Addictive Lunacy

1

“S
he was a cold, stuck up bitch anyway.”

I rolled my eyes, leaning back in my chair and staring up at the ceiling. As always, my brother Luke had such a brilliant way with words. “That cold, stuck up bitch, as you call her, was my fiance.” I felt weary as I reminded him.

Luke was unapologetic. “
Was
. You said it. And if she was stupid enough to let you go, my brother, then I can be as
honest
about her as I want.”

Against my will, I felt my lips twitch with a smile. Crass and a bit annoying, my younger brother could always be counted on to speak whatever was on his mind. Whether it was frustrating, traumatizing, or not.

“Did she even give you a real reason why?” I could hear the sounds of traffic and people in the background.

“No. Just that she couldn’t go through with it.” My eyes moved unseeingly around my office. Again, I had to wonder: Why had Diane broken off our engagement? What could have driven her to do it?

But, most importantly, why wasn’t I more upset about this whole situation? Or, more honestly,
at all
? I could feel a slight twinge of disappointment and the curiosity as to her reasons behind it.

What I couldn’t feel was any pain. Not even a pinch. Nothing. I’d been with the woman for two years. I’d cared for her...

Hadn’t I?

Luke started speaking again, pulling me out of my head.“You know what you need? You need to come out with me tonight.”

I was already shaking my head. “Lucas, no.”

The man nearly
whined
. “Come on. I’ll ask Dorian to come along. We can go to that spot I love downtown. The one that isn’t full of stuck-up asses.”

I sighed, surprised to find myself actually considering it. Then again, I really shouldn’t go. My engagement had just ended yesterday. For God’s sake, I knew what Luke was going to try to do if I did go with him.

“I won’t try to hook you up with anyone, I promise.”

Fucking mind reader.

“Dude, you can’t just stay home and dwell on this shit. Besides, it’s been awhile since the three of us hung out. I’m sure Dorian is in need of some relaxation time, as well.”

“When isn’t Dorian relaxed?” I just had to ask because seriously, I’d known Dorian for years and he was always the most calm and easy going of us all. Well, not as ‘easy going’ as my brother, but still...

“I don’t know man. He’s been off lately. Over the last two months the man’s been getting grouchier and I swear, I think it might have to do with lack of sex.
He
definitely needs to go out and get some
—
”

“Alright. That’s enough of that.” Honestly, I was not in the mood to discuss anyone’s sex life and if I let Luke stay on that track, it was only a matter of time before his own sex life came into the conversation.

No. Thank. You. I’d heard enough over the span of one lifetime.

“Just say you’ll come along. I’m already texting the fucker.”

I sighed, my gut tightening. It was a bad idea. I knew this. I could somehow feel it. And still, somehow, I heard myself answering, “Fine.”

“Fuck yeah!” Luke exclaimed excitedly. “It’s been forever since we went out .”

“Just remember your damned promise. No ‘hooking’ me up. And definitely no damned strippers.”

Luke grumbled, sounding the very definition of petulant. “Suck all the fun out of the situation, why don’t you?”

“Luke...”

“Alright. Alright. A night of mostly innocent fun. Only for you, my brother. Only for you.”

I rolled my eyes. If it wasn’t for our shared physical looks, I’d wonder if one of us had been adopted. No, scratch that. I’d claimed more than once that Luke had been found.

In a bathroom stall.

At midnight.

“Just do me one favor.”

My dread was building. “What?”

“Jeans, man. Jeans. It won’t kill you to wear a pair now and then.”

I scowled at my phone. “I do wear jeans,” I said.

“Correction: you
used
to wear jeans. The last time I saw you wear a pair was over two years ago,
before
you started dating someone who is even more stuck-up than you are.”

I was two seconds from snapping at him and telling him to forget the whole thing when he told me he’d see me tonight and hung up. Jaw twitching, I sat there, digging into my memories and trying to find one that proved Luke’s comment false.

He’d implied that I’d become even more ‘stuck-up’ after meeting Diana. It wasn’t true. I knew it couldn’t be true. I was the way I was, no one would change or influence that.

Right?

What Luke said, it wasn’t true.

Was it?

Damn my fucking brother.

***

I stared at myself in the mirror, hazel eyes furious because I’d realized one really fucked-up fact. I was in jeans and damn me, I was
uncomfortable
in them. Luke had been right. The dark pair of jeans I was wearing had been purchased over two years ago and they’d been hiding in the back of my closet, tags still attached.

