My So-Called Family (13 page)

I shrugged. Avery looked worried about me for a second, but I knew it was only because she thought I was scared about the test. “We'll start studying as soon as we order, I promise,” she said.

I remembered eating pizza with Samantha—pepperoni, because that was her favorite. I hated the idea of Samantha being with the boys without me. I didn't understand how Callie seemed to forget all about Megan so quickly. It just seemed too easy for sisters to disappear.

Suddenly I didn't want to be around anyone. I just wanted to be alone. “It's okay,” I said. “I think I might just go study at home. I'm not really feeling well.”

“Are you sure?” Avery asked. I nodded. If I were home, I could study and stop thinking about Samantha so much. I could just focus on my history exam and not think about anyone else. I put my Palm Pilot back into my bag and zipped it up. “Call me later,” Avery said.

“I will,” I said. I stood up and pulled my bag over my shoulder. “Sorry, guys,” I said. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

A
couple weeks later Chase found out that he didn't get into Yale. Avery and her family were supposed to go skiing over Christmas break, but Mr. Monahan canceled the trip. He said it was because he couldn't get away from work, but Avery said that it was really because of Yale.

Simon and Mom took Charlie and me back to Baltimore for a long weekend over New Year's so we could visit some of our old friends and also Simon's parents. They pinched Charlie's and my cheeks as soon as we walked in the door. “Oh, you've gotten so much bigger!” Simon's mother said. I'm supposed to call her Grandma Diane, like Charlie does. It always sounds weird to me, since she wasn't my grandmother until I was almost eight years old.

“I've grown a lot,” Charlie said, which wasn't really true.

“Yes, you have,” Grandma Diane agreed. “And you, too, Leah.” She put her arm around me and squeezed me in. She smelled kind of funny, like mothballs and hair spray. I stifled a cough. “I've been cooking for you all day,” she said.

“Oh, no,” Simon said. “What's for dinner, Ma?”

“It's a surprise,” Simon's mother said.

“Watch out for Grandma's surprises, kids,” Simon said. “She used to make me eat liverwurst.” I almost started to gag. I put my hand to my mouth, and Simon must have noticed because he came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “I know, Leah, it's awful. I used to tell her I didn't want to have to eat anything with the word ‘worst' in it!”

I shrugged my shoulder, so Simon moved his hand. “Oh, you,” Simon's mother told him. “Leave me alone. I didn't make liverwurst this time, but it's good for you, just so you know.”

I followed everyone into the living room because I had to. Simon's parents had invited a few people over for dinner, and Mom and Simon had invited a couple of their friends. Mom had invited my old friend Heidi and her mother, but they had gone away for the weekend, and I was secretly glad. I didn't feel like seeing Heidi. Everything that was going on was making me feel different from everybody else. Mom asked if there was anyone else I wanted to invite, but I told her no. “Everyone's probably on vacation,” I said. Besides, the house was pretty full with the people Mom, Simon, and Simon's parents had invited. Simon's sister, Amy, her husband, and their kids were there. Amy had just had a new baby, and Mom and Simon were all excited to meet it, even though it didn't do much except scream and sleep. There weren't as many people at dinner as there usually are at the family reunion, but it seemed like enough to me. I asked Mom if it meant we didn't have to go to the reunion in March. “Of course we have to go,” Mom said. “It's a tradition. Besides, you love going.”

“No, I don't,” I told her.

“What's going on, Leah?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Never mind.”

“Oh, Leah, this new attitude of yours has to change,” Mom said.

“Whatever,” I said. Mom ignored me and walked into the kitchen to help Simon's mother put the finishing touches on dinner.

Luckily, we didn't stay with Simon's parents. We stayed at a hotel instead, which was kind of strange since our old house was so close by. We even drove past the house, but we didn't go inside. The new owners had put different-colored curtains in all the windows. I looked at my old room and wondered what it looked like inside, but Mom and Simon wouldn't let us ring the doorbell. They said it wouldn't be right to intrude on the new owners like that. I didn't see what the big deal was, but since Mom and Simon didn't seem to understand anything I had to say, I didn't say anything about it.

