My Name Is Chloe (9 page)

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Authors: Melody Carlson

BOOK: My Name Is Chloe
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And that’s when it felt as if everything just changed in a flash. And I know, I absolutely know, I will never be the same again! Then I looked at the gravestone, curious as to who this person might be whose headstone delivered such a whopping message. And I actually recognized the name! I mean, I never really knew this guy personally, but Josh did and so did Caitlin. His name was Clay Berringer, and he was involved in their church, the same church where Allie’s taking drumming lessons. I think Clay might’ve been related to the pastor there. But the sad part is that he was a victim of that horrible shooting incident that occurred at McFadden High a couple years back. At first, I started to feel sad, but then it hit me: Clay is all right now! Because he’s with God. And, like it says on Katherine’s gravestone, he’s probably dancing with the angels
right now. That’s when I began laughing and singing and dancing right there at the top of the graveyard. And even when the clouds got all gray and heavy and it started to rain, I just kept on laughing and dancing. If anyone saw me, I know they must’ve thought I was crazy. But, hey, it’s a good kind of crazy.

Anyway, I finally came home, soaking wet. I was kind of relieved my parents were gone (they’d already told me they had plans for the evening), and I suppose I wasn’t sure if I could even explain this amazing phenomenon to anyone. I was also glad that our jam session isn’t until tomorrow because I’m still not sure how I’ll break the news to Allie and Laura (should I do it at the same time or separately?). But I have a feeling God’s going to help me out there.

I did call Caitlin. I figured she might be at her parents’ home by now, and it was worth a try to catch her. And I did. So I very calmly asked her if she could meet me for coffee tomorrow, but I didn’t say anything else—not a word! I wanted her to be the first one to know about this, and I wanted to tell her in person. After all, she was kind of like my mentor.

GOD WITH A CAPITAL G
o, God, You wonderful God
You amazing, incredible, beautiful God
thank You for meeting me in the cemetery today
i didn’t even know You would be there
but i’m so glad You were
and that You could care
for me
and that You could want me
for Your own
i will never be the same again
i know it—absolutely
i love You with all that i am
from the top of my head to the tip of my toes
i love You as i have never loved anyone or anything before
and yet i believe You love me
even more
cm

Eight
Saturday, October 12

What a day! What a beautiful day! Hot the weather, no, that was grim and gray, and blustery. But the day was great. I started it out this morning by meeting Caitlin for coffee. She’d chosen Starbucks, and I’d forgotten to mention our new coffeehouse. But I’ll never forget the look on her face when I told her what I’d done. I thought she was going to fall right off her stool. Then she jumped up and gave me a big hug and wanted to hear the whole story in detail. When I told her about doing this whole thing at Clay Berringer’s grave, well, take my word for it, she was totally blown away.

And she said something that reminded me of what Laura had said. “God is up to something really big in your life, Chloe,” she said in this very intense voice. “Honestly, I’m not just saying this. I believe it with my whole heart. I really do believe God is going to use you in some pretty incredible ways.”

“Thanks, I hope so.”

“This is just so cool, Chloe!” She was smiling big again.

I nodded. “But you know, I’m not exactly sure what I should do next.”

She set down her cup. “Well, praying and reading your Bible are probably the most important things, but you also need to start having some fellowship.”

“You mean like going to church?”

“Yeah, that’s part of it. But you also need to get in with a group of Christian kids your own age. Is there a good youth group at your parents’ church?”

I’m sure I must’ve frowned then. “I suppose so.”

“Is there a problem?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” I looked down at my cappuccino. “I don’t mean to sound awful, but the youth leader there, well, he’s sort of, you know, kind of a yuppie type, and I just don’t think I’d fit in too well.”

She smiled. “Josh switched over to go to my youth group. Maybe you’d like to try it—I mean, if your parents don’t mind.”

I had to smile at that. “Sheesh, I think they’d be so happy to see me involved in church that they wouldn’t care where I went. As long as it’s not some form of a cult or something weird. In fact, I’m pretty sure my dad thought I was turning into a satanist or something equally frightening.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Yeah, but I want to tell Josh first. Hey, did
you know he’s coming home this weekend too? He should be here today.”

