Mr. Wonderful Lies (15 page)

I dawdled in the locker room until almost five o’clock. I was waffling back and forth about whether or not I wanted to talk to Jared. I kept thinking about what he’d said about excluding him with my list. I didn’t want him to think that, but I wasn’t certain what the truth was. I hated the idea that I’d made Jared, my friend Jared, think he was less than perfect because of some stupid list that was becoming more trouble than it was worth.

Finally, grumbling beneath my breath and feeling disgruntled by my indecisive behavior, I slammed my locker door shut and prepared to leave. I wrapped a rubber band around my messy ponytail and shoved a few stray curls behind my ear. Jared had seen me looking far worse. It wasn’t as if my appearance was going to shock him now.

The crowd had thinned out a lot since I’d arrived. There were still quite a few people on the machines. Through a wall of glass windows, I could see into the mirrored room where Gillian and Holly’s Cardio-Kickboxing class was in full swing.

Guessing Jared to be near the front desk preparing to finish out his day, I headed in that general direction. I glanced around for Anna, wondering if she’d already been by for her punishing daily routine. I needed to call and let her know that I was going to be okay.

“I swear to God, if you pry into my business even one more time I’ll come in here and wipe the floor with you. Understand?”

The angry voice garnered some minor attention from the other people working out near the front desk. I quickened my steps, a knot of dread forming in my belly. The last time I’d heard that voice it was whispering poisonous lies about Jared into my ear.

“I don’t care if you
are
some hot shit personal trainer.” Ollie leaned over and growled right in Jared’s face. “I’ll put my foot so far up your ass that your kids will be born with my foot print on their faces.”

I paused behind a support pillar and rested my arm on the water cooler stashed there. I had been convinced I was falling in love with that? Had I ever suspected Ollie was capable of being such a total asshole? He was worse than Professor Jackass.

“How long have you been playing this game?” Jared’s palms rested flat on the smooth wood of the front counter.

“What game?”

Jared’s low laugh sent chills racing down my spine and raised the hair at the back of my neck. There was very little of my friend Jared in the man facing off with Ollie less than a dozen paces away. Every muscle rigid, Jared’s cold expression was like nothing I’d ever seen before. Gold hair gleaming in the overhead lights, he looked a little like a vengeful Greek god.

“If you’ve never had your cage rattled before, you’re either very good, or you’ve never tried to play a woman like Megan,” Jared said roughly.

Ollie snorted, tilting his head arrogantly. “A woman like Megan? They’re all the same in the dark, just another piece of ass.”

My chest constricted as his words burned through my heart to my soul. How had I bought into the bullshit he’d been offering? Ollie said I was special, beautiful, and desirable. The worst thing was that there was still a part of me that longed to hear him say it again.

“You’re a fool,” Jared argued.

“What’s the matter, player,” Ollie mocked. “You got feelings for her?”

“Even at the top of my game I wasn’t as big a fuck up as you are.” Jared’s voice was laced with venom.

“I’m a fuck up? You’re the one who’s pussy whipped by a woman who considers you
her friend
.”

Jared shook his head, body practically vibrating with anger. “It’s over, you egotistical asshole. She knows the truth.”

Ollie tensed, as if he were far more worried about that than he was willing to let on. “Then you’d best keep that bitch on a leash or I’ll have to put her down before she causes trouble.”

Jared moved so quickly that I barely had time to swallow my sound of shock. One second he was standing, palms flat on the counter. The next he had a fist full of Ollie’s shirt in each hand and was glaring into his face.

“If you touch her I will take apart every portion of your life until there is nothing left of your dogshit existence.”

Ollie tried to hang onto his bravado, but I could see it faltering. He’d severely underestimated Jared. Ollie might be bigger, but Jared was stronger and in better shape. As was obvious from the way Jared was practically pulling Ollie over the counter by his cheap polo shirt.

“Let go or I’ll file charges,” Ollie demanded.

