My Boyfriend is a Monster (12 page)

“No apologies needed my friend. I am learning plenty about da tea . . . who knew?”

Entering the prices into the register plus six tea’s Todd gasped, “Oh my.” Tallying the price with its little green digital light he wanted to hide the total from being seen, for what reason he wasn’t sure.

Wondering to the register Louis saw the total and pulled out his cash from his wallet without even blinking. Counting it out to the same total on the register he added a couple more for a tip.

“That’s way too much Louis,” Todd said since he counted the bills with him.

“Not wit-da tip.”

“That’s still too much,” he said with a hint of blush.

Lily called over from her station. “Says you, I’m creating memories over hear.”

“I stole one of da cakes when you were in da back, worth every penny,” Louis said leaving the money and grabbing the boxes.

“Can I at least help you take them over?”

Teetering a little he finally
aligned himself. “Balance is ma middle name . . . actually it Bernard, but don’t be a telling.”

Finishing the second set of teas she poured them into three large to go cups and placed them with the first three. “All done,” Lily said putting the lids on. “You at least have to try one and let me know what you think,” she insisted.

Setting the boxes down and agreeing he grabbed the cup with the watermelon mint chiller white tea in it. Pulling back the lid he inhaled the aroma completely by itself and was pleasantly surprised. “That does smell good, like da adventure,” he said taking a sip. Letting it sit on his tongue while it kissed the inside of his cheeks it began to trigger all of the taste buds in his mouth, letting each flavor dance together and separately all at once. “Dis is amazing Cher.”

“Thank you Louis, it was a pleasure,” she said extending her hand.

Taking her hand with his finger and thumb he turned it palm down and kissed the top while keeping eye contact. “Da pleasure is all mine Ms. Lily, and tea like dis, you will see me again, I promise,” he said knowing he could sit and finish every single tea she had made. If he wasn’t certain his brother would eventually come looking for him in a less than foul mood, he would have. Having no desire to deal with an angry and hungry Bo he grabbed the boxes as she set the teas on top. “Okay my new friends, Lily and Todd, au revoir, till we meet again.” He said peering from behind the boxes. He swayed a little passing Todd who was holding the door open for him.

While passing him Todd couldn’t wait to use his French for the purpose of an actual person who could speak it. “Adieu Mon Amis,” he said enthusiastically.

“Good pronunciation sir,” Louis yelled back.

FIVE: The Spoils of Drywall

Taking another box of books Nathan jumped out of the van and took them inside. Bo on the other hand was hopping to see Louis’s imminent return anytime now and waited at the end of the alley.

“There he is Nathan,” he yelled waving his brother over to prove he wasn’t lying.

Coming out of the store he joined his brother and began to laugh as they watched Louis coming down the street. He was easy to spot since he was the one with boxes piled past his eyes weaving left and right through the busy sidewalk. Bo watched in terror as Louis took quick and sharp turns making it look like the boxes of food were going to tumble over. Getting closer they both could hear the apologies and numerous “Excuse me” as he neared. Finally he crossed the street and met them with boxes intact and teas not missing a drop.

“Get enough?” Nathan asked relieving some of his b
urden.

Knowing there were treats in those boxes Bo eagerly followed like a lap dog as Louis became increasingly frustrated.
“Shoo – shoo Marmaduke,” he yelled kicking at him.

Chuckling Nathan followed them inside
and set his boxes down with the rest.

Slapping at his brothers hands that kept grabbing at the boxes Louis looked at his other brother. “You know how much dis boy eat? We lucky he not sending us for seconds in an hour.”

“All I have to say is it’s about Damn time Cajun,” Bo declared finally hurling him to the side where he tripped and fell to the ground, but at least he was away from the boxes.

“Dey didn’t have da doughnuts Bo – Bo,” Louis said calmly lying on the ground.

Walking over to his brother he looked down at him like a child finding no presents under the tree at Christmas. “No doughnuts with the sprinkles?”

Holding his finger up (and still lying on the ground) he gave him the alternative. “But I got dem to make da cupcakes. And put all da different icing on dem, with da sprinkles.”

Bo turned to Nathan and admitted with a giant smile. “I do like cupcakes.”

Looking up Louis decided to add to it.
“Not too much dis boy don’t like. I put da sprinkles on dog poop and he would eat it.”

Suddenly his giant smile turned into a giant frown as he looked down at his brother. “I can put DA sprinkles on you and eat it.”

“Cause you fantasize about eating dis sexy body,” Louis said doing an awkward convoluting like strip tease on the floor. Flipping over he started wiggling his butt up at Bo. “Put da sprinkles on dese cupcakes big boy.”

