Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (19 page)

I’ve said it before, Shade was no man’s fool. There was zero sense in lying about it. “Are you going to---?”

“Kill him? No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not Marco.”

“You know I don’t see you like that.”

“If I keep you, one day, you will.”

“What does that mean?”

“Come on,” he says pulling me off the bed. While Shade dresses me in a jacket, I watch too confused to stop him. When he sets my flip flops in front of me I slip them on out of habit. Walking me out to the sedan, he opens my door and gets me inside before heading to his own. He takes the streets careful of the speed limit but all I could do is watch him drive. Turning onto Western I found it impossible to swallow. Parking in front of Crews’ house, I turn to Shade and ask, “What the fuck?”

“Have you ever been outside the US?”

“No,” I answer honestly.

“Canada?”

“You know I haven’t, Shade, why are you asking me this?”

“Canada sucks,” he says playing with his keys. “But I hear Europe is decent. You should go there first.”

“Go?”

“Yes, make it your first stop.”

“Are you drunk?” I question him.

“Luna,” he says turning to me. “Do you love him?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “But I wanted the chance to find out.”

“Here it is,” he says running his finger over my cheek. “Go find out.”

“Shade,” I try. “I don’t understand.”

“We’ve been through a lot together,” he smiles sadly. “Covered for each other, caused some trouble but neither of us ever had any fun. I could keep you as is my right. You’re loyal enough to me to stay but if I did that, I wouldn’t ever know what love was either. Believe it or not, I want that too. You sacrificed much for me, which includes Crews, but mostly you sacrificed yourself and enough is enough. You would never leave me, Luna, and fuck, do I love you for that. But we’ll never be in love, so I have to be the one to do it, I have to let you go. You deserve a normal life and I can’t give that to you.”

“I tried not wanting too much,” I whisper through the tears. “I tried being a good wife to you.”

“There is nothing wrong with wanting too much. But the Luna I know would have fought for it, stolen it and stood up to me for it. There’s loyal and then there’s you. You did all this for a man you don’t even love. Yet that guy in there shot Frank, challenged me, sat in front of the building every day and was willing to die for you and Evie. You didn’t know she was his sister did you?”

“No.”

“The biggest reason we’re here is because he’s not a killer, but I am. You’ll never be okay with it and you shouldn’t have to be. A normal life is behind that door, Luna, all you have to do is knock.”

“What if he’s not home?”

“He’s home.”

With tears running down my face, I pull him to me for a final hug. Gripping him tight, I tell him the truth, “I am so sorry if I hurt you, Shade.”

“You didn’t,” he says kissing my nose. “Now go, before I change my mind.”

Pushing the door open, I stood on the grass to catch my breath. Rolling down the window he calls my name and I bend down to see him. “It was a privilege watching you fall in love,” and at my gasp he tsks me for not knowing and continues. “And Luna, it was an honor being your husband, if only for a little while.”

“It was an honor being your wife,” I say through the tears. “If only for a little while.” When he nods and the window starts to go up I rush out, “Shade, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll be seeing you again, Luna,” he vows. “Now go.”

Shade didn’t stick around so I took one step then another, and another until I was at his door. Knocking once I waited but nothing happened. Knocking again, I bite my lip wondering what to do now. When I knock a third time and nothing happens, I feel the tears start to fall and with no phone, money or direction I sit on the stoop.

My pocket buzzes and I reach in finding my phone there. Weird, considering I left it on the dresser. Checking the message from Shade he said to
knock louder, Crews is drunk on the couch
. Jumping up to do exactly that, I get another text that says:
Your half of Marco’s estate will be in your account by morning, now knock.

Smiling at that, I bang the living shit out of the door and when the porch light comes on my hands get clammy. Whipping the door open, Crews takes one look at me and says one word like a prayer.

“Mama.”

Letting Luna go better score me some points on the other side because I was showing mercy when it wasn’t in my nature to be merciful. We didn’t love each other, but in our world it wasn’t about love it was about business, survival, and sacrifice. That day in the apartment when I met Crews in the hall, I saw the pain etched on his face. He’d known what my presence meant and it killed the guy. The fact was, Crews was the guy I’d never be. So I told her I was heading out of town to see what she’d do. Little by little I watched her fall in love with a guy that had already fallen hard for her. In truth, it was a beautiful thing to witness.

Crews was honest, hardworking, and would shield Luna from pain.

I wasn’t honest, others worked for me, and I would cause her nothing
but
pain.

That last day in her apartment I gave her several opportunities to tell me  how she felt but she never did. Instead she sacrificed herself for me, again. Then I told myself fuck it, I’d go along with it because no man (especially a man like me) wants to lose his woman to a fucking middle-aged construction worker. We’d gotten each other off once her tattoo was finished and I forced myself to ignore the faraway look in her eyes. Fuck, I was convinced we’d figure this shit out together until two things happened. He showed up, saw the evidence of her beating, and nearly crumbled.  But then after that? He challenged me.