I called Avery the day after we got back from Baltimore. “Finally!” she said. “I'm so glad you're back. Everyone is away except me. It's totally boring. You have to come over today.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Of course I'm sure,” she said.

“I mean, does Chase need privacy or something?”

“Oh, you won't even see Chase,” Avery said. “He doesn't ever come out of his room these days, unless he has to go to the bathroom or something. Lizzie came over the other day, and he wouldn't even come out of his room to talk to her.”

“I thought they were still fighting,” I said.

“Well, I guess Lizzie thought everything was fine with them since he's not going to Yale, but Chase is really upset. He won't talk to anyone, not even Lizzie. My dad was giving him a really hard time at first, banging on his door and all that. But now even he's given up trying to get Chase to talk to him. Lizzie was hysterically crying when she left the house the other day. My mom had to drive her home because she was crying so hard. Chase told me once that she could be dramatic.”

“Wow,” I said. “Doesn't sound like it's been that boring.”

“So it's not exactly boring,” Avery said. “But it's been really lonely. I mean, the only person in my house who speaks to me is my mom.”

I knew what she meant about feeling lonely. The only person in my family that I wasn't mad at was Charlie. I didn't even have Samantha to talk to, and not just because I didn't have Avery's cell phone when I was in Baltimore. Samantha's mom had been picked to be a faculty advisor on a college trip to Paris. Samantha got to go with her, but her cell phone didn't work in France. “I just need to tell my mom and I'll come over,” I told Avery.

“Hurry up,” she said.

It was pretty warm outside. Simon said it was called January thaw and that it happened every year, but I couldn't remember it ever being so warm in January. I was wearing my winter jacket, but I took it off and folded it over my arm.

Avery's house is set back from the road. There's a cobblestone path leading up to the front door, which is really old-fashioned looking. It always makes me think there should be a horse and buggy parked in the driveway, even though the inside of the house is really modern and they have all sorts of gadgets. I rang the doorbell and heard Avery shrieking inside. She flung open the door. “Hey!” she cried, throwing her arms around me. “It's so good to see you! How are you?”

“Fine,” I said. “Hot, actually. It's really warm out.”

“Do you want a drink to cool off? We have tons of stuff—soda, water, juice. What do you want?”

“What kind of juice do you have?” I asked.

“I'm not sure,” Avery said. “But go take whatever you want.” She waved me toward the kitchen. “I have to get something to show you.”

“All right,” I said. “Do you want anything?” Avery shook her head. I headed into the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator door. Avery called after me, but I couldn't understand what she was saying. “What?” I called back.

“A Coke,” she shouted louder. “Can you bring me a Coke?”

“Sure,” I shouted back.

“Shut up,” Chase called from upstairs, and I felt my cheeks flush. I had screwed up with Chase again.

“Shut up yourself,” Avery called back.

I heard a door open upstairs, and then heavy footsteps. I took a deep breath and pulled out a mini carton of orange juice—the kind with the straw attached that Charlie brings to school in his lunch box—along with a can of Coke for Avery. I shut the door and walked slowly back toward the front hall. Chase was leaning over the railing and I stepped back so he wouldn't be able to see me. “Jeez, Avery, can't you keep it down so the rest of us can have some peace and quiet?”

“What are you talking about? There's no ‘rest of us.' Mom's out, Dad's at work. It's just you upstairs hiding out. And it's not like I'm playing the drums or something down here. Leah just got here. We were just saying hello. We're probably gonna go out soon anyway.”

“Leah's here?”

“Duh,” Avery said. “What'd you think—that I was talking to myself? Of course she's here. And she must think you're a real jerk too, since you always act like one whenever she's around.”

“Yeah,” Chase said. I stood in the doorway, waiting to hear him walk away before I stepped out. “Where is she?” he asked.

“You probably scared her away,” Avery said.

“Leah,” Chase said. “It's all right to come out. I won't bite.”