B
ringing down his colossal foot over top of Louis, who once again with lightning speed disappeared, caused Bo, to once again brake the floor. Nathan could only moan and shake his head. Louis appeared a few feet away now standing and wiggling his butt making disturbing moaning sounds.

Smiling at how silly he looked Bo decided he would rather be eating and returned to t
he counter. “There is something seriously wrong with that boy,” he said putting any box to the side that didn’t have cupcakes in it.

Appearing in front of them both with the same blinding speed he held two trays of cups. “And here is da tea.”

Stopping his search for the cupcakes Bo grabbed a cup and took a sip. Swishing it around his mouth for a second he let the taste register then swallowed pleasantly. “Yes sir, water melon mint chiller white tea,” he said enthusiastically taking another sip.

“When did you have tea like dis?” Louis asked confused.

“All the time, not this good though,” he replied closing his eyes and letting the flavors dance on his palates.

Looking skeptical Nathan took the tea and peeled back the lid. He inhaled the aroma and was surprised at how bold and individual it smelled. Taking a sip he let it rest in his mouth before swallowing then followed it with a mouthful. “He’s right, I never had one that tasted this good.”

“You too, am I da only one who never try dis tea?”

“Probably,” Bo said smacking his lips.

“What about da chocolate one?” he asked holding the second tray.

Bending down Bo sniffed at the other cups. “Wonder-berry chocolate truffle oolong tea,” he said now conflicted.

“Are you fucking wit-me?” he asked getting upset. “What about da strawberry with da champagne?”

“That would probably be, strawberry rose champagne and peach tranquility,” Bo corrected him. Taking the last gulp of the watermelon mint chiller he grabbed the chocolate truffle and inhaled the aroma.

“She talk about da caramel on da sea one.”

“Coco caramel sea salt herbal tea,” Bo said robotically taking another sip. “Damn this is good!” he yelled shaking his head.

Nathan wasn’t as ambitious as he just quietly continued to sip and enjoy his first.

“Dis is da bull shit,” Louis proclaimed with a scowl while taking a sip of his tea. Then he smiled at the taste before returning
back to scowling. “If you be having different tea from now on, I want da new tea,” he said taking another sip and smiling. Turning back to his two brothers he began to scowl again. “Got it?”

“Found them,” Bo said triumphantly holding up the box and ignoring his brother’s complaint completely. Looking at the box of cupcakes with different colors of icing and all covered with sprinkles he didn’t know which one to start with. “If they taste half as good,” he said immediately stuffing a whole one into his mouth.

“This is really good tea,” Nathan said still surprised.

“Yeah well, seems you need da university degree ta make dis tea.”

Wandering over nonchalantly inserting another cake into his mouth whole he asked, “Really?”

Watching disturbingly as he popped a third one into his mouth like they were peanuts Nathan started to worry he might choke. “Careful Bo,” he said deciding to keep an eye on him.

Smiling ear to ear with at least the amount of two cupcakes still in his mouth he started to mutter on purpose. “Please, well-prepared . . . pleasantly scrumptious and absolutely palatable,” he said as crumbs exploded from his mouth and cascaded over Nathan. Unable to get out of the way of the outpouring of tiny cake pebbles he held up his arms to umbrella himself against what he could. While laughing, Bo did not notice Louis reaching slowly into his cupcake box. Out of nowhere a thunderous smack echoed throughout the store as Louis retracted his hand in stinging pain. “These are mine!” Bo declared with an evil eye. Slowly he stuffed another into his mouth, his eyes ever vigilante.

“I paid fo
r dem you big Baloo,” he said attempting once again to take a cupcake, but was stopped short as the big man raised his hand with immediate intent and consequences.

“
I said piss off pecker head,” Bo yelled letting crumbs fly. Laughing at Louis trying to shield himself from the cupcake onslaught he started choking. Turning red he started to gasp for air while coughing as forcefully as he could to get the baked goodness that had turned on him, free from his throat.

Feeling a little vindicated Louis just pointed and laughed. “See what happen when you da greedy - fat boy.”

Turning to Louis with his face beginning to turn a dark shade of purple, Bo started to laugh through his coughs making it worse. Pointing to his own face while laughing and continuing to choke, he was now turning a purple that was bordering on Grim.

Walking over to his hulking brother Nathan put his hand on his shoulder to get his attention. “Bo,” he yelled looking him in the eyes. “Ready?” he asked as Bo just nodded with panic. Going behind him he raised his hand. “One . . . Two -” He didn’t even wait for three. Bringing his hand down with a blinding speed he smacked his brothers back so hard even the air cracked. Tripping violently forward they watched as an almost fully intact cupcake flew out of his mouth and landed on the floor.

Taking a moment for color to return to his face he took a deep breath and exhaled. “That . . .” he tried. “That’s. . .” he still could not finish.

