Mr. Darcy's Proposal (22 page)

As Elizabeth walked to her room, she thought about her life as Mrs. Darcy. Why was her emotional equilibrium so easily disturbed? It was not like her to be out of sorts or to doubt herself, but since coming to Pemberley she could not seem to find her place. Each time she thought matters were well in hand, something happened that surprised and unsettled her.

To a great degree, her own happiness depended on pleasing her husband, and even after several months of marriage, she still had no idea how to do that. In reviewing the events of the evening again, she thought she should probably be pleased and not worried that he had expressed satisfaction with her progress in managing the house—and he had reiterated his confidence in her abilities and judgment. Perhaps she should ask him directly what he expected of her. That way, she would know where to put her attentions. Now all she had to do was find the right opportunity to approach him.

Twenty Eight

A week or so later, Georgiana arrived at Pemberley with Mrs. Annesley. Elizabeth had been anxiously anticipating the reunion, hoping it would take away some of the sting of missing her own dear sisters.

When Darcy had been in London the previous winter, he had arranged for the purchase of a new pianoforte as a surprise for his sister. It had been delivered while they were still at Netherfield.

On the afternoon Georgiana arrived home, Darcy and Elizabeth kept her occupied so that she would not have time to visit the music room, which was generally one of her first stops upon returning home. After dinner, Darcy hinted he would like to hear Elizabeth and Georgiana play some music together. In spite of her shyness, Georgiana found that she could not deny her brother any pleasure she might bring him through her playing.

Upon entering the music room, Georgiana discovered her gift. She was completely taken by surprise. “Oh, this is…this is too much, Brother. I do not deserve such a wonderful gift,” she said, running her hands lovingly over the smooth wood of the instrument.

“Of course, you deserve it, and you know your brother is never wrong about these things,” said Elizabeth.

Tears of happiness came to Georgiana’s eyes as she thanked them again and again. “Now would you do us the honor of playing something so I can ascertain if I have made a good investment?” Darcy asked. He gave his sister a reassuring smile.

Although usually shy in front of any audience, Georgiana was so eager to try out the new instrument that she did not have to be encouraged to play. In fact, she played several tunes for them with almost no urging at all. As the sounds of the new instrument drifted through the house, some of the servants came to stand just outside the doors to the music room so that they too could enjoy the impromptu concert.

As they listened, Elizabeth watched her husband’s face closely and saw that he looked more relaxed than usual as if the music was a soothing balm. It had not occurred to her to question how he might be bearing up under the strain of everything that had happened over the past few months. While chastising herself for being so selfish and inconsiderate, she resolved to show him more kindness and attention. Perhaps she would suggest taking a walk together tomorrow.

When the little concert was over, Georgiana asked her brother and Elizabeth to step into the family parlor where she had a surprise for them. She presented a book to her brother to add to the library, and to Elizabeth, she gave a picture of Pemberley she had drawn herself.

“It is not very good. My drawing teacher had me work from one of the paintings at Darcy House,” Georgiana apologized shyly as she examined the drawing over Elizabeth’s shoulder. “He says he thinks I show promise, but I suspect he only says that in order to ensure his employment continues.”

“Every proper young lady should learn to draw,” said Darcy.

“Must I really continue?” asked Georgiana making a disagreeable face.

“Yes, of course, you must,” Darcy told her.

Elizabeth noticed how Georgiana was looking down at the floor uncomfortably but the girl said nothing to challenge her brother. Elizabeth touched her finger to her sister’s chin and lifted her face. “I think the drawing is very good, and I shall treasure it always,” she said, kissing Georgiana on the cheek.

Twenty Nine

The next morning, Elizabeth arose early and found to her surprise that she was looking forward to walking out with Darcy. Never before had she consciously thought of spending time alone with him as having the potential to be something pleasurable. Perhaps it was just that having been a social creature all her life, she had been feeling the lack of society since arriving at Pemberley. As she was still officially in mourning for her father, she was afforded only limited opportunities to socialize with other families in the neighborhood. The only people she had met from the area were those who attended services at their parish.

Elizabeth missed her sisters most especially Jane and the intimate sisterly talks they had shared all their lives. Although she was coming to think of Georgiana as a sister, it was not the same as the bonds she shared with Jane. Sitting at her dressing table as Margaret fixed her hair, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. The face that looked back seemed both familiar and something of a stranger. She knew she was not Elizabeth Bennet any more—she was Elizabeth Darcy—Mrs. Darcy—but she was still not sure sometimes exactly what that meant.

Descending the stairway to the family dining room, she ran her hand along the smooth wood of the banister that followed the gracefully curving staircase that led to the family’s rooms on the main level. Every day she was amazed that she was mistress of all this grandeur. The responsibility was both a great delight and a great weight upon her.

***

“You look very lovely this morning, Elizabeth,” Darcy commented as they walked one of the paths toward the stream that ran down from the hill and into a pond near the house. Elizabeth had chosen one of her favorite bonnets to wear that day. Even though the straw was trimmed in black, she thought it looked less severe than most of the others she had been wearing since her father’s death.

“Thank you,” she said, pleased he had noticed and made the effort to compliment her. They walked in silence for a while as they often did. Elizabeth enjoyed taking in all the new scenery as they strolled along. Finally, she decided it was time to ask some of the questions that had been occupying her thoughts almost since her first day at the house.