“Hope. But I didn’t get any e-mail from him this past week. I guess he’s been pretty busy with school lately. Maybe you could go to church with him on Sunday.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”

Then we talked about some other things like her horrible roommate, and I promised that I’d be praying for her—and that things would improve. I could tell she was discouraged. And for a change I wanted-to be the one to cheer her up.

“Just don’t underestimate how God uses you too, Caitlin. I mean, look at what happened to me after you got involved in my life.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I remember the first time I met you, and I wondered what in the world we’d possibly have in common.”

I smiled. “And I’m thinking what’s this preppy-looking older chick doing hanging out with the likes of me?”

“But God was really up to something.”

I slowly shook my head, still amazed. It’s as if this whole thing was still sinking in. “Yeah, I guess He was.”

We talked and joked for about an hour before I had to head off. I’d promised my neighbor that I’d watch her baby this morning while she went grocery shopping.

“Do you like to baby-sit?” Caitlin asked as we headed out the door.

“Yeah, I think little kids are great.” I didn’t mention that I was motivated to add to my savings in order to purchase a new guitar and sound system.

“Then I’ll have to introduce you to my aunt. She has a preschooler and a newborn baby, and she just mentioned yesterday how she’s looking for a good baby-sitter, since all her old reliables took off for college this year.”

“Sounds great.”

So I went home and then next door to the Van Dirk’s and played with Mason for a couple of hours. Hey, it’s not big money, but it’s kind of fun. Besides, it makes my mom happy since she and Marsha Van Dirk are pretty good friends. And by the time I came back home, Josh was here!

I waited until he’d had a good chance to visit with my parents. They were so glad to see him that I actually felt a bit jealous (but I prayed that God would help me with that), and then I realized that someday they would be happy to see me come home too. Then they decided to go to lunch.

“You coming too, sis?” Josh asked with a big smile.

I looked at my watch. “I’d like to, but I’ve got my friends coming over to jam today—it’s a regular thing on Saturdays.”

“Did you get that girl set up with Willy?”

“Yeah, she’s been having lessons twice a week. He’s doing it for free.”

“Willy’s a good guy.”

“Got a minute, Josh?” I said quietly when my parents were out of earshot.

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Come in here.” I led him over to the library and then closed the door. “I haven’t told them yet.”

“Told them what? What is it?” His smile disappeared. “Is something wrong, Chloe?”

“Ho.” I laughed. “But you’d better brace yourself.”

He sat on the big leather sofa. “Okay. I’m ready.”

“I did it.”

“Huh?”

“I invited Jesus into my heart, Josh. I gave my life to God.”

Well, he whooped like a cowboy and shot out of the chair like he had springs on his feet and grabbed me up and hugged me, then whirled me around several times before he finally set me back down. “That’s the best news!” He shook his head as if he could hardly believe it and then peered at me. “Hey, you’re not just pulling something over on—”

“Ho way! This is for real!”

Just then my parents came in. “You ready to go,
Josh?” My dad looked at us both curiously, like he suspected something was up.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Josh. Then he turned back to me. “Did you tell them yet?”

“Tell us?” echoed my mom. She was behind my dad now, and I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was worried. “Tell us what? What’s wrong, Chloe?”

“What’s up?” my dad asked, his face concerned.

Josh looked at me and I knew it was time, but I just didn’t know how to say it. Or if I even could.

“You want me to tell them?” he asked.

I nodded dumbly.

“Chloe has invited Jesus into her heart. She’s become a Christian.”

My parents just kind of stood there with these slightly blank expressions, like they didn’t really know what to do or how to react. And now it’s time for me to point something out: My parents are really nice people and law-abiding citizens and all. And they do go to church sometimes, but not regularly. And I think they consider themselves Christians, but not in such a way that it’s the most important thing in their lives (like it is with Josh and Caitlin). Or at least it’s never seemed that way to me.

“That’s really good news, Chloe,” my dad finally said, but it was in the way that someone might react if you’d just told them you’d given up
smoking. But then he came over and gave me a hug. I think maybe he was relieved that I hadn’t done something really frightening and horrible like getting pregnant or hooked on acid or even getting a tattoo.

