My Body-Mine (2 page)

“
You are both exhausting. I don’t know how I can be any clearer. I don’t want what you have with each other and if that’s the only way he’s willing to continue our relationship, then I might as well leave now.”

“
So you say, but don’t think I believe you. You’re still waiting for Luke. Why?”

“
Just because I don’t want what Marcello is trying to force me into doesn’t mean I’m still pining for Luke. I don’t ever want to see Luke again. Can’t you understand that? I don’t know what it would do to me. I thought
you
of all people would get it. Our stuff … the money
…
seems far less important than my sanity. Since I will never marry again, I have no need to divorce him. I can always go back to work when I have to support myself again.” I thought of the strong, independent, successful woman I had been before I’d met Luke and sighed. At the time he had fulfilled a deep-seated need in me I hadn’t known existed, taken me to impossible heights of sexual bliss as well as tested my pain threshold in search of another, forbidden kind of bliss that still scared me to death.

Janice shook her head. “Sorry, Jane, I haven’t forgotten what that relationship almost cost you. As you know, my own time with Luke just about killed me, not to mention what it took to get over him. I just don’t see why you haven’t moved forward with Marcello.”

I stopped stretching and folded my arms. “I’m waiting for Marcello to adjust the terms of the contract
so I will have
more control over my life. I keep hoping that his desire to have me will overshadow his overwhelming need to manipulate everything I do. At any rate, I’ll talk to him about his abuse of your throat—”

“
Don’t you dare!” Janice yelled. “Seriously, Jane, that will just make matters worse.”

“
Fine, fine, I won’t say anything.” Bending over between my legs I put my elbows down on the ground and glanced up at Janice. “Do you like it when he uses you that way?”

“ ‘
Like’ is an odd term to use in our lifestyle. I would say, no, I don’t care for it. However, it makes me so wet, it’s hard to convince him otherwise. Honestly, it’s more the long-term side effects that worry me.”

“
Like?”

“
My throat hurts when I swallow, mostly on the left side, and my left ear feels like there’s pressure in it. I’m sure it’ll heal up as everything else has, but please, just make your choice already.”

* * * *

While existing in the purgatory of indecision, I spent my time running on the beach, editing my story about my time with Luke and trying to get published. In the last few months I hadn’t had to worry about making money or paying bills. I appreciated Marcello’s generosity more than I could say, but my gratitude didn’t extend to giving myself over to him completely.

No matter what Janice and Marcello thought, I was not pining away for Luke. Editing my story over and over again had given me greater perspective and since finishing the manuscript, I had forbade myself to even think about him. I had no interest in going through the formalities of divorce. I worried that if I started the process, he would seek me out, and I wasn’t interested in exposing myself needlessly to emotional pain.

Of course, part of me really hoped that my story would get published and he’d read it, finally coming to realize what he’d done to me. I still preferred walking around naked—as Luke had once insisted I do—and spent most of my time alone in my room in a state of undress. I had also kept the piercings from our wedding night. However, I didn’t fantasize about Luke. I occupied my time with trying to sort out what to do next.

Could I turn my back on the crazy lifestyle I had fallen into? I both relished and abhorred the thought of moving out of Marcello and Janice’s home. I had no idea how much time I should commit to getting published and if people would even want to read my story. Would my girlfriends ever get over my trying to kill myself or should I just relocate to a place where no one knows me and start over? Those were the thoughts that kept me awake at night.

The moonlight poured through my window as I shut down my computer. I had finally received a nibble on my book from a publisher who asked to see the first three chapters, and then the entire manuscript. Only a few weeks had passed but it didn’t stop me from checking my email obsessively.

Rereading the publisher’s email gave me comfort.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: Falling Through
The
Rabbit Hole, a Memoir

Jane,

I've read enough to know that I’d like to see more. Please email the complete manuscript as a Word doc.

I look forward to reading the rest!

Regards,

Claudia

I felt excited but nervous and embarrassed as well. I had changed names, locations, and some of the circumstances—as I’d read online should be done with a memoir—but the story told the truth, at least the truth as I saw it.

After brushing my teeth, I climbed naked into bed with my current erotic romance. I hadn’t heard Marcello enter the room and was startled by his sudden, looming presence.

“
Any good?” he asked as he sat down next to me on the bed. His large frame filled the space, dwarfing the room around him.

I folded the corner of the paperback and said, “It’s keeping me entertained so far.” Reaching around him, I placed the book on the nightstand.

He gazed down at me and I could tell he had softened. Had he used Janice again or was it the scotch I smelled on his breath?

“
I don’t want to fight with you anymore,” he said. “Having the same argument over and over reminds me too much of my mother and father. Tell me what you need to be able to sign the contract. I want to make this work.” He brushed a lock of my hair away from my face and placed it behind my left ear.

It was hard to resist Marcello when he displayed such unaccustomed gentleness. “You’re asking me to make a pledge I cannot make,” I said. “You of all people know what I went through with Luke—”

“
I’m not—”

I touched my forefinger lightly to his mouth and said, “Please let me finish.”

He nodded and cracked a smile.

“
I know you’re not Luke but you know what that relationship did to me. Please just forget about the contract and we can agree on some rules. Since you have Janice, I think I should have a say in whether or not I attend a particular party or event.”

“
You’re asking a lot of me.” In the pause that followed I knew he searched for a way around my request. Finally he said, “What if your attendance is required for punishment?”

“
Most definitely not.
Have you forgotten
the ‘party’ that ended everything with Luke? I sometimes wonder if you and Janice have amnesia about that time.”

