Mr. Darcy's Proposal (18 page)

Darcy looked down as if he had not realized what his hand was doing and then promptly released her. “I do not care if you are rude to him. He does not deserve any consideration at all, and you are not to speak to him if your paths somehow cross again. As I think about it, you should not be walking alone in the neighborhood. You will have to start taking the carriage from now on.”

Although she bristled at his comments, she tried to maintain an evenness in her voice. “Very well. If I see Mr. Wickham again, I will not speak to him. That is easily done, but I am not prepared to give up walking,” she said defiantly.

Darcy’s eyes narrowed. He looked as if he could not believe she would ever consider disagreeing with him. Elizabeth felt a shiver pass down her spine. First, he had held on to her arm a little too tightly, and now the look on his face was so intense it could have melted ice. Then suddenly his look softened.

“Elizabeth, I am only thinking of your safety. Obviously, he knows we are married. I am concerned he might decide to injure me by harming you in some way.”

When he reached out to take her hand, she pulled away in irritation. “I do not believe he would ever touch me. He is certainly a scoundrel, but he has never been violent,” she said rather pointedly.

“I know better than anyone the kind of unpleasant mischief he can cause. You must at least agree to take the carriage until I have been able to discover he has left the county again? I am only concerned for your welfare and safety.”

Although she was angry at what she saw as his attempt to control her, she had to weigh just how far she was willing to go to defy him. Finally, she acquiesced to his request but made it very clear that she would resume walking to Meryton and Longbourn again as soon as they could ascertain Wickham was no longer in the area.

Later in her room, Elizabeth mulled over the events of the evening. Part of her wished she had never told Darcy about crossing paths with Wickham. Reason told her that he had every right as her husband to tell her what to do, but in her heart, she could not accept his tendency to command rather than ask. She knew he was only thinking of her safety, but in some way she felt he did not trust her yet, and that was a much stickier problem.

***

That night Darcy lay awake unable to sleep as visions of a smiling Elizabeth talking to Wickham played through his mind. He wondered if the shadow of Wickham and his treachery would follow him for the rest of his life. Darcy recognized that his reaction that evening was partly the protectiveness he felt for his wife, but it was also born of the fear that somehow Elizabeth still held that disreputable man as a favorite or that she somehow regretted him. Darcy could tell from her reaction that she was not pleased when he insisted she take the carriage instead of walking. He was probably being overly cautious, but he could not take the chance that Wickham might endanger anyone in his family ever again.

Twenty Two

“I cannot comprehend what is taking your mother so long to prepare for her move. We have provided assistance in packing. She was to be ready by last Saturday, and now it is stretching into another week,” said Darcy setting his book aside with a thud. Elizabeth winced involuntarily. They were alone one evening in their private sitting room when Darcy surprised her with this outburst about Mrs. Bennet’s glacially slow progress in her moving preparations.

“My mother does everything in her own time. It is just her way,” answered Elizabeth quietly looking up from her book.

“I know you want to see her settled before we leave for Pemberley, but I am most anxious to go home,” said Darcy. “I have been away longer than usual, and I have much estate business waiting for my attention.”

“You may leave any time you wish, and I will follow as soon as things are settled here,” she offered. ‘I cannot leave it all for Jane to manage.” Her words earned a scowl.

“No, I want to be with you the first time you see Pemberley.” he said gently. “It is very important to me.”

“I know you do not like my mother very much…” When he opened his mouth to respond, Elizabeth held up her hand to stop him from speaking. “…and I agree she is taking too long, but I wish you could be more sensitive to her situation,” she added, feeling suddenly defensive about the whole issue of her family.

“Insensitive? Just who is being insensitive?” he asked, his irritation increasing again. “I wish she were a little more concerned about anyone but herself. That would be a change!” With that, he rose, walked over to the window, and stood looking out with his hands clasped behind his back.

“I know you are not pleased with the current situation but try to understand how difficult all this is for her.”

“Try? All I know is that she is trying my patience exceedingly.”

Elizabeth joined him at the window putting her arm through his. The delays must be bothering him a great deal for him to be so adamant. “Try to imagine yourself in her place for a moment. Suddenly, she is alone in the world and must face reduced circumstances. I know my parents did not have an ideal marriage, but at least she had protection and security. Now she must rely on the good grace of others for most of her support. Longbourn has been her home for more than half her life. Can you not see why she would want to delay leaving it as long as possible? Surely, anyone in this situation would react the same way.”

Darcy said nothing in response but continued to look out at the night sky.

“Think what it would mean to you if you were forced to leave Pemberley. Would you not want to take your time and enjoy every last day you could?”

He took a deep breath and gave a long exhale. “Of course, you are right, but I still wish to return home as soon as possible. And I will not go by myself and leave you here! That is final. I beg you to do something to persuade her to move a little more quickly.”

“I will do everything in my power, but as you know, I am not her favorite daughter.”

“Elizabeth, my admiration for your father grows almost daily,” said Darcy with a sigh. “I do not know how he managed to live with her for so many years.”

“In spite of her protestations and attacks of nerves, my mother had no choice ultimately but to accept Papa’s decisions. I admit he did pick his battles, and when he made a decision she did not like, he had a tendency to remove himself to his study for long periods of time so he did not have to deal with her flutterings and spasms.” Elizabeth waved her hands in the air in a good imitation of Mrs. Bennet in the throws of one of her spells. Darcy could not help but laugh at Elizabeth’s pantomime, and this seemed to break the tension that had been building between them.

“Very well,” he sighed. “I will be more patient, and you will urge your mother to move a little faster. Are we agreed?”

