Mr. Wonderful Lies (16 page)

I blinked, trying to decide if my eyes were working properly while my brain processed this latest development. Visions of abandoned naked Barbies flittered through my mind. Ollie was a
father?
The man methodically met women and set up new relationships as if living an alternate life. The idea of him doing this so casually to a wife was horrifying enough. That he would do such a thing when he was in the position of male role model to an impressionable little girl was so much worse.

Downstairs, Carissa pulled away from Ollie and looked up at the ceiling. Ollie threw his head back and shouted. I could hear the timbre of his voice from where I stood though I couldn’t make out his words. On her bed, the little girl took one last big bounce before landing on her back and disappearing from view.

I held my breath, waiting for the inevitable. Ollie disappeared from the kitchen and Carissa moved out of my sight. I no longer cared what she was doing. Moments later Ollie appeared in the bedroom window.

The little girl obviously loved her daddy. She pounced on him as soon as he walked through the door. They tussled a little and he picked her up, swinging her around. I closed my eyes, unable to watch any more of the poignant scene. I didn’t know how I felt anymore. I was angry at Ollie, yet I wanted this for my own. For a moment, maybe more than a moment, I’d thought Ollie was my Mr. Wonderful. I’d thought we could have a house, with a little yard and eventually kids to share our lives. This was supposed to be my happily ever after.

But it wasn’t. It was Carissa’s.

And it wasn’t even hers, either.

Over my head, a streetlight sputtered to life. I hadn’t noticed it when I’d first staked out my position at the mouth of the alley. The pavement around me was bathed in a sick orange glow and I cast a grotesque shadow on the walls. I felt exposed, my private longings naked in the light. It was time to go.

I glanced up, wanting one last look at someone else’s life. My blood froze when I realized Ollie was staring out the window, right at me. Less than a second later, he disappeared from his daughter’s window.

My instincts told me to flee but there was no place to go. I’d ridden the bus. I could’ve headed for the nearest bus stop, but Ollie would be there long before I was out of sight. Besides, a part of me wanted to stay and confront him. I wanted to call him to task for what he was doing. I wanted to force him to acknowledge that it was wrong. After what I’d seen in the gym earlier, I wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he’d admit fault or even care, but I wanted to try all the same.

The front door opened and Ollie took the three steps in one leap. I swallowed thickly, adrenaline pouring into my bloodstream as he paced toward me. He was obviously angry. His square jaw was set and his teeth clenched. The thinning brown hair was mussed from wrestling with his little girl and he’d changed into jeans and a sweatshirt.

“What the hell are you doing here, Megan?”

He was positively looming over me, an angry bear backing me into a corner where he would eat me alive. I took a deep, steadying breath and remembered that I was not the condemned in this situation. “I wanted to see.”

“See what?”

His tone unleashed my anger. I frowned and stood my ground, setting my chin and glaring up at him. “I don’t know, Ollie, the truth?”

“So you came all the way out here to tattle on me?”

“If that’s what I was here to do, I’d have already done it. I just came because I wanted closure.”

A cruel grin played at the corner of his mouth. “Closure? For what? You’re just like all the rest. Give you a few lines and tell you what you want to hear and you’ll spread your legs for anyone.”

Tears stung my already red-rimmed eyes. “That’s all you care about? Getting laid? You don’t even care about the lives you’re ruining?”

“Whose lives am I ruining? My family doesn’t know a damn thing about this.”

“Maybe they should,” I retorted. “Maybe Carissa should know all about it so she can make her own informed decision about the man she married.”

“Don’t threaten me, Megan. You won’t like the results.”

My heart wrenched. Had we really come to this? “Was it all lies?” My voice broke. “Did you mean any of it?”

“I said whatever it took to get what I wanted, Megan. That’s how the world works.”

His expression was hard, face arranged in a mask of derision and indifference that cut me to the quick. Professor Jackass had hurt me. This was worse. “How can you do this? How can you stand here and tell me it was all about getting me into bed? If I’d said no that night, if I hadn’t gotten so drunk and I’d had enough of my wits about me to say no, would you have left and never called again?”

He considered this and I felt just a breath of hope. “I’d have probably given it another week.”