“How typical. You’re all talk until things get physical. Then you hide behind assault charges.”

Jared shoved Ollie back. I watched the man I’d once believed to be my Mr. Wonderful stumble backwards, nearly falling into the front doors as he scrambled to regain his balance.

“Get the fuck out of here and don’t come back,” Jared ordered vehemently.

I didn’t watch Ollie leave. I couldn’t. Shame burned through me, and I wondered if anyone else realized my humiliation. How could I have been so thoroughly duped?

My eyes slid shut and I pressed my back against the cold support pillar. I took deep breaths until I stopped feeling dizzy and sick.

“Megan?”

Jared’s voice was rough with emotion, but gentle to my ears. I wanted to fling my arms around his neck and bury my head in his shoulder until all of this went away. But I couldn’t. How could I even face him after something so embarrassing?

He reached out, as if he were going to offer the kind of comfort I craved, but I pulled away. “No, Jared.”

“Don’t shut me out. None of this was your fault.”

“It wasn’t my fault?” I stared at him, wondering how he could absolve me of responsibility for this fiasco. “I bought it all, every word. Anna was right, and I was wrong.” A stab of sorrow cut deep into my gut. “Not just wrong, Jared. I was the worst kind of wrong.”

His expression was tortured, the muscles of his face taut as he fought to maintain control. Was he angry? It was hard for me to judge. My own guilt colored everything I saw on his face. Less than ten minutes ago, I’d been ready to try and talk to him about how I felt, about the list. I hadn’t known where that conversation would take us, but I’d been ready to try. Now it was all back to dust.

“Megan, please.”

I was done, done with shame and wondering and feeling guilty. I pushed past him and headed for the front doors, my head down and eyes on the floor. People stared at me as I passed. I wondered if I would ever feel as if they weren’t staring at me after Ollie had aired our private business to the entire gym.

Was this what it felt like to have that scarlet letter pinned to your chest?

I stumbled, catching my toe on the uneven sidewalk as that thought latched onto my mind and wouldn’t let go. Adultery. That was what it had been when I decided to sleep with Ollie. That wasn’t me! I was single. I wasn’t supposed to have to worry about that kind of thing. I was a single woman dating single men. I wanted a lasting monogamous relationship.

Tears stung my eyes, falling in hot tracks down my cheeks. I swiped them away, inhaling deeply to try and control my emotions. The scent of diesel exhaust filled my nose. A big metro bus ground to a halt at the curb half a dozen paces away. Two people shifted impatiently, waiting to board. I glanced at the destination emblazoned on the back of the bus and broke into a jog.

There were less than ten people on the bus. I shoved some change into the slot at the top of the steps and sank into a seat near the middle just as the driver let off the protesting brakes and we lurched into motion. The bus smelled like ancient moldy cheese and probably hadn’t been cleaned since it was put into service. I normally don’t ride the bus for those reasons. Right then I had too much on my mind to care.

I have a lot of old fashioned ideas. My parents have been married for nearly fifty years. I don’t have to be told that’s unusual. But they have permanently affected the way I see marriage. When I find the guy I’m going to marry I don’t want to think of it as a short-term thing. I’m not settling because there’s a way out later if I need it. It’s all or nothing for me.

So what if my husband became an Ollie? What if he never stopped dating or constantly cheated or lived out dozens of relationships under false pretenses? How would I ever be able to look at a man again and not wonder?

Scenery whipped by outside, the winter darkness falling quickly until bright lights from storefronts and neon signs streamed by the windows. We had stopped half a dozen times, but I stayed in the same cracked plastic seat. The frigid air inside the bus was slowly numbing my fingers and toes. I didn’t care.

Since finding out that Ollie was married and my entire relationship was a farce, I’d only looked at the betrayal from one angle. Mine. But there was someone else I hadn’t considered. What about Carissa?

