My Perfect Imperfections (4 page)

Dad stared at Mom for a few seconds. Layna’s grip around my hand tightened.

Without saying a word, Dad began packing and taking the tents down.

“What are you doing?” Mom asked.

“We’re leaving,” he said. “This pretend game of being one happy family was nice while it lasted.”

That was that. The entire ride home was a silent one. Dad brought everything into the house and kissed Layna and me before leaving. He didn’t even look in Mom’s direction.

Mom walked up to me and said, “I’m so sorry, Lily. I should never have left you like that.”

The apology just made me feel worse. She didn’t need to apologize to me. This whole thing was my fault. If I weren’t so helpless, none of this would have happened. I looked away because I didn’t want her to see the tears of guilt in my eyes. She knew that when I turned my head away like that, I just wanted to be left alone.

Layna wheeled me to the bathroom. After helping me to the toilet, she put me in my bed, knowing I was emotionally exhausted. Unfortunately, sleep was a stubborn mule that night for both of us.

“Don’t worry about them. They’re stupid adults,” Layna said while staring at the ceiling.

I didn’t answer.

She turned toward me and asked, “Lily? Why do you think that wolf didn’t hurt you?”

I mumbled a sound.

“Maybe he was really watching over you. Maybe that’s why he waited until Mom got there.”

Layna always had to believe the good in everything. I wasn’t at all surprised at where she was going with this.

“Think about it, Lily. He could have really hurt you. You know, now that I think about it, maybe that wolf was a she. You know, a female. I mean, she could have been a mother herself so she would know to watch over her cubs. She was watching over you, Lily. I’m convinced of it! She knew you couldn’t be left alone.”

I suppose I could see what she was saying. The day had drained me, though, and I had no desire to think about that wolf or the fight afterward.

“I think it’s so cool! I mean you were protected by a wild wolf, Lily!” The more Layna kept talking about it, the more excited she was becoming. “Do you know why that wolf protected you, Lily? It’s because you’re an angel—just like I told you a long time ago. You’re an angel, Lily. And, that wolf knew it.”

I rolled my eyes. Layna and her crazy imagination!

As far as my parents were concerned, they acted as if our vacation never occurred. Everything went back to the way it was prior to the trip. They stayed separate but cordial. Neither of them brought up the camping incident again.

But, one thing did change.

Dad hired a personal assistant to help with my needs.

Although Layna continued to become more and more popular—with guys falling at her feet—she still prioritized me over anything else. Sure, she went to dances and on dates with boys, but that didn’t affect our relationship at all. As a matter of fact, our bond became tighter than ever before.

During our senior year, I knew that Layna had applied to top colleges. I also knew that she was going to get into them. They would be fools not to take her since she had so much to offer. She was intelligent—scored very high on her college admission tests—and she was one of the top dancers.

As predicted, Layna was accepted into all of the colleges of her choice, and most gave her a full scholarship. The news filled my heart with joy. My sister had worked hard, and I wanted all of her dreams to come true.

Yet, a part of me tried to harden my heart because I knew that meant she would be moving away. When that day came, my fragile heart would shatter.

I decided to attend Marygrove College, which was only half an hour drive from our home in Troy, Michigan. That way, I could still live at home, and Mom or Dad could drive me to and from the college. It wasn’t a big university setting. Academically, it was a great school, and I could probably pursue a degree in teaching. There was also a Master’s program in Technology or Special Education, so I was going to look into both of them to see what would help me land a job after college.

As Layna and I were talking about nothing and everything one day, she suddenly brought up college. “Lily, I decided where I’m going to go to college.”

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to smile. This was not the subject I wanted to discuss.

“I’ll be attending Marygrove with you. That way, I can commute from home, too.”

Instantly, I held my breath, my eyes wide. Why was she saying that?

“I’ve weighed out all of my options, and I think this is the best for me. The college is already fully paid for with my scholarship money. And, more importantly, I get to stay home with you and Mom.”

I frantically began to use my communication device. “Why? That wasn’t your top choice! Are you staying here because of me?”

“No! Well, partly I am. But, mostly it’s because of me!”

I couldn’t help the anger that built inside me. I was so sick and tired of people changing their lives around because of me. Like I didn’t already have enough guilt! Why would she do this?

I yelled at her—with my own voice.

“Why are you upset? I thought you’d be happy,” Layna said, confused.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I steadied my head and eyes to use my device again. “You have to have your own life. I don’t want you to change your goals because of me.”

“I’m not, Lily. I’m still going to college. Besides, my life is with you. I told you a long time ago that I’d never leave you. Don’t you remember that?”

Feeling extremely distressed, I started to drive my wheelchair away, needing some space away from her.

“Stop! We’re not done talking about this!” Layna yelled behind me.

Increasing the speed of my wheelchair, I tried to dash into my room. Layna caught up to me and turned my wheelchair off.

“Sorry. I know that’s mean,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

I was furious! How dare she turn off my wheelchair! She was purposefully restraining me. Weren’t there laws against such abusive treatment?

I swung my arms at her, trying to land a punch. I had never lost control like that, but damn it, she couldn’t ruin her life because of me. I wouldn’t allow it. I continued to yell, flailing my arms, not even coming close to my target. After five minutes of screaming at her, exhaustion finally consumed me. Taking deep breaths, I bent my head down in defeat.

“Lily, please just listen to me. Remember when we were little, and that one night I had that horrible nightmare? Since that night, I’ve always shared your room.”

I ceased my rant because suddenly I was curious. I did remember that night when we were probably around five years old. She had slept in my bedroom since that night.

