Mr. Darcy Forever (37 page)

‘
Maybe not but I’d like to become involved with you and if that means a few family feuds along the way then so be it.’

Sarah looked at him. ‘What on earth did I do to deserve you?’

‘
Let’s discuss that over coffee, shall we? I’m absolutely freezing!’

Sarah nodded and the two of them walked across Pulteney Bridge, crossing Laura Place into Great Pulteney Street. The lamps were lit and it was easy to imagine that one was no longer in the twenty-first century but rather in the nineteenth.

She felt a little bit strange inviting a man back to her hotel room but it was probably preferable to going back to his.

When they arrived, they went straight up to her room.

‘
Two coffees, then?’ Sarah asked as soon as the door was closed behind her. ‘I’m afraid it's just that packet stuff but they've left me a jug of real milk.’

‘
That’s fine,’ Lloyd said.

‘
You’re sure it won't keep you up all night?’ Sarah asked and then blushed.

‘
I doubt very much if I'll sleep tonight.’

‘
Me too,’ Sarah said, ‘so I might as well enjoy a coffee.’

She watched as Lloyd looked around the room. Was he taking everything in, she wondered? It must be hard to gauge a person from their hotel room because there was so little of them in it but he immediately spotted something that gave so much of her away – a little pile of books that she’d brought with her.

‘
Jane Austen, of course?’ he said, taking the top one in his hands and examining it. ‘
Persuasion
,’ he read. ‘I’m afraid I’ve never read it.’

‘
It’s set in Bath,’ Sarah said. ‘Well, the second half of it is.’

‘
And it's your favourite?’ he asked.

‘
No,’ she said. She crossed the room to join him and picked up the next book from the pile. ‘This one is.’

‘
Sense and Sensibility
?’

She nodded.

‘
Tell me about it.’

‘
You didn't come here to talk about Jane Austen.’

‘
But I'd like to know.’

‘
Well,’ Sarah began, ‘it’s about two sisters and their troublesome love lives.’

Lloyd looked surprised. ‘Sounds familiar,’ he said.

‘
You have no idea! I'm afraid Mia and I bear more than a striking resemblance to Elinor and Marianne in the book. Elinor is ruled by head whilst Marianne is ruled by her heart and it both almost costs them the loves of their lives.’

‘
What happens to them?’

‘
Oh, they get a happy ending. Jane Austen wouldn't allow anything else.’

‘
Is that why you're a fan?’

‘
One of the reasons but it's so much more than that.’ Sarah looked out of the window onto the street below. ‘Jane Austen’s always been there for me. She brightens every dark moment with her stories. I’ve only to think of a favourite scene from
Pride and Prejudice
or a favourite character from
Emma
and I’m smiling again.’ Indeed, she was smiling right now as she remembered the joy that the books gave her.

‘
So you and Mia are like these sisters?’

Sarah took a copy of
Sense and Sensibility
from him and nodded.

‘
And I'm guessing you’re like the one ruled by the head?’

‘
Yes,’ Sarah said. ‘At least, I was, and Mia was always the one ruled by the heart. I used to worry about her all the time. She was always so impetuous and lived life on her emotions. There's a lot to be admired about that but, for someone like me, it's a constant worry too. But, the strange thing is, it was me that was impetuous - it was
me
that was ruled by the heart down in Devon. Of course, Mia was too but that was perfectly normal.’ Sarah twisted her hands together in an anxious knot. ‘I don’t know what happened. I was like a different person and, no matter how many times I told myself to snap out of it, I couldn’t!’

‘
I suppose the heart really does win out in the end, then,’ Lloyd said.

‘
But that doesn’t make any sense,’ Sarah said. ‘I need to be in control of things.’

‘
But we can’t always be,’ Lloyd said. ‘And I don’t think you should drive yourself mad trying to be in charge all the time.’

‘
Yes but the one time in my life that I didn’t feel in control led to disaster.’

‘
But that’s all over now,’ he said.

‘
Except for Mia. I still need to sort that out.’

‘
Of course.’ Lloyd sat down on the window seat and Sarah couldn't help thinking how comfortable he looked there. She returned to making the coffee. ‘How do you like it?’ she asked.

‘
A tiny splash of milk. No sugar.’

‘
Snap,’ Sarah said.

‘
So,’ Lloyd began and Sarah couldn't help feeling a sense of foreboding. ‘When am I going to hear exactly what happened between you and Alec?’

She looked across the room at him. She didn’t particularly want to talk about Alec but Lloyd was so surprisingly easy to talk to and she felt as if she owed him the truth after what he'd been through that day.

‘
I mean, I know how you met him and I know about him and your sister but you've not told me much more.’

