORIES
RELAXATION CAPSULE
DISSOLVABLE MOUTH BURN STRIPS
THE BIG HAIR HAT
SOUND PERFUME GLASSES
STYLUS ICONS
TAPEWORM TRAP
TALKING BASEBALL CARDS
VACUUM TRAIN
TOPLESS SANDALS
PIGEON-GUIDED MISSILES
IN-CAR RECORD PLAYER
ALUMINUM FACIAL SPA
THUNDERSHIRT
EXTREMELY INSTANT NOODLES
MIRACLE WEIGHT-LOSS PRODUCTS
SPRAY-ON SKIN
THE THEREMIN
MORE KITCHEN GADGETS
THE 10-IN-1 GARDEN TOOL
BAGELHEADS
GOOGLE GLASSES
THE SOVIET CALENDAR
THE TRANQUILITY CALENDAR
THINGS INVENTED BY THE PROFESSOR ON
GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
ICE-BASED AIRCRAFT CARRIER
HAMSTER SHREDDER
SHOTGUN WITH SHOT GLASS
PEDAL-LESS RUNNING BIKE
CUDDLEBOTS
SECURITY GERBIL
THE INTERROBANG
THE NUTRITION PATCH
SPEAKER VEST
GREEK FIRE
CHARLIE SHEEN’S CHAPSTICK DISPENSER
ANTI-GRAVITY BOOTS
THE FIRST FLYING CAR
STUD SPECTACLES
NEUTICLES
BED STRAIGHTENER
