He may not be able to
tell
her with words how he felt, how much he loved her, craved her, needed her. But he damn well could
show
her.
He knew that maybe they did only have tonight. Maybe this was the last time they would ever be together – hell, maybe it was the last time they would ever see each other.
If it was, then he sure as hell going to make it count.
Riley and Alex made their way to the back booth of Gerard's Diner where Jason and Bobby were waiting for them.
Riley had left Chelle’s around six a.m. He hadn’t wanted to wake her, she was sleeping so peacefully. His sleeping beauty. But now he was wishing he would have gotten just one more kiss.
Yeah, right. Who was he kidding? Riley knew ‘just one more’ would never be enough when it came to Chelle.
“Man, you look like shit,” Bobby said as they approached the table.
“Hey, watch it, junior. I can still kick your ass,” Riley said as he and Alex sat down.
“I wasn’t being a smartass. You really don’t look good,” Bobby clarified, looking concerned.
“I just haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Speaking of sleeping…” Alex began turning towards him.
From his tone, Riley could already tell he wasn’t going to like what he said.
“Where exactly did you sleep last night, Cassanova?”
Riley was silent as he looked over the menu, completely ignoring Alex.
“Where did he sleep?” Jason asked Alex, looking confused.
When no one answered Jason looked at all three of them and asked, “What am I missing?”
Hazel, their waitress, appeared with a carafe of coffee and four cups. She put the cups down, poured them each coffee, and then pulled out her pad and pencil to take their order. Even though Hazel was pushing seventy and had known them her entire life, she still blushed when Alex asked if she was still taking her Pilates class.
When she moved away from the table, Jason asked once again, “What’s going on? Where did you sleep?”
Riley did not want to discuss this, so he took a drink of his coffee.
Alex, never one to let something drop, chimed in, “Maybe we're asking the wrong question. There may not have been a lot of sleeping going on.”
Riley shook his head. He knew if he let him see he was getting to him it would only make things worse, but he was having a tough time hiding his frustration.
“How was the honeymoon?” Riley asked Jason in a clear attempt to change the subject.
“Great,” Jason answered before asking again, “Where were you last night? And why am I the last to know?”
Alex nodded his head towards Jason, “Gotta love middle child syndrome.”
Jason gave him a look that clearly telegraphed how unamused he was.
Alex smiled, “All I know is that after that little slideshow yesterday Rambo over here pulled me into the kitchen and wanted to kick my ass for 'hanging all over Chelle' at your wedding.”
“If I had wanted to kick your ass, you would've got your ass kicked.”
“Hey, look who decided to join the conversation.” Alex smiled smugly.
“You spent the night with Chelle?” Jason sounded genuinely shocked. “Does Eddie know you hooked up with his sister?”
“She is not a hook-up.” The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. Great, he all but admitted that something had happened between him and Chelle.
Jason’s eyes grew wide, “Holy shit! You love her.”
Riley took another drink of his coffee.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys?” Alex shook his head in disgust, “You’re droppin like flies. First Bobby, then Jason, now you. What? Is there something in the water? I better stick with bottled just to be safe.”
“What are you going to do about it?” Bobby asked sounding much older and wiser than his twenty-four years.
Damn, Riley thought, the kid didn’t say much but when he did he got right to the point.
“Nothing. I’m leaving.”
“That’s your big plan. Just leave.” Alex mocked.
Riley shrugged.
“Well, good, then. I'll tell you the truth. All this talk of me and Chelle has made me think...might not be a bad idea. I might want to get to know her a little better,” Alex goaded Riley.
Riley knew Alex was just trying to push his buttons, but that didn’t change the fact he wanted to punch him in his face. His hands flexed.
Jason, always the peacemaker spoke up, “Alex, stop being a dick.”
Hazel came bustling out of the kitchen with a large tray of their food. After distributing it all she said, “It’s so good to see all of you boys in one place. I bet your mama’s lookin down from heaven just as pleased as punch with how you all turned out.”
As she moved away from the table, an awkward silence fell. They never discussed their mom.
Bobby broke the silence, “What was she like? I don’t really remember her.”
Jason and Riley looked at each other, and then Jason said reluctantly, “She was sad a lot, and when she wasn’t sad, she was really happy. She would stay up for three days straight and then be in bed for weeks.”