“You could have fooled me,” Avery said.

I stepped forward into the front hall. “I'm right here,” I said.

“Sorry about that,” Chase said. “I didn't know it was you.”

“It's okay,” I said. “I'm sorry if I was too loud.”

“Don't apologize to him,” Avery said.

“Right,” Chase said, starting down the stairs. “Don't apologize to me. I was a total jerk, and you're a guest.”

“Uh-huh,” Avery said. “She's a guest. Mom would have a fit if she heard you being rude to a guest. You know she's always saying how she doesn't care how we act in private, but we have to hold it together in front of guests.”

“I get it, Avery,” Chase said. “I think Leah will forgive me. It's not like it was one of Dad's partners and now the world is about to end. Right, Leah?”

“Yes, it's fine, really,” I said. I smiled to show him that I meant it. Chase had his elbows propped up on the railing, and he was leaning down so his hair fell forward and I couldn't see his eyes. He was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves torn off, so the edges were frayed, and a pair of those pants that doctors wear, I think they're called scrubs—they were blue with a drawstring front. I wondered where Chase had gotten them since neither of his parents were doctors. I'd never seen him in a sleeveless shirt before, and I could see the muscles in his arms.

“Whatever,” Avery said. “Leah, I have to get something to show you.” I turned away from Chase to look at her. She started up the stairs. “Behave yourself, Chase,” she said as she passed him. Chase swatted at her and walked down toward me.

“I guess Avery told you everything that happened,” Chase said, and I shrugged. “Quite a Christmas break, huh?”

“I'm sort of looking forward to going back to school,” I told him.

“Yeah, me too. Isn't that crazy?” Chase asked. He swept his bangs back from his forehead so his hair kind of stuck up in the front. It made him look younger. “It's just been so hard around here.”

“I'm sorry about Yale,” I said.

“Yeah, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.” Chase held out his hand toward me, and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Besides, I was still holding the juice and soda. Then he said, “Can I have one of those?”

“Oh, sure,” I said, holding the juice and soda out. “Which one?”

“I don't care,” he said. I handed him the orange juice since the Coke was really for Avery. I didn't want her to get mad at Chase for drinking it, even though there was plenty more in the fridge. “Thanks,” Chase said. He tore the straw off the side and banged it against the carton so the wrapper would come off. I watched him pierce the top of the carton with the tip of the straw and take a long gulp. I stood there looking at him like an idiot because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. Avery was taking a long time getting whatever it was that she wanted to show me. Chase drank the whole carton of orange juice without even stopping for a breath. There was a slurping sound when he finished it, and he squeezed the carton in his fist. “Did Avery tell you my father's theory?” he asked.

“Theory about what?”

“About Yale,” he said. I shook my head. “Oh, this is a good one,” he said. “My father's theory is that the admissions committee could tell that my heart wasn't in it, that I really didn't want to go to Yale. Even though I worked my butt off for the last three and a half years in high school and got almost a perfect score on the SATs. He thinks my application just smelled wrong, and that's why they weren't interested in me. It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that there are a million other kids just like me applying to Yale.”

“I'm sorry,” I said.

“Yeah, me too,” Chase said. “You know, he's wrong about me, too. I mean, I wanted to get into Yale. I really did. It meant so much to him and all of that. But when the envelope came—it was a thin envelope, not a fat one—and I just knew that I didn't get in, he was acting like he was the one who was rejected and not me. I kept telling him, ‘You know, there are other schools out there. I'll probably still get into some Ivy League school.' But for him there's only one school.”

“Maybe you'll get into a school that's even better than Yale,” I said.

“Yeah,” Chase said. “I told him that, too. He got rejected from Harvard when he applied, so I told him, maybe I'll be the one to get into Harvard.”

“That'd show him, right?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he said. “Listen, I'm sorry to unload all of this on you. All my friends are so weird about college right now, and I haven't really talked to anyone about this. But you're not like Avery's other friends—they're nice girls, but they just come here and giggle, you know?”

“I guess,” I said, shrugging.