“I would like to talk to you about what you expect of me as Mistress of Pemberley,” Elizabeth began a little hesitantly as they neared the pond.

“I am not certain I understand what you mean.”

“When you asked me to marry you, you must have had some idea of the role I would play here. I have a great deal of respect for the estate and the importance of the Darcy family in the neighborhood. I want to be certain I am doing the right things.”

“First of all, you must know that I did not marry you just to have someone to manage the house and act as hostess here.” His voice had an edge of irritation.

“I did not mean to cause offense,” she responded quickly. “Every day I discover there is more to learn. I would like to give my immediate attention to what you deem most important.”

“You are already involved in much of the household management with Mrs. Reynolds.”

“Surely, there are other things you expect of me.”

“Eventually, we will be obliged to begin entertaining again. I have been single since assuming responsibilities here at Pemberley, so people in the area have not had the same expectations of me. That will all change now we are married. I am sure many people are anticipating being invited to Pemberley again as they were when my parents were alive.”

“I will do my best not to let you down,” she said.

“I have every confidence in you,” he said. “You have a natural ability for making people feel at ease and bringing out the best in them. I have already seen you applying these talents with the people you have met here.”

“Thank you,” she murmured.

“In a very short period of time, you have helped Georgiana’s confidence to grow. I was always certain she would blossom under your care,” he said with some tenderness in his voice. “She is happier and more talkative than I can remember her being in a very long time.”

Elizabeth relaxed a bit and sent up a silent prayer of thanks.

“Give me your hand, Elizabeth. The ground is uneven here, and I would not want you to injure yourself.”

Although she did not feel herself in any danger, she reached out to him. Darcy took her hand and tucked it under his arm protectively. Peering up at his face, she thought he looked pleased. Sometimes she was amazed at how a small gesture like this from her could bring him such obvious pleasure. It was little enough to ask of her and was it not her duty as his wife to please him?

“Have you thought about asking Jane or the Gardiners to visit us this summer?” he asked.

“I have considered it, but I know Jane is occupied with Mr. Bingley. My Aunt Gardiner says that Uncle’s business has been busy this summer and has been requiring more of his attention than usual. I do not think that they will have time to visit,” said Elizabeth wistfully.

“Have you written with an invitation?”

“No.”

“Perhaps you should,” he offered.

“Thank you, I will consider it,” she said. And then changing the subject, she began to ask him questions about the trees and the foliage near the pond. Once he started talking about the estate, he was never at a loss for conversation. She knew how much he loved his home by the unconscious enthusiasm he displayed. Elizabeth hoped that some day she would feel as much a part of Pemberley as he did. Until then, she resolved to take things one day at a time and today had been a good beginning.

***

As Darcy talked about Pemberley, he suddenly became self-conscious about how he was rambling on like a fool. Surely, she could not be as interested in all the details of the estate as she was pretending to be. Still she seemed to be listening attentively and even asked thoughtful questions from time to time. He wondered if her interest was just part her gift for drawing people out as he had seen her do in other situations.

She had certainly charmed Mrs. Reynolds and all the rest of the household staff. They thought she was the best thing that had ever happened to Pemberley and by extension to them. He knew that everyone including Georgiana considered them the perfect couple. He wondered what people would say if they knew the truth about the awkwardness of their relationship. Then he thought of how often the servants knew more about what was going on in the house than even he did.

“I wish you were more interested in riding. There are so many places I would like to show you, but they are inaccessible on foot or by carriage,” said Darcy as they walked back toward the house.

“I simply prefer walking.”

“You do know how to ride?”

“Yes, but I am hardly proficient. I did not have much opportunity. The horses at Longbourn were generally needed for work on the land. My father did not keep them just for riding.”

“You have no objection to horses then?” he asked.

“No, I am not afraid of them if that is what you mean,” she responded, “although they do make me a little uneasy because they are so large.”

“And you are so small?” His voice was teasing.

“Maybe you could find me a very little horse?” she said, looking up at him through her eyelashes. Then she seemed to laugh at her own comment. The sound of her laughter made it difficult for him to think clearly. It was playful and full of music.

By the time they returned to the house, she had agreed to allow him to begin teaching her to ride although she still did not show much enthusiasm for the project. Darcy wished—not for the first time—that he better understood the workings of her mind.

“Thank you for walking with me today. I enjoyed myself very much,” Elizabeth said, sounding sincere in her thanks.

“Elizabeth, I…” He could not find the words to ask what he really wanted to know.

“Yes?”

Embarrassed, he tried to fill the void with something. “I was just wondering if you would like to walk again tomorrow.”

“I would enjoy your showing me more of your favorite places on the estate,” she replied, flashing her eyes as she spoke.

“Very well, and as soon as you learn to ride, I will take you to a very special place by the river,” he said, hoping to give her an incentive to begin her lessons.

“And what do you like about that particular place?” she asked.

“It is very beautiful and peaceful. I have happy memories of time spent there. You will see it for yourself soon, I hope.”

After Elizabeth had excused herself to go meet with Mrs. Reynolds about some household matters, Darcy stood in the entryway and watched her walk away. As he did, he thought about all the times he had dreamed of having her here with him at Pemberley. The reality of it was quite different than what he had hoped, but it seemed to him that they were at least making a beginning.

Thirty