When she realized that she had my attention, she said, “Well, I never told anybody about my nightmares—not even you. That night I dreamed that you were gone. I looked all over for you, but you had simply disappeared. I woke up screaming. I still have those nightmares, Lily. But, I just force my eyes open because I know I’ll see you in the next bed. You see, Lily, that’s why I’ve never left your room. I can’t stand those dreams. They freak me out, but when I see you sleeping soundly, I can go back to sleep. Can you imagine if I was away for college?” Layna shuddered. “So, basically, my reasons for staying home are completely selfish. Besides, don’t you know that my life is with you? How can you not know that? I’m not staying here because of you. I’m staying because of me. I don’t want to be away from you.”

I sighed. I didn’t even know what to say.

“I can get a great education at this college, Lily. I just don’t want to leave you, Mom, and Duke. I’d be miserable. I can’t even picture my life without you guys. You are my everything. Please, don’t make me feel bad for wanting this.” Layna bit her lower lip when her voice started to shake. I know how much she hated crying in front of people—even in front of me.

Tearing up myself, I slowly brought my arm out to her. She held my hand in both of her hands and leaned toward me. “Do you understand, Lily? Do you understand how much I need you in my life?”

I nodded. Not because I understood. Not because I agreed. I nodded because that was what Layna needed at that time. And, ultimately, that was all that mattered.

Although Layna was asked to prom by the hot quarterback, James Mathis, she declined his offer. I knew she liked him, but she insisted that she had always planned on going to prom with me. When I tried to talk to her about my guilt, she dismissed my concern.

“Lily, I’ve always wanted to go to my senior prom with you. You know that. We’ve planned this for years. It’s going to be amazing! How else can we make our entrance with our matching dresses?” Layna looked at me like I had lost my mind.

“James is hot. You like him,” I insisted with my device. Although I wasn’t surprised, a part of me was sad that no guy had asked me to the senior prom. It would have been nice if Layna and I had gone on a double date. I quickly pushed the thought away because I had learned that wishful thinking only led to more disappointments.

“He is a hottie. I agree. Don’t worry, I have the whole summer to spend with him. Besides, don’t forget, I’ve gone to so many dances without you already. You know that I’ve been saving this last prom dance for you. Now, I don’t want to hear anything more about it. We’re going to have a blast. You’ll see.”

I decided not to argue. She was right in a way. Layna had already attended many high school dances with her dates. She had always planned to go to the senior prom with me. A part of me knew that it was her way of making sure I attended my high school prom. I made a conscious decision not to feel guilty about it anymore. I wanted to have fun with my sister. I was going to dress up, look pretty, and dance on that dance floor.

My dress was silver and Layna’s was gold. Gold always looked better on Layna because of her blonde hair. Both were sleeveless, sequin, long dresses. Layna insisted on doing my makeup and hair, and she wouldn’t allow me to look in the mirror until she was done.

“Wow, Lily!” she exclaimed and finally turned my wheelchair toward the mirror.

I stared at the stranger’s reflection in awe. I hardly ever wore makeup, and my hair was typically pulled up in a bun or a ponytail. While Layna beamed, I was shocked at what I saw. I actually did feel beautiful. Layna had applied just the right amount of makeup on me to enhance my green eyes and my full lips. My dark hair flowed past my shoulders, the curls outlining my face.

“Say something, Lily! Do you like it?” Layna asked.

All I could do was nod. Never had I seen myself like that. As a matter of fact, I rarely even liked to look at myself in the mirror. At that moment, though, I held my head up high, unable to look away.

“I told you that you were an angel, Lily. You look just like one!” Layna kissed my cheek.

The door opened and Mom and Dad walked in. Not wanting to miss our pre-prom festivities, Dad had been there most of the day.

I heard Mom gasp, and Dad said, “My babies are all grown up. I think I need to come with you to chaperone.”

“No way, Dad!” Layna shook her head, horrified at the suggestion.

“Hey, I’m just being protective of my beautiful daughters!” Dad defended himself, chuckling.

“You both truly look stunning, girls. I have to take tons of pictures.” Without waiting for a response, Mom began to click away with the camera.

Attending prom with Layna would probably be one of the most memorable moments of my life. Layna had no problem driving the van with the lift so I could stay in my wheelchair. We were just too dolled up to worry about ruining our clothes while getting me in and out of the wheelchair.

Prom was held at the Hilton by the lake. As soon as we entered, I was astonished by the decorations. The fairytale theme made me feel as if I was living in my own enchanted world.

During dinner, I declined to eat. On that special night, I didn’t want Layna to feed me in front of everybody. It was the one night where I wanted to feel independent and free. Layna understood instantly, so she didn’t push the issue.

After dinner, Layna took me to the dance floor. Although I couldn’t stand out of my wheelchair and dance without somebody supporting me, she just danced like she always did with me at home. She took my hands and moved around me while I danced from my wheelchair. At first, I was a bit self-conscious, but as soon as I saw the happiness in Layna’s eyes, I relaxed. I started moving my arms and head to the beat of the music and stopped worrying about any curious eyes. This was the only prom I would ever attend, so hell, I might as well have the time of my life.

Before I knew it, a crowd of Layna’s friends circled around us. They danced with us, but really they were just jumping around. They all took turns dancing with me as well—even the hot boys!

All too soon, the night was over. Everybody gave us hugs goodbyes. It felt good that Layna’s friends treated me like I was one of the gang. I regretted that the fairytale night was already coming to an end.