Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (37 page)

You are literally holding my life in your hands right now

I truly was a monster.

Luna was the last person I should be calling, I knew that. Despite her lying to me for the sake of survival, she was still the only one I could talk to. “Are you having a mid-life crisis?” she asks on the second ring.

“Does Crews have a prized possession? Something that meant the world to him?”

“He’s got a signed baseball covered in glass that he loves.”

“If he hurt you and you were angry enough, would you break the glass and throw the ball in the river?”

“Jesus,” she says. “No, I wouldn’t do that because that’s a dick move even for me. I’d ignore him or drop a phone book on is stomach when he was sleeping, that’s fair. Destroying what he loves… couldn’t do it.” When I don’t answer she keeps going. “You keep calling me about weird shit. Stop tip toeing and spill it or go kill someone.”

Sitting down in my chair, I summarize my epic fuck up. When I was done, she was quiet. Luna was never quiet. “Luna?”

“Who are you?” she asks softly.

“I don’t--- I don’t know.”

“At the very least you owe her a new computer. If she’s still pissed, which I assume she will be, offer her one of your balls too. Seriously Shade, this isn’t you.”

“She fits here,” I tell her. “In my world, she fits.”

“She fits?” she asks with awe in her voice. “And you hurt her on purpose? Why?”

“Because I’m afraid she’ll leave.”

“Stop giving her reasons to. You’re not the monster you think you are, Shade.”

“Yes, Luna,” I correct. “I am and I proved it to her tonight.”

“If she wants to leave will you let her?” and that was the million-dollar question.

“No,” I tell her. “I won’t.”

“Then you’ve become the monster you fear.” When she hung up, I didn’t even get upset because I deserved it. For the rest of the night, I didn’t do shit except drink and sit outside her door. If she tried leaving, I’d stop her. The door never opened and first thing in the morning, I sent one of my men to get her the best MacBook and accessories money could buy. While that happened, I called in a favor and expedited her driver’s license.

I had all the items procured by lunch.

Pleased with myself, I walk into the bedroom where she’s still curled up and sleeping. It was noon, without being drunk or sick, no one slept that long and I needed her awake so she could accept my gifts.

And maybe forgive me.

I wanted to hate him, but I didn’t.

But that did not mean when I felt his weight dip the bed next to me that I didn’t want to punch him in the face. Last night I tossed and turned until eight this morning. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but I did know I was tired and bitchy. Odds were good I’d be confrontational today, I guran-goddamn-tee-it.

He wanted to hurt me, he succeeded.

So now while his hand runs up and down my back, I didn’t have it in me to care. Coming here was a mistake, bargaining with him, a lapse in judgement and caring for him, a fatal error. Minutes go by, he stops touching me and leaves the room. Still, I had no energy to move.

He leaves and comes back twice within the next hour, finally taking his seat next to me again. When his hand touches my bare skin, I hate myself for being comforted by the same hand that broke my heart when he destroyed my computer. That machine was an extension of me. My feelings, ideas, and dreams were saved in files on the system just waiting for me to add to them. Or, at least they were…

“It’s time to wake up,” he says urging me to turn over. Staying put, I nestle in deeper wanting him to go away before I ask him to take his clothes off. Regardless of my heart’s feelings, my body still craved his. Of all the flaws to have, being perpetually horny was a pain in my ass. “Sun, I need you to be looking at me when I speak to you.”

When that didn’t work, he moved to the other side and sat there. “Please look at me,” he asks sincerely. Opening my eyes, it’s clear he hasn’t slept and that what happened last night affected him too. Well good, fuck him, it should. “I’ve replaced your computer,” he begins. “Along with some accessories and,” he says taking my hand and setting something inside of it. “Here is your license, as promised.”

Saying nothing, he drops his head and backs away. “I’ll let you have your rest then,” he says quietly. “But when you’re ready I’d like to speak with you about the terms of our arrangement. I’ll be in my office.”

Closing the door behind him, I couldn’t explain the pinch I felt in my chest but it was painful. Shade was letting me go and while I should be thrilled; I wasn’t. This was the story of my life. Find man, care for man, get left in the dust by man. No one ever wanted me long term, not even my own parents and the cycle continues…

And people wonder why I live inside my head. It’s pleasant there, the people are honest and they don’t break your heart or your personal belongings. Of course, when they turn on you I kill them off as any respectable author would do. Throwing the covers back, I head to the bathroom to handle my business. Coming back out, I stop short when I see the boxes piled up on the floor. Not only had he replaced my MacBook, he also purchased a desktop too. Accessories were piled high from editing software to new headphones.