“We are agreed,” she answered. Darcy kissed her on the top of her head, and they both silently returned to their chairs and took up reading again.

After about ten minutes, Darcy excused himself for the night. Elizabeth tried to go back to her book but all she could do was stare at the pages. She felt some regret that her family had come between them yet again.

***

In spite of his efforts to disguise it, Elizabeth had seen Darcy gripping his book tightly with shaking hands just before he excused himself for the evening. She took this as a sign that he was still angry. While chiding herself for feeling she must always come to her mother’s defense, she was also upset he could be so insensitive and unfeeling toward her family’s plight. Elizabeth wondered if she would ever understand him. First he had showed concern for their welfare by coming to their aid. Then he was insensitive to their feelings—what a contradiction!

Suddenly, it occurred to her that perhaps he might already be regretting his decision to marry her. Surely, that would explain his recent impatience. She still could not say she loved him but knew she was coming to rely on his presence in her life. Somehow the idea that he cared for her was reassuring in this time of grief over her father. If Darcy stopped caring, what would happen to her? She knew many men treated their wives in an off-hand, careless manner, but he did not seem like one who would do that. Still, how well did she really know him?

At times, she knew she saw real emotion on his face, especially when he talked about Georgiana, his parents, and Pemberley. Also, there had been a certain tenderness in the way he had treated her after her father died. Several times she had felt sure she was seeing the real man behind his cool demeanor. Although she was usually good at reading people, she still found him elusive.

***

After excusing himself to retire for the night, Darcy sat in his room thinking about what Elizabeth had said about her mother having to accept Mr. Bennet’s decisions. Darcy had always assumed that a man had the right, as well as the responsibility, to decide things for the members of his family. Fortunately, they had not yet come to a situation in which they disagreed and could not reach a resolution, but he was certain it was inevitable. Elizabeth could be very stubborn when she felt strongly about something.

Over the past few weeks, she had been growing warmer toward him. At first, he had rejoiced and then he began to wonder if the underlying reason for the change was that she thought it was what he expected of her. Was Elizabeth just showing more affection because she thought it was her duty to her husband? Or was it gratitude for what he was doing for her and her family?

Even after nearly a month, he could not believe that she was really his wife. He had to admit he was completely bewitched by her. To his eye, she was the most beautiful creature in the world—even more lovely than her sister Jane whom everyone always considered the beauty of the family. He also greatly admired his wife’s intelligence and wit, the way her eyes flashed, and how she arched her brow when she teased and joked with her friends and family. No one excelled more at making people feel comfortable and important than she. Elizabeth’s skill at helping Georgiana forget her shyness was nothing short of miraculous.

Being so close to her physically day after day and yet unable to take her into his arms and possess her completely was driving him to distraction. Just a few minutes ago as they sat together, he had realized his hands were shaking with desire. He had gripped his book more tightly in hopes she would not notice. Ultimately, the only way he knew to cope with these feelings was to leave the room.

He had read poems about the tortures of the heart but had never felt it himself—until Elizabeth. Now he understood what the poets were talking about when they described the intense, unbearable longing for someone. This was not intellectual—it was an actual physical experience in his heart and stomach and much to his amazement, he perceived it as both a lightness and a weight.

Almost all his life—and especially since his mother had died—he had kept his heart safe and guarded. He realized with a pang of guilt that often he kept even Georgiana at a distance. Now that he had risked everything in opening his heart, he had so much to lose. He did not want to think about how he would go on if Elizabeth never returned his love. The thought that she might someday look at him with the same longing he felt for her caused his heart to beat more quickly.

Darcy had wanted to express his love for her earlier in that quiet moment when they had been sitting together. He longed to tell her all that was in his heart, but feared that if he opened his mouth to speak, he would be unable to stop from making a fool of himself. Even a small opening in his reserve would have caused everything to come pouring out, and he did not want to embarrass either of them with the strength of his passions. So here he was alone with his thoughts. Even though she was just in the next room, she might just as well have been miles away.

Twenty Three

Elizabeth preferred to spend as little time as possible in the company of Caroline Bingley, minimizing their contact by visiting her mother and sisters as frequently as she could. She also chose to spend most evenings in the small sitting room she and Darcy shared upstairs. He seemed to enjoy their evenings together and never objected when she suggested they retire early. Maybe the others thought this was natural for a newly married couple to prefer each other’s company, but Elizabeth was thankful no one ever commented on it.

Miss Bingley’s flirtatious manner toward Darcy was less obvious than it had been before, but Elizabeth sensed there was still a decided undercurrent, which made her uncomfortable in Caroline’s presence. Her attitude toward Elizabeth was something just short of contempt although she kept it more or less in check in Darcy’s presence. As soon as Elizabeth was alone with her, Caroline often let her true feelings show.

Caroline Bingley was an attractive, well-educated young woman who would have had no trouble finding a husband if she were not so unpleasant. Elizabeth hoped she would decide that country life was too boring and return to London to her friends, but Caroline showed no signs of relinquishing her position as Mistress of Netherfield. In fact, she seemed to be enjoying her last days in this role before Jane replaced her. Elizabeth did not envy her sister having to deal with Caroline and only hoped that after Jane moved in Caroline would have an added incentive to marry and make a life of her own.

***

Elizabeth found herself alone with Caroline one morning in the dining room as they both finished their morning coffee. Sensing Caroline watching her, Elizabeth kept her nose buried in her book even though it was probably not the most polite way to treat her hostess. Finally, Caroline addressed Elizabeth.