“I remember that,” Alex said quietly. “She was never a normal mom.”
“Some people just aren’t cut out to have a family.” Riley added.
They ate their food in silence, a pall having fallen on their mood of lightly-combative camaraderie. Riley remembered the times he had shared with his mom, good and bad. Now that he thought about it, there had been more good times than he would have estimated.
“So is that what you think?” Bobby asked Riley.
“What?” Riley asked, the question pulling him roughly back out of his reflections.
“Do you think you’re not cut out to have a family?” Bobby clarified.
Riley just shrugged.
“Why would you think that?” Jason asked. “You’re nothing like her.”
Riley remained silent.
“You think you’re like her?” Alex asked incredulously.
“Dad always said I reminded him of her,” Riley said matter-of-factly.
Alex looked at Riley as if he was crazy, “Dude! That’s because you are the only one who has her hair and eye color. Not because you act like her.”
“I left, didn’t I?” Riley snapped back.
“Whoa, you left to go into the military.” Jason leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table, “You dedicated twelve years of your life to serving your country, and you did it well and without complaint. Mom couldn’t even hold down a job waitressing here for more than a couple weeks. She was ill, Riley. She was bi-polar. You’re not.”
Riley shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. I’m leaving.”
“Wow, and I thought that David the Douchebag was a prick for what
he
did to Chelle,” Alex said, shaking his head slowly.
Bobby and Jason exchanged glances, clearly thinking that there was a better-than-even chance that Riley was going to kick Alex’s ass for saying what he did. But, Riley wouldn't do that. Alex was right, he was only speaking the truth. Riley was a prick for leaving Chelle. Alex was doing nothing more than simply pointing out the obvious. Riley knew it. He also knew that – dick move or not - it was for the best. She deserved better.
--- ~ ---
Chelle had woken up to an empty bed with a note lying on the pillow Riley had slept on.
‘Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. I made breakfast, it’s warming in the oven. Thank you for…being you.’
She knew it wasn’t a declaration of love by any means. She knew that it was his way of saying goodbye. She knew that her time with him was over.
She also knew that she wouldn’t take back a second of the time she had spent with him.
The days and hours that she had shared with Riley had been the best moments of her life. Even if she had to spend the rest of that life repairing her broken heart - or even if it never healed - she still wouldn’t take back what they had shared.
Now, as Chelle walked into The Grill, she saw that Katie was already at a table overlooking the river.
The moment Katie saw her she stood and pulled her into a huge bear hug, “I’m so sorry.”
Great, Chelle thought, she knows.
“I’m fine,” Chelle said as she pulled away and sat down across from her diamond friend.
“Jason had breakfast with Riley this morning before he left for New Orleans,” Katie said by way of explanation.
“Oh, that’s good.” Chelle replied distantly.
“Jason said he was a mess,” Katie continued, clearly looking for a response – any response.
Chelle just nodded. She really didn’t want to talk about Riley. She knew if she did, the waterworks would start – and, honestly, she was just so tired of crying.
“At first, Jason didn’t want to say anything. Probably because he knew I would tell you.”
“What would give him that idea, I wonder?” Chelle smiled.
“Gee, I don’t know,” Katie shrugged faux-innocently. Then she waggled her eyebrows, teasing, “But, I will tell you - with a little encouragement, I got him to tell me everything. Well, I think it’s everything. It’s definitely a
lot
even if it’s not everything.”
“Katie, what did Jason say?”
Chelle interrupted. Katie had a tendency of rambling when she was excited or nervous. Normally, Chelle thought it was cute - but not when it came to information about Riley.
“He said that Riley basically admitted that he’s in love with you, and he's pretty much only leaving because he thinks he’s not cut out for a family. He thinks he’s like their mom!” Katie leaned back in her chair, obviously proud of herself, smiling widely.
Apparently she thought this was much better news than Chelle did.
“Why are you smiling about that?” Chelle asked.
Katie eyes widened, “Hello! He basically said He. Loves. You.”
“Ok
ay, well...first of all, I don’t know how you ‘basically’ say that but, that's beside the point right now. Secondly, did you not hear the part where you told me he left because he doesn’t want a family?”
“No, I said he doesn’t think he’s
‘
cut out
’ for a family. There’s a difference,” Katie enthused.