My hopes shriveled and died. Anger burned hot inside my heart and I lashed out with my hand, aiming to slap and instead brushing ineffectually against his broad chest. “Go to hell!”

Ollie grabbed my arm, hand crushing the bones in my wrist as he twisted it painfully. I cried out, feeling real fear for the first time since making the idiotic decision to come see the truth for myself.

“Let go or I’ll make good on every word of what I said earlier.”

“Jared.” I stumbled in his direction. I didn’t know how or why Jared was in that alley, but I was more grateful than I could imagine that he was.

He caught me when I would have fallen, gathering me close and pressing a kiss to my forehead. His arms wrapped securely around my chilled body, their familiar feel soothing my hurt. I inhaled deeply, the spicy, masculine scent of him filling me with a torrent of emotions I couldn’t decipher. I thought of Carissa in Ollie’s arms. Where would I rather be?

“I told you what would happen if you butted in again, Walker,” Ollie growled.

“Don’t kid yourself,” Jared warned. “I only came for Megan.”

Ollie would have said more. He wanted to. His fists clenched at his sides, flexing as he got ready to throw a punch. Jared tensed around me, no doubt preparing to somehow put himself between me and harm. I didn’t want that. I didn’t want any of it. I wanted it to be over. That was the reason I’d come to see the truth for myself. I wanted closure, not conflict.

“Don’t do this in front of your little girl, Ollie,” I said softly.

“What’re you talking about? She’s inside.”

“She’s watching us.” I nodded to the second story bedroom window.

Ollie whipped around, Jared and I forgotten. His daughter was watching, but she wasn’t the only one.

“Mother of God,” he muttered before turning one more time to us. “Get the hell out of here and don’t come back.”

I took a deep breath and told the truth. “I won’t.”

Jared watched Ollie long enough to know that he was really going before turning around. “I’m going to get you home, Megan. You’re freezing cold.”

In the eerie illumination of the streetlight, the grille of his low-slung sports car was just visible in the alley. My sluggish mind processed that thought in wonder. There was no other way in. That meant Jared had been parked behind me the whole time I’d been peeping shamelessly into Ollie’s life.

I thought I’d die with the shame. Just when I thought I’d hit rock bottom, something else would knock me just a little lower.

I tried to open the front door to my townhouse, but my fingers couldn’t manage my keys. Jared had cranked the heat inside his car, but my whole body was still numb with shock and horror. I fumbled and the keys slipped from my hands. A frustrated sob stuck in my throat.

“It’s okay, Megan.” He leaned down and grabbed the keys before deftly inserting the right one into the lock. “Let’s get you inside.”

My clothes were clammy from the chill, damp air I’d stood in for nearly an hour. I shivered as I stepped through the door, the slightly warmer air inside my townhouse not warding off the bone deep cold.

“You need to get out of those wet clothes,” he told me, nudging me further into the house.

“All my stuff is upstairs.”

“Come on, then. Upstairs it is.”

I didn’t move. I don’t think I could have.

He made a noise in the back of his throat and lifted me effortlessly into his arms. I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. He was warm, and his hard body was supple against mine. Not long ago I would have worried whether or not he thought I was heavier than I should be, or thought I smelled good or if having to carry me up the narrow stairs was a burden he’d rather not deal with. At that moment I was too emotionally spent to focus on anything but the sensation of being close to him.

He climbed the stairs, slowing at the turn to carefully maneuver my feet out of harm’s way. Fragmented memories of the night another man had carried me up those same stairs tore at the ragged edges of my wounded heart. Would they ever stop? Would anything ever chase them away and make me whole again?

Jared slowly lowered me to the floor in my bedroom and steadied me with gentle hands. “Robe?”

I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Bathroom.”

He disappeared back out the bedroom door.

I wasn’t wearing much in the way of clothing. In fact, I was still in the sweatpants and hoodie I’d rummaged from the laundry room days before. My sense of time was fuzzy and uncertain. How long had it been since Ollie had sweet-talked his way into my bed with wine and roses?

