My Big Fat Gay Life (15 page)

“You have to come get me!” Patricia cried. “I’ve done something very stupid!”

* * *

There was an uneasy silence in the car. Patricia was staring out of her window, projecting her desire to not have a conversation right now. I decided to ignore that.

“How could you shoplift from Tesco?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the road so she couldn’t see the twinkle of humour in them.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” she answered icily.

“But seriously,” I pressed on. “Tesco? Couldn’t you go a bit more upmarket and shoplift from Debenhams?” I laughed loudly, unable to control myself any longer. Her face softened and she joined in the laughter.

“I’m so embarrassed,” she said. “It was almost like I wanted to get caught today.”

“Maybe you did,” I observed. “Most kleptomaniacs secretly harbour a desire for attention.”

“You knew, didn’t you?” she asked me.

“Of course I did,” I replied. “Who brings home a vase without a box to wrap it in?” We both laughed again.

The conversation continued along that vein, making light of the situation and finding humour in the silliest things.

“We’ll have a real discussion about this when you’re ready, my little hell demon,” I said as I dropped her at the house. “Thank you for not pretending that it was a mistake and that you’d just forgotten to pay. I love you.”

* * *

I met Sebastian and Tony at the coffee shop on the ground floor of the office building where the DNA testing centre was located. Both of them stood up as I approached the table.

“Donovan, this is Tony,” Sebastian said, indicating the young man standing next to him.

“Pleased to meet you, Sir,” Tony said, shaking my hand and smiling shyly.

“Please call me Donovan.” I liked the young man instantly. He’s damaged, yet still intact and quite hardened by the damage inflicted upon him. From his mannerisms and looks, I knew without a doubt the DNA test would confirm I had another child in the world.

One of the Universe’s greatest lessons is this: never take anything for granted! A few weeks ago, I was happy. I was living with an amazing woman, and we were expecting our first baby. I obviously didn’t appreciate it enough, as the Universe had seen fit to take it all away from me. At least the Universe had shown some small amount of mercy by letting me keep Sebastian in my life.

I woke up in his bed, as I had the previous two mornings. My situation with Ruth had become uncomfortable, to the point where she’d asked me to leave. I knew rationally that she was still grieving over the loss of our baby, and Sebastian had explained to me that often a woman in that situation would blame herself. She would convince herself that she didn’t deserve happiness, and would set about destroying any other aspect of her life that brought her any measure of happiness and fulfilment. Unfortunately, I was the first casualty of her self-destructive rampage.

Sebastian felt that a little time to herself would probably be good for her, and I tended to agree. I also needed some time to myself, as the atmosphere at home had become quite thick. Ruth barely spoke to me, and she wouldn’t let me touch her at all. She hadn’t left the apartment since the miscarriage, and Sebastian and I both knew she’d reverted to being agoraphobic. Naturally, Sebastian had insisted I stay with him until things were resolved.

I turned my head to look at my amazingly kind and understanding friend, and was surprised to see a tear running down his cheek in his sleep. Then a small sob escaped his throat.

Since the Kento and Bruce debacle, Sebastian hadn’t been his usual self. He didn’t laugh as freely as he used to, and he dragged himself throughout his daily routine like an automaton. Sure, he acted as though everything was fine, but I knew he was deeply hurt by Kento’s break in communication between the two of them. The Bruce situation wasn’t really an issue - we all hoped that Bruce had moved on to stalk someone else by now – however, the Kento situation was difficult for Sebastian. I decided he needed to wake up with a laugh.

Feeling mischievous, I carefully reached out for his hand and wrapped it around my morning erection. There’s no other man in the known universe I would allow to touch me like that, despite my indifference to being ogled by men. Truth be told, I love the attention - as long as the attention is purely from the eyes.

“Seb,” I whispered. “It’s time to wake up.”

Slowly his eyes opened, and I noticed a quick look of confusion flit across his face.

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed, sitting bolt upright in bed and taking his hand off my cock. His expression morphed between shock, horror, and embarrassment. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to molest you like that.”

“I was a bit surprised,” I responded, trying to sound as sincere as possible. “I thought we’d resolved all that years ago.”

“I’m so embarrassed,” Sebastian said, putting his head in his hands. I couldn’t hold back the laughter anymore, and let loose a bellow of laughter. He gave me a quizzical look.

“What’s so funny?” he asked.

“It was a joke,” I said between guffaws. “I thought you might need a laugh when you woke up, so I put your hand there deliberately.”

Finally, Sebastian saw the humour in the situation. He laughed with me, and it was a joy to see some of the spark come back into his eyes.

“You idiot!” he exclaimed. “I thought I’d done something stupid and offended you!”

The idea of Seb being able to offend me made me laugh even harder. We both continued to chuckle throughout the morning: during breakfast; during our game of squash; right up until Sebastian departed for work.

* * *

Now that Sebastian had gone to work, I had work of my own to do. I cancelled my appointments for the morning and phoned Kento. After convincing him to meet me at the gym, I spent a lot of time choosing the right outfit. I knew that I had to keep Kento quiet and attentive so that he could hear what I was saying, so I chose the flimsiest and thinnest pair of spandex shorts I own. White ones of course: white shows off the bulge to its best advantage. Unfortunately they had a lining sewn in, so I deftly cut out the lining. Why leave anything to the imagination? I had to capture Kento’s attention in the first ten seconds, or else I’d lose him.