“Well, he's still gone. And he never actually said he loved me. So I don’t really see how there’s a difference,” Chelle stated flatly. She wasn’t trying to dampen Katie’s excitement, she was just being realistic.
Katie’s face dropped a little, “I know, but...I just think that if two people love each other; then somehow they'll find their way back to one another.”
Chelle sighed. “Katie, that’s sweet, but not everybody gets a happily ever after like you and Jason.” Chelle knew her friend’s heart was in the right place but she thought she might be a tad optimistic. This was probably due to the fact that she had just lived her own fairy tale and ended up with the prince – but whatever the reason, Chelle could not afford to give in to this kind of magical thinking. “What you and Jason have is special and very rare.”
“I know, but I just thought...well, you know. That Riley is Jason and Bobby’s brother. You see how they are! When Sloan men fall in love, they fall hard,” Katie said, again desperately attempting to put a positive spin on the situation.
“True. But he is also Alex’s brother, and you see how he is,” Chelle stated bluntly.
“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” Katie said, slumping her shoulders, her whole posture telegraphing defeat.
“Katie, really. I’m going to be fine. I went into this thing with Riley with my eyes wide open. I knew what the outcome would be, I knew how hard it would be, but I also knew it would be worth it. And it was,” Chelle said, meaning every word.
Katie brightened a little, “Well, since we can’t fix that problem today, what do you say we order our lunches to go, stop by the grocery store, get a bottle...or maybe two...of wine, and then go to your place and watch Good Will Hunting?”
Chelle
really
wanted to cry now. She would have to come up with a new 'go to' movie.
“How about Playing by Heart?” Chelle asked.
“Okay, sure!” Katie agreed as she motioned for the waitress to come over so that they could place their orders to go, “Anything you want, DFF.”
Oh, Chelle thought for the second time in as many days after a conversation with Katie, how lovely that would be if only it were actually true.
Riley shut down his laptop just as Landon came through the grey office door.
“Hey man, those blondes with the double Ds at the end of the bar keep asking about you.”
“Oh yeah?” Riley couldn’t have cared less.
“Did you see them?” Landon asked as he held up his hands in front of his chest, rounded slightly, indicating that the blondes had big racks.
“Yep, couldn’t miss 'em.” All three of the women were pouring out of their shirts. Maybe at one time in his life that would have appealed to him, but not now. Not since Chelle.
He had been down in New Orleans for four weeks and two days, and he hadn’t even gone an hour without thinking about her. She occupied his mind constantly. He had been checking her Facebook page several times a day, hoping she would post something, anything so he could know how she was.
She hadn’t.
He had spoken to Eddie about once a week, but there was no way he was going to ask him. It was bad enough he knew that Riley had slept with his sister, he didn’t want to remind him of that fact by asking about her.
He kept thinking, hoping,
praying
that the pain and emptiness would ease, would subside. Wasn’t it widely known and accepted that time heals all wounds? But in his case, time away from Chelle was doing the opposite to the wound. It was making it deeper.
“So, what’s up? Dax and I are going to take them out. They want to walk down Bourbon Street. You down?”
Riley’s phone rang and when he saw the number he told Landon, “I’ve gotta take this. Sorry.”
“Man, you weren’t gonna to go anyway.” Landon shook his head in disappointment as he left the office, shutting the door loudly behind him.
“Hey, Pops.” He hadn’t talked to his dad since he left town.
“Hey, Riley, how you been?” his dad asked.
“Pretty good.” Riley was actually a little nervous. His dad normally didn’t do small talk, so Riley wasn’t sure where this could be headed. “How about yourself?”
“Well, actually, I had another episode with my heart last night. I’m fine. They kept me overnight for observation but I’m home now. They already released me.”
“I can be there in a few hours.” Riley had always thought of Bob Sloan as invincible, and he hated the feeling that washed over him as he was now faced with such compelling evidence that he wasn't. He had been in Afghanistan when his dad had had his first heart attack and hadn’t been able to get home, but now he could, and he would be there for him.
“No need, I’m really fine. I already spoke to Jason and told him that I would be handing over the reins of Sloan Construction to him. The doctors think that with medication, diet and exercise - if I take care of myself - I’ll be around for quite some time. But that’s not why I called.”