Adultery is an ugly word. It had crossed my mind briefly when I caught Professor Jackass performing his
social experiment
, but we hadn’t been married. I’m not completely naïve. I know there are a lot of cheaters out there. But for some reason I’d lived in the happy belief that once I settled on my Mr. Wonderful and actually married him, that there would be no cheating. I hadn’t ever thought to apply the word Adultery to my relationship. And I sure as hell didn’t ever intend to be the
other
woman.

Did she know? Did she even wonder? Had she caught him only to be told that he would stop? Did she love him? I wondered all of those things and more. But the one that trumped all the others was whether or not Carissa hated me though I hadn’t even known Ollie belonged to her. Did she blame me for leading her husband astray?

The bus slowed, brakes squealing and engine grinding gears as the driver reached another stop. The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I felt lightheaded as I stood up, grabbing a nearby pole against a final lurch of the bus. My heart was thundering in my chest, pulse dancing in my throat, and my breath coming in short pants.

I knew when my feet touched the sidewalk that I had no business being there. It wasn’t where I’d intended to go after leaving the gym, but it’d been my only reason for climbing aboard the bus.

Modest brick storefronts lined both sides of the street. Lighted shop windows showcased boutique fashions, bakeries, neighborhood delicatessens and numerous Asian restaurants. There were plenty of cars whizzing by me on the street, but not much foot traffic. People were headed home from work.

Turning away from the broad main street, I headed down the sidewalk of a quiet residential neighborhood. The homes were roughly the same age as my townhouse, with all brick construction and narrow windows. Leaves from the trees lining either side of the street filled the gutters. Cars were packed into tiny driveways before small, detached garages. Some of the houses were single units, others were duplexes or quads, almost all had lights on inside. It was dinnertime.

Ollie and Carissa’s house wasn’t hard to find. I’d memorized the address from Ollie’s background check. I hadn’t meant to, but the number seemed burned into my brain as I walked six houses down until a small alley opened to my right. When I turned away from the alley, their house was directly across the street. It was a two story with soft, yellow lights in all four front windows. The remnants of last year’s flowers lined the walkway and nobody had taken the garbage cans back in after trash pickup. Ollie’s SUV was parked behind a minivan in the driveway.

My chest grew tight and a strangled sob caught in my throat. I imagined what it might be like to come home every night to someone you loved. Did Carissa have dinner ready for him? Did they laugh and chat about their workdays as they finished setting the table? From the outside, they had everything. Why would Ollie risk that for a few nights with someone like me?

Movement in the vicinity of what I took to be the kitchen caught my eye. I moved back, letting the shadows in the alley hide me from view as I shamelessly took that peep into Ollie’s real life.

A stab of pain nearly made me keel over when Ollie walked into view. He was talking to someone. It was hard to read his expression, but I thought he might be smiling. I strained my eyes, willing the other person to move into view. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to see her. I had to know what she was like.

My hand snaked out, gripping the side of the building until the brick cut deeply into my fingernail beds. He looked happy. Could I have made him happy? Could I make anyone happy?

Carissa suddenly slipped into view, her slender form much shorter than Ollie’s. I could make out long, blonde hair swept up into a ponytail. My breath caught as though I’d been gut kicked. Ollie reached out, pulling her close. Carissa nestled in his big embrace, accepting a kiss on the forehead before burying her face in his broad shoulder.

I didn’t remember the tears beginning, but hot rivers ran down both sides of my face and dribbled onto my hoodie. Silent sobs shook my shoulders and I forcefully held them in. My insides were on fire, burning with anger and shame and loneliness, yet I was ice cold on the outside. My fingers and toes were numb with the damp chill of the winter evening. If I stayed out much longer I was going to freeze, but I had no desire to return home to an empty house.

A light came on upstairs and my eyes were drawn to the warm glow. Carissa still nestled in Ollie’s embrace downstairs and I wondered dumbly who’d gone upstairs. My heart stopped when a girl, nine or ten years old, leapt up onto the bed and began jumping. Blonde hair, so much like her mother’s, flew out behind her as she bounced up and down.