“
I never agreed with his overreaction to the situation and how it all fell apart. I tried to reason with him—”

“
I saw you—”

“
What do you mean, you
saw
me?” he broke in.

“
I came back to the beach house and watched you fighting with Luke.”

“
From where? Out back?”

“
I watched for a while until I saw Luke glance outside. I was terrified that he’d seen me and ran all the way back to the motel.”

I could see him revising the memory to accommodate the new information as I recalled how close I had come to going off the deep end during those difficult times. Cut off from Luke with no resources, no money, and no place to go.

He nodded. “Yeah, well, that’s when we argued. I wanted him to search for you, but he refused.”

For a few moments we were both lost in our own worlds of recollection.

“
Regardless,” I said, “definitely no parties. I’d like to continue working on getting published but I’m willing to get a job as well. I’ve been contemplating a safe word and I think ‘finito Marcello’ will work perfectly. No say regarding what or when I eat, no electricity, and no fucking my throat. Janice has me sufficiently frightened of that. Most definitely no gags; they scare me.”

He lunged forward, pinning me to the bed. “Let me think about it,” he said with a wicked grin. “I’ll let you know tomorrow if I can live with that. In the meantime … Does this mean the bondage and discipline can commence?” He drew my arms above my head and spread my legs, restraining my body with his weight. He rubbed his clothed hard cock against my pussy.

“
Will you agree to my terms?” I asked. I squirmed beneath him, trying to hold my ground in my current predicament—as if that was even possible against his large body.

“
Tomorrow, but don’t think that will keep me from having my way with you now.” He let go of my wrists, cradled my face in his hands and began to devour me with his mouth. I tasted scotch, garlic, and his own personal essence that dragged me deeper into the kiss. His shaft expanded between us as he savored my lips.

Prior to my descent into the world of domination and discipline, kissing was always a quick corridor to other things sexual. First Luke and then Marcello used kisses as a means of possession. Their kisses captured my sense of reason and locked it in the basement, leaving me too dizzy to keep up the walls of self-protection. Luke had opened the door to an ecstasy that left me craving a hard, controlling touch. He mixed pain and pleasure in a way that elevated my ultimate release. Marcello kept the little girl in me safe while he summoned the wanton and brazen vixen in the throes of sensual desire.

Marcello
continued probing my mouth with his tongue, dueling with the intent of winning. Finally he released me, allowing me a short respite to catch my breath. Moving onto his knees, he said, “Stay right there.” He climbed off the bed and as he removed his clothing he warned, “Once our agreement is final, you will pay for making me wait so long.”

Instead of spurring anger in me, his comment made my nipples harden and my pussy pulse.

He mounted the bed and faced me. “No other woman I have known has always been so wet and ready.”

My cheeks grew hot, and even after all I had been through, I was still embarrassed by his words. Like never before, he reminded me of how the twisted nature of my new chosen lifestyle elicited my bodily responses.

He leaned over to taste me. Everything about him felt big, including the hands that cupped my ass and the tongue that lavished my clit. My hips squirmed out of my control as my moans rolled out of me, unbidden. Without warning, he placed me where he wanted me to go. Lifting my legs over his spread thighs, he guided my pussy up and onto his erect manhood. I slid down over his large phallus, feeling overly stretched and full as I wrapped my legs around his lean waist. I lifted my head up so I could see him shifting in and out of me. I gazed past his hairy chest to his intense sable eyes, understanding that he loved me but needed to possess me more.

The angle of my buttocks on his lap left the ridge of his cock rubbing against my G-spot—evidently that had been his wicked intention. “Oh my god, I’ve never done it this way, oh, oh,” I mumbled.

“
È
buono
, it’s good, right?”

“
Mmmhmm,” I groaned.

“
Tug hard on your nipple rings now … harder!”

I complied, although it still made me uncomfortable to caress myself while being observed. Luke never managed to get me over that. With my sensibilities as warped as they were, embarrassment only heightened my excitement.

Marcello reached between us and began swirling his fingers around my protruding bud.

I laid my head back down while the intensity of sensation became overwhelming. Relieved from the usual demands to maintain eye contact, I lost myself in all the different miracles eddying rapidly around me. The tweaking of my nipples increased the force of flow spinning from my head to my cunt. Marcello’s long thick dick stroked my insides, causing me to mutter and groan as his energy penetrated my core. His fingers mastered my clit, keeping me on edge.

No longer drawing at my nipples, I used my hands as leverage to help thrash my lower body against his cock. My upper back stayed on the bed while the arch of my hips crushed against his lap. My smooth thighs clamped around his muscular sides and I peered up again, following the trail of dark black hair from his belly button down to the erection pounding into me. I wanted more … needed more. I propped myself up onto my hands, thrusting my pelvis against him.

“
Oh Jesus, Jane,” Marcello grunted out.

Finally glancing up again, overcome with lust and craving, I locked eyes with him and saw the subtle nod. The blessed cyclone touched down starting at my clit and then ripping out from my core to my outer limbs. My eyes rolled back into my head as I pleaded, “Oh god, oh god, oh god, don’t stop, please don’t stop.”

“
No way, Jane,” he said, releasing his cum and power into me.

I collapsed onto my back, still locked onto his cock. I didn’t want to move as the windstorm continued to rush through my body.

As the tempest passed, calmness enveloped me. I no longer cared how we’d resolve our standoff or what would come tomorrow. I heard Marcello whisper, “
amore mio
,” as I floated from the bliss of our
love
making into a deep sleep.

T
he following morning Janice came to my room. “You’ve been summoned to breakfast.”