How the hell had this happened? It wasn’t just the jeans, it was the principle. Yes, now I remembered Diane’s disdain for what she called
“
non-professional attire
”
and I remembered her voicing it early in our relationship. What I couldn’t remember was at what point I’d decided to actually listen to her opinion.

And now that I was being honest with myself, I was coming to see a few other areas of my life where I’d let my ex-fiancé’s opinion influence me without even realizing it.

I, a man who loved to have my life under my control, had let someone else have some of that control. And for what? So she could just break off our engagement without even giving me a reason why?

Oh yeah. The black-haired, hazel eyed man in the mirror was starting to look a tad bit monstrous.

Feeling like my scowl was becoming permanently etched onto my face, I all but ripped my dress shirt off. In the wall length mirror that lined one side of my closet, muscles rippled, reflecting how tensed I was as I stormed back towards where my shirts were hanging.

I flung my dress shirt on the floor and ripped through, looking for a t
–
shirt. Once I slipped on a black one, I felt myself calm down somewhat.

The realization that I’d let a woman that hadn’t even loved me gain that much control over my life pissed me off. Even worse, I’d never loved her. I’d always known that what people call passionate love wasn’t ever present in our relationship, but we’d been a good match.

Compatible.

At least I’d been convinced we were. I was thirty-three and it was time for me to settle down. I’d picked her and in the process made a host of idiotic mistakes. It was time I gained back control of my life. Even if it meant...

Holy shit. I can’t believe I’m actually considering this. Maybe Diane leaving me has fucked up my head more than I’m allowing myself to admit.

Then again, maybe Luke is right. Maybe being with Diane is what fucked your head and now it’s time that you go out there, move on with your life, and loosen up a bit.

I was never going to be as wild as my brother but that made sense. Determined, I picked out a pair of black casual shoes. All I had when it came to sneakers was gyms shoes but I resolved to rectify that as soon as possible.

I put on my shoes, sprayed on some cologne, and for once, I didn’t completely smooth back my hair. I just let it fall back on its own, one strand even falling forward against my will.

Yes, I was definitely a little uncomfortable. But that was the point, wasn’t it? Step a little out of my comfort zone. Or, rather, what had become my comfort zone over the last two years.

Well, as I left my penthouse apartment, I had no idea just how out of my comfort zone I was about to
go
.

Or how epically it would come to ruin me.

***

The bar was still mostly empty when I got there. Most happy-hour patrons were long gone. It would be at least another hour before the late evening crowd got in. Still, this is the time Luke had told me to meet him.

No, actually, he was fifteen minutes late and as I washed my hands in the bathroom I found myself fighting back my frustration. I’d just dried my hands and was about to call Luke when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took it out and felt my brow slam low when I saw what the text said.

‘Both of us got dragged into meetings. Won’t be able to make it’ -L.

I was about to call him and rail when another text came through.

‘Can’t talk right now, I’ll call you when I’m out of the boardroom and then you can curse me out all you want. Sorry again.’ -L.

I sighed, feeling a headache coming on. Dorian text me next, also apologizing. Whatever. There went my “carefully” laid out plans of letting loose for the night. I’d just opened the door to exit the bathroom when a woman’s voice reached my ears.

A voice that could only be described as
se
xy
.

“What do you mean you’re not coming? Damn it woman, I’m already here! You know, these are the moments I’m convinced that Ang values our friendship more than you do even though we just met...well, can’t you tell your slave-driving boss you already made plans? No, I don’t give a fuck that he got called into a last minute meeting!”

I swallowed heavily, something about that voice and the way it wrapped around the word “fuck” affecting me. Confused, I turned the corner, intent on moving towards the stairs leading back up to the bar.

Intent, common sense, and all general intelligence flew right out of the back of my head when I caught sight of the owner of that voice. A tiny blond thing was pacing back and forth in front of the stairs, her agitated steps so fast that she was almost a blur.

She was wearing a tight black skirt that reached mid-thigh. Her skin was entrancing; I immediately realized that fact, especially the amount of leg that was left bare to my view. All the way down to her flat little boots that ended at her ankles. She paired it with a white button down shirt that had the sleeves pushed up to her elbows.