My Skylar (27 page)

“Yeah. How did you know that?”

“I was looking up autism online after you told me about Henry.”

He stopped chewing and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Wow…that’s…thank you…for doing

that.”

“I don’t like being ignorant. I hadn’t thought about autism all that much before and never

knew anyone affected by it. But now, I do. So…I want to understand.”

“Thank you.” He smiled at me. “You said something last time about volunteering at the

hospital?”

“Yeah. I visit kids who are sick with cancer and try to cheer them up. I’m basically a—”

“Candy striper!” He laughed and pointed at me. “Oh my God. You—Skylar Seymour—have

become one of those broads you used to tell me annoyed the crap out of you when you were sick.”

“Yes…yes, except I’m a progressive striper. I’m the cool one. I don’t blow smoke up their asses

and try to make them feel like they should be happy when they’re not. I give them what they need

and let them know it’s okay to be angry. I spruce up their rooms and bring them stuff they want,

like candy cigarettes…”

“You’re giving a kid with cancer cigarettes?”

“
Candy
cigarettes! One little boy wanted those. So, I got them for him. My job is to do

whatever it takes to make them happy. That’s what I’m there for.”

“They’re lucky.”

“Lucky? Not quite…”

“No, I mean…they’re lucky because they have you. Anyone who’s been lucky enough to have

you in their lives has been blessed.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I just hope Kevin knows how lucky
he
is.” He took a sip of his Sprite. He looked hesitant to say something and began playing with his straw before looking up at me. “Are you happy?”

I was silent because I honestly didn’t know how to answer that. Happy wasn’t the right word.

Safe
, maybe
.
In some ways, that might have been more important to me after everything I’d been through. With Kevin, I felt secure, albeit not 100-percent fulfilled. With Mitch, I had been truly

happy in every way at one time, only to have it all implode.

He continued through my silence. “Look, Skylar, I meant it when I said I respect your

situation. I want us to be friends again and won’t try to interfere in your relationship. If you’re genuinely happy, I would never impose on that.”

He looked out the window and seemed to be lost in thought. Silverware clinked all around us

while I stared at his reflection and wondered what he was really thinking. Why did it suddenly

disappoint me that he wasn’t begging me to break up with Kevin or that he wasn’t trying to fight

for me?

Instead of answering his earlier question, I simply said, “I appreciate that.”

Mitch opened one of the ketchup packets and began to squeeze it into his mouth. It was a

habit he had since childhood.

“You still do that?”

“Yup,” he said, opening another one.

The image of his mouth sucking hard on the plastic triggered an unintentional flashback of

those same lips doing the very same thing when he went down on me. The muscles between my

legs contracted as I imagined him doing it to me right then and there, remembering all too clearly

how amazing it had felt. Kevin never did it, and I hadn’t missed it…until now.

“Actually, that’s kind of gross,” I said. “Can you stop?”

***

“Did your mom tell you I built an addition on my mother’s house? Well, technically, it’s my

house now that she lives with Fred.”

“No. She didn’t.”

My mother, like everyone else, was under strict instructions not to talk about Mitch. So, it was

no surprise she hadn’t mentioned it.

“I don’t really see Tish anymore, but I know she must have noticed me working out there from

across the street. It was under construction for months. I wasn’t sure if she mentioned it to you.”

“What kind of addition?”

“Well, you know our house doesn’t have much space. So, I wanted a room where Henry could

play and run around in the winter. I built one off the side of the living area.”

“That’s so cool that you were able to do that yourself.”

He glanced at me and smiled. “I’ve learned a few things working in construction over the past

several years. Would you want to drive by real quick and see it? We’re not far. We won’t go inside.

I’ll just show you the exterior.”

“Sure.”

Jitters developed as we drove down my old street and pulled into his driveway. My mother had

been to visit Kevin and me since we moved home, but I hadn’t been back here, mainly out of fear

of running into Mitch. The lights were off in my mother’s house across the street, and I

remembered she had her book club tonight. Mitch came around and opened the passenger door,

helping me out of the Corvette.

