My Boyfriend is a Monster (7 page)

Squinting he saw that it was. “What the hell is that old bitch doing up this early in the morning?”

Walking towards the doors of the apartment building she owned Ms. Johnson seemed to be carrying an arm full of papers. Her husband bought the building over forty years ago with some mid-size lottery money. When he died some years back Florida Johnson just kept on running it herself. Being in a favorable area the very old and well-kept building has turned into a nice retirement income. Renovating the building joining apartments together they became large enough to attract a lot of wealthy people who shell out large sums of their wealth just to live there. Being a regular at Sips she frequented the coffee shop throughout the day joining in on current tabloid gossip and all the local juicy stuff.

Lily thought she was close enough and yelled out, “Hello Ms. Johnson.”

Perking up Florida looked around and caught Lily and Todd walking up the street. “Lily,” she said cheerfully giving them a wave. “Hello Todd,” she said matching the cheeriness.

“Wonderful day,” he said.

“Don’t think the day has even started,” she replied with a chuckle.

“What are you doing up this early?” Lily asked lowering her voice as they approached.

“Have to show the apartment.”

“The big one on top?” he asked enviously.

“Mm-Hmm. Looking for something immediately.”

“It’s a bit early to look at apartments,” Lily suggested.

“A bit early for a lot of things child,” Florida said trying to put her papers in order.

Suddenly a police car flew down the street causing Florida and Lily to take notice.

Todd however was still looking up at the building. “The one for $5200 plus?”

“Todd,” Lily said smacking his arm for being rude.

“It’s listed,” he said defending himself.

Florida just laughed. “That’s the one.”

Whistling he looked up at the building again. “Single . . . family - what’s the scoop?”

“Todd,” she said slapping him again.

“Single, business owner – of what I don’t know but, sounded very gentlemen like,” she said smiling slyly at Lily.

“Yeah, gentlemen like,” Todd agreed raising his eyebrows making fun of her.

“That’s nice,” she said getting embarrassed.

“Please girl,” Florida said, “How long has it been?”

“Long time,” he answered for her, tattling like a snotty little kid.

“Mm-hmm,” Florida thought aloud.

“Hasn’t stalked her for
weeks,” he tattled again while doing a little dance. This time Lily gave him an ‘I’m going to get you’ look.

“We women have needs Lily,” the older lady reminded her.

“Yeah,” Todd said holding his left hand up making a circle with his index finger and thumb. Then taking his right hand and using that index finger to go in and out of the circle.

Florida frowned and shook her head. “I meant companionship.”

“I thought that was companionship,” he said still running his finger in and out of the circle.

Lily slapped his hands, “Idiot.”

“What is wrong with you Todd Jacobson?”

He just shrugged when out of nowhere another police car flew down the street with its lights silently flashing.

“What the fuck is going on?” Todd asked finally taking notice of something other than the price of the loft and Lily’s sex life.

“Probably for that murder that took place last night,” Florida said shaking her head.

“Murder?” Lily asked in a gasping daze.

“That would be the
second one in as many weeks,” Todd said. Leaning over to watch the car fade off in the distance he suddenly turned to Lily. “Hey, I just sounded like a T.V. detective.”

“You really did,” she agreed then rolled her eyes when he turned away.

“Mm-Hmm, another young man,” Florida said sorrowfully. “And this one happened a little too close to home if you know what I mean.”

He turned to Lily again. “I heard the first one looked like something ate him,” he said slowly trying to touch her face.

“Ewe,” she exclaimed pushing him away.

“Ripped his heart out and ate it as well as parts of his legs and arms. Like Hannibal Lector or something,” he said feeling a little repulsed.

“Heard part of the buttocks was eaten too,” Florida revealed as if she had an inside scoop.

“Hmm,” Lily wondered turning to Todd. “Where were you last night?”

“You calling me an ass eater?” Holding his hands around an imaginary ass he began taking big imaginary bites out of it. “Mmm, this is some good ass,” he growled.

Stepping back Lily gives him a peculiar look. Turn
ing to Ms. Johnson she confessed, “Gives me the creeps.”

“Probably Rick on a killing spree. Do the dudes loo
k like Lily?” Impressed with himself he turns to Lily and sees she is not.

“That’s not funny,” s
he said with a scowl.

Todd turned to Mr. Johnson for some support but she was just slowly shaking her head.

“Seriously, what is wrong with you Todd Jacobson?”

“Bad taste?” he asked. Nodding he apologizes, “I’m sorry.” Seeing them sti
ll scowling he decides to scowl along with them.

Turning away from him Ms. Johnson continues to talk to Lily.
“Anyways, I will do a bit of reconnaissance on the single wealthy man wanting to rent and be down for my tea with a full report,” she said looking for her keys.

“Okay Ms. Johnson,” Lily said smiling.

In his snotty tattle tale voice Todd says goodbye. “Bye Ms. Johnson.”

“You have my tea ready.”

“I will,” she replied with a wave and her and Todd continued down the street.

TWO: The New Tenant

Watching them walk down the street Florida started to look around for her early morning appointment. Making sure it was still tidy she looked around the door way and then up both sides of the street. She always took pride in how well she kept the building but still worried when a new tenant was coming. Watching the cars and trucks go by she started thinking how good a tea would be right now when suddenly a voice appeared from behind her.

“Mrs. Johnson?” the friendly voice asked.

Spinning around a little startled Florida saw a young gentleman standing behind her. Wearing a clean crisp black suit and an obvious ironed shirt with no tie she couldn’t tell what the branding was but she knew it was not from a department store. He was tall and filled out the shoulders of the jacket enough to be called broad and she couldn’t help but notice how handsome he was. Then she couldn’t help but wonder how she didn’t even hear him come up behind her. “You’re my morning appointment, top floor studio” Florida declared.