“That’s nice, honey.” This came from my mom. Then she, too, stepped up and gave me a stiff little hug. “So does this mean you’ll be going to church now?”

I looked at Josh, hoping once again for help.

“Hey, you can go to church with me tomorrow, if you want to,” he offered.

I smiled. “Sounds good to me. In fact, Caitlin suggested the same thing.”

“Caitlin?” I couldn’t help but notice how his eyes lit up.

“Yeah. She’s here in town, you know.”

He nodded. “Cool.”

I was glad that they were all going to lunch together and that I didn’t have to go with them. Despite everything, I do love my parents—even more now than before—but I don’t think they understand what this really means to me. Not the way Josh and Caitlin do. How, if I could only think of a way to tell Laura and Allie. Telling Laura will be easy. But Allie? And for some reason I knew it was important to tell them both. But how to do it was really bugging me.

I had hoped that Laura might show up first,
but as usual, it was Allie who came early. “My mom dropped me off,” she explained. “She was on her way to work, but at least I didn’t have to pedal over here and get soaked on my bike.”

“Great.” I smiled. “I haven’t had any lunch yet. You want something to eat?”

“Sure.”

So as we were putting together some meat-and-cheese sandwiches, Laura arrived. “We’re in the kitchen,” I told her as I hung up her coat in the hall. “You hungry?”

“Yeah, I’m starved. I had to go into work early and didn’t even have time to eat breakfast.”

“I didn’t know you have a job. Where do you work?”

“At my aunt’s vet clinic. I used to just wash the animals—talk about a stinky job. But I just got moved up to the reception desk.” She shook the rain off her coat. “I’m saving up for my own set of wheels.”

“Cool,” I said as we went into the kitchen.

“Saving for a
car
?” said Allie. “Just how old are you anyway, Laura?”

I laughed. “Didn’t you know that Laura’s a sophomore?”

“Yeah, I guess. But still, wouldn’t that make her only fifteen?”

“I turn sixteen at the end of the month,” said Laura.

“That’s not fair.” Allie frowned. “My birthday isn’t until summer. Man, I won’t be driving for like forever.”

“Mine’s in March,” I told them. “I can’t wait to get my license and a car of my own.”

“Well, when I get my license and then my car, I promise to take both you young’uns for a little drive, okay?”

Allie made a face.

I glanced at Laura. I was eager to tell her my news but wasn’t quite sure how to start. “You guys ready to go upstairs?” I asked.

“Can we take the rest of the food up?” asked Allie.

“Sure.”

Up in the poolroom, I started picking on my guitar, just dinkin’ around while they set up. Then I began playing with a song I’d started working on yesterday about how I’m changing because of Jesus.

“Is that something new?” asked Laura as she plugged in her amp.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m still working on it.”

“I like its sound,” said Allie. “Not as gloomy as some of your other stuff. Why don’t you teach it to us.”

“Really?” I looked at Allie. “You think you’d like it?”

“Yeah, sounds like it’s got a good beat.”

“Okay, I’ll play it and you can tell me if you still want to learn it.” And so I began.

something happened to me—
something that might seem absurd
something i didn’t expect, like
something that i’d never heard
and now i’m laughin’ and smilin’
cuz my head’s all rearranged
cuz something happened to me,
something that brought on this change
and now i can’t be the same
i can’t think the same old way
and, ya know, I’ve got Jesus to blame
cuz He entered my heart—
He entered my heart to stay
ya see, something’s changing in me,
my heart is open wide
something’s shining in me,
and now I don’t wanna hide
cuz now i’m singing and dancing,
and i’ve never felt so free
cuz now i’m in love with God
and i know that He loves me!

I stopped playing and Laura started cheering and clapping wildly, but Allie just sat there like a stone. Her face looked like she’d been punched in the stomach or eaten a bad mushroom or something.

“That’s as far as I’ve gotten with it,” I said as I rested my guitar against my leg and waited.

Then Allie whacked the cymbals with a drumstick. The loud clanging sound shattered the quiet in the room, and then she swore and hit the bass drum. “You gotta be totally kidding, Chloe!”

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