I tore off the hoodie and dropped my sweatpants in the same motion, stepping aside and pushing my clothes toward the hamper in the corner. Gooseflesh erupted on my skin. I had opted in favor of an old lycra camisole top instead of a bra after removing my bathing suit in the locker room. Now it was damp both from my swim and my outdoor vigil. My breasts were heavy beneath it, my nipples peaking into hard points in the cold air. Nothing but a skimpy pair of bikini underwear covered my lower half.

“Here Megan, wrap up in this and…”

I turned toward the door when he entered. He stopped short, his shock palpable. My thick, cotton robe fell from his fingers into a pool of soft pale green fabric on the scarred wood floor.

I didn’t pause. If I had stopped for one coherent thought my courage would have left me high and dry. Instead, I reached for him. I wound my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his.

He was surprised at first. Why wouldn’t he be? But I could feel the moment his surprise turned to something else. His mouth opened, his tongue sliding inside my mouth to rub alongside mine. His arms wrapped around me, his hands slipping beneath the loose hem of my cami and coming to rest on the cool, bare skin of my back. I groaned at the contact, undulating against him in a plea for more.

He pulled back briefly, “Megan, what are you doing?”

“Loving you.”

He growled, pushing against me until the backs of my knees hit my bed and I tumbled backwards. He caught his weight on his forearms, kissing me in earnest now, making love to me with his mouth until I thought I would die with desire. I wanted this. No, I needed it. I needed to be loved, to know that someone wanted me, even if it were only for a little while.

My hands pulled the soft cotton of his T-shirt up to expose the hard expanse of his belly. His muscles shrank away reflexively, his body reacting to my exploration even as his hand settled on my breast.

I quested lower, delving below his waistband to find him rock hard and ready. I began pushing at the waistband of his pants, wanting to feel his acceptance when he made love to me.

His hand caught mine, pulling me gently away from my goal. Rearing back, his gaze searched my face, causing me to squirm against him. “Megan, slow down.”

“No, please Jared,” I gasped, willing him with my body to understand. “I need you. Make love to me. Show me you love me.”

The sight of his handsome face in such turmoil would be burned into my memory forever. I could see the play of emotion across his features, the desire, the restraint, the love and passion. His blue eyes were mesmerizing, his mouth curving into a sad smile.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my voice wavering.

“I want this, Megan.”

“I do too.” I arched my back, grinding his groin against the vee of my pelvis.

He hissed and his eyes narrowed as he fought for control. “But not like this.”

What had only moments before been a raging inferno of desire was gone as though doused with glacial water. “You don’t want me?”

“Megan…”

“Nobody wants me!” I said brokenly. “What’s wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Megan. I’ve told you a thousand times that you’re perfect in every way.”

“You say that now,” I spat bitterly. “But in the end, you’ll choose someone else too.”

“No, never.”

He was so sure, so dreadfully certain about his feelings. I’d been struggling for so long not to be that person, that insecure person who needed constant affirmation. I told myself I was confident, that I didn’t care what anyone else thought. I said I was just as good as any gorgeous, waif-thin model. But the truth was just the opposite. How would I ever be able to believe that someone like Jared could love me, when I couldn’t even hang on to the Ollies of the world?

He rolled sideways and grabbed me up, crushing me to his chest. “Don’t ever think I don’t want you, Megan. I’ve dreamed of this moment for longer than I’d like to admit. I want nothing more than to love every inch of your body until both of us are exhausted.”

“Then why are you saying no?”

“Because when I make love to you, I want you to be thinking about me and nobody else.”

I began to sob, my tears coming in torrents that matched the rain beginning to pound the windowpanes. He stroked my hair, murmuring softly and pressing gentle kisses to my forehead. I clung to him, fingers clenched in his shirt and face buried against his chest. Feeling as though the floodgates had opened wide, I let go and cried as I should have from the moment I discovered the truth.

* * *

I don’t know what time the sun woke me the following morning, but it was too early. I knew immediately that I’d forgotten to close the blinds again. I didn’t have to look to know that my butter-yellow bedroom walls would be patterned with strips of pink-and-orange sunlight, or that the same pattern was repeated on my pillow making it difficult to open my eyes.

I didn’t care. I wasn’t inclined to open my eyes anyway. I was dead tired, too tired to get up and shuffle my way into my office to begin a productive day. So I hovered between that state of sleep and wakefulness where my brain drifted.