Blinking back the tears, I look down at my hand wondering why I was still holding my new license in it.

Patience was not my strong suit. Waiting on someone even less so, but this was Sun, it was important and I would wait here until she came in. Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait long, only about twenty minutes. Taking a seat, she looks tired and weary. Ignoring the pain it caused me seeing it, I lean forward on my desk hoping she will agree with what I have to say.

“My behavior last night was deplorable,” I tell her. “I was jealous and took that jealousy out on you. I want to apologize.”

“So apologize,” she says evenly. Of course she would make me work for it…

“I apologize.” There, easy.

“Try being specific,” she says. “What are you apologizing for?”

Groaning and at the same time trying to stifle a grin, I clear my throat to start over. “For my jealousy, for the things I said, the things I did.” Giving me that try again look, I clench my fists at her obstinacy, even if I did deserve it. “For accusing you of knowingly sleeping with a married man, for demanding your respect, and especially for holding your life in my hands and destroying it.”

When her eyes start to mist, she fights it back and says, “Forgiven.”

Exhaling hard, I know it’s likely she still wants to leave and I can’t let that happen. “Last night you said you wanted to leave,” I begin. “I was hoping you would stay as we agreed. I was also hoping we could spend more time together and in the process, help you get more material for your best seller.”

“You would do that for me?” she asks with hope in her eyes.
I would do anything for you, even lie, to keep you…

“Yes,” I tell her honestly but left the part out about actually publishing it.

“What do you have on the books today?”

“Another petition,” I tell her handing a file over. “Along with a collection, if you’re up for it.”

I was positive I was in the clear until she spoke again. Sliding the file back, she crosses her arms over her perfect chest and says, “You’re not a monster, but next time, handle your jealousy like a normal man and shoot something. Don’t destroy my personal things to bring me to heel. The next time you pull some shit like that I won’t be so broken up that I can’t function enough to kick your ass.”

“I am not accustomed to apologies or threats, Sun,” standing up I come around the desk to be closer to her. “I’ve said my peace and so have you, are you ready to go?”

“Before we go,” she says standing as well. “Thank you for replacing what you broke and thank you for my license.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I like you,” she says softly and I felt it deep in my bones, it felt good. “I have fun with you too. It’s obvious you find me charming and irresistible but it’s only fair that I tell you, I find you the same.”

“I’m charming and irresistible?” God, she was pretty.

“When you’re not being a jealous controlling dick,” she says hugging me. “Yes, you are.”

Had to fuck her.

“Maybe sunshine is good for my soul,” I mutter absently while hugging her back.

“Of course it is,” she whispers. “Shade, seriously, I’m kind of a big deal.”

“By big deal I assume you mean trouble?”

“But the best kind,” she smiles.

I couldn’t dispute her words and instead of doing so, I led her out to the Shelby letting her know she’d be my chauffeur today. Let it be known, she was never ever driving us anywhere ever again. “You’re pale,” she laughs cutting the engine.

“You’re insane,” I growl trying not to throw up.

“I never said I wasn’t,” she defends. “You just refuse to listen.”

“If anyone stands a chance at changing my ways, it’s you. We have plans tonight, but first we have a meeting then shopping.”

“I hate shopping,” she mumbles. “What are we shopping for?”

“The event we’re going to is formal,” I smile thinking of her in a gown. “You’ll need a dress.”

“I really hate shopping,” she groans.

If she handled herself tonight as she has in previous situations, we’d be fine. However, I was positive I would probably kill at least a dozen of my associates before midnight and found I had no problem with it. If anything, I looked forward to it.

18 days…

Luckily the meeting he had was quick and boring. All I heard was weapons and a quick mention about cars. None of those things excited me so I chose to people watch while he did his thing. Over the years, not one of the men I dated liked to shop (which I put in the plus column) and it would figure the guy I volunteer myself to for a month was a professional shopper.

The seventh circle of hell (aka the mall) was the very nightmare I thought it would be,
times ten
. Women openly staring at him while he openly stared at me… Him demanding I surprise him with the dress I chose not caring that I’d rather get waxed between the cheeks than wear said dress. Heels? Yeah, I was currently putting those on too. Did he listen when I explained that buying new hooker gear without breaking it in was suicide on my feet? Nope. Did he even consider what damage heels can cause to the clumsy? Hardly.