Mr. Darcy's Proposal (38 page)

“I cannot bring myself to ask for his help. He has already suffered so much. With the exception of you and Uncle—and of course, Jane—my family has been a great burden to him. He has tried very hard, but I know he cannot bear to be around Mama, and I cannot blame him for that. And now this!”

“He married you with his eyes open, my dear,” Mrs. Gardiner assured her. “I think you must go to your own home and talk to him. Surely, he will understand.”

“I cannot face him right now,” said Elizabeth unable to look her aunt in the eye.

“Nothing could be so bad that it cannot be resolved. Go home now and when your uncle returns, we will send word to you of any progress he has made.”

Resigned to having to face Darcy, she asked for a moment to wash her face and refresh herself before she departed. While upstairs, she heard the front door open and then voices in the parlor. Elizabeth rushed down hoping to hear some good news about Lydia.

“Yes, yes, we have found her, my dear,” Mr. Gardiner was saying to his wife just as Elizabeth rushed into the room.

“So you have spoken to them? Are they married yet?” asked Elizabeth eager for some good news. Her entrance was met by a look of surprise on her uncle’s face. Then he glanced uncomfortably across the room. Following the direction of his gaze, Elizabeth nearly gasped when she saw Darcy standing alone near the window. After a moment, she recovered herself enough to speak. “Mr. Darcy, it is a pleasure to see you again.”

“And you, Mrs. Darcy,” he replied formally with a nod of his head. There was another moment of awkward silence before he added, “Mr. Gardiner was just speaking of the search for your sister.”

“Yes, I am very anxious to hear the latest news, Uncle,” said Elizabeth hoping she did not appear as shaken as she felt. Her mind raced trying to take in the fact that Darcy was here and that he clearly already knew about Lydia and Wickham. As Elizabeth took a chair, Mr. Gardiner began to recount the day’s efforts to find her wayward sister. They had uncovered a lead as to where the couple was staying, but when they went there, Lydia and Wickham were out. His plan was to return tomorrow to talk to Lydia and Wickham to assess the situation. They had left someone watching the boarding house to ensure they did not move out.

Mrs. Gardiner surprised Elizabeth by inviting them to stay for dinner, and Elizabeth was even more surprised when Darcy accepted for them before she could respond herself. She wondered what had happened to her aunt’s urgency to send her off, but her mind was too full to contemplate it very deeply.

That evening over their meal, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner kept up some light conversation although they carefully avoided further mention of Lydia. Both Darcy and Elizabeth joined in occasionally, but generally they were silent. From time to time each glanced at the other surreptitiously. Elizabeth could not believe Darcy had involved himself in recovering Lydia without even making her aware of it. Why he would want to keep such a secret was very puzzling indeed. When the gentlemen left the ladies after dinner, Elizabeth accosted her aunt with questions.

“I did not tell you at first that Mr. Darcy was involved because he expressly asked us not to inform you. When the gentlemen returned this evening and found you here, there was no longer any point in trying to keep it a secret.”

“But why would he not want me to know?”

Mrs. Gardiner just shook her head. If she knew more, she did not share it. This left Elizabeth to puzzle over the meaning of Darcy’s actions.

Shortly after the gentlemen rejoined them, Darcy suggested it was time for them to take their leave. Both men clearly looked exhausted. Elizabeth was unsure how to tell her husband that she wished to stay with the Gardiner’s, but her aunt stepped in and announced that Elizabeth’s trunk was already loaded on the carriage. After that, she had no choice but to go along.

When Darcy took her hand to help her in, Elizabeth’s spirits rose briefly as she savored the touch of his hand on hers. Once in the carriage, he stared out the window and did not speak to her.

“I can contain my questions no longer. You must tell me how you learned about Lydia’s elopement.”

Darcy looked at her gravely. “I received an express from Bingley laying out the particulars. He suggested that I might want to come to London to aid in the search. As soon as I reached town, I called on your uncle to offer my assistance. At first, he was reluctant, but finally, he agreed that it was appropriate since I have more first hand knowledge of Wickham than anyone else.”

“When I received a letter from Jane, I decided to come directly to the Gardiners to see what I could do to help,” said Elizabeth.

“You thought you could help?”

“Yes, I know that sounds like a rather foolish idea, but I could not bear just sitting at home and waiting. I thought at the very least I could help by keeping my nieces and nephews occupied.”

At this, she thought she saw a smile play briefly across his lips. “No, I cannot see you waiting quietly at home for something to happen,” he said.

“So how did you learn so quickly where they were?” she inquired.

“Once we knew from Colonel Forster that they were most likely in London, we had a starting point. I suspected that Wickham’s friend from the Ramsgate episode, Mrs. Younge, was living in London again. I believed if I could locate her she would have information about Wickham’s whereabouts, and I was correct.”

Elizabeth listened, quietly thinking about the toll it must have taken on Darcy to be forced to talk to this woman who had so betrayed Georgiana when she was in her charge.

“After showing the appropriate amount of reluctance to help and extorting as much money as she could for her information, Mrs. Younge directed us to the boarding house where she said Mr. Wickham and your sister are staying. The rest you already know.”

“Lydia has always been a rather silly girl, but I never dreamed that something like this could happen.”

“We both know how smooth Wickham is with words. Is it any surprise that a young, inexperienced girl would fall for his lies?”

Elizabeth winced at this, thinking of how at one time she had taken Wickham’s word as the truth. “No, I suppose not. After all, I am embarrassed to say that I believed much of what he told me once, too.”

“Do not blame yourself. I told you before he has always been very clever at convincing people of whatever story he wishes to tell,” said Darcy flatly.