“What else is wrong?” Now Riley really felt nervous.
“Well Bobby and Alex came by the hospital last night. We started talking about your mom, and they told me that you thought you were like her, because I had told you that you reminded me of her.”
Damn, his brothers were worse than gossiping school girls.
Riley remained quiet.
“Riley, if I ever gave you the idea that you had the same issues your mom had, I’m sorry, son. The only reason I ever said that is because you have her eyes. That’s all. None of you, thank God, have any of the symptoms of her disorder.”
Riley felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of him. He didn’t know why hearing his dad say the same words that his brother had said over a month ago hit him so differently, but they did. Maybe they were all right. Maybe he really wasn’t like her.
“You know Chelle stopped by my room, too. She was working the night shift. That girl kept me company on every one of her breaks and even snuck me in an extra Jell-O.”
Yep, that sounded like Chelle. Riley smiled as he pictured her sitting beside his dad, handing him the clandestine Jell-O and swearing him to secrecy.
“Please don’t let your mom’s troubles dictate your future, Riley.”
“I won’t, Dad.” Riley assured his father.
“I know I didn’t handle things that great when your mom left, and then later when she passed, but I want you to know Riley - if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
As Riley and his dad ended their call his mind was spinning. Did what his dad just tell him really change anything? Or was Riley just trying to make it that way because he missed Chelle so damn much?
He sat absentmindedly scrolling through his text messages when he saw the message that Mindy had sent him after he and Chelle had had dinner at her and Tommy’s house.
'Great seeing you 2night. So glad you got to meet the little princess. LOVED Chelle! She is a keeper! SO get your head out of your ass and make that happen! Luv Ya! XOXO'
He sighed, and then a chilling thought hit him. When he'd been speaking with Eddie at the barbecue, he'd said something that just now struck Riley as telling. In his efforts to remind Riley that he wasn't good enough for Chelle, he'd said, “Dude, it's nothing personal. It's not like you're a bad guy. You're just like me. But look how that turned out. We're just not cut out for relationships, and I don't want my sister getting caught up with someone like us.”
But the truth was – Eddie had not done anything to end his relationship. Lacey had left Eddie and her small baby daughter because
she
was not cut out for relationships! Apparently, the end of his marriage had given Eddie some deep-seated issues about himself and his worthiness to find happiness and give it to his partner, and he had projected those issues onto Riley, as well, as a way to protect his sister.
Damn it! And Riley had been quick enough to believe him because of his issues with his mother...but that didn't make it true.
Riley realized that he had been keeping himself away from Chelle because of the issues of two women who had left their families – one of whom he barely remembered and one of whom he had not even met - but those were NOT his issues! He could see that clearly now. He felt free.
Shit,
what the hell was he doing in New Orleans!?
--- ~ ---
Chelle splashed water on her face as she breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth.
She looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. There were dark circles under her eyes and her face looked a little thinner. She was tired. Exhausted, really. It had only been a month and she knew she had a long road ahead of her.
The doubles she was working weren’t helping, but after yesterday, she knew that wasn’t the only reason she felt like this.
She walked into her bedroom and put the last of her toiletries in her overnight bag.
Her phone beeped, alerting her that the cab should be here any minute to take her to the airport.
She wasn’t looking forward to this trip. She had no grand illusions that things were going to work out. She didn’t believe in fairy tales…at least not for her. But she needed to face this, and hopefully get some kind of closure. Yep, she was a realist. Closure was probably the most she could hope for.
She grabbed her bag, her purse and her phone. She didn’t think she was forgetting anything. She was pondering this as she heard a loud knock on her front door. Weird. Wouldn't the cab just honk?
She hustled out of her room and, as she opened the door for the cabdriver, she was distracted, going over her mental list to make sure that she hadn’t forgotten anything…Oh shoot, her keys.
“Just a minute,” she told the driver as she distractedly turned back into the house, “Just let me grab my keys.”
“Hi.” She heard the deep voice reply, and she froze. She knew that voice. When she looked up to confirm her suspicions, she dropped her bags.
“Riley,” she said. Shock completely numbed her entire body.
Her heart stopped, she felt like the whole world was spinning while she stood still in the middle of all the whirling commotion. She realized she wasn’t breathing. She needed to breathe. Breathe, she told herself, breathe.