“Yes Mam I am,” he said smiling.

“Well then Mr.…?” she said searching her memory for his last name.

“Caesar, Nathan Caesar but please, just Nathan,” he offered.

“I’m sorry, but when you get as old as I am, you start forgetting.” She paused and wondered what else she had forgotten today then shook her head. “Shall we look at the apartment, Nathan,” she said already anxious to tell Todd and Lily how downright gorgeous he was.

Agreeing they entered the building and then through the second set of security doors past the mail boxes to the dark wood stairs. Making it up a couple of flights they stopped while Florida caught her breathe. “No elevator,” she said breathing a little heavy. “You’re a young strapping man this should be no problem for you.”

“Not at all, Mrs. Johnson,” he said patiently waiting.

“Its Ms. Johnson honey, Max
passed away years ago, bless him . . . and you can call me Florida,” she said and started to laugh. “Now don’t you go getting any ideas,” she said then laughed a little harder.

“I’m sorry,” he said confused.

“I’m off the market,” she said.

Realizing this sweet old lady was flirting with him he began to laugh with her. Continuing upwards they thankfully reached the top. Florida was definitely out of breath as they stopped in front of a short hallway.

“My Lord, you better be taking this place child, if I have to walk up these stairs one more time to show it, I might be going down in a gurney,” she said shaking her head almost mournfully. “Those boys will be earning their pay check, yes sir.” She leaned a little closer to Nathan and whispered, “Put on a little weight these past few years.” Snickering she unlocked the door. Walking into the huge open apartment Nathan stood impressed. The floors were hardwood and actually went well with the walls even though they were a standard egg shell white. It had a small bar to the left and to the right a tiny one wall kitchen with a free standing breakfast nook. The rest of the area was open surrounded by windows that he could already see he loved.

“It’s wonderful,” he admitted. “The pictures do not do it justice,” he said walking in a little deeper.

“Mm-Hmm, now I know the rent is a little high, but it’s a nice clean building in a nice clean neighborhood.”

Echoing off the hardwood floor he wandered freely in the open space. “It’s perfect.”

Noticing how expensive his shoes were Florida made another invisible checkmark to her invisible list. “Over here is the stairs to the bedroom,” she explained pointing out a wraparound staircase. “I’ll wait right here . . . done enough climbing already today.”

Walking up the circular stairs he was pleasantly surprised again seeing it was an open floor plan with a huge window that was already radiating from the sun. “I love it,” he said picturing his things in different spots.

Then from down stairs Florida called up, “No closets though, I told that man, put in some damn closets.” She paused and just shook her head. “But he never did.”

“Nothing a few cabinets and armoires can’t fix.”

“Better than my son who moved back in with me, 48 years old. Couldn’t find a closet, a hamper or a sink if his life depended on it . . . he would look at me funny if I said to put it in an armoire - what’s an armoire Ma?” Florida said talking to herself.

“I’ll take it,” he declared coming down the stairs.

She smiled. “Oh my feet thank you.”

“It’s perfect Ms. Johnson,” he stopped himself and saw her eye brows were already raised. “It’s perfect – Florida,” he corrected. “And it’s only a few blocks from my store,” he said reaching into his coat pocket and producing a check. Looking at him she was surprised he already had it ready and even more surprised at the amount.

Seeing her expression he explained. “It’s for the whole year. I still need receipts every month if that’s ok?”

“You’re not a drug dealer are you?” she asked still looking at the check. It’s not that she didn’t want the money all at once, it would come in quite handy actually, but she never had a tenant pay an entire year in advance before.

“No Mam, I’m actually opening a book store.”

“Book store huh?”

“Yes mam, I’m having a shipment.” He cringed. “That is to say my brothers are delivering some of my books today.”

Smiling she folded the check and tucked it in to her dress pocket. “I’ll think we’ll get along just fine Nathan,” she said taking him by the arm. “Book store you say.”

“I specialize in used and rare books. I’m hoping to open at the end of next week . . . if my brothers ever get here with my -”

“Shipment,” Florida chuckled. “Nice young man like you, successful business and money,” she said patting her pocket holding the check. Pausing for a moment she decided it was as good as time as any and asked. “I know you’re not married, you said so, but no girlfriend moving in?”

“No girlfriend, just me.”

Adding a huge invisible check mark she gave him a big visible smile. “Maybe I should put myself on the market,” she said widening her eyes. Waiting until Nathan started to look really uncomfortable she started to snicker. Nathan joined her nervously.

“Your making me blush Ms. Johnson.”

“Honey if I was thirty years younger I’d be making you do more than blush,” she said slapping his arm and erupting boisterously. Walking to the door she handed him a key. “Come on down stairs and we’ll
start the paper work, get you a mail box key and security code for the doors.”

“Alright” he said holding the door open for her.

Walking down the short hall she thought if her list was real she would of ran out of room to put check marks. Starting down the stairs she moaned and complained with each step. “You’d think this would be easier going down.”

THREE: Imagination

After finishing up with Ms. Johnson he left his new building and headed down the street. It was still sparse on the sidewalks but the streets were starting to get busy and he knew in another ten-fifteen minutes it would be packed.
Busier than it ever was on the Amalfi Coast
, he thought. But he didn’t think it would be so bad and that he was just sulking. He lived here before and although that was some time ago he had always loved Chicago. Rounding the corner he came to his shop where his sign was already hanging above the window in large colorful letters, ‘Imagination’.
There it is
, he thought with a smile, it was done quickly and exactly as he specified. Unlocking the door he entered still smelling the fresh paint. Thinking it was funny how his book store landlord did not seem to question where his money came from and instead offered to do all the renovations to spec as insurance for him to take the place. But Nathan politely refused since what would take a few men a week took him a casual night.