Elizabeth’s mind reeled as she began to grasp that Darcy had been instrumental in obtaining the information that had led to the couple’s discovery. He had taken it upon himself to help find them and now he was planning to go with her uncle to speak to the man who had repeatedly treated him so abominably. She could not imagine what this effort was costing him in terms of his pride.

Even more amazing, he was entertaining the possibility of helping make this despicable man his brother by marriage. Why would he do such a thing? Elizabeth hoped that it was for her, but then she quickly dismissed the idea. Given recent experiences, it had to be more to save the Darcy name than anything else. Of course, he would never allow Georgiana’s reputation to be tarnished by association with a scandal.

“Do you think Wickham did this to get revenge on you?”

“Or he may see it as an opportunity to get the money he still believes is due him. I suppose until we talk with him, all we can do is make suppositions,” Darcy replied.

“I am indebted to you for your help,” said Elizabeth moving across the carriage to sit next to him.

Darcy looked uncomfortable. “That is the last thing I want. You made it quite clear the other night that you do not wish to be indebted to me. It would have been far better, Elizabeth, if you had not come to the Gardiner’s today, but I have long since given up trying to tell you what to do.”

Overcome with emotion, she took his hand and kissed it and then held it to her cheek. Slowly, he pulled his hand away. “You do not need to pretend feelings for me that you do not have. It insults us both.”

“You think I am pretending?”

“When I asked you to marry me, you made your feelings quite clear, but I was blinded by love and refused to listen. I believe now that I made a very selfish mistake.”

“What do you mean? A mistake?” Elizabeth felt the walls of the carriage closing in around her, her chest contracted, and she was not sure she could breathe.

“You deserve more. I thought I could offer you enough, make you happy, and that you would come to love me. I know now that it was a foolish hope on my part.”

“No, no, I was the one who was a fool. Please William, I beg you. It cannot be too late for us.”

The silence between them seemed to go on forever. “I have no answer for you now,” he said finally.

Looking at his face, she could see the sadness around his eyes. “I am so sorry you have to be subjected to this. I know Wickham is the last man in the world you would wish to speak to after everything he has done to you and Georgiana,” said Elizabeth.

“That is not important. This is my doing. I knew his true nature, and I chose not to make it known to protect my own privacy. Your father knew the entire story, but I am sure he told no one.”

“My father was very good at secrets. I told Jane about his lies but not even she knows about Georgiana.”

“As I thought. I should have spoken to your mother. Now your sister Lydia may be paying the price for my silence. Correcting my error in judgment is the right and honorable thing to do.”

“Still, I cannot thank you enough for finding Lydia,” said Elizabeth fighting down the lump in her throat.

“Someone had to protect the family name. In cases such as this, it is important that things be resolved expeditiously before rumors can spread. As it is, I fear far too many people know already.” Perhaps this was a confirmation that Darcy’s eagerness to help stemmed more from his desire to safeguard the Darcy name than a desire to help her family yet again.

“Of course, it is critical to protect your family name as we would not want Georgiana to suffer by association.” Elizabeth could hear her heart beating in her ears.

Darcy frowned. “I think we should talk about this another time. It is quite late and we are both very tired. I would not want either of us to say something we would regret later,” he replied.

Elizabeth refused to return to her seat on the other side of the carriage. After a few minutes, she laid her head on his shoulder, and while he did not try to move away, neither did he put his arm around her or try to offer comfort. Once back at Darcy House, he introduced her quickly to Hawkins, the butler, and his wife Mrs. Hawkins who were instructed to help her settle in. Then he closed himself in his study. Very late in the night, Elizabeth thought she heard him going down the hallway past her door. It occurred to her that even if she wanted to go to him, she did not know which of the many rooms in the house was his.

Fifty One

Elizabeth sat in the church with her aunt and Lydia awaiting the arrival of the groom. He was late, and Elizabeth began to worry that somehow Wickham had changed his mind and fled the city. Finally, the door to the church opened, and the gentleman in question entered flanked by Darcy and Mr. Gardiner. Darcy looked directly at her and shook his head slightly in dismay.

This little exchange was missed completely by Lydia who only had eyes for her intended. When he arrived, she jumped up and started to go to him, but Mrs. Gardiner took her arm and held her back. Lydia gave her aunt a wicked look and pulled away, moving quickly to Wickham’s side and taking his arm. They walked up the aisle to the front of the church where the minister was waiting. Darcy stood up with Wickham and Elizabeth took her place beside Lydia.

It was ironic that the only people in the church who were oblivious to the awkwardness of the situation were the two principle characters in the little drama. As soon as the ceremony had concluded and they were officially pronounced man and wife, the couple turned to their guests, unembarrassed by their circumstances, clearly expecting generous congratulations from all. The Gardiners and Darcys both tried to be enthusiastic with their best wishes, but the atmosphere remained uncomfortably strained. Elizabeth watched Darcy to see if she could discern how he was feeling or what he was thinking, but his aloof demeanor gave very little away.

At the wedding breakfast back at Gracechurch Street, the awkwardness continued. The Gardiner’s children provided some distraction, but the party was much more sober than any wedding celebration Elizabeth had ever attended. The new Mr. and Mrs. Wickham remained blissfully unaware of what everyone else in the room was thinking. Lydia was still Lydia—untamed, unabashed, wild, noisy, and fearless. The bride laughed loudly, bragged about catching such a handsome husband, and drank entirely too much champagne. Wickham was not at all more distressed than his wife, and his manners were so smooth that no one who did not know the unpleasant history of their situation would have guessed that anything was amiss.

Wickham, who happened to sit near Elizabeth, began inquiring after various acquaintances in Derbyshire with such good-humored ease that she was nearly struck speechless. Both Wickham and Lydia’s manner betrayed no awareness of the seriousness of what they had done. The bride simply could not understand why more of her family had not come from Meryton to her wedding!