* * *

The meeting with Kento went pretty much as I’d expected. I’d had to flaunt myself far more than I initially thought I’d have to, but if it helped heal a rift in Sebastian’s life then it was worth it. I wasn’t expecting any huge revelations from Kento. I wasn’t expecting him to admit he was being selfish or unreasonable. I did manage to plant some strong seeds of doubt, however. Now I just have to hope those seeds flourish.

Sebastian came home from work, and he had Quentin with him. The fledgling relationship between them seemed to be flourishing, so I hastily made my excuses to leave the apartment, allowing them to have it to themselves.

“I have to go see Ruth and take her some groceries,” I said. “Then I have a life model class for three hours at the art school, so I won’t be home until late.”

I went to the bedroom and dressed, much to Quentin’s disappointment. He always appreciated having me at the apartment - at least most of the time.

“Good to see you again Quentin,” I said as I was leaving, shaking his hand. I kissed Sebastian on the cheek. “You guys have fun!”

* * *

It saddened me immensely that I felt a twinge of dread at the prospect of seeing Ruth. She was my world, but recently it felt as though she had shifted orbit and was heading off in a different direction. It also saddened me that I had to knock at my own apartment door.

“Hi,” Ruth said flatly as she opened the door. I moved to kiss her on the cheek, but she avoided it by stepping backwards and sideways, allowing me access to the apartment. I took the groceries to the kitchen, at least feeling a little better knowing that she’d have enough food for a few days. She stood in the doorway as I unpacked the groceries, her eyes cast to the floor. Her hair looked dirty and unkempt.

“How are you feeling?” I asked, unsure what to say at this point.

“Fine,” she answered.

“I won’t stay,” I said, a pang of despair tugging at my heart, “but you know my number. If you ever want to talk, just call me. I’ll be here in a heartbeat. Please remember that I love you, and I’m here for you. I don’t know what else to do!”

Ruth just nodded. I let myself out of the apartment and headed to my life modelling session, struggling the whole way to suppress the tears I could feel welling up in my eyes.

Initially things were quite awkward between Sebastian and I the morning after we’d made love. I felt guilty, like I’d taken advantage of him when he was vulnerable. He’d lost a good friend that day and needed a shoulder to cry on, but I’d taken it much further than that. As we’re both counsellors, we know the best way to cut through any awkwardness is communication.

“Do you regret what happened last night,” I asked him tentatively.

“To an extent, yes,” he replied honestly. “I don’t regret getting to know you and discovering what a great guy you are, but I feel we may have rushed things. I needed some affection, and felt like the only way I was going to get some was during sex.”

“That’s easy fixed,” I observed. “From now on I’ll give you all the affection you could possibly want, without a single hint of sexual overtones. I’ll let you make the next move in that area.”

Sebastian grinned. From that point on, we’d spent a lot of time together in a joint discovery of each other. We were essentially dating, and it was fun! He had an aura of sadness about him, which I put down to the situation with his friend Kento, but he became very comfortable in my presence and grew to cherish the hugs I provided willingly.

He had a lot of things going on in his life at the moment, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was just a crutch to help him through them. I also feared that I was merely adding an extra complication to his life. Only time would tell if my fears had any basis.

We had a lot of fun together, and grew quite comfortable with mocking each other. Eventually I promised to stop applying fake tan and using hair dye, and he promised to stop mocking me ruthlessly - at least about those subjects. He claimed I looked like a character from The Simpsons with my fake orange tan. I’d never realised before what a fake tan and dye job contributed to a first impression, and it wasn’t good.

Sebastian had promised to cook me dinner tonight, so after work we strolled back to his apartment. I still hadn’t gotten used to entering his apartment and finding a hot naked man lounging on the sofa. Justin had been there for three days, and I liked him. He and Sebastian balanced each other out: Sebastian kept Justin grounded, and Justin drew Sebastian out of his comfort zone.

I watched Justin’s sculpted butt disappear into the bedroom as he made his excuses to leave us alone for the evening.

“That was subtle,” I remarked to Sebastian. He just smiled.

After Justin departed, Sebastian started the dinner preparations and I opened a bottle of wine.

“How’s Justin coping?” I asked.

“He’s doing OK,” Sebastian answered, concentrating on the vegetables he was chopping. He sliced vegetables as finely as he sliced through personality disorders. “He appears to be the poster child for social networking, but the truth is that although he has a large amount of acquaintances and admirers, he was very few friends. Apart from Ruth, I’m the only person in the world he has a strong bond with.”

“Do you think they’ll get back together?” I asked.

“I hope so!” Sebastian said. “I can’t handle too many more of his ‘practical jokes’.” He made quotation marks with his fingers to emphasise his opinion of the practical jokes.

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously.

“This morning I woke up with my hand on his erection. I realised straight away he was playing a game, so I decided to go along with it.”

“What was the game?”

“He claimed it was a practical joke to get me laughing, but Justin is a very affectionate and loving man. He craves affection and intimacy, and since he isn’t getting any from Ruth it makes sense that he’d try to get it from me.”