‘
There isn't much more to tell. We were a disaster from day one.’ Sarah paused. ‘No,’ she added. ‘That’s not strictly true. It was amazing to begin with. I've never experienced anything like that before. For the first time in my life, I felt free. I can’t explain it but it was like I was a different person.’ She paused for a moment before continuing. ‘I can’t really remember when it started going wrong but we did disagree about the wedding. It was a quiet one. Alec didn’t’ want a fuss and neither did I, really, although I would have liked something a little more romantic than the local registry office. I couldn’t help feeling that a Jane Austen heroine would have disapproved of such austere surroundings. Still, I kept telling myself that marriage was more than a wedding day and at least there’d been flowers even if there’d only been the tiny bouquet I bought for myself.’ She shook her head at the memory. ‘I had to pluck one of the flowers to make a button hole for Alec because he’d forgotten one. I was a little disappointed about that. I know there aren’t many men who pick flowers for women. I can’t expect everyone to be like Willoughby or Colonel Brandon but I thought-’

‘
For your wedding day at least,’ Lloyd said.

‘
Exactly. But he did look handsome,’ Sarah said. ‘I’m afraid I forgave an awful lot because he was handsome. How silly is that?’ She sighed. ‘I suppose the cracks really started when he moved in. He still kept his own home and stayed there for work but weekends were always at mine and that’s when the problems started. He moved a lot of stuff in and I was fine with that – I really was – only he wasn’t very tidy so I’d tidy everything for him. I thought I’d be doing him a favour. I knew how busy he was during the week at work and I didn't think he'd want to bother with such things during his time off so I'd put everything away for him. But then he said he could never find anything and, even when he could, he’d complain about it. He didn't like the way I folded T-shirts or colour-coded his socks. He found it all rather strange. I tried to explain to him that it was part of my OCD but he told me to snap out of it.’

Lloyd laughed. ‘That’s the typical response by someone who knows nothing about OCD. If only one could snap out of it.’

Sarah nodded. ‘At least you understand but Alec made no attempt to. At first, he’d make a joke about things as though humour might break the OCD spell I was under but then he just become frustrated and angry and shout at me, and I was quite glad when the weekend was over and he’d return back to his own home. We did have some good times but they were usually when we went away together and I'd make a real effort not to fuss over things but there was this one time when he caught me cleaning the cutlery in a restaurant. I tried to hide was I was doing under the table but he spotted me and made a big scene. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. After that, he'd spend more and more time at his home and make excuses that he couldn't get down to stay with me. It wasn't much of a marriage after that.’

Sarah sat down on the end of the bed. ‘So that’s my marriage,’ she said with a hollow laugh. ‘It was everything I dreamed it would be!’

‘
Jane Austen let you down,’ Lloyd said.

‘
No. Only life let me down. After all, Jane Austen had already warned me that “Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.”’

‘
You don't really believe that, do you?’

Sarah shrugged. ‘I’m beginning to.’

‘
But you were just unlucky the first time.’

‘
The first time!’ Sarah said. ‘You make it sound like I'm going to risk it again!’

‘
Aren’t you?’

She looked at him. What was he suggesting? ‘I don't have any immediate plans.’

‘
But you mustn't give up. I mean, you're far too young to turn into an old cynic and there are so many ways that you can make sure that happiness isn't just down to chance.’

‘
Like how?’

‘
Like good old-fashioned getting to know somebody. People just don't seem to have time for that any more. Everyone is always in such a rush and I don't think marriage is taken seriously. It seems that a wedding day is just an excuse for a big party and nobody really thinks about what it means. And divorce is so easy.’

‘
Do I detect an old-fashioned romantic here?’

‘
If you mean do I believe in the sanctity of marriage then yes.’

Sarah smiled. It was so nice to meet somebody who believed in such values and it suddenly made her feel inexplicably miserable. ‘I can't believe I'm divorced.’

‘
I didn't mean that divorce is wrong,’ Lloyd added quickly.

‘
I know,’ she said. ‘But I never imagined it playing a part in my life. I thought that, if I ever married, it would be for life. I'd have never done such a thing to my sister if I'd known it was only going to last a short time.’

‘
But you can't live like that, Sarah. All of us make what we think is the right decision at the time. You can't live your life by
if onlys
.’

She nodded. ‘But if only Mia would let me talk to her,’ she said with a sad smile.

‘
I’m sure she will.’

‘
But what if she leaves Bath and I never see her again?’

‘
Sarah, you've got to stop worrying. I know that's easier said than done but you can't control this and you're driving yourself crazy trying to.’

She twisted her hands and nodded. He was right, of course.

‘
Look, I’d better be going,’ Lloyd said at last. ‘It’s getting late.’

Sarah nodded. It had been the longest day she'd ever known and yet she didn't want it to end. She crossed the room towards the door with him.

‘
Thanks for being so – tolerant.’

He blanched at the word. ‘Tolerant?’

She nodded. ‘I’ve never known anyone tolerate quite so much in one day.’

He laughed. ‘I had no idea Bath would be so very surprising.’