And
still
Luna stayed by my side.

Then the motherfucker risked his life for weeks by watching her from the God damn street.
Part of me felt for the guy the other part wondered what the fuck I had to do to get Luna to be Luna again. I changed the skin game for her which would help her rest easy. Running skin was a pain in the ass and not my primary source of income anyway, plus, it was the least I could do for her. Our daily conversations always began and ended with her thanking me for killing Marco. I wanted to tell her that it was me that should be thanking her but then she miscarried and my Luna was gone.  If losing him fucked her up, losing that baby sent her over the edge. It was the first time; the only time she’s ever clung to me because she couldn’t carry the weight herself.

That day in the sedan I watched Luna’s heart split in two when he drove off. I told myself if she ran for it, I’d let her. Hell, to see her rebelling again there wasn’t much I wouldn’t let her do but, she didn’t. That’s when I realized that her loyalty ran so fucking deep she’d wither away and die before ever breaking a promise. Marco, the-dead-son-of-a-bitch, never understood how fucking special she was. But he was threatened by her and because she was loyal, she took it. She took
all
of it.

Luna never cared about money (I did), power (I do), or violence (perk of the job). 

I’d miss fucking her because she was top notch. I’d miss her smart mouth, her laugh, and the way she pushed my buttons too. I wouldn’t miss the way she’d look at me and was reminded of the life she hated. Luna cared, I knew that but it would never be more than what it was. Funny that it took her telling me I was the best friend she’d ever had to realize that’s what we were, had always been.

From two houses down, I watched her read my texts, jump back up and bang on the door. I watched when he opened it and finally got back in the sedan when he carried her inside.

Our marriage was legal in my world, not in hers, she was free to be the real Luna now. It was knowing Crews could do what I could not that allowed me to drive away. When I came back to my office and poured myself a scotch, I won’t deny the smirk on my face knowing I’d left my brand on her. I liked to win, so fucking shoot
me. Shit, even I knew he won, but the satisfaction of getting in there first could not be denied and we both knew it. Luna Bella was a fucking gem.  So I laughed my ass off hours later when she texted me we should have waited until morning because he was out cold. I sent one back letting her know he needed rehab. She asked me what in the fuck I said to make him go on a bender and my answer was,
the truth
.

Then I stopped laughing when she said love would find me and that when it did, she hoped she was around to see it. Funny, had anyone told me that forty-eight hours from now I’d meet the woman who would bring me to my knees, I’d have shot them for it. But as the saying goes, when one door closes, pull the bitch through it and lock it behind you.

I wake up to her on my chest and swear to God; almost had a heart attack. Of course I had been dreaming about her, shit, I passed out crying over her. She was with her fucking husband last time I checked, which meant she should not be in this bed with me. Poking her a few times to make sure she was real, she mumbles but snuggles right back in. I knew one fucking thing, just one and it was that I had to get her out of her before he showed and killed us both.

Fuck, the guy hadn’t killed me yet but I knew he only had so many freebies in him, which meant he could be outside right now. Hell, he’d followed her and knew she was pregnant with my kid and didn’t kill me. He finds out she ran to me he’d fucking lose it.

“Mama,” I nudge her. “Get up, we gotta get you home.”

“Am home,” she says pushing her hand on my face.

“No,” I shake her. “Shade could show up here, he knows where I live, Luna, get the fuck up!”

“Shade dropped me off,” she mumbles. “I wanna cuddle.”

“Wake up and explain this shit to me,” I grunt rolling her off me. “How’d you get in my bed?”

“You put me here,” she groans. “And you might have a drinking problem.”

“
I
put you in my bed?”

“After Shade dropped me off, yeah you did.”

“How?” I ask myself more than her.

“Carried me,” she says rolling over. “You don’t remember anything?”

“No,” I mumble. Jesus, she was naked but I was dressed, okay what the fuck? “Talk to me, mama, I’m freaking out here.”

Rubbing her eyes, she sits up and smiles. “Shade let me go,” she says after her yawn. “There was a lot of chatting out in front of your house before I got out, but it went something like this. You don’t love me, I don’t love you either. You’re grieving him, don’t go to Canada.”

“Shade dropped you off?”

“Are you still drunk?”

“To me? Shade dropped you off to me?”

“Yes,” she smiles. “He did. Thanks for stalking me, by the way, really sealed the deal.”

“I’m afraid to believe you. Like he’s in the closet, with a shot gun.”

“Yeah, so he left and has probably already replaced me,” she says when her eyes go wide. “Oh God you don’t want me? I hadn’t considered that.”

“Not want you?” I growl. “Woman, I want nothing
but
you.”