A concerned look crossed his gorgeous face, “Chelle, do you need to sit down?”
She nodded her head, “Probably.”
He led her inside and guided her as she sat down on her couch. He crouched in front of her and placed his hands on her knees rubbing them gently in circles, “Breathe, Chelle.”
She nodded her head trying to do just that but with his large hands rubbing her knees and thighs she was having a hard time concentrating on something as insignificant as oxygen.
“Are you okay?” He asked.
Well, the room has stopped spinning, she thought, but now I'm light-headed for a completely different reason.
Instead of saying that out loud, she just nodded again.
He rose and pulled the ottoman over so he was still seated in front of her.
What was he doing here, in Harper’s Crossing? Then she remembered. His dad. Of course, his dad had suffered a mild heart attack a few days ago. He must be in town visiting him.
Forcing herself to speak she asked, “Are you here visiting your dad?”
“No, I’m here because I forgot to give you something.”
He handed her a plastic bag. She recognized it as the one from Old Time Photos.
Ummmm...he flew back to give her their picture? She was pretty sure he could have just mailed it.
“Open it,” he instructed.
She did and pulled out what looked like a large Hallmark card. On the front was their picture, her in her saloon girl attire, him all decked out in his cowboy gear, on the top of the page it said “What’s the story?”
She opened it, it was the same picture from a different angle with bold words written above and beneath it.
On the top it said “Riley and Chelle…” then on the bottom large letters read, “Happily Married. This was their last ‘first date’.
Oh. My. God. She was going to throw up.
She looked up from the card and saw that Riley had gotten down on one knee, an open ring box containing a beautiful diamond solitaire in his hand. “I know I said I wasn’t the forever kind of guy, but I was wrong. I want to be your forever. Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”
Dread filled her body. Oh, no. He knew. Her eyes filled with tears. “Who told you?”
A look of shock and confusion crossed his face, “What?”
“Who told you?” she repeated.
She saw the confused look in his eye. Oops...maybe he didn’t know.
--- ~ ---
Riley knew that, in response to his proposal, there was a possibility that Chelle might cry, yell at him, and even kick him out. He was hoping that she would smile and say yes. But he had not expected her to ask him a question he didn’t understand.
He stood, “Who told me what?” He saw tears forming in her eyes and noticed her hands were shaking as she covered her stomach protectively. Was she sick or wait, was she…? No way.
He then looked around and saw the bags that she had dropped when she had opened the door. The puzzle pieces were starting to come together in his mind and he was beginning to see the big picture.
“Where were you going?” he asked, trying not to get his hopes up.
“To see you,” she answered, the color draining from her face.
“Why?” He asked, trying to calm his racing heart.
She swallowed hard and he could see her hands were shaking even harder. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, to tell her everything would be
alright. He just needed to hear the words first.
“To tell you, I’m…that I’m…” She struggled to get the words out.
Fuck it, he couldn’t wait. He blurted out, “You’re pregnant.”
She nodded as the tears fell from her eyes.
“With my baby,” He said in a reverent whisper.
She nodded once again.
He felt like his heart was about to burst at the seams. He pulled her up into his arms and held her as she cried. He knew she was upset, but he couldn’t help but smile. He didn't want to seem insensitive, so probably best to get that all out of the way while he was looking out over her shoulder, out of eyeline. He really couldn't help it, though - he felt like he had just won the lottery.
He tried to comfort Chelle, murmuring “Shh, it’s
gonna be okay. I’m here, I’m here baby.”
She looked up into his eyes, gasping out between sobs, “I don’t…want you…to mar…ry me bec…ause I’m….pregnant.”
He held her face in his hands wiping her tears away, God, she was so beautiful. “Baby listen to me, I didn’t even know that you were pregnant when I asked!”
Her lips quivered and he couldn’t stop himself. He had to kiss her. He had to kiss the mother of his child. He leaned down slowly and brushed his lips against hers. He felt her body relax into his and he slowly deepened the kiss, stroking his thumbs across her jawline. She sighed and her body melted into his. He peppered kisses on her cheeks, which tasted of the salt of her tears, then the tip of her nose, her forehead, her eyes. He wanted to kiss every inch of her, to claim her as his, and he would. But first he knew that they needed to talk.