“We’ll just walk around the side real quick. Then, I’ll take you home.”

I was surprised at how big the new structure looked from the outside. “This must have been a

lot of work. That’s no small room.”

“Yeah, well, we’ve got a trampoline in there and a lot of stuff for his therapy when it starts, so

we kind of need all of the space.”

“Wow, good job.”

“Thanks. It’s cold. We can get going. I just wanted you to see it.”

Just as we were about to enter the car, a light came on, and the front door opened. Janis came

running out. “Mitch, I’m glad you’re home. He’s upstairs. I can’t get him to sleep. He’s—” She

stopped talking when she noticed me in the passenger seat and squinted. “Skylar? Is that you?”

She looked like she had seen a ghost.

I waved awkwardly like a teenager sneaking around who just got caught. “Hi, Janis.”

She approached the car. “Hi. I, uh, wasn’t expecting to see you, honey. I…I’m sorry. I thought

Mitch was alone. I’ll let you two —”

“Mom, it’s okay. Skylar’s back in town, and we were just meeting up for some dinner to catch

up. I wanted to show her the addition from the outside before I drove her home. What’s wrong

with Henry?”

“He’s been up. He just won’t stop crying. Something is frustrating him, and he started biting

his hand.”

Mitch put his head on the steering wheel. “Shit.” He turned to me. “I better go in real quick,

see if I can get him down. Do you mind?”

“Of course, not. I’ll wait here.”

“It’s cold. This could take a little bit. Will you come in?”

“I—”

“Skylar and I will have some tea while you get Henry to sleep,” Janis said, nodding to me in a

silent plea to come inside.

“Okay. Sure.”

My heart was beating rapidly, unsure of what to expect. The door creaked as we entered the

house. It was dark except for a lamp on in the living room, and the evening news was on low

volume. I could immediately hear Henry crying upstairs, and it made my heart beat faster. It

sounded like he was jumping on the bed.

Mitch turned around at the bottom of the stairs before heading up. “I’ll be back, okay?”

Janis put her hand on my arm. “Come sit with me.”

As we entered the familiar kitchen with the same wooden chairs and the same flowered seat

cushions, I thought about how ironic it was that everything was the same, yet so different.

She turned on the stove and put a pot of water on to heat then sat across from me. “He didn’t

tell me he was going to see you. He said he had to meet a friend.”

“Technically, that was the truth.”

“You’re no friend, Skylar. You mean so much more to him, more than you could ever

comprehend. You don’t know what things were like here after you left.”

I felt ill-prepared to have this conversation but wanted to know more. I noticed that the crying

upstairs had stopped.

“Tell me.”

She leaned in and whispered, “He would kill me if he knew I was saying any of this to you.”

She got up to grab the kettle and poured hot water into two mugs. “I was so worried for him after

you left. He was drinking all of the time. Then, there was the arrest.”

“Arrest? For what?”

“He was cleared, but I think you should let him tell you that story.”

An image of Mitch behind metal bars appeared in my head. I was silent as she continued.

“He wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was really scared I was going to lose him.”

She steeped the tea bag into my mug and handed it to me. “By the time Henry was born, Mitch

was still hurting, but he stepped up to the plate and stayed strong for his son. When he finally

opened up to me months later, I realized he was more tormented about the fact that he thought

he’d hurt you beyond repair than anything else.”

“I was devastated. That was why I left, but I never fully blamed him. It still hurts, but I’m okay.

I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault but hers.”

“I’m sorry about everything that happened, Skylar. I’m sorry you left, that you were hurt, and

I’m most sorry that Tish and I grew apart because of it. I really miss her.”

I reached for her hand across the table. “That makes me more sad than you know.”

She looked down at my ring. “You’re engaged?”

“Yes.”