It didn’t take long for my brain to wander its way toward recent events. As if fast-forwarding scenes from a bad movie, the past few days whipped through my mind and left me breathless with agony.

“Jared,” I whispered in a voice hoarse from my previous night’s tears.

Something stirred on the bed behind me. I froze, equal parts thrilled and horrified to realize a deliciously warm, deliciously male body was curled protectively around me. Groggy with sleep, I hadn’t realized at first that the intense heat source keeping me toasty warm was alive and breathing.

“Good morning, Megan,” he murmured, stretching languidly and briefly tightening his snug hold.

I sucked in a breath, held it and then exhaled slowly. “You stayed.”

He shifted, propping his body on one elbow so that he could stare into my face. I was suddenly shy, tongue tied even. This was Jared, my friend Jared. I kept reminding myself that nothing had really changed. But that wasn’t entirely true. So much had happened between us that nothing would never really be the same.

“You needed me, Megan,” he told me softly, reaching down and stroking my face with the palm of his hand. “When you need me, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

“About last night,” I began, too embarrassed to say any more.

His eyes clouded. “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

“No! I’m glad you…” I paused, nibbling my lower lip while trying to come up with the least embarrassing way to tell him thanks for not letting me make a total ass out of myself. Again. “I’m just glad you had your head on straight.”

“It wasn’t the right time, Megan.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

There was a moment of silence between us. For once I didn’t force myself not to stare shamelessly. He looked perfect, even at that ungodly hour of the morning. His blonde hair was tousled and his face was covered in dark gold stubble. He looked like a sexier-than-hell man who’d just spent the night with a woman. How lucky was I to be that woman, the woman who’d lain cradled in Jared Walker’s arms?

“Yesterday…” I tried to order my words carefully. “Before Ollie’s tantrum. I meant to talk to you about my list.”

“Which list would that be?”

“The undateable list.”

“I hate that list.”

I swallowed, determined to make things right. Ollie’s betrayal had forced things to move forward, but this conversation between Jared and I had been coming anyway. “I never meant to hurt you with that stupid list. I thought I was doing you a favor.”

“A favor?”

He didn’t look convinced and I couldn’t blame him. My reasons seemed stupid in retrospect. “I didn’t want to be that friend who keeps trying to be more than friends. I didn’t want to be a pest, or a hanger-on or a”—I decided to go for broke—“a Gillian.”

“God, Megan,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “All this time, that’s what’s kept that stupid list alive?”

“I just didn’t want to lose your friendship.”

“You’ll never lose my friendship, Megan. That’s one of the things best things about you and me.”

I frowned, wondering at the time I’d wasted, only to realize that it hadn’t been wasted. Nothing was going to make our shared experiences or the fun things that we’d done together disappear.

He gently smoothed away the frown lines between my eyebrows with one fingertip. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m wondering how I got so lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one.”

“How can you say that after everything with Ollie?” I swallowed. It was hard to choke out his name.

“Is Ollie any different than Gillian?”

I started to speak, to protest the comparison, but he pressed a finger to my lips.

“We both have baggage, Megan. Hell, everyone has baggage. We’ve all got pasts. The point isn’t what happened, it’s putting it behind us and loving in spite of it.”

I thought about the night I’d thrown the Gillian issue in his face. Had I really been apprehensive about his past, or had I been using it as an excuse to run away from my feelings about him?

“As much as I hate to admit it, I think the Gillians and Ollies in both our pasts served their purposes,” I hypothesized. “So maybe we not only have the baggage, we need it.”

A wry grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Well, you can’t see the world without baggage coming along for the ride.”

“Hmm, tour the world with you? Where do I sign up?”

He lifted his head, searching out my alarm clock. “How about touring the gym first so I can open up?”

I thought about his gym, about the part it’d played in my past and the part it was most likely going to play in my future. “You know, I think that’d be a great place to start.”

“Good.” He leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to my lips. “Because Anna’s probably waiting at the door, tapping her watch and cursing me for screwing up her daily itinerary.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I assured him. “She’ll be so glad to say I told you so when we show up together that she’ll forgive the crime against her schedule.”