“You’re okay buddy,” Nathan said rubbing his shoulders.

Shaking his head he pointed to the ground. Louis jumped in front of him to look for some clue on his face but Bo just pushed him out of the way. “That’s still mine,” he finally said pointing at the almost flawless cupcake on the ground.

“All yours,” Nathan said holding his hands up and surrendering all claims.

“You like da animal Bo,” Louis said shaking his head in disgust.

Ignoring them he walked over and grabbed the cupcake off of the floor and attempted fate once again.

Walking over to Nathan, Louis put his hand on his shoulder. “So da tea is good?”

“Better than I could ever make it,” he admitted taking a sip.

“Thank God,” he said planting a giant kiss on his cheek.

“I missed you too.”

Hearing the sound of an empty box hitting the floor they both turned to see Bo licking his fingers. “Was that all the cupcakes?” he asked looking at the boxes on the counter.

“Christ Bo, you like da hungry-hungry hippo,” he said kicking the box over and examining it
then turned to Nathan. “He actually lick da box clean?”

Opening a
box of Naomi bars and muffins Bo pondered on whether or not to start on them or keep looking. But with the taste of little chocolate cakes and creamy butter icing peppered with little sugar sprinkles still fresh on his tongue he decided to keep looking. Besides he could always come back to this box later. Finally one last box stood in front of him. Closing his eyes he opened it slowly. Finally opening one slightly and peeking he was pleasantly surprised. “Whop-eee, found more,” he shouted holding up the box clearly with no intentions of sharing.

Louis just shook his head turning to Nathan. “So once we get da books up, maybe me and da big guy stay da night.”

“That’d be great, but I don’t have a whole lot of furniture, just what we can bring up today,” he answered excited at the prospect of a sleep over.

“That’s ok Bro we got da only t-ing we need.”

Walking back out to the van Louis leaped inside and began digging behind the passenger seat. Coming back out holding a large jug that looked like something out of an old prohibition cartoon Nathan smiled in disbelief.

“Maggie gave that to you guys?”

“Gave?” Bo asked sarcastically joining them outside.

Nathan’s eyes widened in horror. “You stole Maggie’s whisky?
”

The two brothers started giggling and nodding their heads together like a pair of idiot thieves.

“You two know your dead right,” he said laughing frantically holding the jug. “And I’m an accomplice . . . how many?”

“Twenty,” Bo said with another mouthful.

“Are you fucking mad . . . twenty,” Nathan said both terrified and impressed.

Wrapping his arm around his frightened brother Louis squeezed. “Tonight we drink da hooch and palaver until da morning.”

Bo sighed. “Then we go home and get our asses kicked by Mag’s.”

Nathan nodded and put
the whiskey jug back in the van. “The rest of the books should be here any minute, we’ll finish up here and then head over to my place,” he suggested. Getting excited since he wasn’t the one that had to go home the next day and face the wrath of their sister.

Hearing the sound of a delivery truck honking out front they all smiled. Even at Nathan’s detailed specifications it would take them less than an hour to set up
, meaning that soon they would be drinking and laughing long into the night. His home sickness was subsiding.

CHAPTER 5

ONE: Well Hello Neighbor

B
uttoning his shirt in front of the full length mirror, Nathan could not believe the haggard image that stood in front of him. He had missed his brothers terribly over the last few years but one night with them and twenty barrels of Maggie’s white whisky made him glad they left early this morning. He hoped the shine had not impaired his judgment too much. Wishing he had the power to avoid hangovers he took the stairs down from his bedroom rather than jumping.

He knew they got a little careless when they started racing around the roof tops late into the night. He was also sure there would be people this morning questioning each other on whether or not they heard unexplainable banging throughout the night. Knowing they would only be able to guess gave him comfort that none of those guesses would come close to the actual
truth. That in fact the loud noises were actually a game of tag with moonshine barrels, weather vanes and any other large objects that were loose enough for Bo to grab and hurl at their brother. At first it reminded him of the video game Donkey Kong as Bo hurled the barrels at Louis who jumped and dodged while continuing to antagonize.

But when Bo started to remove a buildings air condition u
nit he thought someone below would surely get hurt.  So he decided to tip the scales in favor of his bigger brother and helped him get his hands on his smart ass smaller one. Besides it was much more fun watching Louis getting pinned to the ground and being tortured like when they were younger. Bo used all the classics, the “why are you hitting yourself?” which was more like “why are you pounding yourself senseless?” when Bo did it. He also did the tickling until he could no longer breathe which if anyone else had saw would’ve just been creepy. He even pulled out the heavy artillery of dangling spit from his lip over top of Louis’s face.