“Promise me something?”

“Okay…”

“Promise me you won’t lead Mitch on. If you say you’re his friend…be one. Don’t cross the line

then leave. He couldn’t handle losing you again. I know my son, and I know how much he still

loves you. He never stopped. He may be telling you he’s okay with this friendship thing, but you’re still very much under his skin. I can’t bear to see him hurt again.”

It was a lot to take in. “I won’t hurt him, Janis.”

She took my tea from my hands and placed it on the table. “Go meet my grandson.”

“What?”

“Don’t be scared. He’s a little Mitch. He’s got the same big blue eyes. He can’t speak, but I

know he can understand us.”

“She’s really not around at all?”

“No, honey. Were you worried about that? She was never a part of our lives. She calls to check

on Henry once in a blue moon, mostly when she knows my son is at work. She doesn’t want to

deal with Mitch, and the feeling is mutual. She claims she might be coming in the summer, but

who knows? We’re better off without the aggravation. It would only screw up Henry’s routine if

she came around.”

“I have recurring dreams about beating the shit out of her.”

“Don’t pay them any mind. She’s not worth any of our time. Go upstairs. See Henry. He might

even be sleeping by now.”

I stood up and put the mug on the counter. Tensely gripping the handrail, I slowly walked up

the stairs.

The door to Mitch’s bedroom was slightly open, and he was lying on the bed with Henry. There

was one night light on. He didn’t see me peeking through the crack of the door and was unaware

that I could hear him talking to his son.

“She was everything to me once, like you are now. I want you to meet her. Her name is Skylar.

I can’t believe she’s actually here.”

Henry was awake, staring vacantly, humming but non-responsive. That didn’t stop Mitch from

talking to him in the same manner he would were he expecting the boy to say something back.

Mitch kissed him on the head. “You feel better now that I’m here, don’t you? I love you,

buddy.”

A feeling so intense it was unidentifiable built inside my heart upon seeing Mitch as a father

like this. Yet, his situation was different than most. You had to be an extraordinary person to

parent a child who needed round the clock care and still demonstrate the patience and love he

clearly had for Henry.

I coughed so that he knew I was there.

Mitch sat up. “How long were you standing there?”

“Not long.”

“Come in.” He turned to Henry who was calm but staring into space. “Henry, this is who I was

telling you about…Daddy’s special friend. This is Skylar.”

I sat at the edge of the bed. “Hi, Henry. It’s so nice to meet you.”

He said nothing and didn’t look at me. He blinked a few times as he stared at the wall.

“Is he feeling better?”

“Yeah. He’s used to me putting him to bed. So, I think he was just acting up for my mother. As

soon as I got up here, he stopped crying. I brought him here to my room in the hopes that if I lay

down with him, he’d fall asleep. I’ll transfer him back to his own bed once he’s out, but he’s a little wired from all the jumping.”

I was still looking up at Mitch when I felt Henry reach for my hand. I looked down at his tiny

dimpled fingers, which were now gripping my own. My palm was facing up as he began folding

my fingers down one by one as if he were counting as he went along. Then, I would open my hand

up again and he would repeat it. Even though he wouldn’t look at me, he was looking at my hand.

“Does he do this a lot?” I smiled.

“No. He doesn’t usually touch people like that. He seems to be playing with
you
, though.”

After a few more rounds of the same pattern of opening and closing in sequence, he stopped

and just continued to hold my hand without making eye contact. I could feel Mitch staring at me

as I looked down at Henry’s hand in mine. When I got a closer look at the boy’s face, I realized he really was the spitting image of Mitch. There was no physical sign of
her
. I continued to stare in awe at the beautiful human being I once perceived as the main source of my angst. In reality, he

was an angel.

Mitch startled me when he placed his hand over Henry’s and mine. My entire body warmed

upon his touch.

“Thank you for coming upstairs to meet him. I didn’t want to pressure you, but I’m really glad