Giving his head a shake before completely l
osing himself in the moment he finished buttoning up his shirt. He needed a tea but being in no mood to make it and the tea from Sips being so delicious, Nathan decided he would walk down to the local coffee shop and introduce himself while being reacquainted with the pleasure of their teas. Doing a once over in the mirror he decided he would go un-tucked but would put some pants on before leaving.

Fully clothed he double checked his pockets to make sure there was actually money in them, grabbed his keys and headed out the door. For no reason at all he looked backed. All
was unpacked and everything in its proper place. Which was amazing, not just that Louis and Bo spent the night, but because it included drinking twenty barrels of Maggie’s shine. He paused his gaze a little longer because it looked like home. The large windows wrapped around the entire place gave him the illusion he had looked out of them for decades now. The spiral staircase leading to his open bedroom which itself had a big unique view that had already become familiar without sleeping a wink in the bed. Both he and his brother Bo fell asleep on the couches while Louis, much like a Sloth, dangled from the breakfast bar. It was enough to televise the city peacefully from within and open enough not to feel constricted. Everything seemed to fit, even his large antique chair he dubbed “The Reading Chair” seemed to assimilate perfectly. Maybe it was the closeness of his family or the city itself, either way it was home. 

H
is family entered his head again, each day that passed made it inevitably worse. He decided today was definitely not going to be that day and buried it. Closing the door behind him he didn’t even bother to lock it. He already had the feeling of safety and respect from everyone residing. He must have bumped into everyone at least twice and no one gave off any feeling to make him worry about his home being in trouble while he was gone. And if they did he could easily track his stuff down and deal with the unfortunate thieves himself.

Running his hand down the bannister as he lightly sprinted down the stairs he took the turn on the landings tight. Grabbing the banister firmly allowed him to swing around each time. Approaching the last landing and feeling much better he quickly closed his eyes. Hearing no one coming he leapt forward with a smile of a daredevil toddler. Most toddler
s would have done this on the second or third step, or if they were becoming true daredevils maybe the fourth, not the twentieth. But this kid landed perfectly on the floor below giving himself a youngsters smirk and nod for a job well done.

It was late morning and the sun was racing to high noon which caused him to squint as he looked up. Raising his hand to lower the brightness he smiled in the warmth giving him comfort
while seeing it so bright. To him it meant anything good could happen on a day like today and then proceeded to put on his glasses and be on his way.

Walking down the street he nodded at everyone he walked past. He was pleasantly satisfied since all nodded back and he even got a couple of “Morning” and even a “Nice day” in which he pleasantly agreed.

Feeling much better he started to wonder how his brothers were feeling. Then he wondered how they were feeling once Maggie found out they stole twenty barrels of her shine. They would have been home by now unless of course they were taking the long scenic route.  He knew somehow he would be connected with the heist and considered a coconspirator. Realizing sooner or later he too would have to endure the wraith of his sister. Deciding it was too nice of a day to wonder about his sister as well, he chose to file it under “Cross that Bridge” and continued on to the coffee shop.

Approaching Sips he watched as people were going in and coming out in a steady stream. Most coming out were already enjoying their beverages. Some had cookies or squares while some even had little round cupcak
es on sticks or tiny pies. Some even had biscotti’s while another double fisted two beverages and was drinking both, but everyone looked happy. Wanting to be that happy he picked up his pace.

Walking towards the door he noticed two elderly ladies who were going to beat
him so he added a little zip to his step. Getting closer to the door he realized he was going to beat them but not without looking like a douche and cutting in front of them. He did the only thing he could do. “Let me get that for you ladies,” he said taking off his sunglasses and holding the door open.

“Why thank you young man.”

Thinking it was not his pleasure he said it anyways, “My pleasure.” Putting his glasses in his front pocket he followed in behind them desperately wanting a tea and something sweet. On further review he saw that these two elderly ladies looked like debaters and commentators and started to get antsy.

Turning to her friend the commentating began. “Such a polite young man.”

“Hmm,” she wavered, seeming to have the verdict pending.

The one who labeled him a gentleman stopped just inside the doorway and turned to him. “Nice day were having.”

Agreeing with her he could feel the rage inside of him grow as they were already taking their time and becoming chatty. Wondering if they would still serve him if he just hauled off and punched her in the face he took a deep breath.
A lot of things came naturally to our kind but patience has to be worked on
, his father always said, and with that, he refocused. Nathan’s rage could always slip away from him, sometimes to easily (which is why he has been on the run for almost a hundred years) and being as powerful as he was, he had to try even harder than most of his kind. But he also reminded himself that sometimes it was the wicked thoughts that were the funniest and they sometimes got a person through a tough day. So he decided to go easy on himself and giggled internally.